Let Him In

Let Him In

 

 

Let Him In

 

 

 

Jongin doesn't know what came into his mind. 

 

It was deep into winter already, snow falling unstoppable for days and hands getting purple for the cold. 

 

The first day he saw him, Jongin was getting back to his shared apartment from the Seoul Institute of the Arts, while the stranger was feeding stray cats and pouring water into a big cup from a plastic bottle. He was freezing, obviously, as he was only covered in a second hand, ragged coat and a wool hat which left the little face exposed to the unbearable cold. When the boy's face slightly turned around and Jongin could see it properly, there was a bright smile framed by red cheeks and nose meeting him, and Jongin felt a grip at his stomach. 

 

"Here, here." Jongin heard him saying sweetly to the 6-maybe 8 cats crazily jumping around his slim figure to catch dropping bread hungrily.

 

The boy was beautiful, Jongin thought, not only because he was still taking care of stray animals despite his conditions, but because he was seriously beautiful. Despite the cold, the unhealthy appearance, the dirty hair and clothes, the boy was smiling a breath-taking smile and his little eyes shone in such a bright way Jongin thought he could be some kind of fallen angel.

 

The most beautiful man Jongin had ever seen. 

 

Days after, Jongin found out that someone in their condo had been taking care of the homeless guy -he was really homeless at this point, there were no doubts anymore-, leaving necessary things such as bread, milk, water and a warm blanket in the hall, where the boy got permission to sleep during those coldest nights.

 

Jongin never really spoke to him. He seemed to be more interested in taking care of stray animals that himself and everyday, after waking up on the floor of Jongin's apartment building, he would go out and come back to find food and drinks for the day after. 

 

It had become an habit, and the boy would leave a piece of paper with a "Thank you so much for your kindness." written on it in the spot where he would find his things every morning in return. 

 

It was only on a particularly cold day in mid-January that Jongin thought it wasn't enough, and the boy could die of coldness despite his shelter and blankets.

He himself was freezing, even in his numerous warm clothes, while the storm outside gave no sign of wanting to stop anytime soon. The homeless boy was curled up in his blanket when Jongin came back from his dinner with a few friends, trembling and shaking violently, and Jongin once again felt a grip to his stomach at the sight. 

 

So, here they are now, meeting Jongin's roommate's wide, shocked eyes with Jongin gesturing him to keep his calm and the boy shaking in wet clothes while eyeing the floor besides him.

 

"Can we talk?" Jongin asks before Kyungsoo can say anything, quickly moving to grab the shorter boy in another room after sending the other a supportive look.

 

"Have you gone insane, Kim Jongin?" Kyungsoo asks as soon as the door closes behind them, attacking Jongin with a severe gaze but still having the decency to keep his tone low. Jongin takes his hands up in surrender, not really having words to explain the presence of a complete stranger in their apartment.

 

He really doesn't know what came into his mind.

 

"He was freezing." he attempts to explain, knowing deep inside him that he is not doing something wrong "Like, seriously freezing, hyung. Please, I couldn't let him there."

"Jongin, he is a stranger!" Kyungsoo answers back, horrified "How can we know he is not going to do something bad to us? Do you watch news? Do you want to be killed during sleep?"

 

Jongin rolls his eyes, bringing his hands to his hips.

 

"He is ill. And freezing and malnourished and if he keeps on sleeping there with this weather he won't survive the month. I'm serious, hyung."

"Do you think I don't know this?" Kyungsoo exclaims "Why would I give him food and blankets otherwise?"

"Wait, it was you?"

 

Kyungsoo only sighs, shaking his head. 

 

"Jongin, we can't let him sleep here. It's too dangerous."

"Hyung-"

Jongin's protests are cut by a deep, severe stare from the other. "We will take him to the hospital." 

"Without a car? In the storm?" 

 

There's a moment of silence, in which only the strong wind outside can be heard. 

 

Jongin observes with expectant eyes as the other's features melts into a surrendered expression after deep seconds of reasoning.

 

"Hyung," he helps "Let's just take care of him for a few days, I'll take full responsibility of him I swear, you can lock yourself in your room if you want, it's understandable but please."

 

It could have really be understandable, honestly, because damn, who invites stranger in their place to spend the night without worrying?

 

"I think he really needs help." 

 

Kyungsoo avoids Jongin's eyes as he walks away right then, opening the door of the room and meeting the stranger frozen on his spot near the entrance, eyeing them with a guilty expression on the pale face as soon as they come out.

 

"I am sorry," he breathes "I don't want to give you any problems. I will just go."

 

Jongin immediately stops him from turning around, shaking his head. The boy looks down again, lifting wet eyes up to meet Kyungsoo's big ones now that he's moved closer to face him. The boy takes a hand to meet his forehead.

 

"You've got a fever." he informs "You have to eat and get rid of these wet clothes."

 

The boy gulps, sending a quick, unsure look to a nodding Jongin next to them.

 

"What's your name?" Kyungsoo asks then.

"Luhan."

"Luhan," he smiles a bit, pointing a finger to Jongin "Your savior here is Kim Jongin. My name is Do Kyungsoo."

