The sender.

Hey, hyung…

       When you said I love you, I said nothing; I just stood there and looked into your hazel eyes. I really love your eyes, you know, they’re very charming. There are lot of eyes that are good looking but for you, there’s something in yours.

       I’m not the guy who believes in fate, but the moment I met you when I was ten year old and you were just one year older than me, you were that chubby guy that moved next to my house, and we spent time playing after school. Since we didn’t go to the same school, I liked the holidays, vacations, weekends and after school because I could see you and play with you.

       The nicest memory I have is that day we played until the night, we were in the park and I didn’t want to return home, so I climbed to the top of a tree, well, not the top, I fell before reaching a safe branch and I hit very hard against the floor, I thought I broke my leg, my knee was bleeding, I felt like crying, but I didn’t because you were there and you smiled to me, you cleaned my wound and even kissed the red spot, you weren’t afraid of seeing blood or saying it’s gross, then you helped me to get up and took me home on your back, you carried me on your back.

       It was the very first time I felt your warm and love.

       I didn’t know the strength you had; even so you’ve always been a kind person.

       Since that day you were always by my side, even if you weren’t by my side physically, even if we were in different countries, me in Singapore giving a live or you in South Korea making a movie, I’ve always felt you by my side.

       It’s just take one look, meet someone’s eyes and come to feel there’s so much love. When you said I love you, I just stood there and kissed you.

Choi Seunghyun sighed and frowned, the letter in his hand was the number 100 he got. Every day he woke up and took a bath and dressed up and ate breakfast and got out from the house, he found a letter on the rug in the entrance.

       At first, he thought someone made a mistake and left the letter in front of his door, since it was a love letter or something like that, he didn’t have a lover. But the addressee had his name: Choi Seunghyun. And he was the only Choi Seunghyun in the neighborhood.

       It was creepy and weird, in the envelope there wasn’t the name of the sender. It was like a phantom that sent one letter by day to him. Maybe it was a story or novel someone was writing and sent to him to read it, it made sense, since he was a teacher of literature, maybe some student wrote it for him to edit.

       But it was unusual, it seems the main character (the addressee) was him, the Choi Seunghyun from the letters/novel was a kind of idol, movie star, rapper in a band by the name of BIGBANG and he was dating someone (the sender), but that someone had no name… The Choi Seunghyun, teacher, didn’t know what to think, that someone/sender was a girl? A boy? Maybe a boy, since the sender called him hyung and the girls always used oppa.

       Seunghyun wasn’t gay, don’t misunderstand him, he had never fallen in love with a girl or boy, so he didn’t know what to feel exactly for the boy who sent those letters to him. He wondered if tomorrow he was going to receive one new letter.   

Hey, hyung…

       Today is friday and I went to eat ice cream with Youngbae, I asked for the one you like and I ate it until I got  tummy-ache. Youngbae scolded me, sometimes he’s like my mom and dad; he scares me more than them together.

       I also went shopping with Daesung; I made him to buy me Marc Jacobs clothes. Daesung kept complaining because he had to carry the bags, but damn, his muscles are so big and strong, but cry like a baby for carrying my bags, so I beat him. Not a real beat, just playfully. We miss you so much, especially me.

       At night I took dinner with Seungri and his friends, I don’t know how he can make so many friends in few days. Tomorrow I’ll have fun and meet a lot of people too, but I’d change everything just for spending a day with you.

       I’ve been thinking, it’s a bad dream, I want to reach your voice again, I want to hear how you say I love you one more time, I guess this time I’ll say I love you too instead of standing as if I don’t care.

       I’ve been thinking I don’t deserve your love.

“Don’t think that, I love you” Seunghyun finished reading the letter, he didn’t know why he said those things, but he wished to know the sender and tell him he did deserve his love.

       The letter in his hand was the number 101; maybe he became attached to the tale in the letters, that’s why he was crying.

       “Who are you? Sending me these letters?” he questioned and got up from the chair, kept the letter into a box with the other ones.

