Heechul didnt know what to do with this girl. He persevered for a long time, yet he got nothing in return. Should he just leave and enjoy his life, or wait for her even though he knew nothing about Jessica's feelings?
Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!
Plot: It's quite a breath of fresh air –considering that, it's the first prince-princess AU in this semi-contest that I've read, and it has a good portion of real comedy in it. So yeah, you set yourself apart already.
Nonetheless, I still do think that there are not sufficient reasons for them to fall in love with each other. Sure, music might binds them together, and then there is this rather love-at-first-sight for Heechul, and of course the years of endurance and 'tests' they have underwent, but the feeling just doesn't really get translated. Or better, if I can correct myself, while logically there are sufficient reasons for them to love each other, the plot lacks the real romance. I understand that Heechul's devotion and 'sacrifice' are actually very romantic –even more romantic than other forced romance scenes out there. But I don't know, I think it's Jessica's feelings that I feel is too rushed. Maybe because there's not much insight of how she actually gets to love him. She tolerates and cares for him, yes, but surely, it takes more than that?
Having said that (it's a minor issue, really), I do enjoy your plot. I think it is a really decent comedy that can really make me smile at some parts. Heechul being a crossdresser? I am already chuckling at that part. And despite the plot being simple, I think it is actually quite stable and consistent. It also flows quite well, so I think you have a really cute and quite memorable plot :)
Characters: I love Heechul's devotion and that there are implied layers of his personality. I love that you maintain him as this 'begrudging' or at least 'complaining' guy, but he has a very strong will and he actually sticks to what he believes and he takes real efforts to pursue it. There's a sense of distinctiveness in his personality, so I love it.
Jessica, too, comes out as a rather queer but likeable character here –mainly with her weird 'test' and fixation to crossdressing. She's not as developed as Heechul though –and I think she seems quite like the typical princess characterization who wants the prince to 'see her for who she really is'. But her traits and methods are unique, and while not as apparent to Heechul, there's also a certain flair to her character.
It's also very enjoyable to see how these two characters interact, and I do can say I like how you make them 'influence' or 'affect' one another.
Style: I'm actually quite torn in this part. On one hand, first, I think your intro is kinda bland. There was too many description that is not exactly engaging in the first part of the story. The romance is also not as sweet as I hoped it would be written (the concept Is making the story sweet, but not the style in itself). But on the other hand, I do honestly find some, if not most, of your lines to be simply hilarious, entertaining, charming, witty, and well, in consequence, engaging. Even when it's not supposed to be a funny part, but the way you wrote made me chuckled. It's just such a fun job to read your entry –and your comedic, light, and witty writing style really contributes a lot in it.
Suggestion:
• I think you should add more parts on Jessica's growth of feeling. Yes, we know that she apparently liked Heechul from the start, but how it actually grows? I think it would be better if you add more parts on that point.
• I think the ending dialogues (when they're confessing to each other –except the last three lines) could have been made more...wittily? Considering that you actually manage to be witty in your narration, I think it would be a workable thing for you to turn those dialogues into the more cute-witty confession, in comparison to the current rather-too-conclusive love confession you had now.
Favorite Parts:
• Heechul being a crossdresser. Period.
• The last three lines. You killed me there! Oh my God!
• The fact that there are notable amounts of your lines that actually are intelligently witty, comedic, and fluffy at the same time.
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