Luhan acknowledges them with a little smile, following Kyungsoo in the bathroom right after. 

 

He takes a shower and gets changed into a warm pajama Jongin lends him, then eats a chicken soup Kyungsoo has hurried to prepare for dinner. 

 

Luhan does everything the two friends asks him to do with no protests and not much words, devouring his dinner in heavy silence as Jongin prepares the little couch in the living room for the night and Kyungsoo gives him meds to take after eating. 

 

After that, Kyungsoo leaves for his room without saying a single word, and Jongin notices with a little amused but still worried smile that he has really locked himself in his room.

 

When he eyes Luhan, Luhan has his eyes fixed on him, and shakes visibly as they meet. 

 

He smiles a little, stomach hurting in a way it has never done, and Jongin doesn't know if it's because he is afraid Luhan could do him bad anytime, or if because Luhan is so beautiful and delicate, closed in his shoulder with hands on his tights, that he is making Jongin really confused on the whole situation. 

 

He doesn't know what to say, and Luhan seems to have frozen into stone.

 

"Have you taken your meds?" he throws out there, trying to sound casual, as he walks a bit closer to the other.

Luhan nods, lifting unsure eyes up at him.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks, voice broken from his sore throat "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Should I be?"

To this, Luhan violently shakes his head, so much that he feels a twinge. Jongin can't help a smile.

"I think you are a good person. No, I know you are. I can sense it, you feel me? Besides, you could be afraid of us too, you know. You can't ever know, that's it."

 

Jongin wonders why he always has to be so horrible in finding the right words to say, but he has to admit the situation is so strange it is not probably his fault this time.

 

Luhan gazes at him with big eyes, blinking, a flush on the very pale face.

 

"Well.. thank you."

Jongin shrugs. "As for Kyungsoo-hyung, he doesn't want to be rude but, you know-"

"It's not his fault." Luhan immediately says "I know he has been giving me all those things. It's perfectly normal to be afraid though, I am the problem."

"No one is the problem." Jongin cuts off then, helping Luhan to put the dishes away "Tomorrow morning you will feel better and he will, too, since he won't be dead I suppose."

 

Luhan hesitates, not sure if he should find Jongin's sentence funny or not. But Jongin smiles, embarrassed, so Luhan opts for smiling as well. 

 

His smile fades away when Jongin informs him he will be sleeping in his bedroom.

 

"No, Jongin-sshi, I can't absolutely accept."

"You have a fever," Jongin insists "The couch is not comfortable or warm enough for you to recover."

"Jongin-sshi-"

"Please, listen to me." Jongin says, firm, eyes on Luhan with a serious expression.

 

Luhan gives up, heart hammering furiously in his chest at the sight of Jongin's gentle yet intense gaze and then the warm bed waiting for him.

Then, Jongin greets him goodnight, slowly closing the door behind him and leaving Luhan alone in the cozy room. 

 

Only a few hours before, Luhan wasn't even sure he would have survived the day.

And he didn't care.

 

He bursts out crying as soon as he hears the click of the lock, and from the other side of the door, Jongin doesn't understand.

 

-

 

No one is dead the morning after, nor has anything disappeared from the apartment. 

 

Kyungsoo actually feels very stupid when he enters the kitchen to make breakfast, because he could clearly see Luhan was ill, and even if he would have thought of running away, he would have never gotten any far. So, mind clearer than the previous night, he feels a little bit guilty despite knowing he was not to be blamed.

 

It was Jongin who was completely out of his mind. 

 

Said boy is now walking up to him, zombie-like, sleepy expression and tousled hair as he is massaging his apparently aching neck. 

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, handing him his cup of tea, and Jongin mumbles something Kyungsoo has given up trying to understand long ago. 

 

He doesn't ask about Luhan considering the high inefficiency of Jongin's brain during mornings, and opts for just walking to Jongin's room to check on his conditions himself, still not able to get over the fact that Jongin had even let the boy sleep in his bed, although it was for a good cause. 

 

When he cautiously opens the door, he finds Luhan still sleeping under a mountain of blankets. 

He decides to let him sleep, and goes back to order Jongin to get dressed quickly.

 

"You'll be late, you idiot."

"Wait, aren't you coming?"

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo are both students of the Seoul Institute of Arts, Jongin taking a bachelor in Dance, Kyungsoo in Applied Music, and Jongin knows Kyungsoo does never miss class, even when ill or bleeding, to be drastic.

 

Kyungso rolls his eyes. "Do you want to leave Luhan alone?"

Jongin stares at him deeply, for long, and Kyungsoo seriously has to force himself not to slap his face hard.

"Luhan." Jongin finally acknowledges, probably back to life "Right. But still, hyung, I can stay if you want. You never miss class."

 

"No, go. He has a fever. I am not sure you would be able to take care of him properly." 

 

Jongin seems to ponder for a moment, unsure, before he gives up and nods. 

 

"I am sorry."

"Don't worry."

 

When Jongin leaves, 45 minutes after, Kyungsoo prepares another soup for Luhan's breakfast. 

