Title: A Pocketful of Animals 2/3 – “The Doctor is In”

Genre: fluff, AU

Word Count: 9 724

A/N: vet!Hakyeon, what do you think?

 

--

 

The morning next Sanghyuk is greeted by a voice message from his fiancée.

“Sanghyuk-ssi hellooo. Yes it’s alright; I understand. I’ll just send my regards to it for you, kekeke. You’re still probably asleep while I’m recording this, and of course you’re going to listen to it upon waking sooooo, good morning! Have a nice day! Hwaiting!” her voice is still rough over the message. When he looks at the time it was sent, it was 4:47 AM. What in the world, he asks himself, could she be doing at such time in the morning?

He wants to ask but not wanting to seem nosy, he just replies to her via text,

 

Good morning. You too, have a nice day :)

 

The message is enough for Risa to kick-start her morning, and for the whole day, she is in a good mood, even the provoking aura of Dr Cha fails to affect her.

“How’s the fluffball, doc?” she asks kindly, and her radiance doesn’t escape the keen eyes of Dr Cha. He internally asks what happened exactly, but he settles for the conclusion, however incomplete, that something between his friend Sanghyuk and this girl is in some sort of a slow revolution.

“It’s alright,” he replies with a smile and a nod, as he hands it to her. It lets out a cute meow when it’s in Risa’s hold. “It really doesn’t eat well, no matter what wile I use. I have to be a little honest, Miss Hong, your pet’s a little trying,”

“Oh you have no idea.”

The munchkin cat just purrs angelically.

“But it has eaten already, right?” the pet owner asks.

“Yes, but only a little. It’s sad, actually.”

“Aw come on,” Risa groans. “Please, Dr Cha, don’t fail me. If you don’t know what to do it’s going to be the end for me,”

“I do, trust me.” he wiggles his brows. “As a matter of fact I was just about to do it when you came. And I think it’d be better that you’re here, so you’ll witness,” he fills what should be a cat’s bowl with milk, and he opens what seems like a medicine cabinet near his table. He measures a few drops and puts them on the bowl.

“What’s that?”

“Vitamins.”

“For?”

“Hunger stimulation.”

“Hunger stimulation?”

“Yes. Didn’t you have this when you were a kid?”

She shakes her head.

Dr Cha could only shrug and sigh. “But you do know what it’s going to do to your pet, right?”

“You just told me what it does. So yeah.”

“Now all we have to do is wait, and let it take effect. Mr Fluffball’s gonna eat like a good boy later. I’m afraid that’s all I have for today’s show, Miss Hong. You may leave if you want.”

“Really?” she pouts. “But I want to feed him!”

“Alright then, if you insist. But we’ll have to wait for at least two hours after the intake. What are you going to do during then?”

“Tut, tut, Dr Cha really wants to get rid of me,” she chuckles. “Don’t you have an assistant, doc?”

“I hardly need one. I do everything by myself. Once or twice a month though, I hire a bookkeeper to see the clinic’s expenses. But when it comes to the animals? Nah,”

“This parrot seems interesting,” Risa looks up at a little swing above.

“Meet Polly,” Dr Cha introduces. “Its owner’s a Korean-American friend of mine, and he’s out of the country for a week, and he wanted me to ‘babysit’ his pet,”

“What about that bulldog?”

“Her name’s Geum. It’s under the same treatment as your pet. So is that poodle named Hodong, and that cat named Hamo,”

Risa looks around with a mystified expression. Dr Cha observes her, and thus questions how Sanghyuk would fail to love a girl as nice as she is. Besides, she’s cute.

“My pet’s the only one unnamed here, isn’t it?” she blinks.

Dr Cha nods with a smile that blocks his laughter.

“Aw, man!”

 

Risa thinks that taking care of four other people’s pets is a handful, but Dr Cha doesn’t even break a sweat doing it. She kind of regrets her own wicked thoughts from yesterday, that Dr Cha is an inexperienced slob, and all those mean things.

The afternoon looks dull, Risa realizes, and she proposes that she act as an assistant (temporarily) in his clinic, much to the doctor’s bewilderment. She reasons that she has nothing to do at home, and it’s summer break for the kids, so she has no work, and she might as well do something worthwhile, if not productive. Dr Cha, however a little uncomfortable by the idea, just assents, feeling like he’s left with no other option.

One or two customers have their pets checked up, too, and find a lovely person in who seems to be  the doctor’s assistant. Risa doesn’t only help in feeding her own pet, but the other ones that need care, too, and Dr Hakyeon, albeit not outspoken about it, is thankful for her service.

Risa likes the way she spends the rest of the day, and even in such short time, she could say Dr Cha and she have become friends.

It’s almost twilight when the clinic closes. “Aren’t you hungry?” the doctor asks.

“I am, actually,” she her hand across her pet’s soft fur, while she cradles it on her lap. “But I’ll be going home, so…”

“Would you like some?” the red-headed vet looks down at her with an open palm proffering biscuits of animals, and has she any doubts whether they're good-tasting or poisonless, they're set at rest at the sight of him actually trying out one; as he's chewing one, with his other hand still holding an unfinished piece.

"Th-thanks," she says quite dumbfounded, hesitantly taking a piece, a penguin-shaped piece, and munching it in. 

"So," Dr Cha starts. "Why not 'Garfield'?"

“I haven’t really thought about it. Sanghyuk-ssi wouldn’t mind whatever I’m going to name it, but I want to name it with a simple, but rather funny name.”

“Garfield.”

She laughs. “Aside from that.”

After they close the clinic, Dr Cha, like a true gentleman, offers that he should take her home, but she politely refuses.

“Next time,” she says, and Dr Cha firmly holds on to that. “Keep safe while driving!”

“Yes; take care, too,”

And he goes.

Although she spent only the half of the day there, it feels awfully long, and it’s when she’s home that she realizes how tired she is. Sanghyuk hasn’t messaged her at all, and even up to when she goes to sleep, not even a word. Maybe he’s busy, she thinks, but that thought is pushed over by the events of the day.