Next day, Seunghyun woke up early, he took a bath and dressed up, but he didn’t eat breakfast or anything, he stood in the garden of his house, hidden, he wanted to catch the sender who left the letter. But no matter how he waited, nobody showed up, it was the first time there wasn’t a letter and it made him feel lonely.

       All the weekend he hid and waited for the letter, but never got one, he felt more lonely and scared, it was stupid, since they were just letters from an unknown sender, but there was a feeling in his chest that didn’t allow him to let go.

       Even if the story in those letters was fiction or whatever, he felt as if he lived those things for real. Seunghyun collapsed on the armchair; maybe the sender stopped sending letters because he tried to catch him.

       Suddenly, he heard a noise from the entrance, Seunghyun’s heart beat wildly and looked at the watch on the wall, it was 9 p.m., the letters always came at the morning. He couldn’t sit down as if nothing, he got up and ran to the door; he found a letter at his feet.

Hey, hyung…

       Sorry! I expect you haven’t felt lonely or hating me. It’s not my fault, blame YG, I mean, there were so much solo work. All this weekend I was imprisoned in the studio and I had to write a lot of songs and make melodies.

       The good thing is, I fell asleep and I dreamed about you. I dreamed about you making love to me. It’s embarrassing to say it... Write it? You know I’m , you make me … I miss you so much, your arms wrapping me, your lips kissing me, your fingers running through my body, your bingu smile when you make me hot and make me wait and ache before pounding inside of me… Sorry for sounding like a ert.

       I escaped, but I have to go back to the studio, I’m going to be busy all the month, so don’t be mad or lonely, please, I always heart you and I love you, there’s no second I don’t think of you, so wait for me… or better, go for me, you know where I am.

“Where are you?” Seunghyun mumbled and dropped the letter.

       He opened the door and got out from the house, it was a very quiet neighborhood. He decided to take a walk. He didn’t like to walk, he liked to be at home, alone, he never felt lonely until he started receiving those letters.

       He hated walking in the park and finding all the lovers and families and friends spending time together. He turned his eyes when he bumped into a lot of lovely and cute couples, the girls grasped their boyfriend’s hands tightly, there were boys with boys too, everybody looked so happy and loved.

       He stopped and stared the bridge in front of him, it started snowing, he thought returning home, but the view of a thin and beautiful boy caught his attention.

       Seunghyun walked toward that boy, his hair was light pink and he wore sneakers, jeans and tee as if he wasn’t cold. The snowflakes covered his face, hair and arms and he kept staring the horizon with blank expression.

       A sharp noise, something fell on the ground and the pink haired boy didn’t realize it. Seunghyun grabbed it. It was a small box wrapped in a hot pink paper. It seemed a gift.

       “Excuse me” Seunghyun said and the pink haired boy turned his head to him.

       “Yea?”

       “You dropped this”

       “Thanks” the stranger took the box “It’s mine, it’s not mine though” he smiled and made Seunghyun’s heart go faster “The man I love was going to give it to me, but he couldn’t make it”

       “What is there inside?”

       “I dunno, I wait for him and open it together”

       “So you’re waiting for him”

       “Yes, every day I wait for him”

       “But it’s snowing right now”

       “I don’t care” the pink haired boy clutched the small box against his chest.

       Seunghyun felt sad and jealous, he wished for someone to care so much for him and wait for him in the middle of the night and snowing. He said nothing and walked away as the stranger looked at him with sad teary eyes.

Hey hyung…

       It’s almost Christmas and we’ve been apart since a whole year. I wish for the power to stop time.

       Nobody says a thing, but they look at me in a pitiful way, they think I must stop writing letters because you can’t read them, I don’t give a , I read them to you.

       They say you can’t hear my voice either, I don’t give a either, I just read…

       Today I disguised myself and went to the park; it was snowing, lovers made angels on the snow and kids made snowmen. I bumped into a man that looks like you, I almost held him and kissed him, but he faded like an illusion. My cheeks are still cold… I’m weaker every day… This way is so narrow and small, it was shining and big because you held my hand, but now it’s me who holds your hand, but I can’t feel your warm anymore.

       I’m not giving up; I’m just tired by all the work.

       Never stop waiting for you, you know where I am.

       Ps: My hair is pink again.

