from the first time you forgot your mother's brithday because you were in korea, calenders are meant to be strictly kept.

the first time you forgot your friend's secret crush, you started writing everything down.

the problem with being pretty, you think, is that people underestimate you. the token face. maybe vocals. maybe dance. maybe a triple threat. but when you're a face nobody expects brains because that's reserved for either the average or the ugly and you are neither, no matter how much you claim so. the first time you tried writing hangul, the sunbaes told you it wasn't like writing chinese and now when you write your mandarin it's too block and you've lost that elegant cursive it took you all of 10th grade to develop. the thing is, you never really forget anything- you never lose your dreams or losses or failures or successes or every moment you were elated or broken.

the problem with being the vocal; the face; the token cute figure is that nobody thinks you're dreaming of bigger things. that one day you'll grow bored of this or maybe you have your own plan up your sleeve just like hangeng to get out of the trap that gave you stardom but slowly is out your life force, like some twisted black hole, and maybe you want to be real and legit and choose what colors to dye your hair and what songs to sing and languages to sing in. maybe you want to write your own songs because all your ideas are immortalized in writing but maybe you can bring them back to life through music (you have the words but somewhere along the way, you forgot where you put that sparked that made you come here in the first place)

somewhere along the way, you got lost while looking at the star you were trying to reach.

patience, you tell yourself, patience. someday you will find yourself again.