Jongin's POV

She smiled softly. "I must go now, don't forget to clean your hand at least, okay? I hope we can meet again!"

 

My heart raced a bit in some kind of panic. I had to push my limits, the same limits Heechul-ssi was talking about. And my heart didn't want to be one of a mere fan. I couldn't bear to go through months again, questionning my state of mind or these so called feelings. Would I even meet her again? I was lucky twice to get to see her like that... but that wouldn't happen anymore, right?

'Who knows...?' That sentence haunted me again. I knew it would be stuck in my mind for months and for some reason, at this, I panicked a bit more.

 

  "Not as a fan" I then blurted out to her back. She turned to face me.

  "Sorry?" Her eyes were wide.

'Live to the fullest' I remembered Heechul-hyung's words.

  "Im YoonA, I, Kim Jongin, fell in love with you... So I won't meet you as a fan, nor as a friend anymore... In the future, I want to- no, I will meet you... as a man."

 

There was a dramatical pause during which we would only stare at each other. Thoughts were rushing inside of my brain and were crashing one another. I swear I was going crazy with all these questions: What did you just do that for? Do you think she'll even care? She's calling you a friend just to cover your little stupid ! What are you thinking, seriously?

However, even though I was thinking all of this, I couldn't help but feel good. There were high chances this wouldn't lead me anywhere but at least, it was said. Just by saying it, my feelings, the way I felt recently, it all became a bit more realistic.

 

I stare at the little smile slowly appearing on her lips. I watched carefully the two steps she took to stand in front of me. Her right hand moved a bit... and...

  "YoonA-ssi, we are leaving soon"

Her attention shifted to the security guard from earlier. As for myself, I didn't even dare to look away from her figure just a second. In case, she'd disappear. Our eyes met again briefly before she bowed to the man.

  "I understand, I'm coming!" She gently yet quickly answered him.

I would have damned myself to have her talking to me everyday like that. Ha, I would damn myself only to be able to get away from home everyday just to see her. Being a bodyguard sure seemed better than being a young fan... I deeply sighed, my eyebrows frowned in a worried shape, as I saw her distancing herself. She noticed it and gave me a sorry stare. Her hand that had frozen its course earlier finally rose again to gently pat my head.

 

  "Don't be like that, Jongin-ah..." she whispered as if talking to herself more than to me. "Thank you for this... but I think you're confused. You're still young so I must be honest with you..."

She smiled to me but it didn't make me feel any better. I frowned at her. Young? Confused? Is she... saying I don't know what I'm talking about? I stared, speechless, at her. Really? I wasn't even worth a serious rejection? I wasn't expecting her to confess to me, nor was I wanting her to actually understand. It's not like I had planned to do this after all. But couldn't I just be treated seriously and not like some ignorant kid? How was that being honest to me?

A mix of disappointment, frustration and anger filled my stone body. It wasn't the same feelings I could experience when my father was getting drunk and all. I couldn't really put my finger on the difference though.

 

I watched her walk away, waving her hand at me.

  "But I would be really happy to see you again, Jongin"

These were her last words as she disappeared with the bodyguard pushing her back. I gulped. With one short sentence, she had put my tormented heart in a sudden peace. Of course, I still was frustrated and mad at my own self. I couldn't express myself properly. She treated me like some kid spreading nosense and I actually let her do this without saying anything. But somehow, I was filled with a new strenght.

Definitely. We will meet again.

No matter what.

  "I will stick to my words. Be sure to meet me again"

 

I wasn't sure what was getting into me but I felt different...

With a small smile, as torn as my feelings, I walked back to where the queue was before, in the large room. I didn't pay much attention so I was startled when someone smacked my head.

 

  "What took you so long?! Jeez, you missed YoonA!" It took me a little while to finally realise Sehun was scolding me. I blinked.

  "I lost track of time..." I mumbled.

  "Aish... came all this way only to miss her..." he sighed, shaking his head.

 

A hand reached for my poster. That's when I noticed Heechul-ssi was here again. Unknowingly, I smiled at his presence. I'm not sure why, maybe I was thankful for what he did and said earlier. But Heechul didn't see it, he was only frowning, eyeing my large poster up and down while Sehun was shaking the living out of me.

