Donghae had no idea what just had happened. He was on his way home after helping Siwon with some bags, and now he was suddenly sitting on the ground; his sore from the fall and with blood on his hands, pants and shirt. The blood came from his nose. He saw Eunhyuk running away; one hand on his forehead. He must have been dizzy, since he was staggering when running. Not that it seemed to stop him. 

Donghae threw his head back and tried to stop the blood from running with one hand; feeling the stream of blood running down his throat. Realizing he couldn't stay there he stood up on shaky legs and slowly started walking. He just walked, feeling numb – like a dead person – still not understanding what was going. He even forgot where he was supposed to go, and had to stop for a moment to think. 


After some silent minutes he saw that mighty banner, with that goddamn name, and for a moment he suddenly regretted entering this school in the first place. He even regretted knowing the damn name, SM Boarding School, of this forsaken place. 

“Hey, new guy!”

An unfamiliar voice called and Donghae froze. His senses told him to run, run with all his might, because now he was screwed. He imagined the guys from before, most likely the same guys that had hurt him, standing right behind him. It was far past midnight, and no one would be there to help him. 

He felt someone putting a hand on his shoulder. 

He was dead, for sure. They were going to hurt him and no one would help him. He turned around slowly; feeling like his heart was in his mouth. 

“You look terrified.” said the older male that was the one standing behind him, alone. He laughed, but got a serious look as soon as he registered Donghae having blood almost all over him. “What happened?”

Donghae, feeling like an idiot because of his paranoia, needed some seconds to think to who the other was, and then he remember the name Leeteuk. He couldn't feel more relieved because the guys he had in mind weren't the ones standing behind him. “I tripped.” he replied, feeling sick from the taste of blood. He bend over and spitted, to not have to swallow it.

“I'm sorry I forgot your name.” Leeteuk said, as he put the bag that was hanging from his shoulder down. He crouched down and started to dig in it, before seconds later pulling some napkins out. “Tell me again and I wont forget” he smiled, as he gave Donghae the napkins.

“Lee Donghae.” Donghae replied and thanked, before replacing his hands with the napkin.

“You fall around a lot, don't you? Maybe you should see a doctor about that.”

Donghae chuckled. “Don't worry about it. I'm just clumsy.” 

The older one laughed a little and shook his head. “Anyway” he then said after some seconds of silence. “I was on my way home. I'll see you around. And try to not trip till then”. Donghae smiled a little, mostly out of politeness since he really wasn't in a joky mood.


When Donghae returned to the school he went upstairs to his friends' room, and was welcomed by a worried dongsaeng. Ryeowook almost panicked when seeing the blood on his hyung and asked over and over again what had happened. Donghae told him the same story he had told Leeteuk, and Ryeowook didn't question it. 
 

~ * ~

The weekend passed painfully slow. Donghae didn't see Eunhyuk anymore, which didn't surprise him at all. But he still couldn't prevent himself from looking for him; glancing over the shoulder when he walked to see if he was somewhere in the room, walking slower than necessary in the corridor to see if someone would come out of his room. He did that even though he knew Eunhyuk wasn't even in the school anymore. 


He decided to not think about what he had seen anymore. He wouldn't get anywhere and the only think it would result in would be hundreds of questions. Instead, he would patiently wait for Eunhyuk to return and then ask. But even that thought seemed stupid, because it was Eunhyuk it was about. It would take a miracle for Eunhyuk to actually tell Donghae what was going on. But still, Donghae couldn't do other than just wait. 

Not everything was bad though. During the disturbing suspense, commonly known as 'the weekend', Kibum finally decided to answer Donghae's call. He apologized for over reacting and for pushing him, while Donghae apologized for... well, he didn't know. He just assumed he had done something wrong for Kibum to react like that.

“Are you seeing someone?” Kibum suddenly asked, interrupting Donghae's pointless story about fishes. “Or wasn't it something serious?” 

The question caught Donghae out of guard and he needed to think over what Kibum was asking and what to answer. “I really don't want to talk about it.” he said carefully, scared of getting Kibum angry again. “I'll tell you later, okay? I promise. I just don't want to talk about it right now.”

“Sure.”

Even though he said that Donghae could still hear a slight hint of anger in the other's voice. But there wasn't anything Donghae could do about it, so in the end he decided to just let it be. 
 

~ * ~

Monday. Finally. And Eunhyuk avoiding Donghae didn't surprise Donghae at all. But Donghae still felt almost relieved over at least getting to see his cowardly classmate. But since Eunhyuk made sure to always be around a lot of people, people that didn't like Donghae even the slightest, Donghae never got the chance to say one single word to the dancer.