The next day, Sanghyuk still fails to come with her to the vet. Obviously. But like what she did yesterday, she spends the remainder of the day helping out in Dr Cha Hakyeon’s clinic, and the pet owners find her the most agreeable assistant ever. She and Dr Hakyeon even have lunch together, and such lively talks they have even with just a bowl of noodles and a few pieces of chicken as their course.

“I should get paid for this, Doc,” she jokes, while munching on a giraffe piece of biscuit, afternoon that day.

“Eh, I thought your service would be free of charge since you just volunteered for this.”

“I wasn’t talking about salary,” she grins.

“What is it that you want, then?”

“I just want it to be simple: let’s take these little things out for a walk.”

“I was thinking of some morbid impossibility,” the doctor admits, laughing. “Why that?”

“Well, they seem to be too confined here in the four corners of the clinic. And besides, tomorrow is possibly my last day, so…I hope it’s alright?”

It’s when he goes home later that night that Dr Hakyeon scolds himself for feeling sad. “Why, sure.”  Oh, how awfully long, yet awfully short the hours had been!

For the entire day, he notices that every now and then Risa would check her phone out, and every now and then would she look disheartened. Dr Cha feels a little authoritative about this, thinking that he has an idea about what’s going on, yet he also feels a curious sense of dismay. “How’s Sanghyuk-ssi, Miss Hong?”

“He hasn’t messaged me,” she huffs, but she corrects, almost instantly, “I mean, he’s alright; kind of busy with work, it seems,”

“Has he checked out on Mr Fluffball?”

Dr Cha, smug though he is, fails to know one thing: that mentioning Sanghyuk is a little bit of a touchy topic for the girl. “Can I have another piece, doc?” there he gets the hint; he decides never to prod on the topic further, so he dips his hand into the pocket of his doctor’s coat and gets a piece. “Sure, here.” And then proceeds writing something down.

It’s quiet in the clinic for the next fifteen minutes, save for the few sounds of movements of the animals therein. When Dr Cha looks up from his work he notices Risa hasn’t finished even half of the biscuit. It hangs idly between her lips; Mr Fluffball’s still leisurely resting on her lap and she’s its fur with one hand, whilst the other holds her phone, at which she stares with a blank, almost dead expression. She looks funny like that, he thinks, and also a little alluring, too; and, half certain that she wouldn’t  mind being observed while she sits there akin to a statue, he settles his cheek on his palm, tilting his head ever so slightly, finding that his assistant is worth more of a watch than a hundred cirque shows.

Alas, the living daylights come back to her eight minutes later, and she jerks up from her trance. No; no message from her fiancé still; good thing her better sense had woken up for her.  “What?” she asks, when she notices Dr Cha’s gazing at her.

She clearly doesn’t know yet. Hakyeon thinks, and he shakes his head. “Let’s close the clinic now, Miss Hong; it’s getting late and you ought to have supper,”

“True,” nods Risa, as they start trooping out.

When they’ve locked the place Dr Cha invites, “Say, why don’t we have supper together? It’s on my tab tonight,”

Risa has to admit that her cheeks warm at that; well, it’s like getting asked out by a handsome guy—wait, that’s literally what’s happening to her right now. “No problem with me!”

“Great!” hails he as he opens the car door for her, and Risa tilts her head charmingly at the thought without the white coat on, Cha Hakyeon would pass not only as a simple layman, but an attractive one.

 

--

 

“Is it fine with Sanghyuk-ssi?” asks Hakyeon, when the waiter has bowed and left, promising to return later to deliver their orders.

“Fine? Fine what?”

“This.” he gestures at the table beneath their arms. “Doesn’t he get…well, jelly?”

Risa chuckles, because she tries to, but as quickly as the laughter dies, does the shadow pass across her face. It’s gone before Hakyeon can even study it, and even though he feels a little guilty for asking, he thinks, on a second thought, that it was better he asked. “I don’t think so,” the answer soon comes, and he’s glad and sad at the same time over the plaintive parlance it was spoken in. “He doesn’t really…mind,”

Why the long face, then? It almost slips out of him, but he recalls that asking too many questions is rude. Luckily having thought of a detour in subjects, he digresses, but it still revolves around Sanghyuk, “How long have you two been engaged, Miss Hong?”

“A year and eight months.”

“Whoa.” He balks. Why in the world aren’t you married yet? He wants to ask when the wedding is; he’s itching to ask. But insofar the numerous conferences with his circle of friends (which Sanghyuk is a part of) never has the boy “dropped the bomb” id est told when the wedding is, exactly. “That’s…that’s…cool,”

“Do we look happy?” he’s flummoxed why she would ask such a question, but the bigger, louder why that reverberates asks why he doesn’t like seeing her in such a gloomy mood.

“Well, yes.”

She smiles. Only a part of it seems like so, though. “Sanghyuk could be my type, honestly.”

“Really?” he feels happily curious all of a sudden. “Why—how? I mean, I’m not surprised, but, how?”

“For one, he lets me know what he thinks. Even without words. Second, he’s good-looking, of course. Third, he’s smart.” She states dreamily, and in her dreaminess he finds that it would be nice to be in Sanghyuk’s shoes. “And a little funny, too.”

Somehow he wants to crack the question, do you love him? But part of him grabs him by the arm and it shakes its head. And he also thinks that maybe it’s still too early for him to ask that. Yes, despite of them being betrothed for almost two years. Yep, still too early. “Sanghyuk has always been kind of a dork.” Is what he only says, anyway. Here the waiter comes with their appetizer, and Risa thanks him with a smile that makes the lights in the restaurant look dim, and causes him to want to tell Sanghyuk that he’s got a treasure in hand.

 

--

 

After twenty-four hours of negligence, Sanghyuk finally remembers he has a fiancée.