 

  "How can you be smiling like that when you missed YoonA?" He kept complaining.

  "Starry Girl... she was there. She still is there..." at this, my smile grew. Yeah, that girl did exist.

  "What?" The boy's eyes grew large. "No way, she really was there? No wonder then" Sehun was slowly getting more excited. "Have you asked her name this time? Her number? Or something to keep in touch?"

  "Her name?" I nodded slowly. "I know it now. But it's a secret no one can know for now..."

  "Eh? What, are you saying you're not telling me?" Here would have started a scene if it wasn't for Heechul's sudden realisation.

  "... it's signed..." he mumbled. "The poster, look, it's signed"

He showed it to Sehun and then stared at me. Dang it. Meeting his gaze, I felt like he was reading my heart with those piercing eyes of his and was searching into my brain for something I couldn't tell. But I just stood there, silently, waiting for a reaction or anything.

  "Wow, how did you do that?" Sehun questionned. I took back the poster.

  "Well, later guys, I think we'd better get out now" Heechul saved me again but still was sending me some weird glances.

He gently pushed us towards the exit, each hand on our backs. His reaction felt weird but I pushed the thought and decided I should just be thankful he interfered at the right moments.

Hyung walked us to the bus stop. He and his friends had their own car to head back home so we would part ways there.

 

  "It was nice meeting you, hyung" Sehun said.

  "Same here. Be careful on your way, alright? I'll text you both" he answered as a car stopped in front of us. A guy immediately poked his head out of it.

  "YAH! JUNG HEECHUL! What's taking you so long th- Oh, ANNYEONG!" The guy shouted. Just like Sehun, I don't think the guy could actually speak like every normal person. It was screaming all the way or nothing.

  "Aish, alright, I'm coming hyung. Sorry for that guys. See you" With one last glance at us, he ran to the car's door. "Ah jongmal, Kwanghee hyung-"

Our eyes followed the young man and the car as it was then disappearing in the distance.

 

  "Woah. That was intense" Sehun commented beside me, still staring.

  "You now know how I feel" I smirked as he pushed my shoulder.

  "Jeez..." he let out. At this, I couldn't help but chuckle. "Anyway... I'm glad"

  "Hm?"

  "You seem brighter than these past days. All you needed is to recharge your batteries... Starry girl and YoonA energy is the best"

Sehun... that boy, seriously... He was actually worrying all this time again? I nodded at his words and kept smiling. Today, I just wanted to smile a bit more. We boarded the bus as soon as it arrived and found seats in the far back. Again, I was next the window.

 

  "Hey, Sehun, do you think your parents will be okay with it if I ask to sleep over your house tonight?"

  "Mom will love having you home, you know that. You're like another son, if not a more real son than I am! And dad likes you so why this wouldn't be okay?"

 

The rest of the trip, we dozed off and listened to music. It took us more than half a hour to reach our final stop and ten another minutes to walk the way to Sehun's house. As expected, his mother warmly welcomed me. Though, Mrs. Oh complained that I wasn't coming over their house anymore and she freaked out at my injured hand. She took care of it before having us setting the table. After this we all gathered around the table and happily ate our food.

Thanks to them, I could keep a positive mind.

*~★ ★ ★~*

I changed into a pj Mrs. Oh gave me and headed to Sehun's room. Once there, I grabbed my phone to pass time as my friend was showering. That's how I noticed I had a new text message. I frowned. Who would text me? I'm not one to use texts a lot, a few people have my number... and they're on vacation. I doubted they'd make time to text me - I hardly text back or even notice. I checked and read it.

'Hope you got home safely - Heechul Hyung'

That's right. Heechul Hyung. He said he'd text us... I was about to send him a text back when I thought about earlier. How he helped me escape Sehun's questions... How he stared at me afterwards... I shook the thought and sent my message anyway. I was, once again, overthinking and overanalizing everything.

'We did, thank you for today Hyung - Jongin'

I sat on my futon and let go of my phone. My eyes immediately found the poster in a plastic bag. I pulled it out to stare at it. At that sign and at her face especially.