It was frustrating, and Donghae got angry over Eunhyuk acting so immaturely, as if he was scared ofDonghae now all of a sudden. Though he knew Eunhyuk couldn't avoid him forever. Actually, he would be able to avoid him till 9.30PM. 9.30 Donghae supposedly needed to end his dance practice so Eunhyuk could start his. Yeah, right. 

Donghae didn't have the head to practice dance at the moment, so as soon as he got to the practice room he walked over to sit beside the door, resting his back against the wall. He made himself comfortable for the wait. 


Meeting Eunhyuk at the practice room was awkward. More than Donghae thought it would be. But then again, what else could he expect? When Eunhyuk first got there – dressed in sweat pants, a tank top and his familiar bag being slung over his shoulder – he didn't take notice of Donghae's presence. But after taking some steps into the room he jumped slightly in surprise when seeing Donghae in the mirror reflection. Donghae stood up and closed the door and positioned himself in front of the door, the only way out. Donghae waiting for him didn't surprise Eunhyuk at all.

“Why are you doing this?” Donghae asked. 

Eunhyuk didn't even turn around, but kept looking at Donghae through the mirror reflection. He considered whether he should throw Donghae out or leave. “Doing what?” he asked, only cause he wanted to give himself some more seconds to think over what he should answer. 

“You know what I'm talking about.”

Realizing that Eunhyuk didn't know how to escape this, he decided to just leave – like he always did. He started walked towards Donghae. And Donghae, clearly knowing what Eunhyuk wanted to do, spoke up. “I'm not moving.”

“I'm gonna make you move.” 

Donghae reached out his right hand, his hand making contact with Eunhyuk's chest as he gently stopped him from walking. “Talk to me.” he said. “Please.” 

Eunhyuk let his bag drop from his shoulder. “Why should I?” 

“Because I care. And I want to know.” 

The dancer went silent, but kept looking at the younger.

“Talk to me.” Donghae repeated, but still got no respond. Was he thinking over it? Donghae didn't know, and it bothered the hell out of him, not being able to say or even guess what Eunhyuk had in mind. “Do you really want to live like this?” 

“Yes.” Eunhyuk responded, as he picked up his bag again. “Now leave me alone.”

“You're lying.” 

Eunhyuk sighed loudly, biting his bottom lip in annoyance. “Can I trust you?” he suddenly asked.

It took some time for Donghae to register what the other had said. But as soon as he did he nodded. Was he actually going to tell him? “Yes, of course.”

Eunhyuk gently pushed Donghae out of the way and Donghae, being too surprised over the question, let himself being pushed aside. “Then don't call the cops.”

“Hyuk–” before Donghae had time to finish the door in front of him closed. 


**

Something was wrong with Eunhyuk. Donghae couldn't stop thinking about it. Everything pointed in that direction; something was wrong with him. 

He was sitting down at his desk, thinking over everything that had happened carefully; the Korean teacher telling him that Eunhyuk once actually was a good kid and Eunhyuk doing illegal things together with the hyungs. Was Sungmin involved as well? He thought about what Eunhyuk had done to other students, as well as to Donghae himself. Donghae wanted to know, but he knew Eunhyuk wouldn't tell him that easily.

First of all, he needed to earn Eunhyuk's trust. It wasn't until then that he could actually know what was wrong with Lee Hyukjae. He would give in and do everything he possibly could to gain Eunhyuk's trust, not caring if it would take days, weeks, months or years.

“Are you studying?” Siwon suddenly asked. 

Donghae woke up from his thoughts and dropped his head to look at his empty notebook. “Uh” he said. “Yeah.”

Siwon chuckled at Donghae being such a bad liar. He turned around, his back facing Donghae before pulling his comforter up to his ears. “Turn the lights off when you're done.”

Donghae nodded, forgetting that Siwon wasn't watching. He had other things in mind, anyway. He walked over to turn the ceiling lamp off before going to bed. He would, in the end, get to know the real Hyukjae. 

 ~ * ~

They school day the next day seem to pass by even slower than it did yesterday. Donghae got pushed once by some students during a short break. He didn't know if they were Eunhyuk's friends or not since Eunhyuk wasn't there. The crash with the wall wasn't even that bad. It was just annoying. So freaking annoying. After school the school dance would have dance practice together, and Donghae didn't know if he should look forward to it. He probably shouldn't. But he had already decided he would talk to Eunhyuk today, after the practice. Or at least try. 

The students were sitting quietly on their seats, sighing and just waiting for the clock to move faster. Ten minutes left before school would end. Even Sungmin, who was one of the louder students, was quiet.Donghae turned around discreetly and saw Eunhyuk and Sungmin chatting in a low voice for once, Eunhyuk chuckling every now and then to something stupid Sungmin said which Donghae couldn't hear. 

