I originally thought the lights went out, but that was probably only because I shut my eyes tightly. It was dark, but the minute I opened my eyes, blinding light welcomed me. It was a warm welcome if you’re curious, and not that “Oh, hey there, Key, it’s nice to finally see you around! Fancy a cup of tea?” type of “warm” welcome. It was a 98 degree Fahrenheit type of “warm” welcome. It was blinding, as I’ve mentioned, yet I managed to see through the light at my surroundings. The bright light beamed down at and all over me for a mere second before things began to be clearer and less intense against the white light.

I was lying on a floor made of what seemed to be glass tiling. Beneath the floor and through the glass, I saw only an expanse of light blue and wispy, white clouds floating by. All around me, the flooring seemed to go on for miles, and yet that’s all I saw. I were some nutcase, then I’d be able to say that I was possibly drifting in the sky. Except that can’t be true because

1. The temperature is perfectly fine all the way up here in the atmosphere, despite what my science teacher taught me about it,
2. I couldn’t see anything below me – not even water or land. Just the blue sky and cotton-y clouds, and
3. I’m not a nutcase.

I stood up slowly, afraid that I might crack the glass tiles and fall through to my death (but that really can’t happen because, really. Me? Breaking glass with my weight? Impossible). As much as I was surprised and dumbfounded with where I happened to be at that moment, I looked down at what I was wearing and immediately noticed that I wasn’t wearing a black and white striped Topshop sweatshirt and the pair of bright red skinny jeans the stylist-noonas chose for the photoshoot. Can’t say I hate it, though, because this new outfit looked better and even possibly made me look ~y~. I peered at my faint reflection from the glass floor, looking at the white, crisp suit that I was wearing. I didn’t know the designer or the brand, but the fabric was extraordinary. It was warm and soft and everything else amazing. I looked amazing.

After appreciating my appearance, I looked back up. Much to my dismay, nothing has changed around me. I’m probably in a dream, aren’t I? But when did I ever fall asleep? I remember distinctly being at the photoshoot with the other guys from SHINee. I remember last talking to Onew, walking past the photoshoot coordinators and assistants, roughly forcing Taemin and Minho out of my way, posing a smile for the camera before… before…

Panic began to hit me at that moment as everything that just happened played out in my mind. I raced across the glass floor, trying to get somewhere, anywhere.

“Help!” I yelled from the top of my lungs, heaving out as much air as I could manage. “Is anybody out there! HEY! HELLO? I’m here! It’s me, KEY! IS THIS SOME SORT OF JOKE? Where am I? What am I doing here?! HELP! HEY! JI HYUN-AH! ONEW-HYUNG! TAEMIN-AH! MINHO! JJONG-HYUNG! HELP! WHERE AM I?!”

I kept running, and running, and running. But the flooring kept going, and going, and going. There seemed to be no end at all to this. There was no one and nothing in sight, but the floor went on and on. I bent over, trying to regain oxygen from all that running and screaming and sobbing, but the strangest thing was that I was fine. Normally, I couldn’t last more than two minutes of running without rest, let alone while shouting. But this time, I wasn't gasping for air nor losing my breath. I was fine.

I clutched my heart – trying to calm myself down as the panic running through me increased – but when my hand laid on my chest, I felt nothing. There was no heartbeat.

“NOOOOO!!!!” I screamed in agony. “No! This can’t be! No, no, no!” Tears poured out of my eyes without an end. I had always that thought that crying and sobbing and tears were nonexistent where I was (wherever I was) but I thought wrong. I kept crying. “No, please, NO!”

I continued sobbing, trying to feel or find some way that this was all a dream. I clasped my hand over my neck and arms. My skin was pale and cold, and that only added to my anguish.

I plastered on a huge smile for the photographer noona. “Okay! Ready for my close up!”

It was all so clear now.

But before she could take a photo of my flawless beauty, I heard an ear-piercing screech, followed by some woman screaming, “Key! NO!”

How could this happen to someone like me?

And then, the lights went out.

I’m still so young.

Something heavy fell on my head, causing me to topple onto the floor under the weight of such a thing like little doll. I couldn’t see, but I could hear. I could hear screams, crying, and people running towards my body. I could hear a familiar voice crying out and screaming, “No! Key, no!”

I was still so full of life.

 I couldn’t see, but I could feel. I could feel the heavy footfalls of people rushing to my aid. I could feel the huge weight on top of my body trying to be lifted up by several of those people, but with no success. I could feel something cold and wet flowing all around my head, quickly streaming everywhere around me.

I couldn’t. I just couldn’t be. There’s no way that I was –

“You’re dead, Kibum.”

I looked up from my irrepressible crying. My eyes were so blurry from the tears, but all I could make out from what I saw was a shadowy figure of a man. Judging from the shadow, he was a tall man with long hair and wore a long robe that was draped over his body.

