An agitated Chanyeol was like a charging rhino an annoying buzzing mosquito. Until the mosquito got to its target and out all the blood from its prey, it would be irritating, pesky, and down-right bothersome.  Well, unless you swatted it dead, that is.

It was a bright cheery Saturday morning, when Chanyeol decided to become a mosquito.

“There’s nothing in the cake display.” The tall Korean stared accusingly at Tao, and folded his arms across his chest. Chanyeol also pouted angrily, to emphasize his intense displeasure.

To the Korean’s disappointment, Tao remained unfazed and continued measuring out his coffee beans calmly, ignoring him. The Chinese owner slash barista neatly paper-bagged his measured-out coffee-beans to be sold later, then moved on to polishing the blue coffee mugs on the counter. Tao had learned from experience that ignoring an annoying customer was a much better option than rudely telling them to take a long walk off a short pier. (It was much easier to explain away a hearing problem, anyways.)

 “What’s happening?!” Chanyeol tugged at his curly brown hair agitatedly. The Korean had been nervously running his fingers through his hair ever since he got to the coffee shop, and all that sticking-out, fingers-mussed hair was starting to make him look like a wild hobo.

Well, a well-dressed hobo wearing a nice leather jacket, that is.

Chanyeol was always a nervous wreck till he got his daily fix of chocolate mousse, hence the nervous hair-tugging.

“Baekhyun always fills the cake display up by 7:58, and it’s now 8:30! And yet it’s is still EMPTY!” he half-shrieked into Tao’s face. Now that he had no chocolate mousse to fulfil his morning cravings, Chanyeol obviously didn’t care about incurring the barista’s wrath.

Tao momentarily paused in his polishing of the coffee mugs, and sighed silently.

Yes, it was stupid to think that the customers wouldn’t notice the empty cake display. Every customer that entered the coffee shop would always buy a slice of cake, or a pastry, to accompany their drink. It was simply unheard of, to buy a drink without cake, and vice-versa.

Tao looked up. Chanyeol was still glaring at him, his eyes bulging out slightly as though he was trying to incinerate the Chinese barista by using the sheer power of his eyeballs.

“Baekhyun’s busy today.” The Chinese barista answered shortly. He went back to polishing his ceramic mugs.

Tao was totally unaware that his statement caused Chanyeol to hit the panic button.

“What do you mean Baekhyun’s busy??” Chanyeol gaped at Tao stupidly, shocked by the Chinese barista’s statement.

What, Baekhyun was too busy to bake today?

Busy? What did Tao mean when he said Baekhyun was busy? Baekhyun was never busy enough to not bake. Baking was Baekhyun’s job! Baking was his duty! Baking was Baekhyun’s life!

Baekhyun loved baking!

 If Baekhyun couldn’t bake, he’d curl up and die!

...

Or maybe Tao was just trying to cover up the fact that Baekhyun got kidnapped by a rival coffee shop.

...

Yeah. That was probably what happened.

Mental images started flashing through the Korean’s mind; the whole history of Baekhyun whirled through Chanyeol’s head, going through like a movie fast-forwarded.

Chanyeol’s brain popped out pictures of a smiling Baekhyun when he served out cake, pictures of Baekhyun laughing happily when he created a new pastry, pictures of Baekhyun pouting cutely when Tao , and pictures of a squealing Baekhyun hugging a certain blond art student yesterday...

Oh, wait.

Chanyeol’s brain paused and rewound slowly, trying to process the last mental image.

He blinked in realization.

Well. Maybe Baekhyun wasn’t kidnapped by a rival coffee shop after all.

 Chanyeol choked on his own spit at the last horrible thought, and started retching all over the black granite check-out counter.

The sounds of retching definitely got Tao’s attention this time.

“What the hell?!” Tao screeched, his dark eyes widening, horrified. The barista grabbed a nearby metal measuring cup, and started banging Chanyeol on the head. “I just polished that counter, you idiot!”

Chanyeol seemed oblivious to the Chinese’s ranting or banging, but instead reached over the counter and grabbed Tao, holding tightly onto the front of his shirt.

