Chapter-1

Looking at Him.

Yes, he was a winner. He had it all. In fact, he was done winning so much in his life already, and was sure to win so much more in his coming days that he was there now guiding others to win their dreams. But had he been really winning it all? Looking at the handsome man right in the middle of the judges table, GD knew better. Though like always, he was standing up tall, holding his head high on the stage; waiting for the verdicts. Tae was next to him doing the same, but in a much humble manner. Head a bit low, yet cool and dignified. But when it came to GD, the appearance was never merely dignified but prideful, too strong and arrogant. Well, not that he or his fans, or anyone close to him minded. And truth- he was never ever prideful, but simply stubborn, knew well the things he can achieve, and hard working. He won his world with honesty, his ached legs from dancing and sore throat from singing. But Gd never really had the qualities that make a person appear humble. The way he looked, talked, walked, or stood up- everything just had sharpness. As if GD would cut through everything and everyone around.

  It was the first battle of the YG’s show “Who Is Next” or W.I.N. and everyone starting from GD and Tae to judges and the crew members were worried for the competing Teams. And as strange as it might sound, all of them deeply cared and wanted the best for both of the teams, because both the teams were just so hard working and deserving. Tae mentored the team A, and GD was in charge of the Team B. And yes GD wanted to win no matter what. Well, Tae wanted to win too, but insisted not to make the idea of winning a burden, when the only burden GD had on his heart was “winning”.

The burden of winning the man he loved, or more like the burden of losing him now. A burden so vicious that it never leaves him alone, rather keeps sitting on his heart with a dead weight all day and night.  At that point, after two powerful performances from his team, GD was however sure that his team had it in their bag for the day at least. But what about his real win? The handsome man who sat right in the middle of the judges table held it in his hand. And, no, the handsome man doesn’t give it to him like always. TOP- the man he loved, who was the closest to his heart …had gone far from him. So far that, GD’s pain, happiness or love didn’t reach his heart anymore. And, yes, as TOP did not vote for his team, it hurt GD badly, but behind those gorgeous, dark glasses GD’s eyes kept it all hidden from the world. On the contrary, he actually smiled showing his perfect pearl like teeth on every flirty comment or gestures that TOP made sitting next to 2NE1’s CL, even though they struck his heart like long feathered arrows, dipped in poison.

He acted cool, but in his silence he suffered. He didn’t understand why the man he loves so much would hurt him like that. Why he could not have the man he loved. Why he couldn’t weight more than the world. Why between the world and him TOP choose the world. But he didn’t ask any of those things out loud, like he never did before. As no matter how stubborn or sharp tongued he was, he never could bring himself to interfere, object or deny TOP’s wish for a normal life. And yes, on the show when TOP started to dance for CL jokingly, GD couldn’t take it. A memory of a morning flashed in front his eyes- bright sun busting through the white curtains of his apartment, he was sitting with a pillow on his lap, laughing his heart out, and TOP was dancing for him standing on the bed, wearing his funny angry bird shorts. GD felt his heart squeezed, and eyes burned. But, he just put his arm around his best friend Tae and laughed to the world. He saw TOP stealing a straight glance at him too, but it was only meeting by those dark shades on his eyes.

It frustrated TOP a little. He could see the beautiful young man with his current blonde hair, was standing with an arm around Tae, and wearing the most perfect smile of the world; but not his beautiful eyes. Though, deep down TOP was thankful for it somehow. The younger man’s eyes had always something that cut him deep. So, he let out his breath in relief and went on.

In a while, the show ended for the day and everyone came near to pay compliments to GD for the Team B’s win. TOP came to him with CL on his side, smiled and shook GD’s hand. GD acted normal, frowned, and punched him in the shoulder, “I know, you didn’t vote for me!” CL however told cheerfully, “Aww, but I voted for you.” He laughed, everyone laughed in fact. And eventually, everyone started to leave. The teams prepared to leave for their dorms too; one heavy hearted and another with a slight relieve. The crew parked up. And with every passing second GD felt his heart getting heavier. He never liked this part, and he hated it exclusively since past few months. TOP noticed it, and saw amid all the last minute hustle GD quietly slipping out of the small crowd, headed straight upstairs to the studio at his office, where TOP knew the blonde one would find himself some work just to not go home for another night.

He knew how GD was hurting, but he couldn’t not help it. He acted normal and leaded himself downstairs with CL. He reached his car, opened the door for the lady, and got on the driving seat. He clutched the wheel tight with his hands, and looked at CL. She was beautiful, and he knew his life was going to be perfect with her. why wouldn't it be? They will have a great life, a lot of wonderful children, and go back to his village for vacations to his grandma. Yet painfully, with a picture of another one in his mind, he started the car. He must become happy in his chosen life. Not always the best people got everything they deserved, and not always people like him could make their beloved ones happy as they wanted. Because some people were so good and so extraordinary, not everyone could both love and have them in their life. And no one knew it better than him how much it takes to love an extraordinary one. For he loved one like that with all his heart, but could not dare to have in his life.