He got a light hit on his arm and he turned to face Siwon who was the one wanting his attention. Siwon didn't have to talk for Donghae to understand him. His eyes and brows clearly said “don't watch”. Donghae shrugged his shoulders a little and sighed, shooting a glance over to the clock like the other students were doing.


The clock rang and the students immediately woke up, as they automatically regained their strength and energy. They started talking loudly, raising themselves from their seats to pack their bags. As Siwon and Donghae made themselves ready to leave as well, Siwon told Donghae he and some friends would be dining outside today and asked him to come. Donghae knew Siwon's friends were snobs, people who always had to look at the price before buying something to make sure it was high enough, and Donghae said “no, but thanks” without having to think twice. 

He pulled his chair closer to the desk; watching Eunhyuk, Sungmin and Shindong leave the classrooom. Shindong was typing something on his phone, Sungmin shoot Donghae a nasty look and Eunhyuk completely ignored him.


**

Around 7p.m Donghae got the opportunity he was waiting for. Since it was too hot in his room he grabbed a book and a glass of water before walking to the kitchen and sitting himself on one of the couches. He was the only one there and he completely enjoyed it. 

That was until he heard steps in the corridor, walking towards the kitchen and he wished from the bottom of his heart that it wasn't someone that minded Donghae being there. He got surprised when he saw it was Eunhyuk because he was alone, without his friends. 

Eunhyuk gave Donghae one fast look before doing what he had done the whole day; he ignored him. Donghae watched him as the dancer walked over to the kitchen sink, reaching up to grab a clean, empty glass before turning the tap on. “Where's Sungmin ssi?” Donghae asked. 

Eunhyuk turned the tap off and drank some before replying. “Downtown.”

“Why didn't you go?” 

“None of your business.” 

The dancer spilled the last water out and left the glass there, not even bothering to wash it. 

“I need to talk to you.” Donghae said and closed his book, before Eunhyuk had the time to return to his room.

Eunhyuk suspiciously looked around, making sure they where the only ones there, before turning to face the other. “I don't have anything to talk to you about.” 

Donghae raised himself from the couch and slowly started to walk towards the anxious teenager. “Please? Just give me a minute”. Eunhyuk once again turned to look at the corridor, to make sure no one was hearing them; the thought of getting caught when talking to Donghae, not only by his friends but by anyone, was terrifying. He turned to look at Donghae again. “Siwon won't be back till late.” Donghae said, seeing that he still needed to convince Eunhyuk. “Please?” 


Eunhyuk got an uneasy feeling when entering Donghae's room for the first time. He looked around discreetly since he didn't want to seem too curious; easily guessing which side was Donghae's and which side was Siwon's. When standing in the middle of the room he stopped and turned around, facing Donghae; waiting impatiently for Donghae to say something since he wanted to leave as soon as possible.

“I just wanted to apologize for earlier today.” Donghae said, as he approached the older. Eunhyuk shrugged his shoulders, and Donghae didn't know whether it was a 'I don't care' or a 'it's okay'. That reminded Donghae of how they should get awarded the first prize for best communication ever. But knowing Eunhyuk it was most likely not an 'it's okay'. “Are you angry with me?” 

“I don't care.”

What an answer. 

“Don't be angry with me.” he said in a low and gentle voice, moving yet a little closer; standing right in front of his classmate. He saw Eunhyuk getting goose bumps; the hair on his arms raising, and he smiled. He started moving his mouth closer and closer to Eunhyuk's and Eunhyuk didn't move backwards to avoid him. Instead, he even leaned forward a little. 
Donghae stopped, his lips barely touching with Eunhyuk's; both of them breathing into the others mouth.

“I'm sorry.” Donghae whispered again. He thought seeing Eunhyuk nod slightly, before the dancer impatiently closed those last tiny inches that prevented their lips from touching. They kissed, Donghae's hand moving to embrace the older by his neck while Eunhyuk's one hand s his way around Donghae's waist and the other on the back of Donghae's head; pressing Donghae's mouth against his own. 

“Donghae yah, do you know where–”

Silence. Siwon's sentence was cut in half, just as Donghae and Eunhyuk's actions where. The three of them froze in their positions, not moving an inch, and not knowing what to say: the two secret lovers embracing each other and Siwon standing in the doorway with his eyes and mouth wide open. 

Realizing what just had happened Eunhyuk pushed Donghae away, maybe a little too harshly, but he honestly couldn't care less. He slowly moved his head to meet Donghae's eyes, asking what the heck was going on, as the other did the same; both of them being just as confused and surprised. 

