Dongwoo reached for something beside him, but feeling nothing but cold sheets, he frowned.

“Howonnie, where are you?” Dongwoo mumbled, cutely rubbing his eyes.

“I’m here, hyung,” the former replied, a smile underlying his words.

Dongwoo’s frown was replaced with a smile as the younger boy slipped into the room and set down a glass of water beside him.

“How did you sleep last night hyung?” Hoya asked.

“Fine,” Dongwoo said with a bright smile, which soon faded upon remembering what transpired ‘last night’.

Tears flowing heavily down his cheeks, her screams of “I can’t see you any more, Dongwoo” and excuses littered around the battlefield of their relationship.

Dongwoo swallowed. “Fine,” he repeated.

Hoya bit his lip, seeing through Dongwoo’s glass-like lie. He was quite obviously not over whatever happened last night (if his appearance on his doorstep at 12:30 in the night was any indication that something bad definitely occurred) and he needed Hoya to be strong and happy for the two of them right then.

So he produced the most dazzling smile he could, jumping up with a chirpy, “Dongwoo hyung, I prepared breakfast. Clean yourself up so we can eat.”

That brought a tiny smile from Dongwoo. “You? Manly Lee Howon cooked?”

Hoya ignored the jab and left the room so his hyung could get ready, securely closing the door before collapsing against it.

It hurt Hoya, physically, mentally and emotionally, to see his normally-happy Dongwoo reduced to this gloomy, heartbroken version of himself.

Hoya smiled brokenly and wanted to bark a laugh at his traitorous thoughts. No, Dongwoo would never be his Dongwoo. He could never hold, love and kiss Dongwoo, for he knew Dongwoo would only ever see him as the cute little sophomore he met in high school.

Burying his hands in his hair and suppressing the bitter thoughts, he entered the kitchen and set out two plates of scrambled eggs, bacon and orange juice. Sure, probably not a five-star hotel breakfast but he tried to pour all his affections for the elder in it, and hoped for the best.

Hoya suddenly wanted to laugh at himself. If, a few years ago, you’d told him he’d fall in love with a toy-loving, 23-year old dinosaur, he would’ve laughed in your face and possible beat you up just because he could. But now that was exactly what was happening.

To be honest, his love for Jang Dongwoo scared him. A lot. Like, piss-his-pants scared. The older dinosaur brought out a side of him that only his purple telletubby stuffed toy (that he expertly hid from everyone) ever got to see. And that terrified him. Hoya never liked other people having some kind of control over him, whatever it may be.

But with Dongwoo, he found that he didn’t mind. He wasn’t scared with Dongwoo because maybe, just maybe, there was no reason to be. Because Dongwoo was…

“Howonnie?” a voice said behind him, making Hoya jump.

“Oh, hi Dongwoo hyung.” Hoya released a shaky breath.

“You okay? It seemed like you were thinking really hard about something.” Dongwoo raised an eyebrow.

“Y-yeah, fine,” Hoya muttered, then cleared his throat. “Here, hyung. Eat it before it gets cold.”

Dongwoo eagerly dug in, a pleasantly surprised expression in his eyes. “This is really good Hoya!”

Hoya shrugged, like it was nothing, though he swore he could still feel the burns in his hand.

They ate in a comfortable silence, happy just in the company of each other.

“Dongwoo hyung, are you going anywhere today?” Hoya asked, handing the soapy dish to the former.

“Well, Minhee and I were planning on-” Dongwoo abruptly cut himself off, remembering that there no longer was a “Minhee and him”.

“Minhee noona and you were…” Hoya prompted, his hands absently rinsing the second plate.

“Nothing, I just remembered that she said she was busy today.” Dongwoo sighed, averting his eyes.

Hoya frowned. He couldn’t understand why Dongwoo was lying to him, but he knew that his hyung would tell him when he was ready.

“Well, if you’re not doing anything today,” Hoya said to lighten the mood, “You could drop by the studio and tell me what you think of this new song I’ve been working on.”

“Really, can I?” Dongwoo’s eyes were shining with happiness again, Hoya noted with a grin.

“Of course.”

----

Exiting the car and rushing through the entrance of Woollim Entertainment, Dongwoo took Hoya’s hand and ran excitedly towards the elevator, pressing the 3 button.