 

He decides to wake the boy up after a while, bringing soup and a hot green tea in Jongin's room, because he knows it is not healthy for Luhan to stay in bed all day in his condition. He should eat, take meds, have his forehead wet. 

 

Luhan wakes up with his throat still aching, eyes swollen and face still too pale, and takes a few minutes to register Kyungsoo's presence with a tray full of food and drinks for him while sitting on a bed where he's sitting too.

 

"Are you feeling any better?" Kyungsoo asks, feeling his forehead, but Luhan's fever is still high "Don't worry, we will take care of that. You just have to rest."

 

Luhan still eyes everything surrounding him with unsureness, and accepts Kyungsoo's soup with shaking hands.

 

"Thank you." he says, stomach hurting at this unexpected, forgotten sensation of care and kind attention surrounding him. He has forgotten he had cried the night before, but he feels like crying again now. 

Kyungsoo sits besides him, asking if he need anything, helping him to get out the bed and go for a shower just like the previous day.

 

"I don't know why you are doing this, but I am sorry. I don't want you to feel forced to be good to me."

Kyungsoo stops his walking, lifting big eyes to Luhan's beautiful face and wondering how he could never notice it was that beautiful before.

"No one is forcing me."

 

Luhan nods, although he knows it is not true. Kyungsoo is full of attention, and it's true that no one is forcing him in being so good, but Luhan can still feel his fear and uneasiness around him and it kills him. 

Kyungsoo doesn't know Luhan has felt his entire world turning upside down when he saw him leaving those things for him anonymously, he doesn't know how much the only sight of him made Luhan shiver in surprise and thankfulness.

 

"I would never hurt you." he says then, in nothing more than a whisper, even if it doesn't really mean anything and he knows it.

 

Kyungsoo only says his meds will be on the kitchen table when he gets out the shower, and hands him one of Jongin's sweatpants and a warm sweater to get changed into.

 

 

Luhan has been given a book to read or, alternatively, full control of the little tv in the dining room. Kyungsoo has told him he would be in his room working on an assignment if he needed anything, and that he would leave the door open so he could go whenever he needed to.

 

The day is lonely, and Luhan misses his little cats and dogs a lot as he is left alone, eyes fixed on the windows observing the snow falling dawn continuously. He wonders how are they all doing, in that cold, alone, without him, and at the same time he inhales the sweet scent of Jongin's perfume from the sweater he is wearing, feeling this strange sensation of warm in his body whenever he would realize he is safe, for now. Safe and warm. 

 

When Jongin gets back, it's past 6pm already.

 

Luhan hesitantly asks him if there's anything he can bring down for the animals, who were probably waiting for him to feed them by now. 

 

Kyungsoo gets out from his room and observes the scene while Jongin smiles a shy smile, telling Luhan he should not definitely go down in his condition.

 

"But, they are waiting for me."

"Do you really care that much about them?" Jongin asks then, a little fascinated by Luhan's insistence and serious worried features.

 

Luhan pauses for a moment, not seeing Kyungsoo watching them from the door-frame. 

 

"Animals are not afraid of me. Even if I am homeless, ugly and dirty." 

 

Jongin feels his heart missing a beat at the boy's words, and in a moment he is looking past Luhan's shoulders to meet Kyungsoo's wide, saddened eyes. 

They share a little gaze while Luhan looks down, touching his hands in distress.

 

"I can bring them some bread." Jongin says then, bringing Luhan to face him with big, blinking eyes "But you have to stay here in the warm."

Luhan doesn't say or does anything, simply observing as Jongin smiley takes food and an entire bottle of milk in his hands before heading to the door. He feels like he has fallen into a trance, watching him, and he can't understand how such a kind and understanding, handsome boy can even exist.

 

Later that night, Kyungsoo leaves for his room soon again, after having given Luhan all the things he needs for his health. 

 

The boy is now sitting on the little couch of the apartment with a cup of hot tea and honey in hands, with Jongin studying him carefully and making him feel like wanting to bury himself deeply.

 

"You seemed happier when you were out there." Jongin finally says at one point, making Luhan lift big eyes at his embarrassed face "Your smile was the brightest when I first saw you, in the cold."

 

The confusion in Jongin's voice is obvious, and it makes Luhan ponder for a few before he finds the right words to answer.

 

"I didn't feel like a burden, there." 

 

Jongin observes his guilty expression, and feels the urge to take a hand to the other's boney shoulder in what he can consider to be a gentle gesture.

 

"You are not a burden."

"I am." Luhan insists, face hidden behind the big cup "You are renouncing to your bedroom, Kyungsoo-sshi is renouncing to his everyday life and both of you are renouncing to your privacy for me."

Jongin only tightens the grip on the Luhan's shoulder.

 

"See it in this way, would you like your cats and dogs to think they are a burden to you?"

Luhan blinks, and Jongin bites his upper lip in embarrassment as he keeps on talking "Do you take care of them because you want to, or because they are a burden to you?"

 

It's not the smartest thing to say, but Jongin does have a point probably, because Luhan looks down with a bright red coloring his cheeks.

 

They don't share a words after that, falling into a deep embarrassment that fills the air of unspoken gratitude.

