[Yamaa’s residence, 2:58 AM]

I woke in the middle of the night as I see someone lying next to me.

Ah.. it happens again.

I just grabbed my undergarments and wear it without any sounds. I put on my gown as then he moves behind the blanket.

‘’where are you going?’’ he said with his deep voice.

‘’home. where else d’you think im gonna go?’’

He grabbed my hand, ‘’nowhere.’’

‘’im tired.’’ I said as I released my hand.

‘’yeah, I bet you are.’’ He said with a smirk as he lit a cigarette and offered me, ‘’want some?’’

I shook my head, ‘’no, thanks. I only smoke when im working.’’

‘’okay.’’ he seems amused a bit. Then he leaned his back to the pillow, ‘’you know, Masami.. although I’ve known you for a quite long time, you’re still amused me sometimes.’’

I formed a smile in my face, ‘’nice to entertain you, too, Tomohisa.’’

‘’then why don’t you stay for tonight?’’

‘’no, thanks.’’ I said, ‘’you know that my little brother waited for me.’’

‘’ah..’’ he nodded, ‘’hai hai (yes)..’’ he seems to understand. But believed me, this time, he doesn’t.

Because then he just put on his robe and walked as he hugged me from behind.

‘’but now it’s 3 AM in the morning. Don’t you think your brother is already falling asleep by now?’’ He whispered as he put his lips on my shoulder.

‘’maybe.’’ I said. ‘’please.. just.. I want go home now.’’

He didn’t say anything as he tighten his embrace.

So then I said the final words, ‘’you know, if you really want someone in your bed right now, I can call some of the girls that would really love to be there.’’

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Well.. that’s a bit introduction about my story. Let’s move back a little as I will take you as I reminiscing.

Konnichiwa (hello).. My name is Masami. My last name isnt important. Because I never used it in my work place anyway. And I also didn’t want my brother to have this burden as he have an older sister who was the queen of hostess at Ginza.

No, im not proud about it, but it’s true. If you asked someone about Masami in that area, he might just take you to Red Rose club, the host bar where I worked since 5 years ago when I still 17 years old.

And in that place too, where I met that guy earlier, Yamaa Tomohisa.

Red Rose owned by 3 powerful men, each of them has one sons. Tegoshi Yuya, younger by a year than me, girls here –my junior as hostess- really smitten by him because of his boyish face, that successfully hide his ambition to surpassed his own father’s power someday. Kamenashi Kazuya, the same age as Tomohisa, 2 years older than me, is the most charming one among the 3, who doesn’t really attract by those girls, since he secretly linked romantically with a professional model name Aragaki Yui.

The last one, of course, it’s Tomohisa.

He’s the one who really respected by the guys around here, both hosts, bodyguards, or any guy. Aside from the fact that his father is the most powerful among the 3, too, Tomohisa –that’s what I call him since he told me to do that- could do anything if he really wants to make it happen.

From the most cruel one, although he just ordered those men to do that for him, to the most sweetest one just to make a girl fell down to his arms, I’ve seen him do all of that.

That’s why I promised myself, im not gonna sunk too deep in whatever he said or done to me.

As I was his father’s most lovable employee, I was Tomohisa’s favorite one too.

No. Just so you know, Im a hostess, but I didn’t throw myself to any man. Word, and literally.

Actually, I set myself really high for that. At first, that’s what Yamaa senior told and taught me to, but then I realized myself, that’s the only way I can survive in this world. So here am I, although there’s so many juniors as they are younger and fresher than me –inside or outside the club-, people still asking for my name, Masami.

From the senior as they are some important peoples; business-man, government, to the younger ones; who really eager to dig deep through their pockets to invite me to join their table when they came to Red Rose.

Everyone who worked in this area knows, there’s so many rumors and talks around. And plenty of them are also about me.

One that really famous is the rubbish talk about im being Tomohisa’s pet.

I just laugh at them who’s talking about that.

I didn’t see any negative sides on being Tomohisa’s pet, even IF that was true. As you will have the money, the authority, his bodyguards, and so on, as long as you do what he wants you to do. But no, Im not his pet.

Well, I admit it. I couldn’t count how many nights we spend by just to get drunk together, laughing hysterically in his black luxurious car, or slept together in bed.

If you ask me why I did that, is it for money?

Actually, Tomohisa never gave me money. That’s too vulgar, even for both of us. Although, yes, sometimes he awarded me with things, mostly jewellery. And it’s usually can be useful, because it’s easy to be sold away if I need money for my brother, Tomohisa never ask about those jewel that he gave me, either.

If you said, maybe because of lust?

Maybe I will just laugh. Who can even resist him in the first place, huh? I don’t think you can, too.

