Days passed. Weeks passed. Months passed. And before I knew it, four years had passed. 

It was today.

“Do you Lee Donghae; take Ji Yoon Su to be your lawfully wedded wife?” He smiled softly at the woman in front of him before whispering softly yet loud enough, “I do.”

After the bride and groom said their final vows, the priest finally announced them and everybody stood up to cheer. Different feelings overwhelmed the church at that moment. The groom and bride too lost in their own world while their families cried tears of joy seeing their child find their partner to share their whole life with. Walking down the aisle together with smiles on their faces, they were congratulated by each person they past by.

Distracted by the many wishes they were receiving, Donghae failed to meet his best friend’s eyes that were desperately calling out to him.

Hyukjae had felt like . Ever since finding out from his family about Donghae’s engagement, he felt like . To be called his best friend was an overestimation since he didn’t even know about the girl. But he couldn’t focus on that betrayed feeling. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself the ache he was feeling was due to Donghae’s secrecy and not because of his lingering feelings.

And here he was months later, the wedding happening before his eyes. Donghae looking at the girl he didn’t even know about with loving eyes and a smile on his face. It wasn’t the same smile Hyukjae had seen all those years back. No, this smile was different. And that had hurt Hyukjae, because it meant that Donghae really was in love and they wouldn’t end up broken.

Seeing everything ensue before him, Hyukjae couldn’t even understand his feelings anymore. Was he feeling sad; because his childhood love was marrying off an unknown girl in front of his eyes? Happy; because his best friend is happy and he should too and because as long as he is happy, he should be too? Or maybe he just felt defeated and helpless; because he thought that maybe his feelings and actions were obvious and yet he knew he stood no chance. And seeing the bride in her lovely white dress only made him realize how stupid he was to even hope that maybe. Maybe it could be him. He didn’t know. All he knows is that it’s too painful to even be here. He was tired of hoping and wishing. He was just too tired.

At first, it was as good as it was

If I could just see you

But it seems I’m getting tired now of a never ending wait 

Donghae had talked to me after the wedding. It was at the reception. Everybody was busy dancing around and celebrating. After making the groom and bride play some games together and cutting the cake, the bride and groom went separate ways to greet some of their friends or family though they should have gone together. But I could understand why now. Donghae was determined to talk to me. I found out after he followed me out to the water fountain outside while I was drinking.

“Hyuk, thanks for coming.” He smiled at me earnestly so I smile back though bitterly at him.

Ba-dump

It was funny how even after all that pain, my heart can still beat for him.

We talked for a while, trying to catch up with the years we spent away from each other when he started talking about his fiancée –now wife. My heart clenched again. It was ironic how a person can make your heart beat like crazy and yet it is that same person that can cause it to ache all the same.

“Isn’t she beautiful.” It was not a question –it was a statement.

“She’s so different from all the other girls. I’ve never felt this way before. I just think I love her too much. Do you know that feeling, Hyuk? When you love someone so much, it hurts?”

“I know all it too well.”

“What?”

. That hadn’t meant to slip off.

I just shrugged it off but I could tell Donghae was bothered from curiousness about it. After a few minutes of silence –Donghae glaring at me; trying to make me talk– I finally sighed and decided to maybe vent out my feelings.

“This person, they’ve always been special. It didn’t matter how many friends I had or how many people loved me, that person always had a special place in my heart.” Donghae smiled softly at me. My heart clenched again.

“They don’t know though. How I feel, that is. They've always thought that ‘Ah, we’re friends’. But inside, I died a single time from hearing the word ‘friend’. They've always depended too much on me. Whenever they needed something, I was always there, watching out for them –always behind them, covering their back. But they never knew of my feelings. They never knew I loved them. I love them so much.” I looked at Donghae while saying this. He smiled bitterly at me in understanding and I chuckled at the irony of the situation.

I was always one step behind you

Will you forever be unable to see me?

If you look at me

And wave at me

“Yah, Lee Hyukjae, that is not a laughing matter. You could die from that.” I laughed harder at that until tears fall from my eyes and Donghae joins in too.

After the laughter finally died down, we look and smile at each other –him; happy, while me; from bitterness.

We talked about other things. I forbid the conversation to even reach the topic of romance. Fifteen minutes after, someone was calling for Donghae –most probably his wife. We stood up together, though I wasn’t planning on leaving, and looked at each other again.

“I miss this, Hyuk.” I smiled at him.

Me too, Hae. Me too.

“We should do this more often.” And after a two-finger salute, he left to tend his wife while I sat down in front of the fountain again.

I sigh heavily, mist following my breath. Then I felt a presence and someone slowly sitting down beside me. I looked to see who and snickered upon meeting eyes with a bunny look alike.

“Sungmin-hyung, what’re you doing outside?” I smile at the obvious answer.

“It’s not because of you. That’s for sure.” We chuckled a bit at our immatureness but even though he strongly denied coming for me, I can hear the worry behind his voice.

Neither of us talked then. Sungmin-hyung knew when to keep quiet and he was giving me time now. I needed time to mourn over the ending of my one-sided love. I needed time to take in the pain of knowing that now, those delusions of me and Donghae as lovers were really never going to happen. It was painful and I was on the verge of tears. I knew I’ve been holding it in but I really can’t cry today. Not today.

I might cry tomorrow or the next day after. I could accept that, as long as it wasn’t today. I wouldn’t allow myself to cry over Donghae finding true happiness. I can cry over my rotten romance any time but today is special for Donghae, so I’ll make it mine.

Finally gathering up the courage and composing myself, I stand up.

“It’s getting chilly; we should get in, Sungmin-hyung.” I smile brightly at him but he knows I was just trying hard but he plays along anyway. And with a ‘sure’, he walks back in while I have the last few minutes to myself.

I stared up at the dark skies and though it compliments my feelings, the night sky looked beautiful anyway.

Hyukjae looks towards the clear windows into the reception room and see Donghae and his wife popping a wine bottle open together, laughing at the big ‘pop’ it made and everyone around them clapping and laughing along with them. He stares longingly at Donghae and his smile. He smiles along with him, feeling sincerely happy –for the first time that day– for him.

I will always love you, Lee Donghae.

Forever I will stay with you

Fin.

That was the end. Thank you so much for reading this short story. I'm sorry I didn't update the day I said I would. That was because I was having a bit of a problem with the plot. I know how you guys wanted a happy ending so I tried but I couldn't come up with a ending that screamed I'M NOT SAD AND CRYING OVER THE LOST OF THE ONLY GUY I EVER LOVED. Yeah, haha, so I knew this was going to end up sad but I ddn't want it to be too sad since that wouldn't make you guys happy but I also didn't want it too happy since that would make my pessimstic and masochistic side, that LOVES angst and tragedy, sad. So I thought of abandoning this story, Hahahaha, I know. I wanted to kill myself for thinking that too. But just the last minute, I heard an amazing song which I haven't heard in YEARS, and A WHOLE PLOT LITERALLY THREW ITSELF AT ME. But anyway, putting the goof aside, I really enjoyed writing this story. It was for a competition but I hope YOU, who decided to swoop in and check my story out, have enjoyed this. Oh and this was a Song fic by the way. The song is called Dream Of A Doll by Loveholic. This is not the song by the way that threw itself at me. I hope you can check iit out and hope you like the song cause I love it.

Thanks again for reading! Do leave a comment and I hope we can meet again some time in the future when YOU decided to swoop in again and check out my stories. Hahaha, okay I need to shut up. Adios guys~!

-Mistiri