Lover Seeker.

“Chanyeol, can you please wake up! Sehun will come and fetch Baekhyun to go to school. So don’t worry about that Bacon okay? And your breakfast is all set up on the table. Please walk your lazy self-up and eat all the foods, okay?” Baekhyun read the note stick on the refrigerator. Kyungsoo must leave it for Chanyeol since that giant are on his holiday now.

Whew, if you think living with your older cousin is great, than think again. It is great to have such freedom to do anything that one’s want. But, sometimes I just miss my family so much. Dad won’t let me live with him at London and mom remarried with her ex-lover. What a pathetic live I have, eh? People always though that I am a perfect person who came from a filthy rich family and live in such a luxurious way of life. Well, it’s true, indeed. I am rich and I can buy anything that I want. Love, happiness or anything. I believe that money can buy everything. If you don’t have money and power, it makes you a loser in this harsh reality called life.

            I walked alone on the empty street of the subway. Sehun must be busy now since he already gets a girlfriend for himself. And Jongin is always busy with dance practice. It makes my life become more pathetic since I need to spend almost half of my day alone. And Chanyeol will be going to Gyeongju next week. Kyungsoo always busy with work and getting himself a great cheesecake too. Everybody seems forget about my existence though.

            Let me make it clear. It’s true that I act like a brat. It’s because I don’t really have things to do in life. So, by acting like a brat, people will give more attention and care about me (Even it’s in the negative way of caring, it is okay.)

“Sehun, pair with me please for the Science project.”

“Sorry, I am all set to join Ah Ri group, Baek. Next time, okay?”

            I hate love so much as I hate my family and my life. Love stole my friends away. Girls make my boys away from me. I hate girls and women like my mom. I hate love because it makes my life turn to hell.

And at the end of the day, I ended up pairing with a girl name Oh Hana.

To be honest, I don’t even know her.

Maybe I know but I don’t care.

Girls, they all just a side trash that ever exist in my life.

---

“What should we do first, Baekhyun?” Hana asked me a question when we both went to library for further research about our project work.

“Figure it out by yourself. Nah.” I throw a few notes of money.

“Take it. It’s enough for you to finish all the work by yourself, right? Take it and finish it. Just keep the chain. I don’t need it anyway. If you want to tell teacher about this, feel free to be such a low class brat. I don’t even care. Oh, is it not enough for you? Need more money?” I took out my wallet when…

“It is okay, Baekhyun. I don’t need your money anyway. And one more thing, I can finish it by myself. No big deal. Just take your money back. I had enough money to spend for myself.” She smiled before walked away.

Typical nowadays girls.

Trying to act all pure when they actually had something on their mind.

---

“Hey, why looked so down? I am your tutor, so please smile, okay?” Hana nod her head and continue doing her homework.

“Chanyeol oppa, I need to work on this science project. Can you help me with it?”

“Of course I can, Hana-shi. But this is a group work, right? Where’s your partner?” Hana smiled.

“My partner? That guy name Byun Baekhyun really tries to kill my nerve, oppa. He threw some money at me asking whether it’s enough to finish all the work by myself. I seriously can do it by myself though. I just want him to talk nicely, that’s all.” Chanyeol just shut his mouth up. Typical Byun Baekhyun.

“Just let him be. Maybe he got problems to work with women, who knows?” With that, the conversation end and Chanyeol feel bad about something.

---

            Last night I heard Chanyeol hyung and Kyungsoo talk some serious matter. I don’t bother to listen about it since it must be related about their work. But when I heard my name come out from their mouth, it makes me curious about what they’re talking about. Did they talk something bad about me or I’d done something terrible without I realized.

“Sehun, just go away.”

“Hey Bacon, don’t mad at me though. It’s not my fault you get pair up with that girl.”

“It’s your fault because rejected me and choose to pair up with your stupid women.” Sehun just shake his head. Normal people will get mad if they heard something but like this. But Sehun just couldn’t get mad with Baekhyun. He did understand why Baekhyun act this way.

“Nah, the very next time teacher asking us to do group work, I’ll quickly pair up with you, okay?” I looked at him. Even I feel a bit sorry for insulting Sehun’s girlfriend, but I just don’t like the fact that my friend and left me because of his girl.

---

            When I was walking alone that day, I saw Hana sitting alone inside the library. She must be doing all the works on her own though. I did feel a bit guilty, but when I remember about my mom, my emotion turn blankly just like that. I choose to walk away and just leave her alone. She deserves that anyway. When I arrived home later at night, both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo sit on the couch in the living room while looking at me.

“Hey Bacon, come here!” Chanyeol called my name as I walked my feet away from the living room. I know something bad will happen tonight. They will ask me to go away from this house and live with my mom.

“Byun Baekhyun. Come here.” Kyungsoo hyung sound so serious. So, I change my direction and walked to the living room.

“Sit here.” Chanyeol poke my waist and ask me to sit next to me. Silently, I sit there like a stupid kid who know nothing when Kyungsoo still with his serious face.

