Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!

Plot:
Well, what I notice is that there are too many plot 'twist' happening at the same chain of event –to the point where it does not exactly seem believable. Since this is a casual romance-drama story, I think you should wisely pick the way you want your plot to move. I was actually liking the idea of Yuri getting married (although there are parts about it that I found to be unsettling, I'll get back to it later) more as a twist –because I think the way you insert it at that point makes it feel like a decent surprise. But then you take it further by getting her to runaway from her wedding, then getting her in a car crash, then getting Minho to be happily married later on. Sure, misfortunes might be the way to make us feel more about the characters, but the abundant amount of them in the fic makes it less realistic and it seems like it takes a lot of effort to make it somewhat tragic.

I also find it a bit queer that Yuri, who first seemed to be 'accepting' her fate of marrying a stranger (notwithstanding the fact that I also find it a bit weird to have that kind of money-based marriage in nowadays practice –unless they are royalties or high profiles politicians), then managed to suddenly change her mind just because of a letter. Yes, this may be romantic at one point, but on the other hand, it's a bit inconsistent. With all the implications, I think Yuri should have realized the progress of her relationship with Minho prior to the marriage proposal. When she decides to get married, I thought she would have had prepared for Minho's feeling. She also seemed to be doing the marriage for her parents, but then she quickly disregarded her determination to chase Minho. I wouldn't mind if you add more contemplation before Yuri made up the decision to runaway from her own wedding though.

I actually enjoy the first part of your story more –actually, the plot is perfectly fine until the point where Yuri decided to ditch off her wedding (and then series of 'unlikely' unfortunate events seem to follow). The first part is nice, subtle, and I like the way you draw and build Minho and Yuri's relationship.

Characters: Yuri is either a slight Mary Sue or simply an inconsistent character. I do notice that you told the readers (from Minho's viewpoint) how Yuri has flaws. But readers never got to know or feel what her real flaws are. It's good that you already understand how a character needs to have flaw, you just need to implement it more. As indicated in the plot section, some of Yuri's actions actually confuse me –like there is no real grasp to her character.

Minho is better in terms of a character's layers. While I don't exactly favor him for "flaunting" his wallflower self, I see him as someone who has more than what it seems on the surface, and it's a good thing. I think you should have given more reasons or descriptions or scene on how he actually leads an apathetic viewpoint of life (him being apathetic, actually a plus point for him as a character, in my opinion). Develop him a bit more so that he could be more dimensional, but he got a good premise actually.



Style: I think the style is fine. Not the best, but not bad. I like the style in your other entry's "The Rose's Thorn" more though. In this "Bitter Day" entry, the part where I enjoy the writing style more is the first few meetings –when Yuri and Minho first met and all. Another part that I like from your style in this entry is the way you build the suspense and deliver the first twist when Yuri confessed that she was getting married. I think you stopped at the right time, and everything just felt more impactful that way. The part after that, however, is just... average. Again, far from being bad, but not insanely amazing either.

Suggestion:
• Pick the scenes, including the twists, wisely. Reality-based slice-of-life fic has to be as close as it is to real life, and again, there are too many bad things happening at a linear time that makes it less realistic.
• Dwell into Yuri's characterization more –especially since she is your main character here.
• Maybe it'd be good to have one or two paragraphs at the epilogue –I want to know Minho's reaction when he saw Yuri at the cafe. I want to know how he actually moves on.

Favorite Parts:
• The first twist (Yuri's announcing her marriage) is actually good and has a lot of potential. The timing of that scene and everything actually has a good material to be a decent twist.
• Their first meeting and how Yuri got herself involved with Minho. I think the scene was cute and warming at the same time.

 

Chapter 2: Awwww whyyyyyy

beautiful story :')

Chapter 2: OMG :(( she didn't even get to say she love him :((
But thank you for this beautiful story.