 

Before Luhan leaves for Jongin's bedroom, long after, Jongin finally finds the courage to say what he has wanted to say since the start, and hasn't find the courage to.

 

"You are beautiful when you really smile."

 

-

 

Jongin thinks he may like Luhan. 

 

He doesn't know why, or to what extent, but there is something about the entire figure of Luhan that makes his stomach hurt, heart miss beats, and hands sweat.

 

He doesn't know if it's because of Luhan's beauty, Luhan's smile, Luhan's gentleness, Luhan's altruism, Luhan's big doe-eyes, Luhan's skin, Luhan's body, Luhan's voice.

It's just Luhan, every part of this stranger he is slowly losing his mind for, and every minute he finds it hard to imagine the boy disappearing from his life.

Luhan is getting better, gaining a little weight and recovering from his fever. Kyungsoo and Jongin's long-term friend, hairstylist Baekhyun, had come over their apartment to meet him three days after Luhan had been taken inside by Jongin, giving him a haircut to make him more presentable and honestly observing his adorableness.

 

Luhan was still someone destined to leave, but as for now, both Kyungsoo and Jongin give no sign of wanting to let him go out in the cold world again.

 

Jongin's stomach would hurt every time he would think of Luhan leaving again, getting dirty again, getting scared of people getting scared of him again, getting ill again.

 

He still doesn't know why, but he doesn't want Luhan to leave anytime soon.

He probably really likes Luhan, in any way he does. 

 

But the most shockingly part of the whole story, is that Kyungsoo likes Luhan, too.

 

Jongin doesn't know when it has happened, but his roommate has gone from locking himself in his room scared of getting killed during the night to look at Luhan in such a deep, caring and lovingly way Jongin has never seen him doing since they were kids. 

 

He must have missed something while at class, obviously. 

 

Precisely, the day after his little talk with Luhan on the couch.

 

Luhan couldn't sleep properly after Jongin's innocent words, and he spent part of the night wondering why he met these two friends, why were they being so good to him.

 

Jongin was a sweet-heart, taking him home with no worries like only a kind, innocent kid who knows no bad in the world would do, but Kyungsoo was a completely different story. He still locked himself in his room, yet he was brave and caring at the same time while helping him in anything he needed. 

 

It was just his fear that made Luhan's smile fade away whenever he felt like smiling.

He wondered if there was something he could do to return Kyungsoo all the good he was -even unwillingly- doing to him.

 

The next morning Luhan woke up with a stone pressing down onto his stomach, and it felt like hurting even more when he met Kyungsoo working on his breakfast in the kitchen. The boy was missing his second day of class because of him. 

 

"Good morning." Kyungsoo still greeted him, noticing with a little smile that his face was less paler then the previous day "Feeling any better?"

Luhan was indeed feeling better, but his loss of sleep and his heavy thoughts didn't make him feel like it.

 

He consumed his breakfast in silence, carefully observing as Kyungsoo moved around the apartment to clear the mess, picking up Jongin clothes and bringing them into the bathroom, changing blankets and sheets of the bed Luhan was sleeping into. 

 

Later on, at lunch time and after two hours of studying in his room with Luhan reading a book in the kitchen, Kyungsoo showed up again and gifted Luhan with a hesitant smile.

Luhan fixed his eyes on him, once again taking care of the situation as he got ready to prepare lunch, with chin resting on his palm. 

Kyungsoo caught his gaze at one point, and Luhan quickly looked away while getting extremely red on his cheeks.

 

Kyungsoo blushed, saying nothing.

 

It was only after they were both done eating in a very deep, heavy silence that Luhan decided to try breaking the ice, feeling slightly positive as Kyungsoo even got up to make Luhan another omelette when he noticed he was still visibly hungry.

 

"Can I show you something?" 

 

He had moved near the other, and they were both standing next the stove now. Kyungsoo took his big eyes to gaze at him with shock, but nodded anyway.

Few seconds later, Luhan was showing him some of the magic tricks he had learnt from a old man in the station few months before, quickly having this coin appear and disappear in front of Kyungsoo's mesmerized, not-blinking expression.

 

"Oh," Luhan said at one point, coin falling uglily on the ground when it wasn't supposed to and making Kyungsoo laugh "Sorry."

The shorter boy smiled lightly. "Are you a magician?"

Luhan nervously laughed, touching the back of his head. "I only know this trick."

"It's cool." Kyungsoo honestly admitted, and Luhan smiled.

"You really think so?"

 

Kyungsoo nodded, and they both came back to sit around the table then. Luhan ate his omelette with hunger, feeling positively better with Kyungsoo's softer eyes set on him.

 

"Why did you show me that?" 

"Hmh?" Luhan blinked, looking up at cute, curious features and then blushing "I only tried to make you smile."

 

Kyungsoo felt like going on fire. "Why?"

Luhan closed in his shoulders.

"Because my presence is a burden to you, Kyungsoo-sshi, and this is killing me." he admitted in nothing more than a whisper "I would rather want you to smile. You are.. bright." 

