(Hana's POV)

It’s been a year. I never thought we would last a year together. Actually, it feels good being with Sehun everyday feels like my daily life is constant. Everyday is an ordinary day. Nothing is special. I like this; I can’t feel very sad and very happy. I feel contented being like this everyday. I know it’s boring but at least there’s no heartbreak. I don’t want to feel that again.

Everyday, he will be sitting in his chair and drinking his coffee while I’m playing my piano. I know his not listening but everytime I stop playing he always clap his hands. His applause is useless because I didn’t even finish the piece, which proves that he’s not really listening. He’s always out of his mind. Not paying attention sometimes.

I know he love someone else.

Our parents suddenly visited us and I was scared that they will ask for a grandchild. But I’m so happy that Sehun is a good person. He understands me and I think he’s not interested to me and that’s another reason why.

I’m always thinking that I’m the one who made him suffer. Because I can’t let him go. And I don’t want to. Because I’m really contented having a life like this. I don’t care if he doesn’t like, I just want a peaceful life like this. Boring but peaceful. Thinking that if I would let him go, I’ll marry another guy and there’s a big possibility that my life will have a very big change.

It won’t be peaceful like this. What if that guy will not understand me like Sehun did? What if he will hurt me?

But thinking about Sehun being unhappy with e is a torture. I want him to be happy too or contented.

I’m selfish and I know that. I’m afraid to let this peaceful and constant life go.

I’m afraid to feel very happy again. And afraid that happiness will change into a pain again.

I thought of our wedding, it’s not a happy wedding and not perfect. But I like, I know that wedding will be start of my constant days. I feel bad for using Sehun kindness and I want to return his kindness but I don’t know how. I don't know how to return it without getting myself hurt.

***

The next day, I’m so shocked that I woke up beside him. I feel so warm and comfortable but it’s so awkward. I never saw his sleeping face before! Then when he woke up he’s not even shock and he even greeted me. “Good morning” he said with a smile. I smiled back.

When I got up, he suddenly asked me. “Do you know you’re sleep talking last night?” he laughed. That was the first time I saw him laughing. It made my heart feel light.

“Huh?” I said with a mock smile.

“You said, Sehun you’re so handsome!” he laughed again.

What? Did I really say that? I can’t even remember my dream!

“Yah! Are you making fun of me?” I said then chuckled and throw a pillow at him.

“No, I’m not! It’s true! You really said that” he smiled.

“Yah!” I throw another pillow.

“Okay, okay. I’m just kidding. But don’t get mad, who’s Luhan? You say that name when you’re sleeping.” He suddenly got serious.

“He’s my childhood friend”

“Wh-where is he right now?”

“He died when he was 15”

“I’m sorry”

“it’s okay”

I smiled.

Here it is again. At that moment I feel happy seeing Sehun true and real laughing and smiling, then it suddenly change into sadness. I thought I already forget him. I feel like never in my life I felt happy without getting hurt after.