jongdae comes home from school earlier than usual and cries her eyes out when she goes in her bedroom. she shrugs off her backpack and walks lifelessly to her bed, not bothering to change out of her uniform. she sits down on it and falls to her side. everything hurts so much and she the urge to mark her arms with red is so strong but she knows she can be stronger. she screams her frustration and anger out with no restraints because she’s alone in the house. she’s always alone.

she can still hear baekhyun’s hurtful words in her ears and she claws at her arms, her bedsheet, her pillow, anything she can touch to try and make it all go away.

she wishes she didn’t care so much. she wishes she had never met jongin.

-

jongdae wakes up to an insistent pounding on her door and rolls off her bed to open the door. it’s her mother and she looks furious.

“why the hell did you let joonmyeon wait outside for 4 hours? he’s been outside until I got home from work, the poor boy.”

they’re walking down the stairs and jongdae feels guilty. “i’m sorry i really didn’t hear anything...”

her mother doesn’t say anything to her and heads straight to the kitchen to make some food for joonmyeon. jongdae sits right next to him on the couch and mutters a hello.

“kim jongdae, i’m glad to see you finally awake,” joonmyeon flashes a smile to her and drops it when she doesn’t return one. “how have you been?”

jongdae shrugs and bites her lip, “good, i guess? what about you?”

“hmm,” joonmyeon leans back on the couch and crosses his legs, “i’ve been doing pretty well. i’m the student council treasurer.”

jongdae nods her head and looks around her living room, avoiding conversation.

“look, i’m really sorry if i got you in trouble with your mom. and i know i should have left the house when you never picked up the phone or opened the door, but i really wanted to see you. so, i waited. i miss you, jongdae. we never talk anymore or do anything together. i miss my best friend.”

“i’m free this saturday so we can do something if you want,” jongdae suggests.

joonmyeon gives her the biggest smile she’s seen in a long time, “perfect! i’ll pick you up early morning so we have more time together. speaking of time, i think i overstayed my time here. i’ll be going now and i’m really sorry if i put you in trouble with your mom.”

“it’s fine, joonmyeon. get home safe, okay?” they both get up and walk to the door. “i’ll see you soon, goodbye.” jongdae sends him off with wave and locks the door after seeing his figure disappear into darkness.

she walks into the kitchen where her mom isn’t at anymore. there’s a note on the table and jongdae picks it up. “i’m really tired and don’t have the energy to cook. have instant ramen instead and tell joonmyeon he can sleep over if he’d like.”

she crumbles it up and throws it away. she heads straight up to her room and checks her phone. it’s 1:32 am, she has 58 missed calls, and 129 new messages. as expected, majority of them are from joonmyeon. she opens the most recent one.

from: joonmyeon

seeing your face made the wait worth it :) i hope you didn't think it was silly of me to wait for a long time to only talk with you for a short time... but i felt as though you needed to go back to sleep~ so sleep well, okay?

jongdae smiles at the text and rolls her eyes at the cheesiness that is joonmyeon. she sees she still has some unchecked messages and they’re all from jongin.

from: jongin

jongdae are you busy? let’s hang out today

from: jongin

you arent picking up your phone ;_______; is everything okay?

from: jongin

youre probably really tired and fell asleep and the next time you check your phone is probably when you wake up so here’s something for you! i hope you had sweet dreams, jongdae! let’s hang out after school today!

jongdae taps on the attachment that jongin sent in with his last message. it’s a selca of him. she feels butterflies in her stomach when his face pops up but they quickly fly away when baekhyun’s words come back to haunt her mind. she tosses her phone away and tries to fall asleep as fast as she can.

-

the next day, jongdae avoids jongin at all costs like before. and unlike last time, she succeeds at hiding from him. for the next few days jongdae purposefully misses the class she has with jongin and eats in a secluded area during lunch. her phone is filled with messages from jongin asking her so many questions that are left unanswered.

-

saturday comes and joonmyeon’s at her house at 9 am.

they enjoy the day together. they eat lunch at a japanese restaurant, go shopping, and when the sun has gone down they watch a movie together.

joonmyeon drops her off at her house before midnight and surprises her by giving her a kiss on the cheek. “i hope you had as much fun as i did, jongdae.” he gives her a warm smile that jongdae finds contagious. “let’s do this again, okay?”

“okay,” jongdae agrees and waves goodbye to him again. she hasn’t felt that happy in a while and she’s thankful joonmyeon made plans with her.

she goes to bed without checking her phone and sleeps peacefully for this first time in a week.

-

she wakes up to the sound of her ringtone and blindly pats her bed to fish for her phone. she answers the phone without knowing who the caller is and hangs up when she hears jongin’s voice on the other line.

she checks all her messages from jongin and she feels terrible for avoiding him all of a sudden.

from: jongin

jongdae... are you sick? why havent you replied to any of my messages? i’m worried about you...

from: jongin

i hope you get better~

from: jongin

i think i saw you at the mall?? are you with a man right now?

from: jongin

is he your boyfriend?

from: jongin

i’m more handsome than he is, just saying

from: jongin

senpai notice me

from: jongin

i miss you

jongdae turns her phone off and goes on about her day trying so hard not to think about jongin.

----------------

hi im sorry for not updating for six months???? but im 497765% sure no one rlly cares but here you go. as always im sorry if it's terrible////