Well not that he has entirely, literally forgotten about Risa, she did cross his mind for a couple of times, but that wasn’t enough for him to drop even a simple, “Hello” through message or whatever means of communication they have.

We must say that it really is sweet for our Sanghyuk boy to decide to drop by Risa’s apartment despite of a whole day’s heavy work. He even cares to prink at his reflection before leaving his office. That, or he’s guilty for neglecting his fiancée. Either way he’s still sweet.

When he parks his car, he’s about to hop off when something transfixes him in his seat. It’s a sleek red car that’s familiar to his eyes, and, as if being frozen in his seat is not enough, he finds his breath pitched at his throat when two figures emerge from the car: a girl and a man, both too known by his mind and all of his senses. To say that he’s dumbfounded would only be an understatement. He watches the two silhouettes move about; they seem to chat for a while before they bow at each other, and the man goes into his car, driving off, with the girl waving in a farewell.

And that is how Sanghyuk discovers what happens when he doesn’t check out on his fiancée.

 

--

 

“You know it’s really weird thinking that we’ve known each other for more or less seventy-two hours, but here we are talking like old acquaintances,” Risa notions while Hakyeon drives her home.

“I personally think it’s partly your responsibility, Miss Hong,” he laughs as he turns the wheel to the left to turn round the corner.

“Oh? And why is that?”

“Try to observe for yourself. You’ll see.” He tries to hide his smile but fails miserably, overwhelmed by his own triumphal witty verbal comeback. Risa, though amused at this sudden turning of tables, chooses to puff her cheeks in displeasure.

She fails to notice the pristine white car parked on the other side of the road when the doctor pulls over for a stop. “Here, right?” the doctor asks, glancing at her.

Risa nods, and before she could open her door Hakyeon mutters a “Wait,” and before she knows it, he has gotten off from the car and walks across the windshield’s view, and her door is opened.

Risa could feel a part of her screaming. “Omo. Thanks, doc,” she says as she gets down.

“You’re welcome.” He smiles. Risa starts to mentally compare the smile of his and Sanghyuk’s, but what she finds out is that they don’t go well together in her head. “This is what I could only afford. You being a good assistant and all,”

“Trust me, it’s already enough,” she winks. “Although, it doesn’t end there. Since, of course, we still have to take Hamo and the others out for a walk tomorrow,”

“Right, right. What time is our appointment tomorrow, ma’am?”

“Hmm…morning. It would be too hot in the afternoon,”

“I’ll be expecting you in my clinic early, then.”

“You should.” She picks up a lint on her sleeve, but what she thought was a lint is actually a hair of her cat. She’s reminded of the munchkin cat she left under the doctor’s care, but as simultaneously as she thinks of the cat, she sees a picture of Han Sanghyuk in her mind. She doesn’t find the wisdom for explaining to herself the sinking feeling she gets upon the thought of him. “Well then, see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, see you, Miss Hong. Thank you very much for today.” They bow before he gets in his car, and she waves him off till he drives away.

Risa lets out a sigh at the receding figure of the red car in the distance, and something warms her up inside. She smiles without knowing, and it’s also without knowledge does she put a hand on her chest. She enters the building then, completely oblivious of the person inside the white car staring at her with widened eyes.

When she reaches her unit, she opens her bag to grab her phone, and she’s surprised when she discovers a small bag of biscuits in there. Animals. The biscuits are of shapes of animals.

Risa lets out a little girlish giggle, much like the one she did way back in junior year when this guy who calls himself Ken gave her a flower for Valentine’s Day.

Meanwhile Sanghyuk, finally awaking from his mindless thoughts, gets a hold of himself after a few hard minutes. He blinks, slowly looking down on his lap, and then at the bags of Italian food on the seat next to him. He’s not jealous, he knows, he isn’t, like totally. He shakes his head and is quite surprised with himself that—yes, he isn’t jealous. He isn’t, he really isn’t, save for the irritating ringing sound in his ear that continues for the weeks that follow.

Before that red car appeared in his sight he was determined to make up for neglecting her, but now the motivation, like the money of the investors he number-crunched today, has deteriorated. And it continues to do so, till after another fifteen minutes, it has completely gone.

He decides to leave.

 

--

 

Hey.

 

Hello ^^

 

How was your day?

 

I had a lovely day :) you?

 

So I noticed. I’m tired.

 

 

Oh. Have you eaten dinner? It’s already midnight.

 

 

I’m eating right now. Pasta with meatballs, all Italian cuisine, two orders each dish.

 

 

Heol Sanghyuk-ssi must be hungryㅋㅋㅋ

 

Not really. I was supposed to bring this to you today but

 

But?

 

You already had dinner.

 

 

She feels a suffocating weight on her shoulders upon reading that short sentence—an unmistakable sensation of guilt seeping into her very skin. Could it be? Could it be that he has seen them? How? Risa may not love Sanghyuk the way she should, but to ditch him, however unconsciously, is found to be an unforgivable crime. Even with the warm summer wind breezing from her balcony into her room she feels herself freeze, as well as her fingers, and they could only hover over the keys. How? She wants to ask him. How did you see us? But faster than she could ask, Sanghyuk explains beforehand for himself, simultaneously following up his preceding message,

 

I saw you and Dr Cha today. He brought you home to your apartment.

You must be tired so I didn’t come.

 

Risa calls herself cold-blooded, selfish, insensitive, and continues to brand herself with a hundred other wicked titles till she realizes she’s still obliged to reply. With sad fingers, and with an even sadder heart, she messages back, with the only word befitting the occasion:

 

…Sorry.

 

In the midst of Risa calling herself names, Sanghyuk walks to his laptop on his worktable, remembering that he has conference calls to pay to two of their clients that night. He well succeeds in forgetting about Risa’s unintended offense this evening and the respective clients whom he communes with via Skype can’t even dream about what emotional tribulation the young man goes through. He talks oleaginous, the impressive kind, and he settles matters in a private blaze of glory.

