It's been months since I haven't seen her. We were so engulfed with our schedules that we didn't even have time for ourselves. I miss her. So much that my heart wants to explode of longing for her right now. The last time I saw her was in that Japan To The Beautiful You Promotion.

Yes. I like her. Or maybe I'm even inlove with her. I don't know when did I started liking her but i just knew. But i didn't have the courage to express it aloud. I just kept it to myself (or was I being too obvious?) until I finally had the courage.

I was planning to confess to her back then when that obnoxious Hyun Woo came into the picture. I mean Hyun Woo is my friend but sometimes he can't control his bubbliness that i find it annoying and irritating. He blocked my chance that time. Argh-

So right now I'm sitting on set of Medical Top Team on the battle of thoughts whether to call her or not because the last time I called her randomly almost caused us trouble. I didn't knew that she was taping for amazing f(x) that day though. Okay, I admit it was my fault but could you blame this guy hopelessly inlove with his dongsaeng who tried very hard to get her attention? could you?

Well, the point is, I MISS HER SO MUCH! So I'm staring at my phone every second hoping that she will reply to my text but to my dismay, our breaktime was over and I haven't received any texts from her. :(

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I don't have my scenes yet so I decided to relax first. Then I took the sight of my phone and grabbed it still hoping to find a new message from her but I received one from Onew hyung instead.

From: Onew Hyung

Minho. I know this would hurt you but you deserve to see this.

http://www.allkpop.com/article/2013/09/fxs-sulli-and-dynamic-duos-choiza-allegedly-spotted-on-date#axzz2fzuujKs3

I hope you get things straight and clarify it with her :(

I don't know why but I felt that my heart dropped 1000 feet above the ground after reading hyung's text. I hesitated at first but I clicked the link that hyung gave me anyway.

Then I saw it. Him and Her. Holding hands. Walking. Every second that my eyes laid upon that picture the pain grew bigger and bigger until I can't contain the tears that have formed ever since I saw it.

Tears fell. I can't control it. It hurts so much. My shoulder shakes from sobbing. This article hurts so much more than those of her bonding moments with Heechul. My heart. I can't breathe. I clutched my chest hoping to ease the pain. I bite my lips to suppress my sobbing hoping that no one could see me cry.

I hate it. The pain. And most especially if anyone saw me vulnerable. I hate the feeling except when I am with her. I feel vulnerable but her warmth makes me feel safe. Her eye contact says that she likes me. Her soft little touches says that she cares for me. And her smile shows that she is happy because of me.

But did all that gesture meant different? Did I got it wrong? Did I misinterpreted it ? Was it just a dongsaeng taking care of her oppa? Please don't tell me that I just got it wrong.

I mean she never did tell me that she liked me too but her actions made me hope that she actually have feelings for me too. Was I expecting too much from her? I mean I new Sulli's and Taemin's past ( they had mutual feelings for each other and they expressed it towards each other but they never really had the chance to have a commitment) but does expecting that she might actually have the guts to take love on the next level for our relationship's sake wrong? Although she never even gave a just a little sign, I hoped and I assumed. That's my biggest mistake.

I wanted to punch myself for doing such. I gathered all the guts that's left of me and stopped myself from crying even though the pain kills me. I took a deep breath and run. I don't know where but i just wanted to escape. I don't care if they'll find me on the set. I just wanted to run away. I ran until my lungs where burning and gasping for air. I didn't know where my feet took me but I found myself on the doorstep of their dorm.

With all my strenght, I knocked on the door; risking everything on the line.

Victoria noona opened the door for me. And as usually she welcomes me warmly but I can see the confusion in her eyes (maybe thinking why am I here at these kind of hour). I walked to her room and knocked. I'm on the verge of crying again but I held it within.

She opened the door and smiled at the mere sight of me. She motioned me in and I followed. I missed that smile. That smile which meant everuthing to me but at this moment it meant pain. That smile was not because of me but because of him, i thought.

She hugged me and said " I missed you oppa!" The tears that I kept flowed uncontrollably as i sobbed on her shoulders and hugged her back. Gah, I miss her so much. Her scent, her hair, her voice,her smile. I miss everything about her. But not only the feeling of longing made me burst into tears but also the feeling of emptiness and pain combined with my yearning for her.

This feeling . I'm so disguted with myself unable to control these feelings and unhopelessly crying on a woman's shoulder like a child that lost his mother. I wanted to slap myself.

She pats my back occasionally as she try to comfort me. Although she doesn't know that she's the reason why I'm crying.

She breaks off the hug and looked at me in the eye "What's the matter oppa?" She asked. She looks at me lovingly but I chose to push that thought aside because I might get hurt because of assuming. "Is-is it true?" I asked her with my voice shaking with the fear of rejection.

"A-are you dating with Cho-Choiza hyung?" I continued. She smiled at me. She shook her head and laughed. I looked at her with confused eyes. Like really?! I'm crying and humiliating myself infront of her and she just laughs at me?! She looked at me again and said "No." firmly. Then she tiptoed and kissed me in the lips