The ones who ever see Yamaa’s senior late wife, or Tomohisa’s mother, would understand where he got those beautiful sad eyes. His curly and messy hair just framed his jaw line more perfectly. His tone and build body might just came from his Kendo. That’s why many girls would smitten all over him when he walked inside the club with his favorite gray coloured suit.

If you said I did that because of love,

Love? What is it?

My Dad left us when my brother even still a baby, as then my mother died because of her sickness. I never saw any evidence of their love to each other, although maybe, me and my brother were the evidence, right?

My mother does loved us, although she didn’t really that perfect as a mother.

All I know about love is that I care so much about my little brother. We have a big gap on age, as Im 22 and he still 12 years old. That’s why I love him like a son, too. And I do hope he will have a more brighter future than the rest of his family.

So..you might ask what is it that makes me.. seems oblige to Tomohisa?

I have one certain answer.

I owe him my life.

A while before I entered Red Rose, actually there’s one night I couldn’t even forget.

At that time Im just trying to find a job, suddenly, there’s a man following me.

I ran through from one alley to another.. but then he grabbed me. Just right behind this club, I nearly got at that night. I never knew who that man was, although I maybe I can recall his face if I really want to. I just keep crying as he punching me to make me stood still. He ripped my clothes and everything.

Just as close as he will do any further, suddenly a bunch of guys walked to the alley. The man realized it and then he abandoned me and ran away.

‘’tasukete (help).’’ I just can say it and hope one of them hear me.

And turns out one of them suddenly notice me.

He came and he asked me, ‘’daijoubu (are you okay)?’’

But he doesn’t need my answer as he found out my head was bleeding because I hit the wall when the bastard abused me.

Without any words, he just throw his coat to cover me and he lifted me as he shouted, ‘’all of you!! gathered at the house, right now!!’’ it seems that he talked to the other guys. There’s was so plenty of them I might say. My vision is too blurred because of tears at that time.

Then he took me to the club, there’s a room inside, too, as then he called someone, it’s a doctor, to examine my injury. He asked me, and I said no, that man didn’t do as much as.. well, he got what I mean.

When his servant helps me with my clothes and bandage, he excused himself out.

I can hear he’s shouting, ‘’who’s one of you that have the courage to do such a filthy things like what we saw earlier in MY FATHER TERITORY?!!’’

It seems that no one confessed as then he said, ‘’better for you to come out now, or you might never see any tomorrow if I found out by myself who really did this!! I never tolerate anything like this happened here, and to be happened on the alley next to my club, it’s like thrown dirt to my family’s face!!’’

He seem does really angry.

‘’Tomohisa-sama can be like that sometimes..’’ his servant –an old lady-, who later I called as bachan (auntie), said as she helped me putting clothes on me.

Tomohisa.

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As I recovered, I stayed home. My little brother was taking care by my neighbour at that time. And after my injury got better, I still feel traumatized. Thanks to obachan, he often came to see me.

At first, the trauma seems like killed my days even before it begun. I cant bear all the nightmares. But then one day, bachan came with that guy. Tomohisa.

He took me to the club, and say, ‘’do you want to work here? I know maybe it’s hard for you, but.. if you can find that man, what will you do to him?’’

It seems that what he means if maybe.. if I work there, the man one day came up and not knowingly about me, then I can catch him this time.

So before I even realized, Tomohisa still watching me from afar as his doctor take care of my head. And after I totally healed –physically, he sent some people to teach me many thing. From how to make up, how to walk, how to defense myself, anything.

As then one night, I will officially announce as the club’s new promoted hostess, I even didn’t have to be a junior first, how luck am I, huh?

I still remember that night Yamaa senior said to me, ‘’I know your story from Yamaa, and for that, I let you do anything you want here. You can choose your client, and I will also pay you with some money for your little brother.’’

I wondered why this people, who I thought will be scary, turned out so endear to me.

When Tomohisa will announce me, he offered his hand and Yamaa’s seniors say, ‘’welcome to this dark world, beautiful. All I can say is just becareful, see things with the right decision as protect your heart from seeing things not as the way it supposed to be.’’

At that time I just don’t really understand about the meaning, so then I just bowed politely and took Tomohisa’s hand.

He whispered to me, ‘’you do looked really beautiful tonight.’’

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At first for a girl like me, to be a hostess, is just difficult. And remember, we’re maybe hostess, but we’re not es.

Well, some of us might can do that, but not me.

It’s maybe a secret, but until now, the only one who I ever slept with is.. just Tomohisa.

He was my first, of course, he realized about that, but he never mentioned.

At that time, I just accompany him as then we get so drunk and everything just.. blurry until I woke up in his bed in the morning.

Well, actually it’s not all blurry since I still can memorized how the feeling when I was in his arms last night.

But as I mentioned before, everything between us are never be easy as then the next day I saw him clung into another girl in the club.