He forgets about her for the rest of the night, in fact. Since the conferences end at almost 2 in the morning, he goes to sleep immediately afterwards, not even wasting a moment to check his phone, and Risa almost dies in agony. He hates me, she says with a shudder; everyone hates me, she can’t sleep; I hate me, she thinks of this until she’s ready to cry. And how soundly Sanghyuk sleeps is how painful Risa tries to get some rest that night. So the next morning we wouldn’t be so surprised to find that Dr Cha’s eyebrows are elevated the highest they could go, upon noticing the dark circles around Miss Hong’s eyes.

“Were you too excited for today, Miss Hong, that you weren’t able to sleep?” he tries to ease up her drooping spirits.

Though cranky, Risa answers, “No; some things happened,” which puzzles Dr Cha and his wits for the rest of the day.

Risa still feels the lurching pain in her stomach whenever she remembers her “atrocity”, but for some reason, seeing Dr Cha’s face first thing for today makes her appreciate the tweeting songbirds on the trees and the smoggy (though it’s summer; climate change is a global issue now, see) Seoul morning. It sets her in good spirits though this fact is slightly eclipsed by her panda of a face from lack of sleep. Nonetheless, this doesn’t hinder her from enjoying the day.

Geum barks happily and Risa gets an unplanned exercise when the bulldog decides to go for a run, and Dr Cha laughs at both when the latter chases after it. She catches it in time, and they resume their walk.

Polly is stored in a cage for fear he might fly off somewhere and never come back again; Geum, Hamo,  Hodong, and Risa’s munchkin cat are collared onto long strings which are held by the two humans. Like an unlikely herd, they march forth, gallivanting around the park, which calls for the glance of a few other people in the place.

“Hey doc, can I ask you something?” says Risa; she’s in-charge of Geum and Hodong, by the way.

“Sure; what is it?”

“How come you’re not married yet?”

This almost causes him to stop in his tracks, startled at such forthright inquiry. But this is Hong Risa he’s talking to, after all. He glances at her, and she merely looks back at him expectantly, and he wants to throw the question back at her. Good question. I myself want to ask you the same thing. “Well…I can’t think of a good reason yet,”

“’It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife,’” Hong Risa states with a subtle smile, shifting her gaze to the gloomy sky above. Perhaps it’s going to rain later today.

 “I’m sorry?”

“Pride and Prejudice. Jane Austen.” She winks. “I just remembered the very first line from that book.”

He balks. “But I’m not rich.”

“Sure you are. I’ve always had this belief that single people are rich. Since, of course, they get to keep their salaries to themselves,” she states, shrugging. “Or that’s my unpopular opinion, at least.”

“Maybe it is just your opinion. I don’t have that ‘good fortune’ of which you speak. In fact I was just about to ask you where to find such.”

“Alright; I wasn’t talking about monetary fortune, doc,” Risa clears up. “Not like the way Jane Austen stated it. I’m referring to your success—your profession; a good name for yourself, heaps of talent, I can see it in you; spice that up with so much energy left for yourself and others, and youth—you’re on a roll, Doctor Cha Hakyeon! You’re having the time of your life!”

“Um…uh…thank you…” He’s a man, but he can’t help but blush like a girl under such flattering statements. He tries to observe whether she’s just flattering him, but she talks as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and everyone knows, that he himself shouldn’t even question it. Not letting the accolades feed his ego he diverges from there. “By the way, what makes you think I’m single?” he smirks. “I never told you any of my, say, romantic background.”

She puts her hand onto . “Omo. You aren’t?” he sees her color slightly at her own tactless remark, and Dr Cha laughs at her. “Sorry, that was rude!”

“No, no. You’re right; I am single. But seriously, what made you think so, Miss Hong?”

She blinks. “Well, what do I have to say…um...you see I just sort of felt it. It’s not like you look like a workaholic that you have no time for love; it’s just…in you? Like, one would guess at first glance.”

“Why, that’s less than flattering,” he chuckles.

“Oh, bother. I’ve done it again! Sorry, Dr Cha, I really didn’t mean it that way; I’m just stating what I honestly think—”

“—I know.” he smiles, looking at her straight in the eyes. “Only very few people are as honest as you are, Miss Hong, and truthfully it’s quite refreshing.”

“So you’re not offended?”

“A little slighted, but not offended.”

She scratches the back of her neck, with a little sheepish hehehehe. “Okay, I’ve thought of one concrete reason. It’s not really good but, this is just my theory.” She restarts. “You see people in a relationship often check their phones every now and then—like, every three minutes?—to see if the other party has messaged them or what. But then I ever rarely get to see you hold your phone, and it was only this morning I discovered that your phone’s a silver Galaxy S4.”

“So you’re saying,” he really, really likes talking to Miss Hong. And part of him also starts to think that it’s not only the talks that he likes. “I don’t check out my phone often. Okay I get that—I don’t do what you do,” he teases.

“What?”

“What, ‘what’? I’m not like you and Sanghyuk-ssi, I say,”

Risa is embarrassed for the second time in a single morning. “Wait—what—hey, how come this is about me all of a sudden?”

Risa’s cat makes a turn to the right so they’re forced to follow the direction it goes. “Well you started it. My eyes don’t appear to be damaged, do they, Miss Hong? For the past few days you’ve spent in my clinic I’ve observed you well. I don’t pretend to be all-knowing, but I can see far greater than you imagine. And I’ll drop a hint of what I know: patience isn’t exactly one of your virtues when it comes to waiting for someone’s message.” He laughs, a little evilly, expecting a certain reaction from her; Risa looks cute when she narrows her eyes at him in mock scrutiny.

But his heart sinks when, instead of the cute reaction, he sees that Risa hangs her head low, developing sudden interest in the ground, a sad look which goes straight to the veterinarian’s heart.