“Uh...” Siwon said stupidly, being the one to break the silence. 

“Siwon ah” Donghae started, even though he had no idea what to say. 

“Sorry for...” Siwon thought for the right word. “... interrupting... you”. He immediately left, without letting Donghae say something else. 


The moment Siwon closed the door Eunhyuk exploded. “You said he wasn't here!” he yelled. “What happens if he tells anyone?!” 

“He won't.”

“How can be so sure of that, stupid? What the are we supposed to do now? God, you're so ing stupid. You idiot, you coul–”

“I'm telling you, he won't tell anyone!” 

Both of them started to raise their voice; both of them being upset for different reasons. 

“You know what” Eunhyuk said, and suddenly Donghae knew this could impossibly end in a good way. “ you. You only cause me problems”. He started walking towards the door. “Every time you get close to me you just get me into trouble. And it's getting pretty ing annoying by now. You always–” 

“What are you so scared of?” 

Eunhyuk didn't continue his sentence but went silent. He had managed to reach out for the door handle, but didn't press it down to open the door. He thought for an answer and absurdly enough he didn't seem to find it. What was he actually scared off? 

“What's so bad about being with someone like me?” 

He sighed and to Donghae's surprise it didn't sound angrily or arrogant. He turned around to face the younger. “This can't end in a good way and you know it.” he said and Donghae felt for the first time that Eunhyuk was actually talking from his heart. “No matter how much you say you like me you know this can't end in a good way. Because I don't like you. And I never will either.”

What Eunhyuk said didn't sound as an insult, a threat or a mock. It sounded honest. Though Donghae could literally feel Eunhyuk stretching out his arm, through Donghae's chest and grabbing his heart hard to give it a hard, painful squeeze.

“Why do you insist on clinging on to me, when you know I don't have any interest in you?” 

“Why do you still let me cling on to you?” 

Eunhyuk chuckled sarcastically. “I've never –”

“You said you would stop seeing other people. And I assume that's because of me.” Donghae moved a little closer. “Why do you still let me?” Eunhyuk didn't answer. “There must be a reason, or else you wouldn't have said that.”

Stupidity? Impulsiveness? Lust? Eunhyuk didn't know. But he was sure of one thing; it was certainly not love. He could easily let Donghae go without feeling sad over, not even a little. But Donghae was right, something must be there for Eunhyuk to tolerate Donghae to pry. No matter if it was stupidity, impulsiveness or just pure lust, there was still something of them there. Probably all three of them. 

He sighed heavily. “Just make sure he doesn't tell anyone, understand?” he said, and this time sounding a million times gentler than before. “I'm serious.”

Donghae gave him a smile, a wink and a thumb up before leaving the room to find Siwon. 


Siwon was in the kitchen, clearly still being in shock when Donghae approached and dragged him back into their room. Of course, Eunhyuk was already gone when they returned. “Wow, that was... highly unexpected.” Siwon said, scratching his head as he walked over to sit on his bed. 

Donghae chuckled and closed the door behind them. “Not only for you.”

Siwon thought for a moment, opened his mouth to speak but closed without having said a word. He even took a silent deep breath to speak, preparing himself, but he found no words. He chuckled at his own speechlessly. “Yeah, highly unexpected.” he repeated. “Are you dating?” 

Donghae shook his head. “I wouldn't really call it 'dating'.”

Siwon nodded a little to himself, being just as confused as Donghae seemed to be. “But like... do you... like him?” 

Donghae shook his head. “I love him.”

That was yet another thing to add on Siwon's surprised-list and he once again opened both his eyes and mouth wide.  “Wh-what? Are you serious?” A nod. “And he is in love with you?” 

“He doesnt even like me.” 

“Does anyone know?” 

“No, just you.” 

Siwon sighed heavily. “When you first got here” he started “I told you that the smartest thing would be to stay away from them”. Donghae nodded slightly, eyes staring at the floor, like a child would do when being scolded by his parents. “I didn't say that without a reason.” 

“I know.”

“Apparently you don't”. Siwon didn't use an angry tone when speaking to him. It wasn't anger, it was something else. Disappointment? “Of all people, Donghae.”

“Ironic, isn't it?”

Siwon chuckled, not sure what the heck the other one was thinking with. He watched as Donghae slowly walked over and finally sat down too on Siwon's bed. “What's going to happen now?” Siwon asked; being more concerned than Donghae himself about the situation. 

