(This was an old old story I wrote for a contest on another writing website, it's theme is basically my own world and how I envision it in my head, enjoy!!)

I stand in front of one the glossy golden gates of the world that I’ve created.

Opening them, I walk in and embrace my surroundings with pleasure. I hear faint bubbling and walk though the lush jade green forest blooming with life and beauty.

I walk forward and find myself in a clearing with flowing blue water that sparkles and glimmers like gold being reflected off light. The slightest scent of spring roses drifts in the air and I can hear music being played in the distance combined with the soft pattering of the small spring.

Dipping my feet in the lukewarm water, I lie down on the soft velvet like grass and stare up at the endless rich blue sky occasionally dotted with marshmallow clouds.

I giggle like a child again and the rabbit sitting next to me which resembled my long ago friend.

Getting up, I walk into the water until it reaches my knees and my summer white dress starts to feel heavy. I take a deep breath, a smile resting on the edge of my mouths.

I take in the smell of roses, nature and the feeling of freedom.

This is the place I can do anything and everything I want without fear of reality and what it may shoot at me. In this place, nothing can ever go wrong this is my world and no one will be allowed to enter.

I spread my beautiful angel white wings and take off; I lift up and dare to challenge the unknown.

The wind whispers in my ears and kiss my face as I soar past. My heart beats so loudly, I can barely hear anything else.

Like another chance to fall in love, to fall...I am falling.

My feelings change at once, I feel afraid, alone, I try to reach out but all I catch is nothing. I unfurl my wings but they are not white.

They are ash black and rough, the feathers stick out at odd angles, and I do not like the way they look or feel. I flap and land on a tree, this forest, it is different.

The wood is not smooth and warm brown like before, the color is like death. I silently land on the ground and look around at my surroundings. The trees’ giving off a bold black color and the ground is hard and cold with no life.

The trees, they reach out to grab me and ensnare me in their forever feeling of regret, anger and despair. The sharp branches clutching at me, tearing at my dress as I run past unable to fly with the crowded trees.

I can hear screaming and shouting, it is loud and torturing but I endure it and hide the pain. No one needs to know; they will only tease me more or make me feel like a burden.

I finally crumble to the ground not uttering a word, as I feel tears slipping out of my eyes, as I see that I’m not perfect or special no matter how hard I try, I do not cry as I feel and take in all the pain and lashes that are thrown at me.

My soul being slowly shattered apart without the knowing of all of the people I love and care for. I get up bearing the pain and weight of everything, showing nothing but what the people wants.

I stumble my way to the twisted thorny black gates of this forest. I spread out my wings and look at the missing feathers, the stains of red dabbled everywhere, and the dark blackness of it. More tears slip out and I turn back to the thorn twisted black gates.

I begin the climb, the thorns wrapping themselves around my arms and legs as I make my way upward. I should be angry…I should be upset that they slice into me. But, they are also suffering on their own and I want them to be comforted and know that I care.

As I make my way up to the top and fall to the other side, I still feel the lingering pain and agony that they go through.

Picking myself up, I look forward and stare at an endless ocean of light blue water. I stare at myself in the water, a girl with tangled wild hair, and dirty torn ragged dress that was once a pure beautiful white. Body covered in scratches and cuts surrounded in exotic black feathered wings.

This is me, I am useless I say to myself as more tears fall and hit the surface of the water. I take a step in and at first feel the stinging from all my cuts; I take another step and feel another pain.

It will be better, all of it will turn out ok because this is my place and I can do whatever I want, feel whatever I want…right? I lay in the water and float away, wondering why people will never let me tell them about myself.

Why they won’t stop to hear me, they tell me everything and in return they take nothing of mine. It must be selfish me to want to tell something, I should be grateful for all that they tell me.

Yet, I cannot…my friends, I long for them to listen to me, to be able to tell them that I need their help also. I am useless, I am nothing, and I am imperfect. I feel water me around my face, weather tears or comfort I don’t know.

An endless sea of difficulties and hardships that I decide to face myself, I don’t want everyone to suffer with me.

For them, I will be what they think, a happy cheerful girl who is shy and elegant.

The girl who wants to be friends with everyone and seems to not know what sadness is.

She, who faces no suffering or pain but can take it all away like magic, leaving them to grow into a beautiful flower and show they are special.

As I stand back and watch, I long for the chance to grow also. I want to scream and shout I want to be heard above all the others.

But I am quite; the water is warm and masks as the face of comfort. It feels warm as if knowing my pain and longing but just drowning me in more of it. As I float farther into the ocean, I feel myself falling being pulled down by weight I cannot support.

I am scared at first, but it fleeting as the emotion soon passes to be replaced by feeling of understanding and knowing that no matter what I do and how hard I try, they will not listen.

It’s my fault I think as I sink deeper into the warm comforting waters, I am not good enough; I am not up to their expectations, they don’t want to be my friend.

I fall further and further under the calm silent blanket of silk blue waters, keeping my eyes closed and seeing only darkness.

I give a small smile, the feeling of comfort; it wears a mask that burns a hole deeper and deeper into me as I sink more and more with the delusion of happiness.

I am hurt, please someone take this all away from me, I don’t know how much more I will be able to bear…before I break.

No, it is selfish and repellent, I should not ask for everything when there are others who need it more, I can hold it together, I need to, because everyone depends on me. More tears slip out my eyes and mix with the light blue ripples all around me.

Slowly I open my eyes, and dimly can make out the bottom. I guess I can’t take anything by myself, I’m falling and I won’t be able to get up, this is my fault but I can’t leave everyone by themselves.

I’m sorry, I won’t be able to tend to the roses beautifully growing in your hearts, please forgive me.

For me will you bloom to the best of your abilities I want to know at least I was useful.

I sink more and the ground starts to get closer and closer.

This warmth, it is overwhelming now, the heat pulsing though my body and my heart. I finally land and close my eyes ready to lay my head down and rest putting an end to the feelings, everything.

I feel myself being pulled into the soft sand, it is cooling on me.

I open my eyes and find myself at the edge to the golden gates a step away from leaving the place and facing reality again.

Numbly I step forward and open my eyes to find a friend looking at me. I smile, ready to hear what they have to tell me.