At this, Tao increased the frequency of his banging. He did not appreciate the crazy Korean creasing his nice shirt with his sweaty palms. Chanyeol, however, did not seem to even notice that Tao was violently assaulting him with a metal kitchen appliance.

“Baekhyun’s with the Jong Up?” Chanyeol hissed hoarsely, starting to shake Tao. The Korean was clearly getting a little hysterical; Tao’s hair started to get mussed up.

“Baekhyun’s always with Jong Up.” Tao glared at Chanyeol. “Unless he has classes or something, Baekhyun wouldn’t be without Jong Up.”

“...I was hoping for a different answer.” Chanyeol slowly released his grip on Tao’s shirt, deflating. The tall Korean looked pained, like a fluffy kitten that had just gotten kicked in the ribs by its favourite person.

Tao just looked at him warily, and quickly wrenched himself from Chanyeol’s grip, backing away. The barista had to stifle his natural Chinese wushu instinct when Chanyeol grabbed him, and had to refrain himself from delivering a swift punch to the Korean’s mouth. It wouldn’t be very good for the business, if word got around that the barista had been dishing out punches to the customers.

Punches via caffeine were totally okay though.

“But whenever Jong Up’s here, he distracts Baekhyun!” Chanyeol pointed out triumphantly. “He distracts Baekhyun from doing his job! Baekhyun stops his work to greet him and hug him and kis-, I mean, smush him and stuff!” Chanyeol forced out the last part reluctantly.

Tao stared at him, pausing slightly whilst mid-polishing a coffee-mug. The Chinese barista was surprised by Chanyeol’s statement. He gently placed the coffee-mug back down on the counter.

It was clear that Chanyeol did not understand the complexity and intensity of the BaekUp bros’ relationship.

“If I chased Jong Up away every time he came, Baekhyun wouldn’t do his job, either,” Tao replied dryly. “It was bad enough when Jong Up had to go to Beijing for his exchange-student program; Baekhyun sulked for the first three months and refused to bake anything but bran muffins and oatmeal sponge cake.” The Chinese owner shuddered. During those three months, everyone in the coffee shop lost weight. It was only after Tao introduced Baekhyun to Skype, that the brunette started perking up. Tao had privately promised Jong Up free coffee for all eternity; as long as the blond art student kept Baekhyun updated with his new activities, and did regular weekly video-calls.

Chanyeol frowned, vaguely remembering the memory. He wasn’t as addicted to chocolate fudge mousse back then, so he wasn’t too clear about Baekhyun sulking and baking nothing but devilled wholemeal goods. Plus, he was dating Amber back then, anyways. His die-hard addiction to chocolate fudge mousse only started after she broke up with him and went back to the U.S.

“And besides, Jong Up has to be with Baekhyun today,” Tao added. “Baekhyun needs inspiration for his special baking project.” The Chinese barista went back to polishing his coffee mugs.

“Baking project?” Chanyeol asked, furrowing his brow. What baking project? When did Baekhyun have special baking projects that he wasn’t aware of?

Tao glared at him, starting to get irritated by the Korean’s many questions. “A customer just gave a special order for birthday cake at the last minute; Baekhyun’s been working through the night to deliver it.” The Chinese barista polished at his coffee mug viciously, recalling last night’s episode.

The small pâtissier had been racing around the coffee shop last night, after closing hours, hysterical for inspiration. Baekhyun couldn’t decide on what to create for the special birthday cake order. The small pâtissie refused to reuse any of his old birthday cake recipes, insisting that a special order needed a completely new, special recipe.

After three hours of screaming and flailing arms and hands and freaking out, Tao finally had to call upon Jong Up for back-up emotional support, when Baekhyun got too much for him to handle by himself. By the time Jong Up got to the coffee shop, Baekhyun was on the Intense Emotional Break-Down Stage 8, where he started doodling on the walls with icing sugar whilst chanting out the Baker’s Mantra.

Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake.

...

Tao thanked the deities for creating Moon Jong Up, who could control Baekhyun for him, when the small pâtissier got too crazy for him to handle.

“But Baekhyun bakes birthday cakes all the time,” Chanyeol pointed out. “And yet he still fills up the cake display.”

