i.

Woohyun's afraid of many things. He's afraid of going to school, too. But it wasn't ever as bad as university because his parents were there. His parents had signed him up for a dorm due to the distance from it to their place. So now Woohyun's afraid, and nervous.

There are several things about university that he's afraid of. The first being making friends. Woohyun's a shy and introverted boy. He can't speak without stuttering, and is never able to break awkward silences. He doesn't talk a lot, so most people just give up on him. He's also afraid of being judged by his peers. Their judging looks scare him.

So really, he's afraid he won't be able to fit in.

So when Woohyun's standing outside his dorm room, he's staring blankly at the knob with his body shivering, the hand outstretched towards the metal trembling the most. A million thoughts are running through his head, because what if his roommate's scary and mean and horrid and judgemental?

Woohyun bites his lower lip, before turning the knob very slowly, and pushes it open weakly.

It reveals a small room with two desks and beds, both on the other sides of the walls. The room is neat, and the afternoon light shines perfectly into the room, effectively lighting it up. He finally notices someone staring at him by the beds, and he gulps.

The other breaks into a grin, canines showing, and he straightens up, leaving his belongings for a moment.

"I'm guessing you're my roommate," he states more than asks with his hands on his hips, the warm grin still plastered on his face.

Woohyun nods his head slowly. "Y-yes."

"What's your name?" the boy asks, taking confident strides towards Woohyun, extending his hand out for a shake when he's in front of Woohyun. "I'm Lee Howon, but people call me Hoya."

Woohyun awkwardly shakes it and replies quietly, "I-I'm Nam Woohyun. Please t-take care of me."

Howon puts some strength into the shake and laughs. "Don't be afraid to speak up! I won't bite!"

Woohyun doesn't know why, but his heart skips a beat at the other's booming laughter.

 

They became fast friends, although Woohyun doesn't talk a lot. It wasn't a big problem, since Howon could talk about lots of things without needing a response - he didn't really mind that Woohyun was silent. They were almost inseparable within just a week in the dorms.

Howon had introduced Woohyun to his group of friends as well; Sunggyu, Sungyeol, Myungsoo and Dongwoo - the Sung's are related (Sungyeol and Sunggyu are cousins).

Sungyeol is childish and loud and playful. Sunggyu is the mature grandfather of the group who keeps everyone in order. Myungsoo is the silent, mysterious, cold-but-soft boyfriend of Sunggyu. Dongwoo is always cheerful and laughing, infecting everyone with his happy virus.

All in all, Woohyun thinks they were a perfect group with perfect people. And as he thinks this, he steals a glance at Howon, who notices and gives him a smile. Woohyun shyly smiles back before quickly looking away in embarrassment.

 

 

ii.

A month later, Woohyun is in the toilet, minding his own business when he sees a spider making it's way up his leg. It isn't big, but Woohyun screams in fear. He swats the spider off him, but it isn't enough to kill it, as he sees it scrambling towards him again. He continues screaming, climbing on to the toilet's seat, tears welling in the corner of his eyes.

Suddenly Howon's pounding on the door, yelling at him, asking him what's wrong, whether he's alright. He sounds concerned and panicked and afraid.

So Woohyun quickly hops off the seat (yes, he remembers to zip up), unlocks the door, and latches himself on to Howon, his arms circling the younger's (Woohyun found out that he was a month older than the other) waist and burying his face into the crook of the shorter's neck.

"What's wrong?" Howon asks quietly, concern in his voice.

Woohyun simply answers, "Spider," and points at the small speck of an arachnid on the bathroom floor.

Woohyun feels the younger relax in his arms, before the other pries him off.

That's when Woohyun thinks he's done something stupid. Well, he realises that he must be stupid, to be afraid of a small spider. He starts to panic and he thinks what if Howon thinks he's being a cowardly idiot and starts hating him? He doesn't want to imagine it, he doesn't want it to happen. Woohyun is very scared.

He watches as Howon grabs a sheet of toilet paper and squishes the arachnid under it.

"All gone," Howon announces, crumpling the sheet in his hand, with a grin. As he chucks it into the bin, he adds, "You're safe now, Hyunnie. It's gone."

Then he walks up to Woohyun and envelopes him in another hug.

Woohyun feels very safe, very warm, and he likes this feeling.

 

 

iii.

Two months after, Sungyeol invites them over to his house (says someone named Sungjong wants to see Hoya), and Howon and Woohyun accept readily. When they get to the choding's house, a boy bursts - quite literally - out the front door and tackles Howon in a hug that has him stepping back twice. Woohyun smiles, but he can't shake off the feeling of jealousy in his chest.

