Once upon a time, lived a happy young boy. He was a cheerful and a bit weird boy, but he was liked by everyone. He loved to help people and caring. He had 6 big sisters and he loved all of them, even though they a lot since he has different face with them. His cheek bones were high and he had strong jaw line, with small eyes. And he wasn’t really tall at that time. He didn’t think he was good looking.

 It was back when he was in grade 5 when he had his first crush. She was his senior by a year. She was a shy girl but she’s one of the prettiest girls in her class. She was taller than him, had soft features, and has a really beautiful smile.

He saw her first time when he was late and had to run around the school as a punishment. She was having her PE lesson and her class was playing volleyball. The ball flew to him and she chased it. She took it from him and gave him a shy, tiny, smile. And he was love struck.

 

 

Their childhood love memories stopped just like that. Both of them couldn’t remember what happened back then. He only remembered how he always trying to watch her and get her attention. She only remembered how a rumor spread around that there’s a cute junior liking her. She knew nothing else than his face and she knew his name. Kim Jaejoong.

 

 

He is a pop star now. Living a different life than the one he had in his childhood before. He doesn’t have to count his sharing of food. He doesn’t have to listen to his mom’s nags just because she never had him in her womb. He doesn’t have to be teased because of his face. He looks better now than then. With slightly feminine face and built body, he knows that he has so many fans out there.

A lot of things have happened. Life has forged him to become the man he is now. All endless problems by media, all hard works he had to do, and all sufferings he had to endure are now being paid.

He’s proud of himself. He has a lot of things that he wished he had before. Fame. Career. Money. Friends. Family. His very own house. His very own cars. Dogs. Cats. And most importantly, he has a life he can show off. He’s a success young man now.

 

 

‘Ah, hello.’

He likes that voice. Like the clear sound of his piano when he plays it randomly at nights. And he just fell in love with the source of the sound. It’s beautiful. She’s beautiful.

They met again after years not knowing each other presence. It was when he spent his thanksgiving day-off back to his parent’s home and she was visiting them. Turned out, she worked with his editor sister as a novelist. She brought them food from her grandparents’ home and his sister forced her to stay an hour longer.

He didn’t recognize her at first. Childhood memories are just memories. They’re bound to be forgotten, anyway. Names are just names. They don’t really mean anything in adult world. Just random blurred scenes that keep replaying in one corner of their minds.

It was a weird moment when they finally confirmed that they went to same school. And even weirder since they just attended same elementary, which happened almost 2 decades before. He was talking with his editor sister and she was working on her novel. Then he just called her and asked her excitingly if she was a grade older than him. She had to giggle at his childish tone. Just like an impatient kid asking for ice cream, and at 2 in the morning, she said.

And that’s how his little childhood crush turned into something more than that. He finds her nice and caring. She often called just to check if he had eaten or slept well that day. And she nagged a lot. He laughed at her since she sounded like his mom. He knew she was smiling at the other end of the line.

She found him so passionate in what he does, writing songs and sings. She knew he often doesn’t get enough sleep when he gets too immersed in his project. It makes his sisters get worried, that’s why she often called him to get rest.

‘Like you don’t do that too. Being too caught up in what you do, I mean.’

‘Well, true that. I can relate.’

‘Why do you write?’

Seconds filled with silence before he heard a soft chuckle from his phone.

‘Why? Is it weird to know a blind novelist?’

 

 

She sounded so confident back then. It was one of the reasons why he wanted to make her his girlfriend. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t reject him. No one ever rejected him so far. He’s a bit proud of that record, actually.

So when he lead her to their table, had small fun talk and nice dinner that night, he knew she knew that he was going to ask her out. She just smiled when he asked the question, and said no. Well, there’s always a first time for everything.

He was thinking to just get away from her and just forget her. But he couldn’t. There’s something in her blank eyes or somewhere deep down inside her soul that really attracted him to her. He fell in love hard. And he didn’t know how to escape her.