“It’s a special order,” Tao repeated crossly. “It’s a birthday cake for a little girl; her father was most insistent that careful attention was given to her cake. He was even willing to fork over half the payment beforehand, to jump the queue.” The Chinese owner smirked, recalling the serious card-swiping the father had to do at the check-out counter. The little girl’s dad had not been amused when he saw the receipt.

Baekhyun was legendary for his fancy birthday cakes. He received so many orders, that Tao finally had to put a limit to them. He didn’t want his pâtissier to get over-exhausted. However, occasionally there would be a last minute ‘special order’ that jumped to the top of the queue.

”So, what’s the cake look like?” Chanyeol asked, slumping on the counter, resigned to the fact that he wasn’t getting any chocolate fudge mousse today.

“I don’t know.” Tao shrugged.

“Baekhyun’s been in the kitchen since last night. I haven’t seen him since.” The Chinese barista continued, finishing up his coffee mugs and moving on to the granite check-out counter. He whipped out his polishing rag. “Jong Up only came out once himself, to replenish their espresso supply.”

“When is the birthday cake due?”

“The customer should be coming any time soon,” Tao replied looking up to check the clock hung on the wall. “Yeah, anytime soon-“

Ding dong, the bell of the front-door rang gently, interrupting Tao, and signalling the entry of a new customer into the coffee shop. 

“Is the birthday cake ready,” a tall figure loomed over Chanyeol and Tao.

The voice that spoke had a distinct European accent; however Tao couldn’t quite pin-point which part of Europe. Was it French, or Romanian? Well, it was European, anyways.

Chanyeol sneaked a peek at the new customer, feeling slightly intimidated by his height.  Wow, he was really tall; taller than himself, and probably even taller than Kris, too. The bright light of the coffee shop reflected off the customer’s bald head, making it gleam. A grey striped scarf wound around his neck; matching the dark suit he wore. Chanyeol silently wondered if his long pointed nose was as sharp as it looked.

“My little girl’s birthday cake. Is it ready?” the European dude drawled, looking impatient. Three little girls peeked out from behind him, all of them different ages. One of them was a brunette, the other a blond, and the last was a cute little Asian girl with chocolate-brown eyes.

“It’s probably done already. Baekhyun should be out with it any time soon,” Tao replied, giving the customer a bright smirk.

(Tao never smiled. He always smirked. Smiling was for optimistic happy people, who liked to welcome other people in their lives and celebrate the joyous moment of living.

 Tao was not one of those people. He only stopped snarling at people, after Baekhyun yelled at him and almost went on strike. That was only when Tao replaced his snarl with a smirk. And that smirk was still so incredibly self-satisfied and scary that it still intimidated Chanyeol to pieces.)

“I am ready!” Baekhyun suddenly burst out of his kitchen, a huge smile plastered on his face. His arms held a giant, tall, looming structure.

Tao cocked a dark brow.

It seemed that Baekhyun had managed to outdo himself yet again.

The tall giant structure appeared to be a cake (not a skyscraper, as what Tao previously mistook it for.)

It was made out of hot pink velvet cake, to be exact.

Every square inch of the fluffy moist seven-tiered cake was covered, coated, and decorated with delicate white, pink, purple, and red Sakura blossoms. The flowers were crafted out of glossy fondant icing, though they looked very real indeed.

Everyone stared at the birthday cake in awe; the little Asian girl looked like she was about to explode with excitement. Judging from her jitters, she was obviously the lucky birthday girl of the day.

Was that...were those Sakura blossoms hand-crafted? The fragile flowers looked as though they could be blown away at the smallest gust of wind, as they perched delicately on the surface of the birthday cake.

It wasn’t just flowers that decorated the cake. Generous amounts of fluffy whipped cream were smothering the thick chocolate bar-pillars that held up the tiers of cake, hiding away the brown cocoa goodness away from sight. The pure snowy-whiteness of the whipped cream balanced out the delicate vibrancy of the Sakura blossoms surrounding it, causing the flowers’ striking colours to stand out even more, making the whole tiered cake look absolutely stunning.