If not for the tireless marching of the animals, they would’ve both stopped walking. What succeeds the lively talk a few moments ago is an awkward pause, and Hakyeon wants to take it back so badly, unfortunately one can never do a Ctrl-Z action in his life. He swallows, not knowing the remedy for his offense against his friend. This silence continues for a long string of minutes, until Risa finally breaks it with a very far-fetched statement, “I’m gonna miss you, doc.” and Hakyeon could swear he just heard a choir of angels sing.

(He’s not able to reply, too; his voice has lost its way to his throat, but Risa doesn’t notice his lack of reply, because she’s busy mourning over Sanghyuk.)

Good thing she’s still looking down that he has recovered from his furious blushing (by inconspicuously fanning his face with one hand; one passer-by thinks that the colour of his face is as bright as his hair) the next time she looks up. “Let’s head back to the clinic, shall we?” he suggests after a while, feeling that no more teasing, no more Jane Austen quotes, no more lively speeches are left for them now. What’s even more horrible is that this is the first, but definitely the last one they’ll ever have. He’s too blinded by the sadness of it that he doesn’t even mind admitting to himself that his heart feels like aching.

 “Yeah. Let’s,” she manages a faint smile, and internally consoles herself with the fact that she’s with Dr Cha who offers solace and a little happiness.

 

--

 

Sanghyuk sits in his office chair with arms folded, staring blankly at his table. He’s not busy today as he would usually be. The thoughts in his head are as lively as a desert, with only the occasional crossing of a tumbleweed. Whenever the name Hong Risa or the phrase ‘Italian food’ is brought up by his mind (his mind has a mind of its own) he feels irritated, sorry, aggravated, all at the same time. But then as furiously as these feelings are kindled in his bosom, they die out almost instantly upon further, deeper thoughts of his fair lady. Sanghyuk tells himself that he really has no right to feel offended since, of course, he and Risa are only “playing a game of charades”, they have no feelings for each other, they only care, and that is where it stops.

Sanghyuk bites his thumbnail. He tries to create another world in his mind; one where he and Risa are merely friends, and they’re not engaged in any way whatsoever except platonically. A universe where he doesn’t give Risa a munchkin cat as a birthday gift for her; a place where he would know Risa only by her name—a place where he and Risa don’t care for each other.

The thoughts make him shudder, and, as if just woken up from a very brief nightmare, he takes a hasty inhale that his shoulders jerk upward, and goodness knows how glad he is that he lives in this universe. He can’t explain this gladness, though. Can we wonder why?

But his ideas produce a suggestion that puts in danger Sanghyuk’s universe: what if the engagement is called off?

 That can’t be, defends himself from his other self. They’ve been engaged for almost two years, and it’s not like their parents can just let two years’ worth of being together just go to the dump.

But his other self is just as shrewd as he is, and it asks him with an evil, jeering voice: why, Sanghyuk, were you? You may be engaged, but were you ever together?

He’s driven half-mad by this thought. He’s not merely annoyed, but moreover angered, and he searches for that evil spirit whispering to him such things because he wants to give it a piece of him. Perhaps it’s just in that corner of his office; possibly behind that door, or under his table, but no—it’s nowhere to be found because who’s whispering such things to him resides in his very mind, and it goes by the name of Truth. If one would see him now they would be fairly alarmed at the sight of him being pale with quiet rage, small beads of sweat hanging by on his temples.

 Risa. He bites his thumb, shaking.

Sanghyuk clenches his fist so hard his knuckles turn white.

 

--

 

“What was with today, that a lot of animals got sick?” asks Risa with genuine curiosity, looking around the clinic that has gone closed for business for tonight.

“Maybe they just wanted you to enjoy your last day as this clinic’s assistant.” Dr Cha laughs, scratching Geum’s head as the bulldog diligently eats her dog food. “But honestly, I was wondering about the same thing too. The number of patients that came in today rose by seventy percent than the usual rate.”

Risa’s cat can’t seem to get enough of her, that it’s practically attaching itself to her like a lapdog…or a lapcat would be better. She spends a quiet moment looking at the veterinarian who’s busily attending Polly the parrot. She does this until she’s noticed, and he asks, barely able to hide the growing embarrassment in his voice, “Is anything the matter, Miss Hong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” she shakes her head slowly with a smile. “You sure you can handle yourself here, doc?”

“What are you saying, I’ve always been handling myself,” he laughs. “Why do you ask?”

“I think the fluffball’s going to miss you,” she alibis, tucking the cat into her arms.

“Really,”

She sighs. “Fine. I’ll miss you too. I said this just this morning but I’ll say it again. I’ll miss you,”

He hears the choir of angels sing again. “Well, same.” Luckily he’s able to answer back this time. “Just remember if anything’s the matter with Mr Fluffball, I’ll just be here to run to.”

Risa doesn’t know why (then again, she doesn’t know a lot of things) but she starts to silently pray that her pet would get sick again so she would have an excuse to see him. But that would be bad, of course. But what if I just want to see you? She sincerely wants to ask, but she’s afraid she might come out cheap, or that the doctor might get the wrong idea, so she gives up on it. For all she knows animals (or cats, at least) ever rarely get sick, so chances of seeing him again are as good as nil. She doesn’t want to ask for his number, either, it would be unwomanly, and she feels like she has lost a limb when the idea that she and Dr Cha aren’t going to see each other again hits her full force. An inexplicable feeling of sadness showers over her, but good thing just before tears form in her eyes Dr Cha says, “Let me drive you home, Miss Hong, you ought to be home at this time of the evening.” At the word “home” she remembers that she has a fiancé, and she ought to stop whatever folly this heart of hers is starting. But her train of thought still doesn’t stop there. Upon the thought of Sanghyuk a tidal wave of ambivalence crashes on her. Ambivalence because the feeling starts off with something ticklish, suddenly followed by a sense of nervousness, simultaneously succeeded by a feeling of dreadful sadness. A dozen other emotions are in that single tidal wave, and what she should feel, like an ill-planned heterogeneous mixture, however she knows is made up of different components, doesn’t know what the product is supposed to be.

The thought of not seeing Dr Cha again may shower over her, but she drowns in the feelings caused by Sanghyuk.

