4. When You Say You Love Me

Title: When You Say You Love Me

Words: 731
Pairing: Taoris
Summary He didn't know if it was just the difference in languages or personalities, but "I love you," seemed to mean something different to Tao than it did to Kris. It makes him wonder if everything was one sided to begin with.

Author's Note: So maybe that gif is a little too happy >___>;;
 

Sometimes Kris feels like he has some sort of hold on Tao. Like maybe Tao sees something in him... Kris doesn't know, extra special? More so than the other members.
But then again, maybe it's just the fact that he helped Tao through his trainee years more.
Kris used to think that Tao looked at him like he was the brightest star in the sky. That no matter how many flaws Kris showed him, Tao would always keeps his eyes trained on that star.
Kris doesn’t want to seem needy, he definitely doesn’t want to seem desperate either, but slowly, over time, things seem to have changed.
"I love you, Kris."
Kris remembers the time Tao went through this phase of trying to call him Kevin, but he could never pronounce it right and Kris had to all but beg him to stop. It seems like to Kris that time is going too fast. One moment Tao was this cute kid that looked to him for guidance, asking his thoughts and pinning after his approval for everything. Then it was like in a blink of an eye that all changed.
It was the hair, Kris tells himself. As soon as Tao dyed his hair it was like Kris was a thing of the past.
"Did you hear me? I said I love you."
Kris hears, he just can't find it in himself to full-heartily believe the words coming out of the younger's month. Especially not when he runs off and worms his way into Joonmyun's personal space.
Sometimes Kris thinks that Tao doesn't quite speak the same language as him. Even though Kris hears the Chinese words roll off his tongue so effortlessly, he still can't bring himself to believe.
"I. Love. You."
Kris holds his tongue. He is never one to waste important words. So when Tao stares up at him after sprouting out those very same words that seem to have stuck themselves in Kris's throat, he wants to run. But he also wants to sit Tao down and explain the deeper meaning in those words because Kris so badly wants him to mean it. He'd be lying if he said his heart doesn't give a little jump every time he hears him say it.
But then he runs off and says those exact same words to another member.
Kris pretends that his heart doesn't crack just a little at that.
Kris likes to think he still has a hold on Tao, but if he's completely honest with himself he knows he probably never actually did. Tao just needed time to get use to the limelight. To open up into his true self.
Kris was only ever just the first stepping stone in that journey. He always knew that everyone would just love Tao, they had to. There is no way you could truly hate someone like him.
Kris misses it though. He misses how Tao looked up to him. How, instead of saying it with words, Tao showed him that he loved him.
But maybe this is Kris's fault. Maybe, just maybe, if Kris had returned those feelings back then -had showed him that yes, he feels the same- then things would be different now.
"I love you."
Tao says this a lot now, but Kris can only hear empty words. The feeling was lost somewhere in the repetition of the phrase. And that thought alone makes Kris weary.
He knows he's still the same Tao, just with more masks and more walls. And maybe now Kris isn't welcome anymore.
Not like before.
"Kris is my favorite, I love him the most!"
It hurts, but Kris can't see a way to fix it. How to make this a little less one-sided. He doesn't have the answers for this. He doesn't know which path he should take. He doesn't even know if there still is a way to take that leads him where he wants to go.
But Kris knows one thing. He's late. Probably even too late.
So as Tao passes by with a sugar-coated smile as he speaks those lifeless words, Kris is left with a heavy heart. He's left to stare after him as he makes his way through the world with the words that he held onto for too long.
"I love you too..."
But does it even mean the same thing to you anymore?