 

It was probably guiltiness making Kyungsoo's stomach hurt so much at the sight of Luhan's genuinely sorrowful face, but he still felt some kind of resistance inside him breaking up into million of pieces at Luhan's words. 

 

He took a moment to think of how to answer without letting his unsureness show.

 

"If I tell you you are not a burden, will you smile, too?" turning tables was the only good thing that came into his mind.

Luhan bit his lip, eating the last piece of omelette and taking his moment to ponder while slowly chewing the food. In the end, he shook his head.

"I am not sure I would."

"Why?" and Kyungsoo really cared about the answer, because he remembered seeing Luhan smile from the distance, the first day he got close to their condo, and it was the most beautiful thing Kyungsoo had ever seen.

 

Luhan finally looked up at him, letting Kyungsoo meet his deeply hurt eyes.

 

"You guys are giving me hope, and there's nothing that scares me the most."

 

Luhan's shaking voice, the tears held back in his eyes, his stiffen features. Everything about that moment made Kyungsoo's soul getting stolen by the boy besides him.

It was the strongest sensation Kyungsoo had ever felt, and it made his heart beat dangerously fast.

 

He could not even think of how much Luhan must have suffered in his life, to be there in that moment, breaking his heart with those beautiful eyes.

 

"Hope should be a good thing." he managed to say after moment of hesitance with a sweet, low voice, and Luhan forgot for a moment that he knew hope could be the ugliest feeling in the world. 

 

Just because it was Kyungsoo saying so.

 

Later that day, Luhan bursted out crying again and, from the other side of the door, Kyungsoo understood.

 

-

 

Time passes without them really noticing.

 

No one ever says anything about Luhan having to leave, even during days of bearable weather and after the boy can be considered completely recovered from his general illness.

 

Jongin has lost control of the situation he has started first soon after Luhan entered their life, and finds himself shocked quite often these days.

Kyungsoo being the reason.

 

For instance, he is shocked when he notices Kyungsoo has stopped locking his room during nights.

 

He is shocked when he comes back from class the second week of Luhan's permanence and finds the two of them baking a cake with embarrassed smiles and soft gazes adorning their faces as they look at each other, especially Kyungsoo who - Jongin swears - has heart-shaped eyes for the entire time.

 

He has tried baking with Kyungsoo once, and he handed up seeing his self-confidence visibly shaking. 

 

He is shocked, and Luhan is as well, when Kyungsoo comes back from class casually on the 14th day of February with a small shopping bag containing a present for Luhan.

The boy unpacks it with shaking hands, feeling his heart missing a beat when he finds this blue, warm sweater in his hands.

 

"I thought you needed one, too." Kyungsoo has only said, nonchalant, but the intensity of his gesture would be obvious even to a kid and Luhan found himself wetting his present with a few, unseen tears later that night.

 

Jongin is shocked the most, and Luhan is as well, when Kyungsoo gently asks Luhan if he feels okay at the thought of being alone for the morning, as he would leave for the school with Jongin until lunch time.

 

"I'll be back to make lunch, don't worry." Kyungsoo has smiled that new, adoring smile at him, yet it is clearly not lunch that is making Luhan feel deeply shocked and thankful at the same time while Jongin, on the other hand, has to check on his roommate's condition to see if he has gotten a fever as well. 

 

"Don't be stupid, Kim Jongin." Kyungsoo ammonites him on their way to class, and Jongin scoffs.

"You trust him." 

It's half-way between a question and a statement, and Kyungsoo only ignores him the way only Kyungsoo can.

 

Jongin, despite his rather innocent and childish self, thinks Kyungsoo does not want to answer because what he was starting to feel for Luhan was something way bigger than simple trust.

 

But Jongin knows the most shocking, although predictable, thing Kyungsoo does to turn every of Jongin's knowledge upside down, happens somewhere during the end of February.

 

The weather has gone from chilling, unhealthy cold to a gentler, bearable breeze. There is no snow anymore, nights are getting less cold everyday, health increases for everyone.

 

Luhan is not feeling forced in staying inside to prevent himself far falling ill again by now, and the three of them would often go down to feed his dear stray animals together every night as a new habit Kyungsoo and Jongin are sharing with him. Despite everything, Luhan knows he is not made to stay, and wonders when he should leave the apartment to finally let the two friends live their normal lives again. Wonders when will they let him go.

 

It's when the sun is particularly hot in the sky despite being almost sunset, and Jongin and Kyungsoo are besides him feeding cats, that Luhan feels this insisting question giving him a headache.

It's on the same time that Kyungsoo poses a gentle hand on his back and smiles at him, out of no where, and Luhan turns to face the most gentle and caring  features he has ever seen in his whole life.

 

"I don't want you to leave." 

 

Jongin lifts his eyes up at the scene, stunned into silence, while Luhan shivers.

 

"I don't want to lose you," Kyungsoo poorly elaborates, his hand sliding down to tighten around Luhan's one "To know you will feel lost, lonely and hopeless ever again. You do have hope. Here."

 

Luhan shakes his head weakly, feeling the strong hold on his shaking hand. "I can't-"

"We'll make everything work." 