"Hoya-hyung! You're here," the boy cheers, getting off Howon and staring up at him with twinkly eyes.

Howon chuckles softly and ruffles the boy's hair. "Of course I am, Jonggie. I'd never turn you down."

Those words didn't help to soothe the aching in Woohyun's heart. Because Woohyun wants to be the one Howon doesn't ever turn down.

 

Throughout the day they're playing at Sungyeol's house, Howon sticks by Woohyun's side, no matter how much Sungjong whines about wanting Howon to sit with him, totally contradicting what he had said earlier. Howon doesn't stray from Woohyun's side (unless the older went to the toilet), and Woohyun doesn't mind. In fact, he likes it. He doesn't want Howon to ever leave his side.

But then there's something he's scared of. He's scared of Sungjong's glares, the looks the youngest dongsaeng here gives him. The boy reeks of jealousy and something murderous. And Woohyun can't help but shiver, catching Sungjong glaring at him again for the sixth time in three hours.

Howon seems to notice Woohyun's discomfort, but is oblivious to Sungjong's looks. "What's wrong?" he asks Woohyun.

"No, it's-it's nothing," Woohyun squeaks in reply, catching the glare Sungjong sent him again.

Howon frowns, but he doesn't prod further. "Well, I'm here for you," he murmurs, affectionately running his hand through Woohyun's hair.

Woohyun turns pink and looks down at the ground, biting his lower lip to stop the smile that threatened to spill. When he looks up again, the first thing he sees is another glare of Sungjong's, but he isn't really frightened anymore because Howon's going to be there for him.

And now, he's sure that he is indeed in love with his guardian angel, Lee Howon.

 

 

iv.

Woohyun had been rejected by a boy he liked, Kim Kibum, during his second year of high school, and the result hadn't been pretty. He was rejected, and someone had listened in on the confession, and the news had spread like a wildfire. He was taunted and treated horridly for being homoual. Ever since then, he's been afraid of confessions, and also rejections.

But Woohyun knows he really loves Howon. He loves him more than he loved Kim Kibum, who was just a childish crush. He wants to confess to Howon, he wants to claim Howon as his. But he's afraid that Howon will become like his schoolmates in high school, and so would his friends (even if Sunggyu and Myungsoo are both homoual - but then, they're Sunggyu and Myungsoo, so it's different) and everyone else in the university.

Woohyun tosses around in his bed, the covers rustling as he turns. He sighs heavily as he debates in his head.

"What's up?" comes Howon's gratey sleep-induced voice.

Woohyun gasps, opening his eyes to stare at Howon. The moonlight helps him see that Howon's eyes are open and gazing back at him. "I-I'm sorry..."

"Can't sleep?"

Woohyun nods his head, since it's partially true. He can't sleep because of thoughts of confessing to Howon and it's results running through his mind.

"Come here," Howon yawns, lifting his covers for Woohyun to slip in.

The older freezes, watching Howon as the younger blinks sleepily because oh my god, Howon's inviting him into his bed. He listens to the hip hop music coming from Howon's laptop that was by the wall and his breathing and heartbeat. Then Howon yawns again, breaking him out of his trance.

Woohyun hastily scrambles out from under his covers and literally jumps beneath Howon's, snuggling up close to the younger's warm body and inhaling his scent as silently as possible.

"That bad?" Howon chuckles tiredly, and Woohyun just nods in response, already feeling tiredness wash over him, listening to both Howon's breathing and the music playing in the background.

 

'I really like you smiling by my side,'

 

"Hoya-ah," Woohyun sleepily mumbles.

 

'You’re sparkling,'

 

Howon hums in reply, also sinking into the grips of sleep.

 

'To be able steal the beautiful you,'

 

"I..." Woohyun begins.

 

'I want you,'

 

"...love..."

 

'Cause you are my,'

 

"...you," he finishes before falling unconscious. 

 

'Special, special..."

 

 

He doesn't hear Howon's chuckle.

He doesn't feel Howon kiss him lovingly on the forehead.

"Took you long enough, idiot."

 

 

v.

Woohyun feels like he's floating and he's not even bothering to listen to his lecturer, because just this morning, he was woken up by kisses from the one and only Lee Howon.

"You've got class," Howon had told him before stealing Woohyun's first kiss, but that's okay because it's short, sweet and it's Howon.

And so, now Woohyun's up in cloud nine, dreaming of a future with Howon and their four children. Howon would be appa, he would be umma (because Howon can't cook as well as he can, and Howon's manly), and they'd have two boys and two girls.

Suddenly a capped whiteboard marker flies his way and hits him in the forehead. He realises it's the first time he doesn't pay attention in class, not that he minds at all.