So I begin to understand what Yamaa senior told me. I have to becareful not to see thing in a way it’s not supposed to be. I shouldn’t not consider Tomohisa’s attention as anything. I should protect myself from another man –that I don’t desire-, too.

And as the time goes, I also understand why both Yamaa senior and junior really concern about me, because Tomohisa’s mother once was attacked and.. she suffered more that I do since the attacker her. I knew it from ba-chan as no one knows about the story except Yamaa senior, junior and her –and myself. I never met her, but I saw her photos. And like I said before, Tomohisa does get his eyes from her.

To live this kinda life in 5 years, I begin to get used to it. Of course, as much as I felt grateful to Red Rose, somehow Im longing to have another atmosphere too.

That’s why I usually came to a bar called Code.

Why I like it there? Because my mother used to work here when i was still a little girl. Before it was a bar, it’s just a normal restaurant. My mother worked as a waiter and cleaner. She had no choice but to bring me too when she’s working.

Call me ridiculous, although now the interior was changed, and the function’s too, but as it’s still on the same building and structure, somehow I felt like im with my mother again when came here.

And in this place too, I knew a bartender name Nishikido Ryo.

We’re not that close, but we just turning into friends without we realized it. He nice and quiet –like a usual bartender- although he’s kinda distant too.

Once I saw Horikita Maki-chan, the petite hostess, clung into him, but he just didn’t do anything. Well, I guessed that the guy already have someone special out there.

We started to chat and since then, whenever I came here, he might just slightly smile and greet me normally. I like how we’re kinda similar. We’re not that ‘cheap’ as we know we live in this tempted world, but we still know our boundaries.

I didn’t know that as I know him, some part of my world might gonna change.

Tomohisa suddenly got attracted to this one new hostess at Red Rose. He doesn’t like that in quite long time. Well, this girl actually was kinda different from the ones he might know. She looked innocent, untouchable and as cute as a doll.

Once, her seniors –but not me, Im not into those thing- put on a costume on her, it’s like black and white Lolita dress, just to make her embarrassed because we all used this formal gown. But then those stupid girls had to eat their heart out as the new girl even become more popular.

Obviously, those stupid hostess didn’t know what men wants. Well, that new girl, Takahashi, does really looked like a doll with her long wavy hair and cute smile.

Tomohisa even cheered more loudly as he looked at her that night. I also can see that Tegoshi interested on her, too but he cant do anything as Tomohisa already got the girl first.

‘’so.. you’re interested on the new doll, huh?’’ I asked him as I lying flat on the stomach in his bed.

He just laugh. As he played with the strap of my negligee, he said, ‘’well.. rumored says that she’s.. ah, you know what I means.’’

Ah.. I get it.

‘’just like me 5 years ago, right?’’

Somehow I felt pity to the girl.

And turns out the girl was Nishikido Ryo’s little sister. I accidently heard Tomohisa said the girl’s real name is Nishikido, not Takahashi. But then, because she’s not really looked like Ryo, so.. I just forget about it. But then I realized that they wore something really similar, Erika always wear a semi-long earring with a black dot, while Ryo wear a necklace, with the same black dot. I saw it when the necklace accidently came out from his collar white shirt when he bent down to take some glass.

I have a little brother, and from what I saw, Ryo and I shared the same ideas on how we want them turn to be when they grow up. So then I agree to helped him.

In about 3 weeks, I try my best to help Ryo to take his sister out from the club. From the first step I sneaked in to take the girl from Tomohisa’s hand, until I called the nice policeman, Hiraoka Yuuta to protect the girl from Tomohisa’s men.

To be honest, I was kinda torn in two. On one side, it’s like I betrayed Tomohisa, because im not on his side this time. But on the other side, I cant imagine how will I be, if im in Ryo’s position and saw my little sister in this situation.

Yes, just as we all might guess, Tomohisa are really mad as he found out his new toy are gone. At first, he didn’t point his finger at me, but as his reliable man leaked out the truth that im behind this, in one night, he came to me when I was with a guest.

‘’Masami, I need to talk.’’ he stood beside the table.

Then I said to my guest calmly, ‘’chotto matte ne (wait a minute, okay)?’’

We walked kinda far from the crowd. As I already know what he would say to me, but then I just ask, ‘’doue (what happen)?’’

He slapped me in the face without saying anything.

‘’I never taught you do something tricky behind my back.’’ he said. ‘’I would never expect you to disobey me.’’

I was shocked, but I didn’t cry.

Yes, I felt kinda betray him because I helped someone else to opposed him, but he’s wrong about disobey.

‘’I work for your father, and I never disobey him. You’re not my boss.’’

His hand formed into a fist as its trembling. He was this closed to punch me, I thought. But h doesnt, he’s just shove me to the wall and held both of my hands.

‘’I let you to do anything, but that doesn’t mean you can turn me into your laughing matters.’’ He said.