I rubbed my eyes. “Wh-what? How c-could this happen?”

The man spoke. His voice was deep and warm. Somehow, the tears stopped falling when he spoke and I felt a tinge of security. I still couldn’t see him clearly even after I wiped away the tears.

“You were killed by your own selfish ways, my son.”

“What?” I asked him incredulously.

“You pushed my sons, Taemin and Minho out of the way for your personal, selfish gain. You killed yourself.”

“No! That can’t be!” I nearly yelled, though I found it hard to let out any anger. It seemed as if my anger against what this man said was being repressed by an unknown force or spirit.

“Taemin was shoved by you, which in turn had stumbled back against a large lighting prop. The prop had lost its balance and hence, fallen on you. Kibum, my dear son, you were killed instantly.”

I wanted to laugh, but couldn’t. “N-no. You’re just playing around. You’re kidding.”

“Kibum,” he replied. No matter how doubtful and unconvinced I sounded, he still remained patient with me. “I created the Heavens, the Earth, and you. I gave you life, and unfortunately, I have taken it away.”

Within a second of hearing His words, I began to tear up again. “I died? W-why? Why did you kill me! Oh, God, please, why? I’ve never done anything so wrong – ”

“And who’s to say you are the judge of what you have and haven’t done wrong?” He spoke with so much authority that it shut me up instantly and caused me to fall on my knees, keeping my head down. “Because of your greed and arrogance, I’ve had to cut your life short. Kibum, I tried so many times to warn you.”

“W-warn me, God? How?”

“Everyone around you tried to warn you. Don’t you think that I was behind all those, too? Even the day you died, Minho had enough heart to notify you about your selfless, childish ways.”

I dropped my face in my hands, recalling what Minho told me that day. That whole time I was ing over Ji Hyun attending her grandfather’s funeral. Now, it may seem as if she’s got another funeral to attend.

“I-I’ve died.” My voice quivered as I said those two simple words. They were just two, simple words and yet it was like spitting out fire. “All I was, all I am, all I ever will be – gone.”

Again, I broke down, my hands clasped over my face to mop up the tears. I felt a strong, firm hand on my shoulder and I knew it was God comforting me, but His words anything but comforting.

“Don’t be pitiful about what you lost, be pitiful about who you were,” He told me. “Although that world was temporary, you still treated it like a joyride. Through the years I watched you as a curious, intuitive little boy from the humble city of Daegu, grow up to be one of the most sought-after, talented celebrities in South Korea. I’m proud of you, Kim Kibum, but at the same time I am deeply displeased. I see that you are an ‘idol’, now? Have you not been paying attention to your preacher in church? Thou shalt not put any idol before your God. Many young girls in South Korea have put you in front of Me, Kibum. What do you have to say for yourself?”

I continued crying. My sobs were blocking any words that would come out of my mouth.

“Not only that,” God continued, “I am disgusted with how you treat yourself in life. Arrogant, self-centered, ill-mannered, disrespectful…”

Okay, to be honest, I really didn’t expect my afterlife to be like this. God was going on and on how about much of a jerk I actually was and it really did make me feel horrible.

“Anyway,” He said, seeming to cut Himself off from continuing on. He’s God and I know He had a lot more to scold me on my life, but He decided not to just then. “As I’ve said, I disliked what you’ve let yourself become. I tried to use the people around you to turn your life for the better, but I suppose you are really indeed the stubborn type.”

I pouted. “I’m sorry, God. I admit that I have done so much wrong in my lifetime. Someone as wretched as me shouldn’t even deserve to be standing in front of you.”

“True,” He agreed. “But because of your obstinate nature, I had no choice but to step in. Kibum, as your Holy Father, I love you entirely and will do anything for you just as how I’ve let my own begotten Son die for your sins.”

“I know,” I replied, looking down.

“And as your Father, I only know what’s best for you – which is why I had to stop your life for the time being so that you could listen to what I have to tell you.”

I pricked my ears up, anticipating God’s next words.

“As your only Omnipotent Father, I have the power to end your life – but also to restart it once again.”

Automatically, my face shot up and a sense of happiness shot through me.

“Now, don’t get too excited just yet, Kibum,” He warned. “Listen carefully to what I am going to tell you.”

I nodded diligently, not saying another word to let Him continue.

“On the day of May 11, 2011, I will restore you life and health back to what it was when your soul last left your body.”

My heart (or whatever was left of it) leaped hearing this, before God continued.

“However,” and after hearing this, I began to anticipate His words nervously. “You won’t have the same lifestyle and fate that your old self once had. You won’t be part of SHINee, you won’t be a singer, you won’t be rich nor famous.”

That felt like a blow to the stomach and all I could ever feel was the hard, stinging aftershock of such sudden infliction of pain.

