Jay had used him. Taecyeon was sure of it. Taecyeon loved that man with his entire soul but Jay had just used him. Jay was an alpha male; anyone could see that. And after he left his country, his language, his family, and his crew, Jay didn’t have control over much in his life. That’s where Taecyeon had come in. Taecyeon adored Jay and Jay needed Taec like a crutch. They were constantly together and Taecyeon was Jay’s only friend for quite a long time. It should have bugged Taecyeon that Jay was so clingy but he really didn’t mind as long as he had Jay to himself. Taecyeon did whatever Jay said, and Taec could see now that it had been an unhealthy relationship. Jay had replied to Taecyeon’s multiple “I love you”’s with the same words but he must have really meant “I love controlling you.” Taecyeon had never, ever topped. That was all Jay’s territory and there were multiple times Jay had been rough with him. He was entirely Jay’s play thing.

            Then Jay left. The short Seattle dancer that Taecyeon would follow to Hell just up and dumped him. He didn’t have to leave over such a stupid scandal. Jay chose to leave him.  Taecyeon mourned the loss of his lover for months, with no phone calls or letters, before coming to realization that he had been played. Their entire relationship had been a lie. And to think that he had once revolved his world around Jay.

            So Taecyeon spent most of his time watching Jay and reading all of his tweets. Taecyeon researched everything he didn’t already know about Jay and followed all his activities so when they did meet again, Taecyeon could destroy Jay. The rapper wanted to make Jay feel as worthless as he felt when Jay left and as used as he had been during their relationship. The other 2PM members told him it was unhealthy, that it was obsession even, but Taecyeon felt a wrong-doing had been done against him and he had a thirst for bloody vengeance. 

            Tonight was the night. Taecyeon knew where Jay was through a trusted informant (G.O), and the 2PM member had every intention of marching over to G.Na’s party and letting Jay have a piece of his mind. He might even punch the former leader, who know? Taecyeon only knew that he was going to see the man who had betrayed him for the first time in over four years, and it felt amazing. Maybe he could finally get rid of the searing hatred that coursed through his blood every day. On some level, Taecyeon might really just want to see Jay again but that abhorrence he had created toward the man was boiling under his skin as he walked to G.Na’s condo.

It hurt too much to think that Jay had ever actually loved him, you see. It was much easier to believe that he had been used and thrown away than to suffer every day knowing your soul mate has been ripped away from you unjustly. If Jay had loved him, then Taecyeon had to try and live without his other half while waiting desperately for the day they could finally be together again. But if Jay had used him, that pain seemed less severe and quickly turned into anger. Anger was something Taecyeon could deal with. Soul-ripping despair was not.

Taecyeon felt his heart beat faster and his palms drip with sweat as he entered the condo that housed G.Na’s party. Multiple people called out to him as he wandered from room to room in search of that frame he knew so well. Taecyeon waved back but he didn’t stop to talk to anyone. He had a mission. As he was meandering, he picked up on a whispered conversation between HyunA and Jiwon. Upon catching the topic, he casually stood near them to better overhear their words.

“Crap,” HyunA whispered to SPICA’s Jiwon.

“What?” Jiwon asked back, alarmed at her normally cute friend’s dark expression.

“Taecyeon’s here,” HyunA said with a meaningful look.

“So?” Jiwon asked.

“Jay’s upstairs,” HyunA explained, watching Taecyeon with wary eyes.

 “,” Jiwon replied, fully understanding the situation, “I didn’t think G.Na invited any of 2PM on purpose.”

“I didn’t think so either, maybe he just walked in.”

Taecyeon had heard all he needed to understand that they were on Jay’s side and also Jay’s current location so he abandoned his post for the stairs. As he walked past the girls, he quietly said “Don’t worry ladies, I won’t hurt him too bad,” and headed up with a sinister glint in his eyes that was inconsistent with his public personality.

He chuckled darkly to himself when he reached the rooftop. He was so close to Jay, he could feel it. From his height, Taecyeon only had to make a turn from the center to spot his target. Jay. Just fifteen feet from Taecyeon stood the man who had single handedly ruined his life. But now that Taecyeon was here, he didn’t know how to approach Jay. Should he march up and confront Jay? Or act like nothing ever happened? Or grab Jay by the wrist and lead them somewhere more private? A small part of him longed to just hug Jay and feel his body against his again but Taecyeon quickly squished that passing thought and made himself remember that Jay was the enemy here. Jay did not love him. Jay did not care that Taecyeon was destroyed when he left. Jay was a cold-blooded player that Taecyeon couldn’t wait to bring down a peg.

People were starting to stare at Taecyeon as he stood blocking the only entrance to the roof, debating his choices. Taecyeon didn’t even notice the attention he was garnering while he stared at Jay and re-built his hatred for the man. He was disgusted with Jay for treating him so poorly and he was disgusted with himself for not having seen it earlier which only made him hate Jay more. Slowly, the resentment began to fill Taecyeon’s big body.

            Then Jay turned around and spotted Taecyeon. And the look on Jay’s face obliterated Taecyeon’s entire theory. Jay looked like he had just won the lottery, been handed his first child, and been invited to an all at the same time. . Jay loved him. That was the second time Jay had destroyed Taec’s entire world.

As Taecyeon stood stock still, not knowing what to do after that revelation, Jay began walking towards Taecyeon without even thinking about it. , , . Jay hadn’t made any excuses to the people he had been talking to and just started walking over to Taecyeon.

            It was too soon. Taecyeon had been cultivating his hatred for Jay for years since the man left him and to find out now that the whole theory that got him through was wrong, was just too much. Taec didn’t even know how to greet Jay, what to say. Too many years had passed and they weren’t the same people.

            And so Taecyeon ran. Ran from the man who meant the most from him because he was a coward. Taecyeon was scared that Jay would hate him, scared that Jay would forgive him, scared that Jay would see him. Time had passed and they had both changed. Sure, they used to mean the world to each other and Jay was still a presence in Taecyeon’s life, but their relationship had changed. What if Jay forgave him but then their scars ran too deep to fix? That would be even worse than missing Jay. So Taecyeon ran, too afraid of the possibilities to try and improve his future.

Authors Note

Yeppers. I don't really have much to say here, I just want Taec and Jay to be friends again! Rawr. Oh, I also apologize because these updates are going to happen pretty sporadicly. Sorry :( Comments and criticisms would make my days better! :)