The school bell rings, signalling the end of classes for the day.  He remains in his seat as the rest of his classmates eagerly file out of their room, relieved and glad to be let out to do whatever they wanted to do outside the school premises. Oh Sehun has always been one of the first few students who left right away after the final bell has rung, but not today. Perhaps some of his classmates have been wondering why he is just watching them go by, curious about what he is up to. A few girls have already asked him, actually.

 

Are you not leaving yet, Sehun-ssi?

 

He only shrugs at them, as if to say, Not yet, so leave me alone. Yes, he prefers to keep quiet. Most think that he is aloof, distant and cold. Despite his classmate’s rather lukewarm description of him, Oh Sehun is liked and admired by most of his peers. Undeservedly so, he would often think, what with the look of respect guys would throw at him whenever they engage him in a friendly conversation, or the special treatment, gifts and letters he would get from girls who liked him. His popularity is difficult and almost absurd to be overlooked, even though he thinks that none of them really know him at all.

 

But there is this one girl so different from the rest it makes something stir inside him in ways he cannot explain. He looks outside the window to get a glimpse of the still crowded hallway, where the girl troubling his thoughts is staying, busily searching for something inside her bag. She is oblivious to whatever is going on around her.

Sehun takes a pen and a paper from his book bag. The girl outside the classroom has no idea that someone is going to write her a letter.

 

Very similar to the one she wrote and gave to someone six months ago, when the school year has just started.

 

Minji,

How are you? We haven’t really talked,

 

Screw that. Sehun bites his lip as he hastily tears the the page off his notebook. They never talked to each other.

 

Minji, he writes again. How are you?

We have never spoken to each other. Well, save for the times when you called my name to greet me every time we passed each other on the hallway, or when you would volunteer to do things for me or when you would ask for my help.

I’m sorry if I never responded back. I just...I didn’t know how to act around someone like you, because I never met someone like you. There had been many girls, a few of them you have seen talking to me, but you have always been different. Your uniqueness has become more apparent when you...confessed to me.

 

Sehun stares at the unfinished note, baffled at the words scrawled on the paper -- did he just write those things? Surely he is possessed, for Oh Sehun never wastes a second writing things totally unrelated to studying or school, much less about people whom he never has directly spoken to.

 

Well, she is my classmate. She is related to school -- not exactly one of my school subjects, but a subject nonetheless. A very important subject, something that high grades or outstanding remarks given by teachers and instructors cannot calm or even temper.

 

Even justifying things when it came to her has become easy. What is this sorcery, he asks in disbelief. What is she doing to me?

 

His hands begin moving in response, except its answers are different from what he is expecting it to unravel.

 

Minji, Sehun’s hand writes her name again, each neat and clear, hoping that his handwriting can show how true his feelings are for her. When you confessed to me, something has...changed. I can’t explain it. The way our classmates laughed at you must have made things hard for you, but Minji, something has passed between us when you said that you like me; that you’ve liked me for the longest time even if we’ve just known each other for six months, but I guess, now I totally understand what you’ve been trying to say that day -- this feeling...this feeling feels like it’s been here since forever.

 

A laughter rings right through his ears, its distinctiveness making Sehun stop from writing again to take a look outside. A classmate must have told Minji a joke, for she is now laughing over something she has heard. The melodious quality her laughter possesses is never difficult to recognize; Sehun has always thought that if not for the confession she made, he would have noticed her through the way she laughs.

 

Only her laughter has decreased months after she has admitted her feelings for him. Ridiculed by the rest of the class for foolishly informing Oh Sehun of how much she likes him, Minji’s infectious smiles and laughter eventually chose to stay just beneath the mystery and quietness of her lips, almost vowing to never show themselves perhaps until they all graduate from high school. Sehun’s heart heaves a sigh of relief, but goes back to feeling heavy when he has realized that it wasn’t him who made her show a glimpse of her old self; cheerful and always optimistic about life. He hopes that this letter would make her return -- not only to the old Minji Sehun has always been secretly fond of, but to him as well. Specifically to him. Only to him.

 

I didn’t say anything because I honestly didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know you. There were so many girls, most of them so irritatingly upfront I thought that you were exactly just the same. Oh, how I’ve made a terrible mistake. You were not like them Minji. You were different. If only…

Sehun pauses to take a deep breath, seemingly unimportant memories of Minji flooding his mind and making him overcome with something he couldn’t properly identify. Perhaps she has never been irrelevant to him, contrary to what he has forced himself to believe before.

If only I gave you a definite answer sooner. Hell, if only I greeted you back, if only I allowed myself to help you, if only I did something...something that would let you realize that your feelings and efforts have not been ignored completely. Maybe you wouldn’t distance yourself from me so much? Maybe we could have been friends? Maybe then I would have been given a chance to get to know you more, because the longer we stay in one place, in one school, in one classroom--the more I am convinced that there’s something really wonderful in you -- you know, something I bet you would have really shared with me had I not blatantly disregarded your confession.

And now I feel sorry. Sorry because it seems like I missed the chance to experience all of these things with you. It would have been amazing if I just protected you right away from people who made fun of you, maybe then something really nice must have happened between us.

 

“Minji!”

 

The voice unmistakably belongs to a male, and it makes Sehun put his writing to a stop. He can only clutch his pen in frustration as he watches another guy confidently saunter to where Minji is standing, smiling at her as he offers to carry her books. Minji returns the guy’s obnoxious smile, but she doesn’t give her books to him. In the back of Sehun’s mind, vivid images of ‘what ifs’ and ‘coulda beens’ play rather ferociously, mocking him for being so slow.

 

Minji, Sehun writes, darker than the last because of the desperate force flowing from his hand -- he cannot fathom to see her feelings for him change -- You like me, right? You said you will wait for my answer before deciding on things. You said you’re not really in a rush to hear from me right away. You love me, right? That’s what you were supposed to say that day, but you got scared because those stupid people made you think you’re worthless to me. Are you --

 

Bizarre as it may seem, Sehun hears Minji’s voice; it’s that melodious laughter of hers again, only more quiet this time. He stops for the hundredth time to look outside, eyes widening a little as he sees her finally handing her books to the guy he is beginning to loathe as each second ticks by. Perhaps these images flashing before him are only in his imagination, his desire to keep Minji his that it makes him turn to look outside to keep an eye on her.

 

He doesn’t know what will happen to him if Minji ends up writing a letter of confession for the guy currently charming her in the corridor. He must finish his letter right now. There will be no more chances after this.

 

Minji, are you over me?

 

Controlled by his emotions as well as edges of jealousy stabbing his heart, Sehun cranes his neck to see if Minji will leave with the guy unabashedly showering her with undivided attention. They still have four months left in school, and Sehun will not be risking those precious months. He sees her smile shyly at the guy, and damn -- who knows what will happen next?

 

Please don’t be over me, Sehun furiously scribbles down on the paper, his handwriting revealing his desperate request. He is begging for her affection and he doesn’t care about what people will think anymore. Oh Sehun succumbs to Gong Minji’s charms. He would completely if she would read this letter and let him do just that.

 

Please don’t get over me, he writes again.


Please don’t.