Donghae suddenly felt himself being harshly pushed away, landing on the grass on all four. It took a while for him to react and when he looked up he realized he wasn't the only one who had been pushed. 

He saw three men standing there, two of them holding Heechul and dragging him away from there before anyone had the time to say or do anything. He didn't recognize the men but their clothes told him they were teachers. Heechul was screaming and protesting, loosing the grip on the bat and leaving it on the grass. Donghae looked at it; eyes teary and hands shaking. 

It was blood on it, so much blood. Eunhyuk's blood. 

He turned his head and immediately recognized the third man, the man in short black hair and glasses – their Korean teacher. He was crouching down, covering Donghae's view of Eunhyuk. 

Donghae wanted to get up and push the teacher away. He wanted to see him. He needed to see him and know he was okay. But Donghae didn't get anywhere because as soon as he got up he felt his knees betray him and he felt Kibum holding him steady so he wouldn't fall again. He wanted to ask what had happened, his mind was blank, but his voice wouldn't come out. He wasn't even understanding what Kibum was telling him, he just saw his lips moving and his eyes worried. 

“I need to...” was all he managed to say but Kibum just shook his head and kept saying something. 


“Everyone, mind your own ing business!” 

Donghae jumped when hearing someone say that and he quickly turned his head to see who it was because the voice was familiar but right now he couldn't think of a matching face. It was Leeteuk who was yelling and pushing the stubborn ones away while their teacher, who was carrying Eunhyuk, quickly made his way out of the crowd. Leeteuk ran to catch up with the man and Donghae tried calling for them, Leeteuk, his teacher, Eunhyuk; opening his mouth to yell, but his voice failed him again. 


Everything was his fault. It hadn't been worth it. God, it had not been worth it. Heechul could have the school if he wanted, he could have Seoul, South Korea, the whole ing world if he wanted. But Hyukjae didn't have anything to do with that. Donghae could have taken it all, the punches, the yells, the eyes, everything. But not Hyukjae. 

He felt weak, so weak Kibum had to call for help to hold him up. His mind was so blurred, so messy and the world was spinning so fast Donghae couldn't figure out where exactly they were now and who the ones holding him were. He couldn't breathe and he suddenly got tired, so tired. He couldn't talk, move or stand up straight. All he could do was to blame himself; blame himself for being so stupid, selfish, blunt. 

He lost the little amount of strength he had left and heard Ryeowook call for him in panic, before everything went black. 


**


He woke up with a jerk, as if waking up from a nightmare; eyes shooting open in a split second. And that's exactly what it felt like because his heart was beating so fast, as if it wanted to fight it's way out through Donghae's chest and he was sweating. It didn't take a second for him to remember what had happened. 

He looked around, realizing he was alone in Kibum and Ryeowook's room. He was lying in Kibum's bed and he sat up and had to support his hand on the nightstand to get up. He didn't care where the others were and as soon as he managed to get up he started looking for a clock. It was still sunny outside, but he needed to know for how long he had passed out. 

Luckily it didn't take long till he found what he was looking for, because in this state he wouldn't hesitate to turn the room upside down if necessary, even though this wasn't his own room. The clock told him he had been there for almost forty minutes, it was a little after 4pm. He hurried to put some shoes on, not caring if it was his own or not, before running out of the room.


**


The hospital was white, the walls, the floor, the ceiling, even the people. Doctors and nurses were running back and forth, with notepads in their hands and stethoscope around their necks. Some doctors passed by with rolling hospital beds, some being empty and some with people lying it in. Anxious men and women were sitting in the waiting room, waiting for the doctors to say what they didn't want to hear.

Because that's what happens in hospitals. Last time Donghae was in a hospital was because of his dad, so Donghae knew by experience that in hospitals they didn't save people. People just came here to die. 

“Donghae yah!” Donghae heard someone call and he didn't register that the voice was familiar. He didn't even care about who said it, because he knew it wasn't Eunhyuk. He just kept walking, even though he had no idea where he was supposed to go; ignoring the one who was calling for him. But when he felt a hand on his shoulder he had to turn around.