“Yes, please…” she says dumbly when she could speak, and Dr Cha lightly puts his hand on her back when they move out of the clinic.

“He eats well now, doesn’t he? Whenever you notice he’s in his mood of not eating again, just use that hunger-stimulating vitamin I put in the prescription,” he says, because the owner needs to remember her responsibility.

“Yes I will remember,” answers Risa docilely.

When they get out of the doors both of them are forced to stop in their places, and Dr Cha lets out this small but definite whistle that’s kind of synonymous to whether whew or whoa, followed by, “But perhaps I really don’t have to, drive you home that is, for someone’s come to do the job,” he grins with mouth agape at the stern-looking guy in suit standing in wait just beside his dazzling white car.

Risa’s palms sweat at once, while every pore of her skin starts a chorus of screams; and she yelps when the cat jumps out of her hold, excited at the sight of its other owner. Sanghyuk looks unusually debonair tonight. Well, he usually looks nice in his usual work clothes, but Risa can’t figure out why and how Sanghyuk has managed to suddenly look so gorgeous. She examines him for the very few seconds she’s granted to gawk at him in shock; no change in hair, nor in posture, nothing at all, really, all she knows that it must be her eyes that’s doing the trick.

“Hey little guy, miss me?” he smiles as he holds the animal. He turns to Dr Cha afterwards. “Is he doing well, doctor?”

“Perfectly fine, as a matter of fact. No need for me to watch over him. He’s a good boy,” the other male answers.

Risa, as she later on confesses, could swear she would have melt right then and there. “Thanks, doc.”

“You’re very welcome, Miss Hong. This is where we must split ways, then?” he bows slightly to both of them. “If anything’s the problem with the munchkin cat, I’ll just be here. Good evening, Sanghyuk-ssi; good evening, Miss Hong,” and he walks to his parked car a few steps away from Sanghyuk’s, and Risa spends half a mind to halt him.

They just stand there the entire while Dr Cha walks to his car, goes in it, and drives away. When there’s nothing left to look at, Risa recalls she’s supposed to do something.

“Well? Aren’t you going in?” comes the voice of Sanghyuk from behind her; she tries to examine the voice whether there’s a hint of madness in it, or any animosity. But how her dread worsens when she hears that it’s only neutral, with no hint of emotion in it. It’s his usual affable tone, but the affability is the one itself amiss.

“C-coming,” she says, sheepishly getting in to the car. He lets her hold the cat while he drives.

“How is the cat, Risa-ssi?” he asks, eyes on the road.

“Um, just like what doc said. He’s really alright now.”

“I’ve bought the things in the prescription, by the way. Take them out later; they’re at the backseat,”

They’re taciturn after that, and Risa can’t breathe. There’s the feeling of guilt inside her that nags at her loudly to apologize for yesterday’s incident, because even though she doesn’t love Sanghyuk she still has some responsibility in what may or may not be their relationship. Nope, the message simply won’t just do.

The silence lasts till they reach the building of her apartment. When Sanghyuk pulls over for a stop, Risa feels her heart just did so, too. She expects him to get down from the car, like what she’s about to do, but he doesn’t. It’s a little dark here inside. She just sits there gazing dumbly at the dashboard, waiting for something, anything from him.  

“Aren’t you going down?” he says. His tone’s soft, she realizes, but she can’t help but still feel remorseful.

“Aren’t you?” she throws the question back. She honestly doesn’t know how to do this. At least during the last almost-quarrel they had she had something to say in her own defense, but now she’s just mute. She wants to apologize, she knows she has to, but she can’t find the courage to do so and besides, he doesn’t love her, so perhaps that’s needless to do…?

They’re silent again, and it’s so quiet they could hear the cat’s movements.

“Risa-ssi.” He says after what seemed to be three minutes.

A billion questions mob her mind she feels like she would throw up. Here it goes.

“Any word from your parents?”

She wants to say, I beg your pardon? but she knows she heard it right—it’s a far, very far-fetched question. “Uh…mom called the other night and said they’re fine…” she tries.

“Did they ask when the wedding is?”

“Um…no?”

“They didn’t? Because mine did.”

She wonders where this conversation is going.

“Risa-ssi.” He says again. This time it has a stronger edge to it. “Would you marry me?”

She thinks her heart just jumped to . “What?”

“I said, would you marry me?”

She thinks. She thinks fast. “Well, I wouldn’t be engaged to you if we were not to get married, right,” she chuckles, but it comes out more like a whine.

“I’ll ask you again: would you marry me?”

Here she looks at him in the eyes. He’s dead serious. “Like, right now?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

She puts her hand on her right cheek, as what she would do when confused. “Can’t we—can’t we just talk about this later? Let’s go to my apartment. The air’s stale—”

“No. My question asks for a simple answer, Miss Hong.” Now things are too serious. He’s not calling her by her first name anymore. “Would you marry me?”

Where is the playful, gentle Sanghyuk she used to spend dinners with? Risa feels her lower lip quiver, still, nothing comes out. “Why…why are you asking me this?”

“Because,” he inhales sharply. “I want to answer the question that’s long been in my mind.”

“…which is?”

He’s holding the steering wheel with both of his hands, and he’s been directing his gaze on it this whole time. Looking at his hands, she notices something on his left hand. She’s startled to find that their engagement ring is there; well, that shouldn’t have been surprising but for Risa it really is. Sanghyuk once told her that he wouldn’t take off the ring unless he had to, like when talking to female clients. Her eyes land on her own smooth white hand with a few spots, and the ring Sanghyuk inserted in her finger over a year ago also resides there, where it should be. Sure they just faked all the lovey-dovey stuff during the betrothal party but she knows she’s not faking anything when, at least thrice a week, safe in her own room at night, she would look at the ring around her finger and sigh.

 “Will our care for each other be enough to build a family of our own?” he asks. Risa finds this question so hard to answer; she wouldn’t even mind a Math problem right now.