“I-I’m not famous anymore?” I asked, fear in my voice. “And what about SHINee? God, you know that they aren’t just a band to me. They’re my colleagues, my best friends, my brothers…” My voice trailed away as tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about Onew-hyung, Jonghyun-hyung, Minho, and Taeminnie. Not only do I feel awful for my immediate family, I felt awful for my SHINee family.

“Yes, yes, I understand,” God said. “Now quit your crying, Kibum. I created you to become a more masculine man than that.”

“S-sorry,” I sniffled.

“As I was saying, son, your life will be different once I give it back to you. You’ll keep the same name, same childhood, same you, but it will be as if you never auditioned for the company. Your life of stardom and fame is therefore nonexistent.”

“God, how can that be?! How can I be the same ‘me’, if the‘me’ I’ve ever been is the Key you see on music videos and TV screens?”

“That was the problem; that was the trigger that has turned the young, insightful child I created into an advocacy for greedy sins and desires. You’ve let your fame and powers of influence get to your head, staying ignorant of the fact that you were only evolving into a monster.”

“So… I’m going to be living a homely and remotely average life?”

I heard God grunt a little in annoyance, but He said anyway, “You’re going to regain your life back, yes.”

“But I don’t even know how my life would turn out if I had never auditioned. After becoming ‘Key’, I forgot my initial life goals and plans.”

“You wanted to be a stylist,” God told me.

My eyes lit up. “Really? Did I? Like, what kind of stylist? I think it was fashion stylist, because I remember coming up to my eomma one day and criticizing her choice of outfit. She didn’t really like the way I told her that her brown loafers totally killed the aesthetic of her floral print dress and it totally did earn me a spanking in the , but she did change out of her loafers into something more sensible for her dress – ”

“Yes, Kibum,” God interrupted, holding up his hand to stop me. “A fashion stylist. Hence, when you regain your life you will wake up as a fashion stylist’s intern working closely with a client. You should be grateful that I’m not exposing you to harsher punishment as a sweet potato farmer in the hills of North Korea.”

 “North Korea!” I squeaked, “Oh, God, yes, I’m truly, truly grateful to be basking in your unending mercy.” I smiled to myself, thinking about God’s new gift to me. Maybe dying isn’t such a bad thing after all. “So, um, God? You said I had a client. May I ask who it is?”

“When you wake up, you’ll be living in Seoul, though your parents and grandmother will remain in Daegu, where you grew up. You are your nineteen-year-old self, but that privileged lifestyle your parents granted you when you were a child will not be there. You’ll be as humble as was your assistant, Kwon Ji Hyun,” God said, though not answering my question. “As I said, you’re no longer Key from SHINee. You’re Kim Kibum, a nineteen-year-old young man trying to make a living by working as a fashion stylists’ intern for a certain client. You only make a feeble amount in salary compared to your previous life. As for SHINee, they’re actually a quartet band now. They know no rapper or singer by the name of Key.”

I felt like crying again, but as God was watching me, I remained still.

“Your clients, by the way,” He added. “Is SHINee.”

I nearly jumped. “SH-SHINee, God? I get to see and be around my brothers again! Oh thank God – no, thank You! I can’t wait to get back and tell Taeminnie how much I loved him and Jong – ”

“Uh, uh,” God spoke, wagging a shadowy figure of a finger in front of me. “Not so fast. Did you not understand me when I said that you, as Kim Kibum, are not part of SHINee anymore? You merely work for them, just as how your poor, modest assistant, Ji Hyun, has worked for you.”

“What?” I sank into despair. “But then… what is the use of living anymore?”

From the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of lightning and the sound of thunder rumbling. Uh-oh.

“Kibum,” God spoke, His voice deep and authoritative like the roll of thunder. “I told you to listen carefully to what I said. Have you disobeyed such simple commands from your God?”

I fell to my knees, holding my hands up in surrender. “S-sorry, God. “ The thunder around us began to quickly subside, and I felt a little safer to look up again. “So… basically, you’re going to restore my life but with a few conditions, right?”

“Yes.”

“And those conditions include living in a poor world, not being babied by my parents, and most unfortunately not being famous and part of SHINee?”

“I knew my dear son would be able to listen well.”

I bit my lip. “God, as much as I appreciate your magnificent gift to give me one more chance to live, I still don’t understand. If this one more chance is not even half as similar to my previous life, then why bother even living again? I mean, can’t I just go to Heaven? I heard everyone’s having quite a time over there. It’s like Vegas, except, you know, those other stuff.”

“And this is where I begin to explain why I really ended your life in the first place.”

“…what?” I raised both my eyebrows in shock.

A/N: I'm going to cut this chapter in half because apparently it's too long and blah blah I'm sure you've heard me say this before. Anyway, I hope some of you will get the idea of what Key's deal will really be about! Thank you for subscribing! Omo, I'm so nervous especially since most of you guys are expecting something like So...I'm His Boyfriend? I hope to not disappoint! Wish me luck, though! ;__;

Part two will come soon!