 

Three days after Woohyun's confession, he and Howon finally tell the others about them dating. The group are happy for them, but Sungyeol looks grave although he's congratulating them the loudest and is smiling widely and whistling.

The people around them are staring at them, but they didn't really seem to care. Maybe university was different from high school, maybe that's why they didn't care.

"I knew you would start dating! I knew it!" Dongwoo starts yelling happily, clapping his hands together.

Myungsoo manages to crack a smile at them as he holds Sunggyu by the waist on his lap. Sunggyu is smiling approvingly and warmly at them, and Sungyeol's... grinning almost eerily.

Woohyun has a bad feeling, but he shakes it off, because Howon's holding him tightly and kissing his cheek.

 

Later that day, after Woohyun's engineering class, he finds Sungyeol standing by the classroom's door. Some girls are checking the tall choding out, some are wondering what he's doing there, others just don't seem to notice him. Woohyun stops in front of Sungyeol, doesn't say anything, and waits for the other to speak.

"Woohyun-hyung," the choding begins. "You should be careful."

Woohyun tilts his head.

"Sungjonggie..." he continues. "He's been in love with Howon ever since he first saw him, back when we were first year high schoolers."

The older nods, understanding. He's sorry for Sungjong, but he can't give Howon up. And he's really sorry for that.

"I know that you and Hoya-hyung both love each other - like really, really love each other, but please. Either be extra careful or break up. Because you don't know what Sungjong is capable of and I do."

Sungyeol leaves without saying goodbye, and Woohyun's left staring at the wall in shock.

And in fear.

 

 

vi.

Woohyun's afraid of nightmares. They leave him wide awake in the middle of the night, two weeks after Sungyeol's warning. Even if Howon's just right by him (they pushed their beds together the night after the confession), he still can't fall asleep. His heart's pounding, hard, in his chest, and he's breathing heavily. He doesn't want to wake Howon up, because he doesn't want to be a burden.

He instead snuggles further into Howon's arms, and bunches Howon's shirt in his hands tightly, his eyes clenched shut. He inhales deeply, savouring Howon's manly scent. He wants to forget his nightmare. He wants it to go away. He wants to be safe in Howon's arms, and so wraps his arms around the younger, tightening his hold, hard.

It surprises him when Howon stirs, although he really shouldn't be. Howon groans and kisses the top of Woohyun's head.

"Is something wrong?" his lover asks.

There's always something wrong, Woohyun thinks. How many times has Howon asked him this? He didn't know; he'd lost count. Woohyun nods anyway. "A bad dream."

"Want to talk about it?" Howon asks, his back.

Woohyun shakes his head, before lifting his head and staring into Howon's dark orbs. "Make me forget."

Howon blinks for a second, wondering whether he's hearing right, because Woohyun's actually not stuttering, isn't looking at him with wide, innocent eyes.

Woohyun moves on top of Howon despite feeling afraid that Howon would push him away. He closes the gap between their lips, but can't help thinking that he might screw something up.

Instead, Howon gives in, and soon they're on the bed; Woohyun, a mess, under Howon with legs propped on the younger's shoulders, and they're making love for the first time.

 

 

vii.

Sungjong visits the school on a Saturday unannounced. Everyone is taken by surprise when Sungjong hugs Howon from behind, but Woohyun doesn't feel jealous. He suddenly feels afraid at the youngest's presence, and glances a couple of times in Sungyeol's direction. The choding's eyes were wide, and he gives Woohyun a worried look.

"Hoya-hyung! Are you surprised?" Sungjong asks, leaning forwards to look Howon in the face.

Howon laughs and pushes Sungjong off him, scooting closer to Woohyun, and pats the seat beside him. "Yeah, I was. Sit here."

"What're you doing here, Sungjong?" Sungyeol asks, his tone low and silent for just about the first time in all the months Woohyun has been friends with him.

Sungjong pouts at his older brother and crosses his arms. "I wanted to see everyone. What's so bad about that? Can I not?"

Woohyun looks around, nervous, and notices that Sunggyu, Myungsoo and Dongwoo are tense. Howon doesn't notice, because he's dividing his attention between his boyfriend and dongsaeng.

Sungyeol doesn't reply to Sungjong, and instead glares at his salad before pushing it towards Dongwoo's direction. The dinosaur instantly stabs some leaves with his fork and shoves it in his mouth.

"Baby, I'm going to the bathroom," Howon says and plants a quick kiss on Woohyun's nose.

The older's stomach flutters. But it was both in happiness and in fear.