“I don't know.” Donghae said honestly and shrugged his shoulders. The answer clearly didn't satisfy Siwon at all. He looked at Donghae as if Donghae was either joking with him or just being stupid. “I really don't. I'm going to take one day at a time. Maybe it won't last for longer than just some days”. He changed position to completely face his roommate. “Just don't tell anyone, okay?”

Siwon obviously did not like what he just saw. Or what he was hearing, since Donghae was practically asking him to support him. But Donghae was his friend, and no matter what happened Siwon always supported his friends. He nodded after sighing heavily. “I won't.” he said. 

Donghae gave him an angel's like smile; a smile not even a person like Eunhyuk could say no to. “Thanks Siwonie.” he said and Siwon could just chuckle at himself. 

**

Evening came and dance practice awaited both Donghae and Eunhyuk, an all other students in the school dance. And when Donghae arrived he saw that even Sungmin, who wasn't a part of the school dance, had decided to come to watch. That was against the rule, since only the one's in the school dance were allowed to be in the practice room at this hour. Not that he expected either Eunhyuk or Sungmin to actually care. 

Surprisingly enough Donghae didn't get as ignored as he had first been. Not even by Eunhyuk. Actually Eunhyuk seemed to admit that Donghae was indeed a good dancer, since most of the time he let Donghae be on the front row. But since Eunhyuk was totally in charge of the school dance there weren't any teachers there. And the thought of being alone with just Eunhyuk and his friends gave Donghae the creeps. 

Still, the practice went suspiciously good. Donghae still got ignored most of the time, of course, but that was a lot better than being bullied. They were working on a new choreography, which Eunhyuk had made, and if Donghae didn't catch on he knew it would be useless to ask. So instead, he had already assured himself that he would pay attention to everything Eunhyuk said and did.

However, he cursed himself for not realizing that it was Eunhyuk that was doing the dance.  That it wasEunhyuk moving his hips like that and Eunhyuk getting darker eyes whenever he focused on his own dancing and forgot about everyone else. Donghae's concentration went out the window as soon as the music started playing and Eunhyuk started moving that flexible body of his. 

Suddenly Donghae, obviously not paying attention to himself like he should, forgot the next step. He turned to his right and realized too late that he had done wrong. He suddenly found himself pressed against Eunhyuk, stomach against stomach. Eunhyuk grabbed Donghae's upper arms to prevent Donghae from falling due the loss of balance and there was no way to avoid their eyes to meet. 

“What do you think you're doing?” he heard Sungmin suddenly hiss, with pure disgust. Donghae didn't had time to realize Sungmin was talking to him, before he felt two hands push him, as soon as Eunhyuk had let go of his arms. He lost his balance when his own feet crashed into each other and he fell. He looked up and saw Sungmin standing there, arms crossed as if he was going to punish him for something he had done. He didn't reply Sungmin's question, since he was positive that Sungmin's reaction wouldn't change, no matter what he said. “Don't touch him, you dirty freak.”

What exactly Donghae had done wrong wasn't really clear to Donghae at the moment. But he kinda had an idea. And if Donghae bumping into Eunhyuk by accident actually was the reason, then he didn't know weather he should laugh or cry.  Sungmin was acting like a , a overprotective, jealous girlfriend who was in her period. It was absurd. He glanced over at Eunhyuk and saw that he wasn't paying any attention to them. The bastard was watching himself in the mirror, fixing his already fixed hair. 

Sungmin gave him one last disgusted look before turning on his heel. Really, Donghae thought and chuckled silently for himself, this guy can't be for real.


When everything ended Donghae was the last one to leave the practice room. All other guys and girls left together, talking, joking and laughing togheter; leaving Donghae behind. It felt like it was a hundreds of years ago Donghae experienced that; being surrounded by laughing friends. In his previous school Donghae was a quiet popular guy, both among girls and boys. But now he was a nobody; someone people would rather avoid than being friends with.  

He looked around in the square shaped room and sighed heavily. He couldn't stop thinking about Sungmin.

What would happen if Sungmin knew? What would happen if anyone knew? Not only Eunhyuk's friends, but the few friends Donghae had here as well. Ryeowook, Kibum, even his family. Even Leeteuk who he just met. Millions of questions crossed his mind. What would they say? Would they get disappointed at him, like Siwon? Or would they just get angry? He didn't know. He didn't even know if this “relationship” would last long enough for people to know. He didn't know anything, and that bothered him. Even though he knew he was in love he still didn't even know Eunhyuk as a person. What if he never would get to know him either, even though he would try with all his heart to understand the other? No one could assure him it would be a happy ending; not Siwon, not Eunhyuk and not even he himself. 

He sighed one last time before turning the lights off and closed the door.

Posted on: 4th February, 2012. Saturday.