Of Bewonderment (And Of You)

Description

The way our eyes fell from the objects in our hands to find each other;
it in itself was a selcouth dalliance.

It is the ticking of the clock that counts the intervals between Luhan and Minseok's intermingled breaths.

Foreword

Title: Of Bewonderment (And Of You)
Pairing: Luhan/ Xiumin
Rating: PG
Genre: Fluff not really
Length: 1,357 words

Crappy image credit goes to me!
Fonts are a .
This was originally supposed to be a contest entry BUT
I saw that there was to be no second POVs after I finished writing it.
LIFE IS GREAT. UGH.
However, I had lots of fun exploring the second person style of writing,
and despite being a great experience I doubt I'll try this ever again lol

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Comments

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Ferdinand #1
Chapter 1: The over-fancy prose clashed horribly with your syntax.

English is obviously not your first language. I would suggest that in these stages you should get a beta to help you out because while I can see the merit and the potential in your writing, the confusing grammar coupled with the pretentious prose just made the story really difficult to read and enjoy.

Remember that the key to the sublime is brevity. This was overdone and cloying and sometimes felt like words and turns of phrases were just used because they sounded fancy more than because they hold a meaning.

You must know that balance is the first thin you need to find in literature. Too much of anything will only make the prose overwhelming and not in a good way.
AlienProtractor #2
This is beautiful ;;;;
I love your wording (though I have to check my dictionary for some words. I'm not a native english speaker) :))
ibangyongguksfayce #3
Chapter 1: I loved this.
It was a really good read, I loved that it was a bit different from other stuff.
The vocabulary you used was spot on. :)
pinkclover #4
Chapter 1: I love how you can word out everything beautifully.. ;o;
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