Tao leaned in a little closer to the cake, scrutinizing the white whipped cream.

Huh. In Baekhyun’s typical style, the pâtissier had added tiny strawberry chunks in the whipped cream, decorating it with dashes of vibrant red. The cream was slightly streaked with pink, as the strawberries released their tangy flavour and colour into the fluffy white cream. The red fruit would definitely lend excellent flavour to the rich dairy mountains of white.

Tiny multi-coloured gummy bears were scattered amongst the mountains of whipped cream, looking as though they were trying to climb up from one tier to another. The bears’ tiny gummy bodies added a rainbow of colours to the cake; the light reflected off their glossy semi-transparent beings, making them tantalizingly shiny smooth.

(Baekhyun had to whack Chanyeol on the head with a spatula, as the tall Korean tried to sneakily pick off a sapphire blue gummy bear. Tao proceeded to shove the polishing rag into his mouth. Baekhyun gave Tao a high-five of approval and went back to gloating over his cake.)

At the very top of the colourful confection, perched a snow-white unicorn. It was lovingly brought to life from marzipan. Obviously, a lot of time had been spent on this particular creation. Tao noticed that the unicorn was dusted with white sugar crystals from horn to hoof. In the bright sunlight of the cosy coffee shop, the tiny figurine sparkled.

It was clear that Baekhyun had not neglected any tiny detail of the cake, and had stretched every bit of imagination he had, to ensure that his masterpiece would appeal to his tiny customer.

Well, she certainly looked impressed, as she hopped from one foot to another.

“IT’S SO FLUFFEH I’M GONNA DIEEEEEE!!!!!!” the little girl squealed, her whole body jittering with excitement. Her glittery pink party dress ‘swooshed’ around, as she pranced around the cake. Her father, on the other hand, looked quite dazed. This birthday cake wasn’t going to fit in any normal box that was for sure. Well, unless Baekhyun could dig up a 5” 10’ tall cake box somewhere.

Tao smirked at her father, peering between the tiers of the fancy birthday cake. “I hope you’re careful with it on the ride home,” the Chinese barista reminded, flashing a big smug grin at him.

Their customer had rejected the offer of having the birthday cake delivered to the home, as it would cost an extra three zeroes on the bill. Tao was rather miffed that his offer was so rudely declined. He told Baekhyun to add another three tiers, which the pâtissier did with the greatest delight and alacrity.

Ha, reject my delivery services next time, why don’t you!

Tao’s smirk grew even wider, as the European continued staring at the birthday cake.

It was clear that he was starting to have second thoughts about rejecting the delivery service.

And then he blinked, shaking his shiny bald head, trying to gather up his thoughts into coherency.

 “Oh, I will be. Definitely.” The customer retorted. He sniffed condescendingly down his long nose at Tao. Snapping his long thin fingers, he summoned his assistants: two yellow blobby potatoes that appeared out of nowhere. At least, they looked like yellow potatoes. Chanyeol stared at them, starting to get very confused, and slightly disturbed. He did not ever recall potatoes having eyes that blinked back at him. Or maybe it was his lack of chocolate mousse, which forced him to hallucinate.

Yeah. It was probably that.

Chanyeol hastily grabbed a nearby sugar packet, and quickly inhaled the white powder, swallowing it all in one gulp. He obviously did not have enough saccharine in his bloodstream yet.

Baekhyun, Tao, Chanyeol, and Jong Up (who had finally crawled out of the kitchen face-down), stared at the yellow blobs, as the abominations of nature proceeded to chop a hole in the ceiling with a roaring chainsaw, and then load the birthday cake on what appeared to be a helicopter hovering over the coffee shop. Well, Tao wasn’t really sure if it was a helicopter. It was shiny silver, that was for sure; plus it seemed to consume a great deal of fuel, as it blew choking clouds of grey and black smoke into the clear blue sky.

Tao just stared blankly at the scene playing before him.

Did they just chop a hole in his roof? Tao stared blankly at the chunks of wood and dust and tiles that fell onto his polished check-out counter. Perhaps he had not yet consumed his needed amount of caffeine for the day. Tao hastily drained his espresso mug, and then stared at his counter some more.