“Baekhyun.” Gulp. Why I feel so cold suddenly?

“Byun Baekhyun.” For the second time, Kyungsoo hyung said my name but talk nothing on it.

“We never teach you to throw money at people, right? We never teach you act like some stupid crazy brat and looked down on people, right? We never teach you to be so rude to teachers, right? We never teach you to be this way, right? Tell me if we ever did something wrong at you, Baekhyun. Your dad asks us to look after you. And now, we think that we failed to make you better. I know that I always busy with my works and Chanyeol busy doing his tutor and his assignment. But I never thought that you’ll come out like this. Oh Hana your group partner is actually Chanyeol student.” So that stupid girl tell bad thing about me to my cousin. What a !

“And don’t ever think that she came to us and said something bad about you! And please stop thinking that every woman in this world is bad.”

“You don’t understand me hyung! Mom leaves me alone when I need her at most. She left dad alone and married with some stupid guys. It’s enough for me to say that women are stupid enough to make a wise decision in life. Just like that girl. I gave her money. She should take it and shut her ing mouth up!” I don’t realize that I actually raised my voice in front of Kyungsoo hyung. And suddenly I saw Kyungsoo hyung looking down on the white marble tiles. I can hear his sobbing a little when he starts talking.

“Did you know that my dad leaves me and my mom doesn’t even care about me? I need to figure out about everything that happens in my life alone. But I never complain. It is because I always believe in myself. You want others to understand you, Baekhyun. But did you ever give yourself a chance to understand about your own feeling. Never! You though that your existence is a mist. You never care about yourself and you expect people to understand more about you? I am disappointed with myself Baekhyun. I failed to change your perspective of live. But I trust you Baekhyun. You’re a good kid. You know what the best for you. I will go to New York tomorrow. Maybe for few weeks, I am not sure. And Chanyeol will go to Gyeongju. I hope you can clear your mind and think again about what you’d done in your life.” Kyungsoo still sobbing hard and he just left me and Chanyeol hyung in a dazed like that. Chanyeol patted my back when I realized, there’s a few crystal clear in Chanyeol eyes, too.

Now I know how much Kyungsoo hyung and Chanyeol hyung care about me.

I am sorry for being this bad.

And I feel bad about making my older cousin crying.

Maybe it will better if I just die.

---

 The next day when I woke up, nobody is at home.

I walked myself to the nearest hardware shop and bought a razor blade to cut all my connections with this world.

“Baekhyun!” Someone called my name and when I looked back, it’s Oh Hana.

“I finish all the work. At least, can you do me a favor to send this to the teacher? Is it okay with you?” I nod my head and walked away.

“Baekhyun.” I stopped walking and looked back at her.

“Thanks for working with me even though you’d done nothing. Maybe next time we can work with each other?”

Next time?

Does next time exist in my word of dictionary to suicide?

“Hana-shi, what do you think about life?” I randomly asked her some stupid question.

“Did you know when you realize that all the glimmering starts are not made for you, the dark sky above will always guide you home?” What is she tried to talk about here?

“What do you mean by that?” Hana just smiled.

“You may feel down when you did something bad; there will be no solution when you actually want to be the best for the one you love. And when you realize that you’d hurt their feeling, you want to run away and maybe choose to sacrifice your own self.” Did she know that I want to kill myself later on?

“Baekhyun-ah, this world is actually beautiful, but most of us don’t see that. We thought that problem is a burden of our life. We never give us a chance to prove to others that we can also be great and better. Sometimes, one’s soul needs to be left alone to make one realize the importance of others. Trust me Baekhyun-ah! Life is to appreciate and to love yourself. Though you always like some kind of stupid brat around, but I know that you are good inside. Eh, I am late for my piano class. See you soon, Baekhyun-ah!”

…

…

When I arrived home.

I took the razor.

I smile with tears rolling down on my cheeks.

 

See you soon, Oh Hana! And thanks for make me realize the importance of life.

Thank you.

---

“Now, now, let us stop being sad about the person who just went away.” Chanyeol with tears in his eyes standing in front of the table while Kyungsoo just looked down on the ground

“I know I shouldn’t feel bad about it. But at least, we had done our best Chanyeol-ah. Baekhyun, stop crying, can you? I am really sure your dad will be proud with your achievement.” I just nod my head and give my last respect to my dad.

---

“Hana! Look at those kids! They looked so cute right?” Hana smiled and continue walking.

“Baekhyun, we need to go now or else we will be late for our class.” I run to her and give a sweet peck on her cheek.

“Oh Hana! Thanks for loving me.”

---

Life is to be appreciated.

Oh Hana makes me realize the importance of life at the end of my soul journey.

She wakes me up from the journey of bad dream.

She becomes the Eve of my life.

She is the one who open the darkness of my heart.

Oh Hana is made for Byun Baekhyun.

And Byun Baekhyun will always love Oh Hana.

Trust me, your life will get started at the end of your comfort zone.

The end.