When Howon has left, Woohyun spots the murderous glare sent his way, and he gulps, his throat feeling quite dry now. He quickly takes a swig of water from a random cup on the table - which happens to be Howon's, making the youngest's glare seem to intensify more - and looks everywhere but at Sungjong.

Although Woohyun isn't sure of what Sungjong may be capable of, it scares him much more than everything else in the world - apart from Howon leaving him.

Woohyun leaves the group in the cafeteria before Howon comes back.

 

 

viii.

Woohyun's taking a nice bath, making bubbles on the surface of the water with his breath. He's sulking, because Howon didn't come after him. He wonders what his boyfriend is doing with everyone else, pouting adorably below the surface. He thinks about the way everyone was so nervous at the table with Sungjong there but Howon.

Then his head shoots out the water, as he wonders whether Sungyeol has warned Howon yet.

He shoots up from the water, wraps himself up in a towel and heads into their shared room. Woohyun slips on a random set of clothes and set out to look for them.

He sighs in relief when he sees the group coming back together, although it scares him when he sees Howon's arm around Sungjong's (who doesn't look very happy) neck. Woohyun's lover drops his arm from the feminine male's shoulders and races towards Woohyun when he spots him, hands on the older's shoulders.

"Why did you leave first?" Howon asks with an adorable pout.

Woohyun smiles weakly. If it was any other time, he'd kiss the pout away. "I felt like I needed a bath."

Howon grins and kisses his forehead. "Okay."

Woohyun doesn't miss the look on Sungjong's face - it isn't like he could, anyway.

 

Later that night, Woohyun's on his bed, studying just because he feels like it, but watches Howon from the corner of his eyes as the younger slips on clothes that didn't look like what he would wear to sleep; a purple hoodie and denim jeans.

"Where're you going?" Woohyun asks him.

Howon pauses in his movements and shoots Woohyun a gentle smile. "Just for a walk around campus."

Woohyun places his book down. "Can I come?"

"I'm only going for a little while, Hyun. Besides, I don't want to disturb you while you're studying."

Woohyun pouts. His lover chuckles and kisses him passionately, Woohyun eagerly returning it.

"I'll be back soon," Howon whispers, and Woohyun nods.

 

Woohyun stays up, waiting for Howon to return to their room because he doesn't want to be alone when he sleeps. He hates the dark, he's afraid of it. It scares him so much he doesn't dare to get up to turn the lights on.

Howon doesn't return that night, and Woohyun's eyes water as he hides his face in his knees.

He's scared.

 

 

ix.

Woohyun looks like hell on earth when morning comes. He didn't get any sleep, and Howon didn't return either. His eyes are puffy and red and he gets up shakily from the bed.

He grabs his phone and calls each of his friends.

They all tell him they haven't seen Howon either.

Woohyun closes his eyes and wills himself to think positively. Maybe Howon had fallen asleep while he was walking. Yeah. That could happen.

He looks at the clock on his desk and sees that his class starts in an hour. Howon would return by the time his classes end.

 

It's when he's walking back to his room when he sees students rushing towards a certain location.

"Oh my god, are you serious?!" a girl shrieks to her friend as she runs past him.

Woohyun looks after them and stays still. What on earth was going on?

Seeing more students head the same way, he goes too, a twisting, horrid feeling in his gut. He starts into a sprint, following behind the girls, following the sounds of students chattering.

As he shoves his way through the crowd, he hears a few whispers of;

"Oh my god, it's him..."

"No way..."

"That guy..."

Finally Woohyun breaks through the crowd, unable to go further because of the yellow tape. His eyes lock on to the bodies laying on the ground. Or more specifically, at one of the two bodies.

A body in a purple hoodie and denim jeans.

Woohyun's heart stops.

"Hoya," he whimpers. "Hoya..."

His eyes water again, and he grips the yellow tape hard.

"Hoya!" he screams. "Hoya! Hoya!"

The students around him fall into silence and stare at him as tears gush down his face.

Woohyun tries to rush forward, but strong hands hold his arms back. He turns to see Sungyeol's face which was wet with tears.

"Let me go, let me go, let me go!" Woohyun yells at his friend.

The choding's grip only tightens as the older struggles to get out of his grip. Sungyeol closes his eyes, face to the ground, hands still clenched around Woohyun's bicep as he listens to Woohyun's pained cries.

It takes a while until Woohyun has no energy left to fight back and falls to the ground, full out crying.

 

He can't help but think about his dream of how Howon had died and dream-Sungjong's message to him;

"If I can't have him, neither will you. But I'll be accompanying him, so don't worry so much. He won't be alone; he'll have me. And I'll have him, even if it isn't his heart."