 

Kyungsoo knows Luhan still feels like a burden deep inside. He knows they do not have a bed for him, he knows Luhan can't contribute to the rent, he knows Luhan does not have a job but he doesn't care. 

 

He wants to fix everything, make Luhan feel hopeful and alive like Luhan makes him feel everyday.

 

"Don't go."

 

Jongin knows he likes Luhan, but he doesn't care anymore.

 

There is a whole different world in Luhan's beautiful, bright, deep eyes, and now even Jongin can clearly see that the only one allowed in it, it's Kyungsoo.

 

-

 

Luhan surprises them on a Wednesday evening with a brave attempt to prepare dinner.

 

Kyungsoo's wide eyes look around in worry for any sign of dirty on the walls, broken objects, extinguished fire or such, and breathes softly when he notices there's nothing of it around, and the only thing he can see is Luhan's hesitant smile as he shows off his chicken with potatoes and peas cooked exactly like the recipe Kyungsoo keeps on a paper in one of the stove's drawer said.

 

"It's really delicious." Jongin admires, bringing a happy smile on Luhan's stiff face as they start eating.

Kyungsoo eats with gusto, giving Luhan a sweet gaze when he meets the other's expectant eyes. "It really is."

 

To that, Luhan sighs in relief and opens up into a very bright smile, the sight making both Kyungsoo and Jongin feel a grip at their stomach.

 

It has been ages since Luhan hadn't smiled like that, and now he has again. Beautiful as always. 

 

"Luhan-hyung, I have something to tell you." Kyungsoo says at that point, willing to make that smile even brighter if possible, and Luhan blinks at him "I found you a job."

 

A whole minute passes before Luhan manages to register the news.

 

"..What?"

"It's nothing much, just a job at our cafeteria, but it's a start." Jongin informs then, while Kyungsoo smiley nods.

Luhan falls into silence for a while once again. "Are you guys serious?"

"Sure we are." Jongin says, and Kyungsoo narrows his eyebrows.

"Aren't you happy?"

 

Luhan just suddenly opens up into a touched, big grin. "I am the happiest person in the world right now."

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo laugh lightly, accepting the way Luhan stands up from his chair to reach them and wrap his arms tightly around them both.

 

"Thank you." he breathes on Kyungsoo's shoulder, while the two boys answer his hug back.

 

They have never wanted to ask how Luhan was left homeless, why he didn't care about his life anymore, because none of them could see the point of having Luhan remembering his hopeless days now that he was finding new strength to go on. 

 

When Luhan breaks the hug, he lets the two boys meet his happiest and brightest smile, the smile of a hopeful young man who wants to be happy.

 

Kyungsoo tries to pretend the sight is not making his mind going blank. "You owe me, hyung. I want you to sing me something now."

"What?" Luhan asks, totally taken off guard, and Jongin turns to send Kyungsoo a confused look as well. 

"I've heard you in the shower, few days ago. You've got the voice of an angel." Kyungsoo shrugs, trying to keep his cool despite the obvious flush on his little face.

 

Luhan gives up after a few minutes of resistance and embarrassed coughing, and soon after the evening turns into a show as Jongin decides to let Luhan watch him dancing, Luhan accepts to sing in all his embarrassment for a curious Jongin and a very expectant Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo lets the two of them hear the song he is working for his composing assignment.

 

"And here's when I can't go on." he tells at one point of the song, oblivious to the mesmerized gaze Luhan kept lovingly on him the entire time. 

"You've lost your inspiration?" Jongin asks then, making Kyungsoo shrug. "Probably." 

 

Kyungsoo stays up until late that night, desperately trying to understand how he can end his work, and why he can't end it. 

 

A hesitant knock on his door breaks his train of thoughts, awaking him up from the trance he has fallen into while staring blankly at the lyrics in front of his eyes. He turns his head slightly to the side, meeting Luhan's face peeking inside in a silent request.

 

Kyungsoo nods immediately, letting the other walk to him until he is standing few inches away, a cup of what should be hot tea in his hands.

"Thought you could need something to relax." Luhan says gently, his now healthy cheeks flushed. 

He meets Kyungsoo's thankful gaze and smiles, gladly accepting the boy's invite to take a seat on his bed. 

 

"What's making you so frustrated, Kyungsoo?"

 

Kyungsoo takes a drink of his tea, eyes fixed on Luhan as he tries to elaborate his problem, tries to explain his sudden inability to create music, something he has been doing since he was probably a kid.

 

Among these minutes of pondering, something suddenly hits Kyungsoo hard. 

 

Something in the way Luhan's eyes meets his own, something in the way Luhan's fair skin shines in the weak light of his lamp, something in the way Luhan's body fits in his room. Kyungsoo hurriedly turns around, writing down lyrics he has been waiting for since weeks like it was the easiest thing ever.

 

He smiles happily and when he turns around, Luhan is blinking confusedly at him.

 

"You just inspired me."

Luhan blinks more. "Me?" 

When Kyungsoo nods, both of them childishly blush. 

 

"I will stay here, then." Luhan informs, firm, and Kyungsoo smiles breathlessly as the older adjusts himself on Kyungsoo's bed, lifting gentle eyes up. 