 

 

She invited him in one evening. They met up in a coffee shop along with his sister. It was for work, but situation somehow got weird and she ended up inviting him to her apartment. She knew that it’s not a good idea to bring a guy into her private space, and to be added the guy is a worldwide star. But back then in the coffee shop, his sister assured her that he really wouldn’t do anything bad to her and other stuffs which she didn’t really listen to.

She thought his sister was trying to match make both of them. And so, she just played along with her plan. Whatever. She shrugged and just had another nice chat with him.

‘Why are you refusing the idea that we can be together?’

‘I don’t know. You tell me.’

‘Come on, I don’t see what’s wrong with us dating.’

‘Seriously, Jaejoong-ah? You’re an idol, you have lots of fans, not including sasaengs. Then I’m just an older noona who doesn’t have real job and blind.’

‘Those are nothing. Trust me.’

‘…fine. Let’s see where it’ll guide us. But take things slowly, okay?’

 

 

And that’s what he really did for her. Taking care of her. Like what a good boyfriend does. He protected her from public eyes. Keep things like how they were before. The difference was just that he visited her in her apartment more often. An hour a day. Almost everyday. After he cleared his schedule for the day.

She couldn’t be happier than she was before. He was the one who brought the beautiful smile to her face. Ah, one of other reasons why he fell in love with her. Her charming smile.

For him her smiles are enough reason to be happy. She found it’s a silly reason, though. But she silently admitted that she felt happy when she felt him smiling. And laughing, she loved the sound of his laughter. And promised herself to always try to make him smiles more in the future.

Everyone who knew about their relationship felt happy. They were a perfect couple. A loving couple. With tiny unreasonable fights here and there. Going steady for few months and kept going toward the future. His sisters folded their arms and smiled happily for them.

 

 

There’s no perfect things, and she believed in that. There’s no way their relationship would just go smoothly like how they want for months more, or even years. And insecurities killed it.

‘Why do you love me?’

‘Just because.’

‘I’m serious.’

‘Okay… first of all, you’re an amazing girl. Second, your smile blinds me every time you smile to me. Third, you’re caring and lovable. There’s no way I wouldn’t love you. Even if we didn’t meet before, I’d still fall in love with you when I meet you someday.’

She couldn’t believe what he said. Her mind was playing tricks on her. Turning all his words into negative forms. Kept thinking that there’s no way he could love her. Not when she feels so helpless. When she couldn’t do anything but only telling stories. When she’s not able to do something to those she loves, including him.

Self-loathing. Helplessness. Self blaming. All came back and hit her hard in the gut. And he was there, not all the time, to help her letting go those words she said to herself.

‘Don’t love me. I’m not worthy.’

‘You’re worthy. I’m hundred percent sure about that. I love you, okay? Always remember that.’

She let it go and assured him that she’s okay. She’s strong enough to face the world. She once survived death that took her vision and her best friend away. That was nothing compared to what had happened in her life before. And she smiled.

 

 

‘Are you okay?’

She smiled.

‘How are you feeling?’

Another smile.

‘Hey, hey. Talk to me. You’re worrying me now.’

‘Why? I’m okay. There’s no need to worry about me.’

‘Aish..why is that? I’m your boyfriend. I have the rights to worry about you.’

‘Okay, okay. I got it. Tell me about the sky today. I feel a bit cold. Is it cloudy?’

He didn’t suspect anything since she sounded so cheerful at that time. She smiled a lot for him as usual. They talked about anything, everything. Random things, from sky, to birds, to rain, to work, to her novel, to his album, to his sisters and family. And he saw her smiling, like her usual self.

 

 

He never knew that it might be the last time he saw her smile.

 

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bearymilkeu's note -

omg I'm sorry..this story is supposed to be a long one-shot, but I'm stuck tbh x.x"

So..uummm...there'll be around 2 more parts coming

thanks for reading~ comments and subscribes are loved~ ^^