Hoya only chuckled, shaking his head.

“Zion hyung,” Hoya greeted the other man, entering the recording booth with a smile of a person who’d finally found their place of comfort (except for with Dongwoo of course).

“Oh, Hoya, you’re here early,” Zion said, shaking the younger’s hand. “And who might you be?”

He was addressing Dongwoo. “I’m Jang Dongwoo, Zion-ssi.” He bowed.

Zion chuckled. “Actually, my real name is Kim Haesol, but you can call me…” Zion looked at Hoya. “Wait, Jang Dongwoo…”

Hoya shook his head, eyes wide, making a cutting motion across his neck. Zion silently “ahhed~” in understanding, sending him a conspiratorial wink.

Hoya frowned at how obvious the older man was being, but let it go. “Zion hyung, let’s get to work? I brought Dongwoo hyung to hear Without You.”

They entered the recording booth, setting the lyrics sheet onto the stand.

“So, I’ve finally met your muse,” Zion remarked. “Not a girl, then.”

Hoya glared.

The other grinned. “It’s okay, I’m not judging. I just wanted to meet the person who you could make such great songs about. He must be really special huh.”

Hoya hid a smile, sending an ‘ok’ sign to the recorder.

Even when you’re not here,
I’m frustrated even when I have no time,
I keep on waiting when you’re not here
Even if I’m all grown up, I’m naïve
When I walk you home and stroll alone in the night
I smile again at your message saying “Go home well”
Because I miss you so much
Every time I call you on the phone
The caller tone feels really long
When you’re not at the place that I lay back on because I’m tired
When I can’t see you on a very sunny day
When I open my wallet and see your smile inside,
I think of you so much when you’re not here
When you’re not here, I miss you
I want to ask you if you feel like that too
These days, these kind of words are the saddest to me
I want to see you, but when you’re not here (When you’re not here)
When you’re not here (When you’re not here)
When you’re not here (I’m Without you)
When you’re not here (When you’re not here)
When you’re not here (When you’re not here)
When you’re not here (I’m Without you)

Dongwoo watched Hoya’s eyes, filled with passion, as he rapped the lyrics. He poured so much emotion into the song; he would have thought Hoya had actually experienced the things he sang about. Dongwoo then wondered when exactly Lee Howon grew from the cute sophomore boy he knew so well into this handsome man that seemed almost alien to him.

Hoya winked at him, causing Dongwoo to flush. Why was he suddenly having these thoughts?

When you’re not here I watch the TV by myself
When you’re not here even if I try to take a stroll
It feels somewhat lonely
It’s only when I walk with you that I feel relieved
The ice breaks
You really feel so nice
But oh my, because I might drift away from you for a moment
I pay attention to each of my text messages
I feel like I’m becoming a fool
When you’re not here
Baby baby tell me
Baby baby whisper to me
Baby baby if you also feel the same as me
Grab my hand girl
When I’m not there just like when you’re not there for me,
Baby raise my voice
Girl please let me be your love
When you’re not here (When you’re not here)
When you’re not here (When you’re not here)
When you’re not here (I’m Without you)
When you’re not here (When you’re not here)
When you’re not here (When you’re not here)
When you’re not here (I’m Without you)

Hoya poured his everything into the song. The reason that this song had come to life was right there in front of him and he tried to get his sentiments conveyed without being too obvious.

I wanna feel you
We’re getting stronger
I wanna listen to you cuz I love you so much
I wanna feel you
We’re getting stronger
I wanna listen to your voice
Song, my honey
Now if I look behind me I feel like you’ll be there
I feel like your cute hand is in my pocket
The pillow I hug to sleep seems to be just like you
Yeah everywhere I look, it feels like I see only you
I feel like you’re going to come and back hug me
When I just listen to your voice, I feel like I’m with you
When I’m tired I feel like I’m hearing you calling my name
When you’re not here
When you’re not here
When you’re not here
When you’re not here

When the song was finished, Dongwoo clapped excitedly, eyes shining with admiration.

“How was it?” Hoya asked, slightly breathless but nonetheless smiling a dazzling smile.

“It was-that was-” The only accurate depiction of Dongwoo’s feelings right then would have been asdfghjkl;zxcvbn.

“Good then.” Hoya visibly relaxed.