Seunghyun grasped the letter tightly, he was powerless with all the feelings he couldn’t understand, he loved so much the sender, no matter if he didn’t know his face or name. He ran like crazy after someone, he saw him barely, but he found him leaving the letter, so that someone had to be the sender.

       “Stop!” Seunghyun shouted.

       The stranger kept running and Seunghyun kept chasing him. They arrived to a bridge, the same from last night.

       “Why do you leave one letter every day at my door?” Seunghyun inquired as he walked quietly toward the stranger (he wore a hat and scarf, his face hidden)

“Are you a stalker, one of my students? Is it a joke?” Seunghyun stood before him and took off the hat and the scarf “You are…”

       The boy he met last night was in front of him; the pink hair, the sad eyes, the weak smile, the same boy that talked to him last night, the same with a small box wrapped like a gift and didn’t want to open it without his lover.

       “Wake up, hyung” the pink haired boy asked in broken voice.

Seunghyun’s head began aching and he recalled everything.

One year ago.

Jiyong or G-dragon was in the studio, he had to write songs and make melodies for BIGBANG’s comeback. He was so tired and sick, he was like a captive and he was mad too. T.O.P promised to him to come by and take dinner together, but there weren’t signs of the rapper or the ing food, so Jiyong was mad and hungry.

       “Angry and hungry” Jiyong made a pout, the pun sounded stupid, then he heard giggles “Show up!” demanded and threw a cushion against the man standing in the doorstep.

       “Ouch! Ji, it hurt” T.O.P laughed and caught the cushion.

       “I forgive you if you give me food”

       “I didn’t bring food”

       “You’re kidding me”

       “I didn’t bring food because I wanted to take you to dinner, there’s a new italian restaurant or cantonese, spanish, sushi, hamburger, what you want to”

       Jiyong gave him a glare, smiled and got up from the chair.

       “Well, kidnap me, hyung, my prince, rescue me from this dungeon” Jiyong said and kissed him fervently.

       “We can just go home and eat each other”

       “Yea, I’m gonna eat you up with chocolate and candies, but first, let’s go to… Kimchi, let’s go to the night market”

       “The one with a park and bridge?”

       “Yea, the sight is amazing; love to watch the ships and fireworks from the sea”

       “Fine, it’s a perfect scene to give you the gift I bought for you today”

       “What is?”

       Seunghyun took out a small box wrapped in hot pink from his pocket and shook it before the curious eyes.

       “Let’s open it together after dinner; I want to see your smile”

       “I always smile for you” Jiyong tried to steal the gift, but Seunghyun was taller so it was like a little child trying to snatch the gift.

       Jiyong huffed and followed him to the parking lot.

       “How can we leave with so much vigilance?”

       “I got a bike, nobody’s gonna know I’m riding it and you being my guest”

       “Wow, you’re so charming, my prince with a modern horse” Jiyong giggled and bit the rapper’s lower lip before kissing him.

       Seunghyun smiled and bit him back and brought him to the bike. They put on the helmets and climbed onto the bike.

       The next thing, they went by the big road full of cars and buses. It was a nice and warm night, Seunghyun drove and Jiyong rested the face on his back and grabbed him by the waist tightly, he couldn’t see the truck coming and crashing against them.

       Jiyong lost the grip and flew and hit the floor, he couldn’t move, he just could see fire and sparkles that hurt his eyes. The small box fell before him, he spread his fingers and tried to reach it, but he couldn’t move, he was paralyzed and he couldn’t find his boyfriend and everything became dark and his chest felt burning and it was hard to breathe.

“Hey, Jiyong” CL said as she showed up in the room “It’s time to go to the studio”

       “I know, try the new song” Jiyong sighed and finished writing the letter “Tomorrow I’m free, so I’ll come and write a new one, meanwhile, I leave this here” put the letter on the table near to the bed.

       The table was full of letters and there was a small box wrapped in hot pink too. Jiyong got up from the chair and played with the black hair of his lover, then kissed him softly on the lips.

       “I wait for you to wake up someday” Jiyong said and took Seunghyun’s hand, no response; he smiled and left the hospital with the blonde.