I cant move even a little bit because his grip is too strong. ‘’I didn’t do it for fun. I just save an innocent girl from a situation that can crush her.’’

‘’oh, really? so you think I will crush her?? I thought you knew me better than that.’’ he said as he bent closer.

I sighed. ‘’I don’t mean to save her from you,’’ I pointed to his chest, ‘’but Im trying to save her from this underground world. And I also knew that someone else might have filthier idea than you are.’’

He just stood in silence.

As I told you before, I knew him for 5 years, and there’s so many things that I knew but kept to myself.

I know a secret, that contrary to his rumored reputation, actually he never gonna throw any girl on his bed if they didn’t want to. He might look like a player since he always went around with many girls, but that’s only to promote this club.

Yamaa senior was also the same. He was pushed into this business as he’s just an accomplice of more powerful man in this country. He can do nothing much other than to keep the girls –hostess- safe. That’s why I said, we’re hostess, not es.

For a husband and son of a woman who once were torn apart by such a low bastard when she’s still young, both of the Yamaa are two suffered man.

It happens at me, too. After I lose my ity to him, he kinda avoiding me. But as I didn’t say anything, he might just understand that im not at him.

‘’im not mad because you took that girl away.. I also doesn’t care what’s the reason. I just don’t like the idea of you.. betray me like that. Being opposed to me.’’ he said with a cold tone as he loosen up his grip.

Then I just looked down, ‘’im so sorry..’’ and I lifted my head to face him, ‘’I just felt too.. connected to the idea, how will I be if it happens to my siblings.. and because of that, I didn’t regret to do the act.’’

We stood in silence for a quite long time, as then I said, ‘’I.. I don’t know. There’s too many complicated things between us..’’

He didn’t reply as I continue, ‘’if you want to tell your father to fired me, then go ahead.’’

‘’I wouldn’t do that. Now I even lost my interest to that girl.’’ He said.

I thought about Ryo and his little sister. I wonder where are they right now. After I talked to Hiraoka-san about them, I didn’t contact them again. Ryo said that it’s dangerous for me if Tomohisa find out. I just hope that they’re okay since now Tomohisa didn’t care about that. Although I kinda worried a bit because Tomohisa’s men sometimes are too dedicated as they can do anything to show their loyalty although Tomohisa himself didn’t ask for anything.

Actually, I just wants to say thank you to him, because of him and his sister, after what happened, Tomohisa and I can be more open and honest to each other.

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[Yamaa’s residence, 3:07 AM]

In one thing, I could never betray Tomohisa in the fact that I never slept anyone beside him. And when I thought I knew much, turns out that there’s one thing that I didn’t know about him. I just find out soon after that.. he’s doing the same as me. He’s been hiding the truth from me that he also never been in bed with another woman except me.

Once, he almost do it because he was too drunk. But then he regained his conscious as he remembered his reason to be loyal to me.

Since that night when we’re drunk and accidently slept together, as the result I lost my crown as a woman, he’s kinda shocked as he felt like he might be as low as the bastard who his mother.

But as I didn’t act differently to him, slowly, he can feel at ease again.

Maybe he promised myself to be like that because he felt guilty to me. To stole something from me without my concern.

We still didn’t know what lies between us, is it love? Lust? Money? Authority? We still looking for the answers.

All I know is that when I said to him a couple of minutes ago,

‘’you know, if you really want someone in your bed right now, I can call some of the girls that would really love to be there.’’

He just said with a tempting smile, ‘’thanks but no thanks. I kinda satisfied with this one.’’ And then he lifted me in his arms as he putted me down at the bed.

I felt mixed between upset because I kinda worried about my brother, although he’s with my neighbour right now, but still.. im his older sister. I also wants to laughs as he said, ‘’and don’t worry, I’ll apologize to Minami in the morning because I kidnapped his sister.’’ before then he kissed me again.

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Life is a mystery. As then I heard about Nishikido siblings,I felt so shocked to hear the fact that they already gone.. forever. And Hiraoka-san was never could be found. I believed that too many things lies behind the story as life always hides the truth as the truth awaits to be known.

But there’s something I can learn from a letter that sent to me from Nishikido Ryo that was found by his neighbour.

I will read it for you.

Masami,

Words might cant show you how much Im grateful for your help, and please remember wherever and whenever we are, don’t be afraid to be honest to yourself.. and others. Because there’s too many things unfolded as every story has so many sides and faces.

Im not a really open person, as I thought you, too. But as we opened to each other, and known each other, it leads you to actually be a hero that saves my sister’s life. Im not gonna judge anyone but I just keep thanking you to what you have done, so I hope you wont get any trouble doing that.

As there’s so many possibility in life, I hope we can meet again someday. But if we don’t, I just want to tell you this;

Please live your life happily, God blessed you and your sincere heart.

Nishikido Ryo.

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