“It was great!’ Dongwoo broke out into a huge grin, feeling so proud of his treasured dongsaeng.

Zion was behind Hoya, observing the whole ordeal with an eyeroll. “These cute, oblivious idiots…” He shook his head.

Neither heard him.

Zion smirked. He decided to speed things up a little for the couple. (Or couple-to-be). “Dongwoo-ssi.”

“Yes?” Dongwoo raised his head, blinking cutely.

Ah, yes, Zion nodded to himself. He could certainly see the appeal. (He was one of the only people to know about Hoya’s obsession- preference for cute things.) “You’ve noticed how there’s big parts for the rapper?”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Hoya narrow his eyes. “Of course, it’s my song. It makes sense I have the most parts-”

“Well, not that I don’t think Hoya’s capable,” Zion ignored Hoya. “Which, believe me, I do. But wouldn’t it be great if the parts were evenly distributed between two rappers instead?”

“I guess…” Dongwoo nodded, deep in thought.

Hoya wanted to scream, as he watched Zion smirk and Dongwoo get innocently into the eldest man’s plan with completely not innocent intentions.

Suddenly, Zion’s expression changed from musing to what other people would have thought to be bashful (but which Hoya only labeled as conniving). “I was wondering… if you would give it a try.”

Hoya’s eyes narrowed further until they were mere slits, as opposed to Dongwoo who’s eyes widened like two saucers.

“Really? Me?”

Zion hummed, a genuine smile budding on his lips.

Dongwoo was about to voice his agreement, before freezing and looking hopefully at Hoya. “Howonnie, can I?”

(‘Howonnie?’ Zion smirked. He would file that away for further questioning (interrogating).)

Hoya wondered how Dongwoo expected him to reject him with that look. “Sure, sure.” Well, just as long as Zion didn’t do anything too bad…

“Great!’ Zion replied chirpily, knowing all-too-well that Hoya would have said yes. “Hoya, get started by teaching him the lyrics and evenly dividing it between you two. I just need to go get a drink for-um, my throat.”

Zion dragged the recording person outside on his way out.

Hoya sighed, knowing that whatever Zion was planning was probably very stupid. “Well, I guess we should start…”

When Zion returned (because apparently it took half an hour to find a glass of water), Dongwoo was well acquainted with the song and they had separated the song between the two of them. Hoya would take first verse, then chorus with Zion, while Dongwoo would take second verse and chorus, with Hoya joining in. Zion would sing his parts in the bridge, with both boys doing harmony. Hoya would take half the last verse, and Dongwoo would take the other half.  Zion would then finish the song with the chorus.

“Sorted?” Zion asked.

Both nodded.

“Okay then.”

Zion opened the song, watching the two boys on either side of him.

Hoya started his half of the rap, and Zion took note of the pleasured flush on Dongwoo’s face as he too (though less subtly) studied the youngest boy in the room.

When it was Dongwoo’s turn, Hoya made such lovesick faces it took everything Zion had not to puke. Really, he wondered how neither of them noticed how painfully obvious they were to bystanders. Really, he’d had to put up with Hoya’s endless complaints about how the relationship they had was purely one-sided for nothing? Because it certainly seemed like Dongwoo felt something for Hoya, and Hoya was just the stupid moron who couldn’t notice above is self pity.

Now if I look behind me I feel like you’ll be there
I feel like your cute hand is in my pocket
The pillow I hug to sleep seems to be just like you
Yeah everywhere I look, it feels like I see only you
 

When Hoya sang his part of the bridge, Zion noted that he didn’t even bother to hide his loving gaze towards Dongwoo. Dongwoo stared back and Zion decided he really didn’t need to be in between two hormonal adults lest he get molested too.

Zion mentally screamed at Hoya to keep it in his pants until they finished the song at least.

Singing the last “Without you~”, Zion couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

“You were great Dongwoo-ssi, thanks for your time, uh, bye!” Zion rushed out of the room, once again dragging out the innocent recording man so he could keep his innocence.

Dongwoo pouted. “Was I that bad?”

Hoya nearly had a seizure. Dear God, man, don’t pout you’re not doing my heart any favors. “No, you were great! I’m surprised you’ve kept your rapping skill even after all these years.”