“Are you alright?” a young male, taller than Donghae, asked and Donghae had to give himself a moment to recognize him. He didn't answer the question.

He wanted to ask for him, but he was scared Leeteuk might say something, say it and brutally destroy Donghae's everything. But he had to ask. He opened his mouth to say it, to say his name, but he knew he couldn't. He could feel it in his eyes, in his throat, in his heart that if he said it – his name – he would lose control over himself. His hands and knees started to shake again, and his bloodshot eyes were giving him a blurred vision. He was on the edge of collapsing, on the edge of crying his heart and soul out. 

“It's alright.” Leeteuk said, and put and arm around Donghae as they started walking, his hand giving Donghae's shoulder a light squeeze. Leeteuk didn't say anything about Eunhyuk being fine. He wasn't smiling or even looking at Donghae, and Donghae noticed Leeteuk had been crying too.


They walked pass many doors, all of them looking the same. Donghae didn't even dare to turn his head because he didn't know where to look. He didn't want to look at all because he didn't want to be here. He's whole body was tense, his back, neck, legs and arms, as he walked – as if it was protesting and not accepting that Donghae was here. He swallowed, and when he felt Leeteuk once again giving his shoulder a light squeeze he knew they were close. 


The room they entered was also white, like all other rooms Donghae had seen. It was a simple square shaped room, with a bed, a table and three chairs. The light was on even though it didn't need to, because the big window was enough to lighten up the room. A chair was standing right next to the bed, where the previous visitor had been sitting. Probably Leeteuk.

But what was different in this room was that the bed wasn't empty.

Eunhyuk was lying there on his back, a baby blue blanket covering part off his stomach and his legs. His eyes were closed and the lower part of his face was covered by a transparent respirator. They hadn't changed his clothes, but just taken the red jacket off, leaving him with a gray T-shirt. Wet spots were all over the neck area of the T-shirt, turning the T-shirt a darker gray. He had a deep cut in his left cheek. The other cheek had a bruise, a red and purple circle on his cheekbone, and Eunhyuk's pale skin only made it more visible. 

They had washed his face, because both his face and part of his hair was damp. His fingers had traces of blood, just like the blanket and the white sheets, and Donghae asked himself why the they would put him in a white bed.Eunhyuk's chest was moving up and down, he was breathing, but Donghae didn't know if that was enough for him to calm down.


Leeteuk told Donghae he would stay right outside if Donghae needed anything, but Donghae wasn't listening. He slowly walked towards the bed, taking one step at a time as Leeteuk closed the door behind him; shutting out all noises coming from the rest of the building and leaving the room so quiet Donghae could hear his uneven heartbeat. 

For each step he took in more and more of the male in front of him; the small cuts on his face and the bruises on his arms and neck. His lips were red, so red Donghae could see it despite the respirator, and not pink as they should. He sat down on the chair in front of him and reached out both his shaking hands to grab Eunhyuk's hand. Eunhyuk's hand was lifeless and cold and didn't react to Donghae's touch. His nails and fingertips where red from when he had desperately tried to protect himself and Donghae couldn't hold the tears anymore. He cried silently, holding Eunhyuk tightly in his hands, whispering quiet and heartbroken “I'm so sorry”s because all this was his fault.


“What are you doing here?” he suddenly heard someone behind him say and when he turned his head he saw Sungmin standing in the doorway with Shindong a few steps behind him. He let go of Eunhyuk's hand. “What the do you think you're doing here?” Sungmin asked again, his voice raising, and Donghae didn't answer. 

He didn't answer both because his voice didn't let him but also because he didn't know what to answer. Sungmin knew now and Shindong knew now. The whole ing school knew, and so there was nothing left to say. Donghae swallowed, but made no attempt to say anything. 

“This is all your fault, you ing parasite. Get the out of here”. When Donghae made no signs of getting up from his seat Sungmin lost it and Shindong had to grab him hard so he wouldn't attack his classmate. “Are you deaf?! Get the out of here!” Sungmin yelled, Shindong grabbing him by his waist and arm and telling him to calm down, and Donghae immediately got up from his seat. He got out of there; receiving a hard push when he got close to Sungmin to get out.
 