I sighed. Of course she thought I was being delusional, coming with a poster and all. She thought it was just a fan-thing. But did it matter that much? All of this was so new to me, there might have been things I couldn't understand...

 

I jumped in my seat, holding my chest. The buzzing of my phone had startled me. I thought Hyung would just text back but the buzzing lasted longer. I looked at the screen and saw he was actually calling. Why was he? Was there anything wrong or...? - stop overthinking, I told myself and picked it up.

 

  "Hello?" I hesitantly asked, standing up for no reason. Was I that tensed?

  "Jongin-ah, am I disturbing you guys?" his clear but throaty voice was easy to recognise even through the phone.

  "No, it's okay. Sehun-ah is gone taking a shower, I'm just waiting now"

  "Alright. So you do have a little time ahead right?" A whole lot actually but I repressed the need to say it... Sehun takes the less ecological showers of South Korea - don't blame him, he doesn't realise how fast time is passing by.

  "Is there something hyung wanted to talk about?"

  "There is. I will go straight to the point." I tensed up more at this. "The girl you told us about. The one you met before and you like..." I waited for him to end the sentence with a beating heart. Did he put the pieces together? I gulped.

  "Yes, it's Im YoonA"

........ I mentally slapped my face. And actually did it for real too. How could I just spilt it to him when he didn't even say anything yet? How much more stupid could I get? Aish!

 

  "Hmm... I wasn't so sure but turns out it's really her" I almost could hear him smirk.

  "Hyung, don't tell anyone please. I know it doesn't matter much to other people but..." but if the word was spreading for some reason, YoonA'd never take me seriously.

  "Your secret is safe with Hyung. But I need to know everything"

 

I didn't hesitate afterwards. I needed to tell someone all of this and Sehun wouldn't manage it- he would blink, scream and ask ME what to do. But well, I'd tell him, Sehun's my friend after all. But only when I actually knew what I could do. Anyway, after Heechul's speech, I felt like I could trust him with this kind of things. So I a bit too naturally told him everything.

  "Aah... You're actually lucky..." he sighed.

  "Why? She doesn't even take me seriously... it's hard to see her now, so the road is long to prove it.."

  "It will take long. Yeah. But, at least, you met her before she was famous. Many idols are liked for the person they show on stage or on TV. Not for who they might actually be. Of course, then, they can't accept easily fan's feelings. Except when it concerns their talents. In YoonA's case, it's even worse: she is the face. She might be liked just because she is pretty"

  "I didn't think about this... Hyung, I don't want to forget about it all. It's the first time something like this happens. It's not a fan thing, it's not like me. Who knows if I will ever be this way again for someone? And I'm way too stubborn as well.. So yeah..." I mumbled the last parts.

  "Who told you to forget?" At this, Heechul wore a nagging tone.

  "So what to do then?" I let my head rest on the frame of the window, staring at the sky.

  "I'm not sure... First, you have to meet her again. I think they'll probably hold other fan-events. I will let you know. Now you have to find yourself a way to convince her you're sincere. That you see her like she can see you- Ay. Jongin-ah, I have to go train. Next time, ok?"

 

I nodded and dropped my phone on the bed. Convince her that I'm sincere? That I see her like she can see me? Ha. Does she even see me? I shot my head up. That was probably the problem. How can she notice my sincerity if she doesn't even notice me? As a man, not as a fan. I had to move my status. To change my 'fan' status.

I looked once again at the stars.

  "How can I want to be with a star when I'm down on earth, uh? It's up there that I need to be"

I smiled. It was there, the solution was there. I could feel it.

Something huge was about to happen.

 

The door suddenly flung open, revealing a shirtless and wet-haired Sehun.

  "Back! Did I miss anything?" The boy walked in, drying his hair.

  "Yes... a whole lot" I answered, my eyes shining.

  "Uh... what?"

*~★ ★ ★~*

The next days, I managed to find a way to never be home. Until school started again, I'd drop by Sehun's house, go to the dance club and practice, meet up with Heechul hyung. I decided not to watch a thing about SNSD too. I wanted my mind off of it a bit. Then classes started again, I'd study, dance and hang out sometimes so Sehun wouldn't worry. It became a daily routine.

