Three years had past. I was nineteen. And I still had those dreams.

“Hyukjae! Concentrate, dammit!” Hearing the loud booming voice, Hyukjae finally snapped out with a jump. Shhh’s were directed towards them and Hyukjae’s face darkened with a flush, apologizing to everyone around and waited for it to die down.

When it finally did, he glared at the person beside him, who had no shame for not even apologizing himself. “Don’t you dare glare at me, Hyuk. I’ve been calling your name for like a hundred times already! Why the are you so distracted?” Sungmin, his new best friend, scolded him.

Yes, his new best friend. Ever since entering college, he and Donghae seemed to have drifted apart. They weren’t as close as before. With Hyukjae majoring in Law & Management and Donghae in Sports Coaching, they had very different schedules and could not balance studies with friends. But somehow, Donghae seemed fined with studies and girls but not Hyukjae. And because Hyukjae was too obsessed with Donghae in high school, always only hanging out with Donghae, he lost almost all of his other friends. Only finding time for Donghae, he lost his social life and he was just known as the over-studying nerd. Only Sungmin never left him. He was grateful for that.

They had been in the library for quite some time now, trying to study. But it wasn’t working so well for Hyukjae. With the football team out in the open field, the window giving away a perfect view for Hyukjae. The question was how he could even concentrate.

“I’m sorry, Min.” Sungmin looked at him sympathetically –a tad bit guilty– for bursting out like that. He knew about Hyukjae’s not so simple crush on his childhood best friend –who had unfortunately drifted away from their friendship.

When he met the two, he definitely thought that they would never part from each other. How wrong was he. After entering college, Donghae’s playboy ways seemed to be taken to another level. He discovered that college was more laid back and girls were definitely a way to pass time; leaving behind his best friend.

Sungmin had figured out Hyukjae’s feelings on his own and the day Donghae kissed his new girlfriend in front of Hyukjae, he had been Hyukjae’s crying shoulder. They became closer since then.

At first, Sungmin felt sad and encouraged Hyukjae to not give up. But after sometime, it was too much for him to look at Hyukjae –it hurt Sungmin to look at him. It was becoming unhealthy for him.

Hyukjae was suffering.

He had only met Hyukjae in their second year of high school and by then, Hyukjae had already discovered his feelings for Donghae. God knows since when did Hyukjae started growing these feelings.

He never hung out with anyone else other than Donghae, Sungmin and a few other close friends that Sungmin introduced him to. He had even ditched Sungmin and a few others to hang out with Donghae because he broke up with his girlfriend and was lonely. He never had a chance to date. Not a girl or another boy.

Sungmin felt that Donghae was restricting Hyukjae from doing more things and experiencing life. It was unfair. Why could Donghae go around freely, hanging out with his other friends, when Hyukjae only had him and Sungmin? Why could Donghae go out with girls, changing from time to time, when all Hyukjae thinks about is him?

Why was Donghae moving on when Hyukjae was stuck to where he was –leaving him behind.

There came an incident where Donghae and Hyukjae decided to catch up and made plans to go see a movie. Hyukjae, being the early bird he was, arrived there ten minutes before the appointed time. He waited there for an hour or so until Donghae called to cancel saying his girlfriend needed company. Hyukjae could still remember the distinct sound of the girl’s pleading voice.

“Hey Hyukjae, sorry man. I totally forgot to call you. I need to cancel today. Yoon Sol’s kind of down so I came to cheer her up. Sorry again, dude.”

“Oppa~ Pali~!”

“Uh~!”

–Beep–beep–

Sungmin came as fast as he could the moment Hyukjae called him sobbing. He wanted to kill Donghae then and there.

Many times he had tried asking Hyukjae what he saw in Donghae. But even Hyukjae couldn’t answer. He just couldn’t.

People asked me why I looked at one spot so much

I couldn’t understand it myself –my mind

Like a small doll, I’m only looking towards you

Sungmin was glad that the next week, Donghae had the dignity to apologize and even feel guilty. But he was not going to forgive him that easily, except, Hyukjae had already forgiven Donghae.

“I’m sorry, Hyuk. I forgot you were a big softie. I won’t do that again.”

If you look at me

And wave to me

I would always love you

There was another time, Donghae talked to Hyukjae and Sungmin about his new girlfriend. Sungmin almost lost control and rant out at Donghae if it wasn’t for Hyukjae.

“She’s beautiful. I’ve never met a girl as beautiful as her. We’ve been dating for almost two months now. I haven’t been in a relationship this long since high school. I think we might last quite some time, you know? With a girl like her, I think I could definitely last.”

Sungmin had pulled Hyukjae with him out of the room then, not even bothering to excuse himself, seeing the tears threatening to fall Hyukjae’s eyes.

Hyukjae couldn’t ignore Donghae’s smitten voice. How he talked about another girl. How he was so sure they could last. Why did they not talk like that with each other?

I dream everyday

A dream of you and I speaking to each other

By the end of their first year in college, they settled by calling each other with their first names. No more Hae, no more Hyuk, no more Myeolchi, no more Fishy. It was just Hyukjae and Donghae now –nothing less, nothing more. They also stopped trying to salvage their relationship and stopped hanging out with each other altogether. Hyukjae actually got even closer to Sungmin along with his other friends –Kyuhyun, Yesung, Heechul and Leeteuk. They were a weird bunch, Hyukjae admitted that. But they weirdly fit each other. Donghae stuck to his football teammates and girls. They looked like they hardly know each other.

Hyukjae would sometimes find himself asking.

What happened?

I dream everyday

A dream of you and I speaking to each other

But you won’t know the pain afterwards

Next [Last] Chapter:

At first, it was good as it was .:. If I could just see you .:. But it seems I'm getting tired now of a never ending wait

I was always one step behind you .:. Will you forever be unable to see me? .:. If you look at me .:. And wave to me

I would always love you

 ☽ Forever, I will stay with you ☾