It to be children of empire owners. Company empires, that is. That is one truth Risa would never deny. You would get every privilege because when your family practically swims in money, you could get everything, except maybe happiness not found in any material thing. There’s even this story about how her family vehemently dissented to her decision to be a kindergarten teacher, but that’s another thing and we’ll talk about that later if we can.

“Sanghyuk-ssi…” she tries.  “You see, I…”

“Because I’m sorry.” he finally says, and it’s pure, true, and Risa feels like her world is breaking down in slow motion. “I’m sorry if I can’t let you love another man. I’m sorry if you’re tied to me this way. I’m sorry if you have to—have to put up with me—have to fake laughter to show that this might be working. And I’m sorry if I can’t do anything about this; sorry if I’ve been wasting two years of your life. I’m sorry—please, really, I’m sorry, because you’re stuck in this situation as me and I can’t even get you out of it. Sorry if I can’t give you the freedom to be with someone else. I’m sorry…” His voice is shaking, not with anger; it’s not lachrymose either, but rather, each word teems with frustration. He’s absolutely right. He’s just trapped as much as she is.

“Sanghyuk-ssi, don’t say that—” she stops herself. Why does it feel like she deserves the apology?

Risa examines herself, digging up the boldest truths in her bosom. Sanghyuk—who is Sanghyuk? He’s her fiancé, the man she’s going to marry soon, and the one who’s going to be the father of her children. He’s the person though whom she feels awkward with, but despite that, she doesn’t want him to go whenever he bids her a good night after dinner. The person that cares for her truly, the person whose qualities are everything she looks for in a guy; the one who touches her with his honesty, transparency, and frankness. The man she would not mind admitting that she longs for him. Cha Hakyeon, then, who is he? He’s the veterinarian that helped make her pet better, the friend she has gained, and the one whom she feels very comfortable, happy, and warm with. The person that makes her heart light when he smiles, that makes the colour red remind her of the kind face whose hair colour is of it. The man whom she could talk freely with, the man whom she could offend but would know the remedy to it.

When she reaches the end of her trail of thoughts, she comes to a horrible conclusion. She has to choose.

She can’t, she tells herself. She is fond of both men too much. But you know you have to. Alas, for wisdom! Many a time in her life was she faced with hard choices, but, looking back now, they were not as hard as what she has to do now. Neither of men is forcing her to choose between them but she knows she has to, before anything gets worse.

“Sanghyuk-ssi,” she swallows. Anything. Anything to make him feel better. “Look at me.” Maybe it’s bravery, or the strong will to save him from condemning himself, or perhaps—love?—that makes her conjure the courage to hold his face with both hands, and Risa is attacked by a sense of shyness when she finds herself staring into the dark orbs of Sanghyuk’s eyes. It’s a labyrinth, she later on notes, his eyes she means—complicated but also attractive.  Looking at him in this sad state makes her see him not as a man with responsibilities to carry, but as a boy who feels sorry for a fault he has no hand in. “I know this sounds pretty stupid, moreover, late, because it’s already two years, but…”

Sanghyuk’s throat bobs up and down. Risa struggles, he can see that, and part of him wants to stop her from whatever she’s going to say next, because he knows it’s what he thought of this morning.

But one could imagine how big his surprise is when the unpredictable Risa says, “Let’s try again?” with shining eyes, and with an even more shining smile.

Sanghyuk breathes a little ‘Thank You, God’ later when he’s at home.

 

He cares for Risa, but doesn’t love her.

Or so he thinks.

 

--

 

His pants fall limply onto the floor as he unwears them. Carefully having sorted out the water to be not too cold, not too hot either, he steps into the shower, and for an entire half an hour only the sound of him taking a bath could be heard in that room. Maybe even in that house, at all.

I dare say I’m not the only one who thinks that the philosophical level of man’s mentality rises when he’s taking a bath. Dr Cha Hakyeon is a testimony, you see. Actually that’s what he’s even doing right now.

They say that for you to see clearly things, you’d have to take out of your mind all of the other pre-existing notions about it inside your head. So goes that Chinese proverb of “emptying one’s cup, so it could be filled”. Hakyeon has tried that out before for more than once, albeit he barely knew about such wisdom. And perhaps his situation right now calls for such action, because Hakyeon’s thoughts, just like his feelings, are really messed up.

He couldn’t possibly have had graduated as one of the top students of his class without knowing what focus is. He tells himself to focus; he needs it to empty his cup right now. But now he barely knows himself; he knows this is not the Hakyeon who was in this flesh a few days ago. Not that Cha Hakyeon was a boring person, he’s just too work-oriented, goal-driven, and too smart. But then this jolly good girl by the name of Hong Risa came trotting into his life and now he finds himself torn between wanting those smiles all for himself and to let her get in another man’s dazzling white car to follow what’s right.

Well we all have those little devils whispering to us things we shouldn’t do. As of now one was so close to his ear breathing suggestions that made Hakyeon feel disgusted with himself, but also part of him actually takes the recommendation to account. He doesn’t understand. It’s not his first time falling in love—if falling in love this may be, but he remembers that the last time was a lot easier. Why, he didn’t fall for someone engaged, you see.

He rubs his face with both hands, hoping that the water would wash away all the wicked thoughts. After so he stares at himself in the mirror, and a certain flashback goes through his mind, something that happened just today.

 

“Did you know, Miss Hong, that munchkin cats are a rare breed of felines?” he had said today, as the first customer has gone out.

Risa blinked in disbelief. “Really?”

He nodded. “Yes, they’re quite a rare find. And look here—be proud to be in charge of such adorableness,” he laughed as he lifted the cat with both hands. “How did you come to find one?”

“Well, Sanghyuk-ssi gave it to me,” Smiled she humbly. “You see it was my birthday a few weeks ago and he…well I don’t really know what got to him that he gave me such. Nonetheless I feel thankful. At least I don’t feel so lonely at home right now,”

Hakyeon couldn’t explain why he was a little disappointed in the history of this cat. This even caused him to put the fluffball back to its place on the little pillow. “Would you mind if I ask something, Miss Hong?”