~ * ~

The next day was a Thursday and was supposed to be like all other Thursdays. Eunhyuk was supposed to snort and roll his eyes at Shindong's bad jokes. Sungmin was supposed to lean on him, his head on his shoulder and Eunhyuk was supposed to tell him to stop that because it made them look like a couple. Sungmin would then chuckle mockingly and tell him that Eunhyuk should be thankful if people thought he was dating someone like Lee Sungmin. 

But this wasn't the Thursday it was supposed to be. It was cold inside the classroom even though the the window was closed, as if nature knew something important was missing. The only one who talked during the lessons was the teacher. The rest of the students were quiet and spent the whole day in silence. No one was in the mood for joking or laughing or interrupting the teacher like they usually did. Most of them didn't even dare talking about what had happened, what they had seen, and some students were so shocked they didn't even come to school. 

Sungmin had to close his eyes hard to control his tears every time he saw the seat beside him stand empty and Donghae never turned around during the whole lesson. 

No one saw Heechul in school. 
 

~ * ~

Heechul never came back to the school. Not the next day, not the day after that or the day after that. When the few students who were brave enough to ask their teachers about him they all got the same kind of answer, either that they shouldn't worry about it or that it was none of their business. But most students didn't ask, because they were clever enough to understand that they wouldn't get an answer; the school had to think about it's reputation. Of course the school would oh so smoothly cover this up, with as few people as possible being involved and know what had happened.
 

~ * ~

After a week no one even mentioned Heechul and most students went back to their normal routines, as if nothing had happened. They were laughing and talking during class and hanging out in the schoolyard. Their behavior, the fact that they only after a week could act as if everything was back to normal, as if Eunhyuk hadn't done them a ing favor by standing up for them all, disgusted Sungmin so much. It was thanks to Eunhyuk that these motherers could even breathe calmly because they didn't have Heechul to worry about. Eunhyuk had showed them real courage, in front of the seniors, the whole school, the teachers, but these stupid bastards didn't see or appreciated it enough.

The three males were sitting outside; Junsu sitting by himself on one bench and Shindong and Sungmin sitting opposite him on another bench. The trees were and the grass covered by fallen leaves; brown, yellow and red crispy leaves that would break when being stepped on.

At a distance Sungmin saw Donghae and Siwon walk towards their direction. Donghae was walking with his head low and every now and then Siwon would tap his shoulder and say something. While Shindong and Junsu tried to break the awkward silence by stepping on all leaves they could reach, Sungmin lingered his eyes on his poor classmate and his tall friend. 

When Eunhyuk stood up against Heechul, his legs shaking, his voice shaking, his hands shaking, he hadn't been thinking about the students. His goal hadn't been to defend the ones Heechul bullied and his goal hadn't been to prove that it was possible opposing the senior. Sungmin knew Eunhyuk didn't give a about that. Eunhyuk had done it for Donghae, and no one else. 

“Look at him.” Junsu said and Sungmin woke up from his thoughts to see who he was talking about. Junsu nodded at Donghae's direction and both Sungmin and Shindong turned to look at him. “As if all this isn't his fault.” 

“He should be the one lying in the hospital instead of Eunhyuk” Shindong agreed. “And possibly stay there forever.”

Sungmin wasn't known for his strength, but that was also because he never punched people. Until now. He planted a good punch on Shindong's upper arm which made Shindong squeal in pain. Even Donghae and Siwon heard him and when realizing it was the famous trio sitting there they quickly looked away and started walking towards the opposite direction. 

“What the is your problem?” Shindong almost yelled; his hand over the part where Sungmin had punched him. He would definitely get a bruise, he could feel it already.

“Your stupidity is my ing problem.” Sungmin replied and turned to look at Junsu who immediately raised his palms in defeat. “You don't get anything of this, do you?” he asked the two males and glared at them so intensely that both Junsu and Shindong completely forgot that this guy was usually called “baby face”. “Hyukjae is in the hospital because it was his own choice. So shut the up before I punch you in the face instead of your arm.” 