Dongwoo laughed. “I sometimes catch myself rapping when I don’t think about it. I really enjoyed it in high school. But my dad said that…” His smile faded.

“I know, you’re dad said that being in the entertainment industry wasn’t a real job,” Hoya rolled his eyes.

Dongwoo smiled sheepishly. “I’m not knocking our job Howonnie-”

Hoya waved him off. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I understand.”

After packing up all the equipment they had used (Hoya insisted it was okay and Dongwoo insisted it wasn’t), Hoya proposed ice cream (to which, quite expectedly, Dongwoo agreed to) and that was how they ended up in some random park, sitting on a bench away at their ice creams.

Hoya had gotten plain chocolate, while Dongwoo had gotten the most exotic-sounding flavor on the list. Marshmallow Paradise, which consisted of broken marshmallows, crushed nuts and bits of mixed berries. Also, the actual ice cream was the color of a rainbow, swirled into delicious (or, in Hoya’s opinion, disgusting) whirl of colours.

A tiny voice in the back of his head had said, “This is why you’ll never work out. You’re both too different.” Hoya had grown quiet after that, making sure to smile now and then so Dongwoo wouldn’t get suspicious.

Because, yes, you should always trust whatever advice ice cream flavors give you about your love life.

Bvvt , bvvt.

“Shouldn’t you get that?” Dongwoo pointed to his buzzing pocket. Hoya only shrugged, not wanting anything to interrupt his time with Dongwoo. Dongwoo rolled his eyes and fished the phone out (causing Hoya to blush because… WELL.)

From: Awesome Zion hyung

Hoya, why don’t you get Dongwoo to participate in the MV as well?

Hoya watched Dongwoo’s eyes part into a grin and, curious, took a peek at the screen of his phone.

When he looked up, Dongwoo was giving him those accursed puppy eyes again. “Howonnie~”

“Wh-what?” Hoya muttered, shifting around uncomfortable.

“Can I~?” Dongwoo blinked oh-so-cutely.

(What was this person doing? Did he actually want to get ravaged in the middle of the street?)

“I-if you want…” Hoya nodded, giving in. Again, no harm in doing so.

Dongwoo jumped up and hugged Hoya, who nearly had a heart attack from such close proximity between them before relaxing and eventually retaliating to the hug.

“Thanks, Howonnie,” Dongwoo said, happy with being in another part of Hoya’s life.

Hoya smiled softly. “No problem, hyung.”

On the train ride back to Hoya’s house, Dongwoo turned to Hoya with a serious expression. “Hoya I have something important to tell you.”

“It’s about Minhee noona isn’t it?”

Dongwoo blinked in surprise. “I-how did you know?”

“You know, you’re really obvious hyung,” Hoya replied with a small smirk.

Dongwoo nodded in agreement, his happiness then fading with the thoughts of his ex-girlfriend. “Minhee… She-she broke up with me.”

Hoya’s eyes widened. He knew what the older man felt for the older woman. He knew all too well, remembering nights of crying himself to sleep in a hopeless daze. “Why?”

Dongwoo shrugged, deflating again. “I really don’t know Howon.”

Hoya wrapped an arm around his shoulders, laying Dongwoo’s head on his shoulder. “I’ll wake you up when we get home,” Hoya whispered, smiling when he saw Dongwoo close his eyes.

He was out like a light.

Hoya watched the peacefully sleeping man and felt so much love for him it elicited a painful squeeze of his heart. How anyone found it in themselves to hurt this wonderful angel beside him eluded his thinking. Hoya would never forgive himself if he was ever the cause of anything but the happiness of Dongwoo. He would forever hate himself if he made Dongwoo cry. Especially since not anyone on the planet was worth an angel’s tears. This angel, especially.

Brushing some hair from his eyes, Hoya didn’t care how unusual it looked for a man to show so much affection for another man. Hoya had been asked if he was gay before and he answered, with great conviction, “No.”

He wasn’t even lying to protect his image and reputation. Hoya, prior Dongwoo, had never loved a man. So no, he wasn’t gay.

He liked to call himself Dongwoo-ual.

So, Hoya would be there for Dongwoo until Dongwoo would be ready to think of loving again, and maybe, just give him a chance.

Because, though Dongwoo might’ve been Without Her…

Hoya would always be With Him.

~~

LOLOL this really … ;;;