It just makes no sense, but the solely presence of Luhan there makes Kyungsoo's creativeness burst in ways it has never done. 

 

Luhan is happy and willing to stay there the entire night if it can help the younger boy in his intentions, so he stays still, smiley, eyes stuck on Kyungsoo's back as the boy writes down from his position.

 

And Kyungsoo is so deep into his inspiration now, that he doesn't really register time passing by. When he once again turns around to look at his muse, Luhan has his head falling over his shoulder, eyes shut closed, body relaxed and regular breath making his chest move up and down gracefully.

 

He smiles, observing the boy with mesmerized eyes.

 

He moves to adjust Luhan on his bed, making him comfortable in his sleeping, and is about to move away when Luhan's hands suddenly pull him back lightly, but strong enough to make him fall down besides his sleepy body awkwardly. 

Kyungsoo feels his breath leaving his lungs when Luhan hugs him, pulling him even closer and letting his face rest gently on Kyungsoo's chest. 

Parted lips meets Kyungsoo's sight, along with long lashes curled prettily and pointed noise nuzzling the fabric of his shirt. 

 

Kyungsoo's heart beats too fast as he lets his arm hug Luhan back, trying to adjust himself to fit the older's body.

It's surprisingly easy for him to.

 

He wonders if this is what being in love feels like.

 

-

 

Luhan gifts him with new, bursting emotions everyday. 

 

Jongin tells him he looks like an idiot whenever he looks at the older boy, and although Kyungsoo understands the mock in his roommate's voice, he still feels like Luhan can make his modestly high IQ disappear in a soap bubble.

 

"I think I may have a crush on him, but you, hyung.. You are totally lost."

"Wait, you have a crush on Luhan-hyung?"

 

Jongin gazes at him deeply for a few seconds, before shrugging. "Figuratively, yes. And it doesn't even matter, because he likes you."

 

Kyungsoo pretends he doesn't understand, but in fact, he does.

 

The way Luhan gently asks him if he needs any help while cleaning the apartment, the way Luhan smiles when Kyungsoo tells him his cooking is getting better and better everyday, the way Luhan blushed when he received his first salary and the first thing he did was coming back home with a book of Italian recipes Kyungsoo had been dying to have for weeks as a present, the way Luhan's entire face brightens whenever he spots Kyungsoo getting closer in the cafeteria.

 

Among the incredible amount of people surrounding him, Luhan only brightens at Kyungsoo's sight.

 

It makes Kyungsoo feel special, treasured. It means everything to him. 

 

On the 19th of April, they learn it would be Luhan's birthday the upcoming day.

 

"It's been ages since I last celebrated it." Luhan informs with a little smile, and Kyungsoo and Jongin decide they should celebrate now, only the three of them as Luhan does not want people around yet, so Kyungsoo offers Luhan to prepare cupcakes for dessert together, while Jongin would leave for his parents' house to bring home dinner cooked by his skilled mother. 

 

The process of baking is, just like every time they do it, messy and dirty.

 

Kyungsoo is a maniac of control and neatness, but when it comes to Luhan, he can't care and doesn't really care.

 

Luhan still breaks an egg, although he was getting better with practice compared to the first times, reverse a generous amount of flour on his own face in a way Kyungsoo does not want to understand, and by the end of the last fire, Kyungsoo bursts out laughing wholeheartedly at the sight on Luhan's face still plastered with flour and chocolate practically everywhere.

 

"You are such a mess."

Luhan pouts, looking around drastically. "I'm sorry, Kyungsoo. Look, I'll clean up everything. It's my fault."

"We can clean together," Kyungsoo shakes his head, smiling an amused but gentle smile, and taking a cloth in his hands as he begins cleaning Luhan's face up "I don't mind."

 

Luhan stiffens, fixing his eyes on the gentle features of Kyungsoo's close face as he patiently and carefully cleans him up. When Kyungsoo looks up to meet the other's eyes, his movements stop and his smile disappears. Instead, he gulps, losing himself in the depth of Luhan's beautiful eyes gazing so hesitantly at him. 

 

He gets hit by Luhan's breath and realizes how close they truly are, but he has no strength to move or look away. 

 

They only move closer to one another and it feels almost natural, both of them immediately closing their eyes as their lips meet in a gentle, chaste kiss.

 

Kyungsoo doesn't manage to think of anything else but their lips brought together, and wraps his arm around Luhan's neck when the older brings soft hands to cup his cheeks and moves his face slightly to the side, letting the kiss deepen and bringing their bodies heatedly together. 

 

Their minds and souls remains trapped in the moment, and although they smiley spend the rest of the day with happy smiles and Jongin celebrating Luhan's birthday as planned, they part with a silent promise for more.

 

Jongin, despite his particularly slow self, understands. 

 

He tells Kyungsoo and Luhan that he would leave for his parents' house for a few days as his parents have to fly to China for work, and his three puppies need someone to look after them - which was not really a lie, but in a normal situation he would have just brought the three dogs in their apartment, giving absolutely no of Kyungsoo's hysteric monologue on hair and dirty and a necessary pest control soon after they would leave - so he leaves the two boys quite much time to be alone.