Shindong didn't know what surprised him the most; the fact that the punch actually had hurt – really, Sungmin was both thin and short – or the fact that he was defending Donghae. At least indirectly. He was defending Eunhyuk for defending Donghae... or something, Shindong wasn't sure. The chubby male turned his face to look at Junsu who was sitting in front of them and when Sungmin wasn't looking Junsu shrugged his shoulders; understanding just as little as Shindong had about what just happened. 

Sungmin didn't notice and he didn't care either, because his thoughts were somewhere else, far, far away from here. He had never imagined his best friend would ever, ever like a guy. Was he gay? Had he always been gay? Sungmin had never had a problem with homoual people, but Eunhyuk... He wasn't really gay, was he? 

Gay people weren't like Eunhyuk. They talked in a high pitched voice and giggled and liked gossip. They read magazines about fashion and pop idols, waved with their hands every time they talked to emphasize what they were saying and rolled their eyes when someone said something they didn't like.

Sungmin's thoughts stopped dead short and he just had to chuckle to himself. Says the guy whose side of the room is completely pink..., he thought and shook his head. Eunhyuk was his friend, his Hyukie, and Sungmin would forgive him and stand up for him even if he decided he would destroy the world. He would stick to him no matter what and he would defend him with claws and teeth. 

“Hyukjae likes that guy.” Sungmin said and Junsu and Shindong were quiet. “He didn't get beaten up for nothing.” 

The two males exchanged looks again before nodding in unison. 
 

~ * ~

Two days later Donghae watched as Siwon closed the door to their shared room. He was sitting on his bed, holding a book in his hands but not reading it – he hadn't been able to concentrate for days now. Siwon approached him slowly and when Donghae saw his eyes he knew Siwon was about to say something Donghae wouldn't want to hear.

Minutes later Donghae found himself vomiting violently, chocking and not being able to breathe, and tears were running down his eyes, down in the toilet. He had locked himself in the bathroom and was crying loudly, his throat burning both from his crying and his vomiting. 

He didn't hear Siwon banging the door, pleading for him to please open the door. All he could hear was the words Siwon had said and those words were echoing in his head, being repeated over and over again – each time feeling like a whip on his heart. 

Hyukjae fell into a coma. 
 

~ * ~

Donghae didn't go to school that week. He didn't care about reporting it to the reception lady either because he didn't care if that would get him expelled or not. 

He didn't shower, he didn't eat, he didn't talk and he didn't leave his bed. Siwon was the responsible one for leaving the window open before he left for class so the other wouldn't suffocate himself in bad air. Before leaving, during his lunch and when finishing school Siwon would make sure that Donghae at least ate a little. Kibum and Ryeowook had tried to visit him but never entered the room when Siwon told them they should probably leave him alone. 

That was how the week passed. 
 

~ * ~

After eight days Siwon had enough and decided this couldn't continue like this. After school finished he sat down on Donghae's bed, Donghae's hand in his, and trying to encourage him to go out even if it would be for just a few minutes. Donghae didn't answer; eyes red and unfocused. But Siwon was stubborn and after thirteen minutes he miraculously convinced Donghae to take a shower and go out just to get some fresh air. 


Donghae liked autumn. He liked how the cool air would brush against his face, how the beautiful leaves would decorate every flat surface and he liked the sound and smell of rain. But Donghae had missed this autumn because it was about to end already. Even so he couldn't bring himself to care. He had his summer sneakers on which weren't suited for this weather, for a moment forgetting that summer was over a long time ago, and after just a few steps he felt his socks get wet. It was cold and uncomfortable and sticky, but Donghae didn't care. 

Siwon was talking about the weather, the classes, their homework and even telling a few stories that were completely irrelevant. He wasn't talking because he wanted Donghae to listen – he knew Donghae's mind was absent most of the time. He was talking to cheer the mood up because he knew silence was the least thing Donghae needed right now. 


“Donghae oppa!” someone called which gained both males' attention and they stopped walking. A thin blonde was jogging towards them, her long hair dancing in the wind and her hand waving. Donghae gave her a weak smile and Jessica was smart enough to know that asking 'what's wrong' was probably the most inappropriate thing to do. 

