“And I repeat, what in the world are you guys planning?”

That should be deemed my official question whenever I enter this dorm room…or at least whenever I meet up with these guys. It was like entering a warzone/new realm in which I felt defenseless and vulnerable every single time I came here. Sure, what they were doing may not have seemed very dangerous, but there was always an ulterior motive behind these actions. Trust me, as playful as they looked and acted on the outside, they were evil masterminds that should have never been formed into a group. I could feel the end of the world nearing as we speak.

“Hyung, can we make some popcorn?”

Like I said, evil masterminds at work as we speak.

“Yah, Hwang Chansung, we’re preparing our presentation. Can you quit thinking about food for just two seconds!”

…And two seconds passed.

“Hyuuuung~”

“Yah, shut up- Oh hey Kwangie! –and quit thinking about food!”

That was my Woo brother that had the tendency to just randomly change the subject at any given moment. Hence the midsentence greeting. Call me (or the rest of his circus of a boy band called 2PM) crazy, but knowing that I had the power to be able to decipher his random spazzes and switch-subject tendencies was rather enlightening.

“Uh…what are you guys doing?” I asked (with caution) referring to Wooyoung and Chansung as well as Jay and Taecyeon who were huddled up in the opposite corner of the living room space of their dorm. Dare I say evil plotting?

“We are preparing our presentations!” Wooyoung responded just a tad bit too enthusiastically. I began to worry, but obviously, I did not outwardly express that.

“Presentations for…?”

“We’re helping Junho confess to your sister!”

…

“OW!”

Now if you’re thinking that that was me hitting Wooyoung upside the head, then you’re wrong…partially. Oh trust me, I wanted to do it oh so badly, but Junsu had beaten me to it, doing it with a frying pan nonetheless. It was admirable, really. The glorious frying pan~

“WHAT THE HELL HYUNG?!”

“I’m surrounded by idiots…” he muttered while placing the frying pan on top of the counter that divided the living room from the kitchen, “What’s up, Kwang?”

“Nothing much, hyung.”

You see, Junsu (and partially Nichkhun) was probably the most sane one out of the seven of them, and though I did not exactly portray the perfectly sane human being myself, I would like to believe that he and I got along the best because of our similar thoughts on being surrounded by idiots. Obviously, both of us mention this in the nicest way possible.

“Did Junho-hyung ask you and Khun-hyung as well?”

He merely nodded while sighing.

“And exactly what do you plan on telling him?”

“Well I wouldn’t bother, honestly, but the kid started begging like there was no tomorrow…”

“You sound like my sister.”

“That’s inevitable when it comes to Junho.”

I merely nodded in agreement. Hey, if acting like Alex was the only way to get him to calm down every once in a while, then by God, I would do just that.

“JUNHO! COME OUT! NOOOOW!”

…Yes Wooyoung. Just call him like he would die if he didn’t come out that moment… And where in the world did that projector and white projection screen come from? I did not see that when I first came in…

“What are you guys doing?” I heard the familiar female voice from behind me…

Perhaps it was the fact that I heard that voice every single day of my life that I wasn’t at all alarmed by its sound, but Wooyoung’s eyes had widened considerable, as if in an almost cartoon-ish fashion, non-verbally telling me to get the female presence of my evil sister out of here, and pronto. How in the world was I supposed to do that?! I told him with my eyes as well…and apparently he wanted me to go on a suicide mission or something…

“And I repeat, what are you guys doing?”

“Why hello there, Alex. What brings you here?”

Thank God Junsu-hyung always knew what to do in these types of situations.

“Nothing. I just followed Kwang here. Without him knowing, of course.”

“And what do we have here that would honour us with your presence?”

“Well would you look at that, where did the time go?” I said, not even looking at my watch, “Come on, ate, let’s go home.”

“You just got here, Kwang…”

“We have to go bake that cake, remember?”

And without her consent or anything (because honestly, when was the last time I did something with her consent anyway?), I picked her up and threw her over my right shoulder. God, she was freakin’ light… Was that a good thing?

“What. In the world. Are you doing.” How the calmness of her voice had induced some horrible fear into me… Her slight flinch that had come as her initial reaction when my hand made contact with her physical form was not helping.

“See you guys!” I said, exiting the dorm room, and probably off to my death. This was…how do you say…experimental? I’d never done this before, and I probably would never do it again.

“Kwang, I hate you.”

“Really now?” The sarcasm was obviously very well hidden in the tone of my voice.

“More…than the usual.”

…Oh…this sounds serious.

“I love you too, ate~”

“Right, and I like fluffy bunnies and cute puppies. Come on now, let’s be realistic, shall we?”