 

Kyungsoo decides to wait for Luhan's shift at the cafeteria to end to take him out for a walk, highly ignoring the way Baekhyun eyes them with a mocking smile as soon as they are about to leave. 

 

They spend the afternoon walking past the Han river, chatting, smiling, and Kyungsoo hesitantly takes Luhan's hand for little periods of time whenever he feels like they can. Luhan performs his little magic trick with the coin again, this time failing no more, and Kyungsoo observes him with eyes shouting out love effortlessly. Together they sing as they walk, and Kyungsoo tells Luhan how much he loves the way their voices melts together. 

 

"I love the way you melt with me." Luhan tells him instead, and Kyungsoo feels like he could lose his ability to breath.

 

But Luhan is right.

 

Everything comes so naturally to them, from the way their hands fit together to the way they smile lovingly at one another. 

 

Everything about Luhan makes Kyungsoo feel like he is someone's meant-to-be, Luhan's meant-to-be, and no song or word can describe how it feels.

 

Holding Luhan's hand feels natural, loving the way Luhan's speak feels natural, finding every single movements of Luhan's face mesmerizing feels natural.

Going home in such a hurry all of sudden feels natural, undressing each other with no time for shame or embarrassment feels natural, and Kyungsoo wonders if Luhan and him happened to be lovers in their previous lives, because making love with Luhan feels like the most natural and right thing he has ever done.

 

"I love you." Luhan breathes as they consume each other in love, Kyungsoo leaving sweet kisses on his sweaty forehead as he rolls his hips to take them both to the edge, finally confessing what the deepest part of himself has felt since the first time he saw this little grown-up boy leaving food, drinks and blankets for him on a cold night of January "Since the first day."

 

Kyungsoo feels himself exploding at the multitude of emotions fighting inside his body, pleasure and care making him lose himself as he watches Luhan from half-closed eyes.

 

 "I love you, too." he says as he falls on top of his lover's beautiful body, bringing shaking hands to pull him closer and leaving a deep kiss on Luhan's swollen lips.

 

Feeling Luhan's body in his arms and sleeping with his bright, smiling face only a few inches away from his own, that's what Kyungsoo decides he will never be able to live another single day without. 

 

-

 

"We brought the mattress for Luhan." Chanyeol announces breathlessly just as Sehun and him drop the heavy, big mattress on the floor of the dining room. 

Kyungsoo sends them a guilty smile as he takes Luhan's hand in his own. "I fear.. we don't need it anymore?"

 

There is a long moment of silence before any of the boys in the room manages to speak.

 

"What?" Sehun snaps then, horrified "What is this even supposed to mean? You have tormented us with this mattress thing for months now!"

 

It's only a few seconds later that Sehun, as well as Chanyeol and a smirking Baekhyun besides a knowing Jongin, notice the hold of hands, and Sehun immediately throws his hands up in a clear sign of undignified surrender. 

 

Baekhyun and the others decide that Kyungsoo and Luhan have probably to be the cheesiest couple ever at that point, and wonder how Jongin will manage to survive them from then on.

 

Jongin, though, doesn't care. 

 

This unique, sweet, innocent love is the only thing Luhan could ever need to feel hopeful and alive again. 

 

He watches Luhan's happiness bursts as Kyungsoo's absolutely adoring eyes gaze at him every time, and feels a smile slip out from his lips.

 

 

He didn't know what came into in his mind, back then, but he is glad he let Luhan in now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

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akared #1
Chapter 1: this is so lovely!!!!
so beautiful and so kind heart of Jongin we have here!!!
I love you Kim Jongin!!
for the first thought, I was expecting Lukai..haha~ then, yeah, love can be so, so can't avoid
missvalo87
#2
Chapter 1: I love Hansoo so much... i love how their relationship developement and Kai is so kind!
i enjoyed read this so much~
natinski #3
Chapter 1: My friend recommended this fic and i love this! sweetly written.
MissPrettyBaby
#4
Chapter 1: So swet...i love it....<3
chocohazelnut #5
Chapter 1: another sweet story about this couple. another, because i read your second first, hehehe.
wishful_promises #6
Chapter 1: I've been craving for a lot of Hansoo lately, and this one-shot was absolutely perfect and is probably the best Hansoo I've read out there at the moment. Then again, this pairing definitely needs more love, but this is definitely a fic I will constantly go back to every now and again because the writing just really flows well together and while we never really find out about Luhan's situation, his interactions with Kai and Kyungsoo (especially Kyungsoo, of course) make up for it :)

Thank you for writing this beautiful piece of work :)
FrozenBreeze
#7
Chapter 1: oh my god this is such a flawless one-shot! congrats to you author-nim :) I'm kinda addicted to Hansoo and Krisoo these days lol thank you for writing this :')
bubbleteagirl
#8
Chapter 1: The best hansoo fanfic ive ever read so far <3 I need more hansoo pls!!
Lulu123
#9
This is not finished right??? I NEED MORE OF HANSOO in my life( and wait it kyungsoo who topped right?)