“We have two empty seats.” she said instead and pointed at a table and when Donghae looked he recognized everyone sitting there. He didn't know their names but just their faces. Most of them were people he had seen together with Eunhyuk. Sungmin was there too without Junsu and Shindong. 

Donghae shook his head and had to clear his throat to be able to talk. “We're on our way back to the dorms.” 

Jessica pouted and looked at Siwon who shook his head without Donghae noticing and Jessica interpreted that as if Siwon was telling her to try a little harder. “Please?” she said. “Just a little while.” 

Donghae turned to look at Siwon who shrugged his shoulders, but his eyes were clearly agreeing with Jessica. But Donghae still shook his head. “Maybe another–” 

He didn't get to finish his sentence before Jessica grabbed his wrist in one hand and Siwon's wrist in the other. “It won't hurt giving it a shot now, right?” she said and turned her face to look at Donghae and Siwon. “Right?” she asked again and offered them a sweet and friendly smile.

Donghae thought that Jessica was wrong. Maybe it would hurt him give it a shot, because these were the people who had rejected Donghae for not being like them. Maybe the wouldn't hurt him physically but there was no guarantee they wouldn't hurt him psychically. He could feel his adrenaline level rise because he was scared as Jessica dragged them closer and closer to the table. But when he turned his face to look at Siwon he saw Siwon look back at him with a surprised but proud look. He smiled at Donghae, his smile cheering for Donghae, praising him for being so brave, and Donghae thought that maybe Jessica was right after all. 


“What's he doing here?” one of the guys sitting there asked. Donghae didn't know his name, but he knew he was one of Eunhyuk's friends. Siwon's and Jessica's support suddenly seemed so insignificant compared to the several glares and surprised looks he got from the ones at the table. 

“He's taking a seat.” Jessica said before sitting down between two other girls. “And if anyone has a problem with that then leave the table.” 

The guy asking that immediately raised himself and walked away and that only convinced Donghae more that this was a really bad idea. He would have walked away if it wasn't for Jessica suddenly reaching out to grab Donghae's wrist again. Was he that predictable? 

Jessica rolled her eyes, muttered a “what an idiot” under her breath before letting Donghae go. She gestured for Siwon to sit down at the edge of the same bench she was sitting on and when Donghae realized the only seat left was the one beside Sungmin he froze. 

Donghae wanted to tap Siwon's shoulders and tell him that he would be leaving to the dorms and if Siwon wanted to stay he would do so (after all, the students had a problem with Donghae and not Siwon). But before he had the time to do that he saw Sungmin move a little, not because he didn't want Donghae to sit beside him, but to leave more space for Donghae to sit down. He wasn't looking at Donghae while doing it but was busy talking to a friend, so Donghae didn't dare to think he did it consciously. That was until Donghae had been standing there for a couple of seconds – Siwon was talking to the girl sitting beside him, one of Jessica's friends, while Jessica was chatting happily with another friend – and Sungmin turned around to look at him. 

“Are you gonna sit or what?” he asked and the fact that Sungmin had talked to him without that hissing voice, without that disgust made Donghae forget to breathe. 

Was this some kind of a prank? Sungmin still looked awkward when both looking and talking to him, but he was trying. Donghae sat down carefully, making sure to not touch his classmate because he was afraid of how Sungmin would react of that would happen. They were sitting so close, closer than they had ever been. 

“Donghae oppa is from Mokpo.” Jessica suddenly said and Donghae felt his heart stop. He was uncomfortable, so uncomfortable, and when Jessica mentioned his name he suddenly had seven pair of eyes looking at him, everyone except from Sungmin beside him.

“Really?” the girl to Jessica's left, the one who had talked to Siwon, asked. She wasn't from Donghae's class. “How funny! You don't speak with a dialect at all.”

Donghae smiled a little awkwardly at the younger girl to be polite and nodded, not having any idea what he was supposed to say. But to his surprise the others did the job for him; talking and asking and commenting. Donghae only had to answer their questions. 

He was just waiting for everyone to get tired of him and leave. He was waiting for at least one of them to stop with this act and mock him for being different. 

They never did though. No one from their table left because Donghae was there or said anything mean or provoking. Not the guys, not the girls, not even Sungmin.