 

I was again at the dance practice room. I was eyeing my every step, making sure I was doing well. I remembered about the only dancer I ever enjoyed watching when I was little. I wanted to reach his perfection, to touch people like he did. But Michael Jackson was a huge challenge, right?

I took one last step and fell dramatically on the ground to end the choreography. I was breathing heavily on the floor when I heard someone clapping.

 

  "Nice job!"

I shot my head up, finding a young man by the door, resting on its frame. His brownish dyed hair couldn't fully hide his brows and that fierce stare of his. I smirked, recognizing Jung Heechul.

 

  "What are you doing here, hyung?" I asked, huffing a bit and standing up to greet him.

  "Called Sehun yesterday, I told him I wanted to visit you guys. He told me about your training sessions so I needed to finally see it. Man, you are good"

  "Really? You think so?"

  "I know what I'm talking about. I'm a trainee at Star Empire. I wish I was that good"

  "Wait. You are a trainee?? You never told me" I stared at him, shocked a bit.

  "Yeah, anyway you should try out. They'd love me if I was bringing some good dancer like you" I chuckled at this.

  "Sorry hyung but I have other plans. I will audition though..." I made my way to my bag and started to put my stuffs in it.

  "I see. Don't complain when I become a star before you then"

I chuckled at his diva antics and joined him.

  "Ready"

  "Okay, let's find Sehun-ah, I'm bringing you guys somewhere"

 

Heechul hyung brought us to Star Empire's building as he knew his boss wasn't around that day because of some business. I remember how Heechul grimaced as if he knew what it was about. I decided it was better not to ask. All day long we watched trainees working and we even chatted with them.

  "I wanted you to see what it is to be a trainee. And we are luckier than most of trainees actually" Heechul hyung explained.

  "How is that?" Sehun asked, curious.

  "Our leader here..." They already have a leader? Were they about to debut? "He formed the band himself. He looked for every nine of us and created our team. Star Empire never intended to create a band though but thanks to him... We already are one. I know you guys want to try for SMent. It won't be like that. So you'll have to be stronger"

I felt envious all of the sudden. That leader, Moon Junyoung, actually looked for Heechul and asked him to join. I realized... SM ent was a too big agency to accept this. I'd have to be the best and earn my place not as an artist only, but as a member too. Would I get along with other trainees? I smiled at our hyung and nodded. I had a basic idea of what I was getting myself into now. SM entertainment, I'll be ready.

*~★ ★ ★~*

A while later. YoonA's POV

I pulled another smile as a new fan came and handed me an album to sign.

 

  "Hey how are you?" I casually asked taking the album gently glacing at him.

  "Good, just a bit tired" pretty normal, it was a long wait for him.

  "Go straight home after and take a rest"

  "I would like but I'm training hard to become a dancer really soon"

  "Really?!" I looked up at him but froze a bit. A smile slowly grazed the lips of who I thought to be a fan and I blinked a last time before snapping out of this daze.

  "Do you want me to recall my name" he said pointing to the CD.

  "No... no. Kim Jongin" I finally lifted the corners of my lips as I wrote down a message.

  "I thought you'd have forgotten..." he softly said. I smirked a bit.

  "We are all bound to forget I guess..."

  "I didn't. And you didn't either. Im YoonA is that kind of person" my heart squeezed at this. Indeed, Im YoonA was this kind of person. She was the one to remember people's face and what happens. Even if they do forget about her. Or don't even know her. I repressed a sigh. "Can I ask you only one thing?"

  "What is it?" I handed back his CD with another smile.

  "Can you remember this?" I frowned. What did he want me to recall? "I'll become famous YoonA-ssi, just remember to watch me. Just wait for some years and you'll see, you'll like me"

 

He offered me a beautiful yet still a bit shy smile, picked up the CD and silently left me like that. I stared at his back not knowing what to do. I knew, I'd remember this too, yeah. But he will forget. Luckily, I knew how not to hold onto some things. And I couldn't hold onto a fan. Even if I enjoyed his refreshing presence. His innocence.

  "Hopefully you'll forget soon, Kim Jongin..." a new CD appeared then in front of me, blocking my view. Another smile on, I looked at this new fan "Annyeong haseyo"