Nope, the bits of wood and tiles were still there. The despicable foreigner smirked evilly, and hastily made a get-away with his little girls. He snatched slash stole a bag of coffee beans on the way out.

 “Hahaha, ers!” the two yellow blobs shrieked, grabbing onto the rope that held the birthday cake, following it up to the helicopter. The birthday cake wobbled slightly, as it went up into the helicopter, but miraculously stayed intact. Not a single Sakura blossom was damaged.

 When the cake was safely ensconced, the metal flying structure closed its doors and flew off.

There was a momentous beat of silence.

Tao was still staring at his check-out counter, horrified by the little itty-bitty pieces of cracked roof tiles and broken wooden roof beams that lay across his once-beautiful counter.

He. Just. Polished. That.

Jong Up was slumped in the corner, exhausted by his late night’s vigil. He didn’t care about any stupid stinkin’ talking yellow potatoes. That talked. Stupidly.

Espresso. He needed espresso. The blond art student silently crawled over to Tao’s coffee machine, and reached over. Switching it on, he hooked up a straw to the caffeine-dispenser, sticking it in his mouth. He needed fast mouth to coffee machine resuscitation.

Chanyeol continued staring at the hole in the ceiling, his mouth hanging wide open like a drooling fly-trap. Wow, the sky was really blue.

Baekhyun was the only one who was the least inert.

“...I need to get me some minions like that,” Baekhyun gasped, breaking the silence. Chanyeol looked up at the sound of Baekhyun’s voice. He frowned.

“You’re spending too much time with Jong Up, dude. Way too much time.”

A shaky hand was raised up to the counter level.

Face-down, his voice muffled, Jong up mumbled, “I totally agree, dude. Totally.”

{A/N: Hi people! My beta-reader slash editor slash Drifterqueen has finally revived, and stopped pestering me for chocolate mousse; hence the fast update. But I was also kinda sick, so.

I just realized that the only B.A.P. members in here are only Jong Up and Zelo (Junhong). I should probably include Daehyun in soon, that cheesecake eating pig awesome eating machine.

 And Chen too. That stupid good-looking Dasheen Masheen has ruined my EXO bias list again, darn him. I should add him in ASAP.

Anyways. On to the chapter explanations.

1) A pâtissier is a highly trained pastry chef who has completed a lengthy training process, typically an apprenticeship, and passed a written examination. Yeah. That’s what Baekhyun is. I realized I never explained the word; you guys will be seeing it a lot.

2) The BaekUp bros have a most interesting relationship. Contrary to what it looks like, Jong Up is actually very fond of Baekhyun. And vice versa, of course.

3) It’s rather obvious that I included some movie characters in here. Comment below if you think you got them right! Though if you still don’t get the reference, then you so bad, you sad human.

4) I hope the description of the birthday cake counts as food . But I liked writing it, anyways. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Cuz I have a couple more drabbles lying around in my computer that’s just food but I can’t post it up yet cuz I haven’t finished editing it plus there’s no plot, just food .

5) This chapter is just crack. Obviously. Do you guys prefer crack like this, or fluff?

6)  I think it’s starting to get really obvious that I like to bake too. Though I have yet to create a fabulous birthday cake like Baekhyun’s. But still...cheesecake, anyone? ^_^

I guess that’s it? Check out Drifterqueen’s notes below, for additional information. I can’t guarantee when the next chapter will be, up, but I’m hoping soon. Like maybe next week.

And thanks so much for all the comments, I really appreciate every single one of them; they encourage me to write so more food !

Subscribe, Comment, and Upvote! And vote on the poll below, as always.}

DRIFTERQUEEN: Hello you lovely little people! *waves like a rockstar baby* This is the fluffiest, crackiest chapter to date! With sparkly unicorns, chainsaws, and talking potatoes! THAT TALK. Anyways, if you didn’t understand the movie reference then you have my pity. *pooh-pooh* If you guys wondered why the shrink-ray wasn’t put to good use here, then you clearly do not understand WHAT FUN IT IS TO CHOP A HOLE IN THE ROOF. WE CAN NEVER BE FRIENDS. *BOO*