I sighed. There was no use in arguing with her. I could only imagine what it was like back at the dorm. Dare I say I almost felt sorry for Junho? Though not enough to care completely, he asked for that type of torture, and I wasn’t about to do anything to get him out of it.

“So my love for you isn’t real? You wound me, ate.”

“Get over yourself.” I could feel the anger seething through her teeth…yes, indifference had clearly portrayed her anger. “You know I hate it when you do that.”

“I know.”

____oOo____

“SO!” Ugh, why in the world did I ask for Wooyoung’s help anyway? Maybe I should have listened to Kwang… “Remember, from Chansung, the best way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. You already know that she likes cheesecake-”

“Banana and blueberry, thank you,” I cut him off. Have to be specific, just like noona. She was specific with everything!

“Yeah yeah yeah, okay, so you got it. Just remember, stomach equals love. MOVING ON!” And then he tapped the space bar on his laptop which continued the powerpoint presentation by one more slide… (You know, I really didn’t think that they meant they would put on a presentation when they said it…oh right, it was Wooyoung. Never mind…)

I looked on the slide full of bullet points and text and… “WHAT THE HELL?!”

“This is what you lack. You need the power to woo the woman. Come on now!” …I think he takes the Woo part of his name too seriously (I think he even told me one time that his name was like that because he liked to Woo young women). I feel sorry for Kwang…

“And you want me to do that with…” Please burn my tongue for saying this… “…pickup lines?”

“Well do you have any better ideas?”

“Pickup lines with ual connotations nonetheless?!”

“Come on, they can’t be that bad. Here.” He pulled me so we were side by side, our faces practically touching… “Read the first line.”

“…You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Come on…read it~”

I sighed, inhaling deeply as if it would be my last breath, “Baby, let’s play house…”

“…Keep going.”

“…You can be the door…”

“…Keep going…”

“…”

“Come on! Just get it over with!”

“…and I’ll bang you all night long…”

And then there was an immediate eruption of laughter from behind the two of us. Turning around, I found Jay and Taec both laughing their asses off as well as Nichkhun-hyung merely smiling (though I could tell he was desperately trying to keep in his laughter) and Junsu-hyung just shaking his head disappointedly at the two of us. Chansung was off to the side, eating a banana, completely disinterested with what we were doing…or at least I’m pretty sure he was disinterested.

Now Wooyoung had apparently felt deeply offended by this…but one could never be too sure with Wooyoung.

“YAH!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“What are you guys laughing at?! This plan is fail proof! There’s no way this would not work!”

“You mean other than the fact that she might hate Junho and look at him like he’s an idiot for the rest of his life?” Oh Junsu-hyung with his words of wisdom…

“Come on dude!” he made me face him, “Get your game on. Gotta use your Woo powers! Like, to the max level!”

“I’m pretty sure the only one that believes these Woo powers exist is you, Wooyoung, and personally, I don’t find them very effective at all.” Ooooh damn, a Junsu burn. They be to da third degree, yo.

“Ugh, whatever, you’re just jealous, hyung. Okay, let’s continue Junho. NEXT LINE!”

“…do I really have to?”

“YES!”

“No, you don’t have to Junho,” I heard Junsu-hyung say from behind me.

“Yay-”

“No! You have to. Now READ!”

I mentally cursed myself for ever having asked them now. It’s like I could hear Kwang’s ever so eminent “I told you so, hyung,” replaying in my head over and over again. Nonetheless, I looked over the next line of text that displayed on the projection screen. Oh…I could just imagine how this would go in my head…

--

“Hey baby,” the man had said in the most seductive voice he could muster up.

“…What’s wrong with you?” the petite woman that stood in front of him had questioned in an awkward manner.

“I wish you were sin²x and I was cos²x, so together, we could be one.”

“…”

He looked at her with a panicked look, even if he had executed the line flawlessly. Perhaps it was not the correct line for this occasion…

“Junho, I hate you.”

“WHAT?!”

“You know I hate math, and even if it did make sense…that’s just WRONG!”

“Noooo, noona, I’ll be good!”

“Sorry, this won’t work out.”

“NO! NOOONAAAA~”

And then, the evil face that had a huge smirk plastered on it had come into view. It was none other than the face of the woman’s younger brother.

“I told you so, hyung.”

--

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO-”

“Yah, shut up!”

“NO, THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I’M GONNA SAY THAT!”

“What?! It’s perfect!”

“You of all people should know that Alex hates math, Woo,” Nickhun-hyung interjected, “Or maybe you’re thinking of Kwang, but as far as I know, he’s not gay, so perhaps you should direct your tactics to the opposite gender…or at least towards someone with the proper ual orientation.”

Yeah…there was no way I was ever asking for Wooyoung’s help again.