Kibum jolted up from a nightmare— the same one from every night this week.

Sweat lined every part of him he was aware of. Fists clenched, heart racing, eyes leaking, head pounding. A gentle shiver throbbed in circles through his limbs, making him shift onto his back with a tired groan. He sighed to level his breathing, the mad swirl of neon-green plastic stars laughing down at his silly, childish fears. He reached up to wipe sweat off his forehead, irritated with himself.

He woke up and his senses slowly woke up after him, growing aware of things around him. The sight of heavy blankets, the touch of soft hands, the sound of steady exhales, the taste of a chaste kiss. And the smell of cherry blossoms. Kibum woke up to the overpowering warmth of another body wrapped tightly around his own, a careful crane of his neck revealed Minho’s peacefully resting face. He frowned, eyes fluttering as they took in the sight, slow to process what was real and what wasn’t.

So the recurring nightmare was… not real, he decided. A nightmare where he is alone, always so alone; where he stays alone and dies alone. The nightmare looped over and over again till every frame of it was branded onto the insides of his eyelids. He shook his head a little, hair rustling against the pillow. It’s not real. Minho’s right here, holding him secure between waves of loneliness that came and went, washing his shoulders bare with solitude. Minho is still here.

Kibum allowed himself a tiny smile of relief.

Sleep broken, his thoughts wandered to the little spiral-bound book tucked into the lowest pocket of his school bag. It was supposed to be a surprise gift for Minho’s birthday, but Kibum had spent all of the previous week personalizing it and now it was complete. A silly flip-art cartoon strip of the two of them ran through the coarse creamy pages. When revealed, Kibum hoped Minho would like it enough to use it at the research facility for study notes.

"You’ll think of me then," he whispered to a subconsciously humming Minho. "And even if you don’t at least you’ll be smiling."

Kibum had never considered himself the romantic type. Growing up on American movies, stuffed with the kind of humor his parents would never approve of, he’d resigned himself to a future filled with careless meaningless . He’d felt it suited his personality best. He still did, in fact. And maybe if there were no Minho in his life, he’d be having one-night-stands left, right and centre through that crowd of really fashionable girls in the C division.

Yet here he was. Here they were. Kibum touched his chest under the blankets. It hurt. Just a little twinge here and there at every heartbeat, like it held a festering wound: one that healed slowly and left a scar in its wake. For six months he’d felt this distracting ache. Right from the moment his back had pushed off the trunk of the acacia in their football field, seeing Minho walk towards him after reading a quickly scrawled chit of paper during Math. For six months it had repeatedly opened and healed on itself.

And it probably would continue to do so till… till… He didn’t know the answer to that.

His sweaty fingers patted over the injury through his shirt. And he wondered if Minho’s chest held a similar wound. He turned to closed eyes and slightly pouting lips for an answer. “Guess not, huh?” he concluded from their replying blankness. “It’s OK,” he hushed himself. “I’ll get used to it. Someday. It’s OK.”

Kibum was just a fly on the wall of Minho's colorful life, an insignificant spot of black hidden below the more important reds and blues and yellows. When he stayed in his place, he'd be too tiny to notice. When he buzzed too close to Minho's head he'd be swatted away. Whether he stayed or left would make no difference to the other, whether he chased or followed didn't matter in the least. He was just a fly on the wall, and Minho always had his back his turned. 

A waste of space, a waste of money and time. That’s all he was to his parents. And he saw that. A failed drivers’ test, a steadily dropping average at school, a job that didn’t hold long enough for him to save up for gas, no future and no real prospects awaiting him. He saw how he was a waste. And maybe Minho did too, just not as clearly as others. Maybe one day the boy would see it far too clearly to ignore, though, and then they’d have to go their separate ways again. Then Kibum would be alone again. Again.

"I hope you like the cartoons," he said to his sleeping boyfriend, labelled best-friend for the prejudiced eyes of the world. The farce wouldn’t hold. Until then, they had each other to hold under fake stars and around fake promises. “I really hope you like it,” he kissed onto a peaceful forehead

The night rolled by slowly. When the sun started to intrude through his window, Kibum decided to disappear.

"Buuuum~ Where did you go? I woke up and you were gone."

"I uhh... had a thing."

"Meanie... I thought we'd spend today together but you weren't even picking up your phone. And now it's too late to go out. Did you know the pizza place has a special offer on Sundays? Like, you can order a large size and get a medium size free. Isn't that cool? We missed it..."

"It's like food is the most important person in your life, man. You're going to marry your dinner plate one day, I swear. Anywho, will you take the book with you to the lab tomorrow? You know, for your notes and . Since you'll be hell-bent on impressing Professor Playboy."

"Hmm? Oh, of course not! This needs to be used for something special. Something better than just a lame old science notebook."

"Huuuuh, Princess Hoho got herself a secret diary~ Kibum oppa noticed me today, Kibum oppa touched his lips today, Kibum oppa is sooo hot! OMG x100 Kibum oppa smirked in my general direction in the hallways and my heart stopped!"

"Nuuuuuu..."

"The image totally fits, dude. You'd make a beautiful bimbo."

"You're an idiot. I don't know why I called in the first place. Bye. Oh, wait wait wait! I totally forgot! Remember to bring your Physics textbook tomorrow, I think I forgot to solve the last question on your homework. Bring it, OK? I have the whole sum solved on the top I just need to copy it out and--"

"Kibummie, go to bed, sweetheart. You have school tomorrow," Kim eomoni knocked on his door before he heard her slippers patter away to his parents' bedroom.

"Yeah, OK OK OK, I got it. Physics book. Yes. Alright, I gotta go, bye. I'll see you in class tomorrow. We'll see what to do about the Calculus project and--"

"Bum..."

"Yeah what?"

"Thank you."

Kibum sighed and smiled at the crazy smear that was his wall clock. "G'night, fool."

Thought people might be curious, so I did a short Kibum POV. Enjoy and leave comments <3

~ IQ