“Not at all. What is it?”

“Do you live alone?”

“Me? Well, yeah.”

“As far as I know your family’s together with the Hans in the cartel, right?”

“Yes. You see our—well their—my parents’, company is Japan-based. But then it’s kind of basing on Korea too, you know. Ever since mom and dad got married. So you can now figure out why people look at me weird because I look more Japanese than Korean.”

“I do think Japanese girls are cute,” he smiled.

He could swear he saw her blush then and there. “Schoolgirls are.”

“But then if your company’s more inclined to Korea-based management…why do you live alone here?” he queried, sitting cross-legged on a long chair, while both of them ate out of a single plate of animal-shaped biscuits.

“They’re in Japan now. My sis, mom, dad. All of them. They say the Japanese branch needs more empowerment at the moment.” He couldn’t fail to detect the hint of sadness in her voice. “I understand, but it’s kind of lonely living alone. We have like dozens of houses here in Korea but they’re all full of splendid loneliness so I just got an apartment for myself. At least that way I know how to manage myself and get to be free before I get tied to that business for the rest of my life. My time’s almost running out and it’s sad.” Then she looked at him. “Sorry. I said too much. You needn’t listen to my blabbing, doc.”

“No, no! I like listening to someone’s stories.” He made a gesture with his hand telling her that it was alright. A moment of silence followed, and Risa’s opening of her can of soft drink was the only thing heard. “May I ask a question again, Miss Hong?”

“No need to ask for permission,” she chuckled. “Fire away.”

“Um…well…I don’t think I’d be the only one curious about this. You see the curiosity can’t help be roused—your family’s really, really rich. But why are you working as a teacher—at the moment? I don’t mean it negatively—it’s just—well, that’s not how it’s like in dramas…” he stammered.

Risa understood it well, good thing. “You’re right. It isn’t. Honestly, doc, we could be like Goo Junpyo if we choose to, like right now. Managing not only the company itself but also the lives that depend on it. But you see Sanghyuk and I kind of made a deal with our parents, respectively.”

“May I know what these deals are of?”

“Hmm…we were a little rebellious over the engagement but we saw that we didn’t really have any choice and besides, both of us had not love-lives so we said yes. But then we told our parents that we weren’t ready to get married yet; not till we learned to—hem, love each other. And we told them that we should learn to ‘stand with our feet’ and ‘test the waters’ first before getting into the serious business. To clear our parents’ bewilderment, we had different deals to close with them. As for Sanghyuk, he proposed that he’ll work as an accountant in a company. He had no trouble getting his parents to say yes, but mine was a different story.”

“Why?”

“I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. Get to touch lives; build up the moral, academic, and emotional foundations of children, all that heroic stuff. But then when your parents are too darn rich to support you in your dream, they push theirs for you on your face. We got into a fight. They said that if I really pushed it and be a teacher, they’re going to ‘buy that blasted school and have it abolished and build a business establishment in that school’s lot.’”

“Harsh.” Hakyeon mouthed.

He thought Risa hadn’t heard, but she did. “Please. ‘Harsh’ would not even suffice. I was scared, of course, and kind of hated Sanghyuk-ssi that time because everything was so dandy and easy for him. And aside from that, my parents said that it would bring disgrace to our family’s name when the media finds out that a Tsukamoto-Hong, an heiress to a business empire is a mere kindergarten teacher.” Anger was evident in her voice. “But then in my hour of grief, the person that I least expected to help me came to the rescue.”

“Sanghyuk-ssi.”

“Ahuh.” A smile of sweet gravity spread across her face. “I don’t know what charm he has that he wheedled my parents into saying yes, but that was really, say, amazing of him. He said that if they gave us time allowance for our romance, they might as well let us have our ‘freedom time’—that is, act as independent adults so we would know what hard work means in our little way. His parents let him, so why not mine, too, yeah? Like a miracle, my parents agreed. But of course it was a bargain, so they had their own conditions, too, and my—our—parents said that in exchange for a while of freedom and romance, we would have to work for them for the rest of our lives, once we get married.”

“That sounds…”

“Evil?” she suggested, laughing. “Well if you hear it as a story you can’t help but think so. But then the way they said it, if you were there, was so temptingly good you’d be called an idiot if you dared refuse it. Besides, they give us time to let our romance bloom without the pressure. If they force us to get married they should at least let us develop feelings for one another.”

“Did they set the wedding date already?”

“Oh, no. That’s where Sanghyuk-ssi and I come in. We get to decide that. Although, Sanghyuk-ssi doesn’t say it but I can feel it too—that we should get married real soon. It’s almost two years since our betrothal already.”

“But if you take too much time and, well, they’ll get tired of waiting for you,” Dr Cha tilted his head. “Why not just call off the engagement?”

Risa turned pale for the fraction of a second, as if the thought that occurred was ever unheard of. ”Call it off? No way. You know sometimes Sanghyuk-ssi and I, though we don’t dare discuss it, slightly hope for such, but you see if we don’t get married it’s gonna affect our parents’ empire of businesses and the economy, too, and both might plummet just because of the two of us.”

“Oh my god.”

She laughed. “So basically we’re trapped.”

 

But they don’t look like they’re trapped, Hakyeon thinks as he ruffles his hair under the running water. It’s a while of romance, after all, for them, and Hakyeon can’t help but feel sorry for himself because he’s had his while of romance with her, too, even just for a few days, but unfortunately he’s no heir to a great business (except for that farm owned by his father in the province) that it gives him right to marry a princess like Risa. Life’s unfair, really, because he doesn’t always get to like someone, but when he does, she’s bound to be married.

He gets out of the shower then, gets ready for bed, ready to dream dreams of the dream girl he could never have. And more than those painful conceptions is the thought that Risa doesn’t like him back.

Or so he thinks.