JULY 20, 2023

IT ALL STARTED when I was 12. Mom suddenly had an idea, and told me I should be keeping all my “memories” in a Memory Chest. That day, she bought me a quaint, periwinkle blue-colored box, and, after handing me a bag of scrapbooking appliqués and embellishments, told me to start decorating my Memory Chest. My mom was a painter, and strongly believed in passing on creativity as a legacy to her only child. Living with her was like having a daily art lesson—something that always made my friends envious.

I started filling up the chest with bits and pieces from then on. Letters from my best friends, the chalkboard eraser my favorite teacher gave me when she left school, the pen my elementary crush lend me, my first campus newspaper as the editor-in-chief. Everytime I open this box, I feel as if the ghosts of times past fill the room, greeting me and asking how my life went. I always become emotional. The color of the box faded with time, a scratch here and there on the exterior. The gems I’ve glued and arranged carefully when I was a child were gone but the memories are as fresh as the day they were immortalized.

Today, the emotions are more intense. I am about to meet an old friend.

I dig through letters, keychains, pins, box (yes, a souvenir from my first time). Under a pile of stamps, I feel that familiar, fuzzy fur.

Well, hello.

It looks at me with the same, excited eyes I remember from years ago. Did you miss me?

Oh yes. So much.

I’ve just unearthed the cutest siberian husky plushie of all time, Thehun Bubbletea. On its hind leg, a note that changed my life forever.

SEPTEMBER 7, 2013

IT HAPPENED SO FAST. I put down my iPhone, my arm tired from recording EXO’s live performance of XOXO, when the lights danced again—the strobing was so intense, I swear I could’ve developed a mild case of astigmatism or something—and the first notes of 3.6.5. played. 

The crowd went wild because EXO started walking around onstage, and someone from behind kept pushing me away from my place. I picked a great spot—and when I say great, I meant I could touch the stage. I held on to the railings, trying not to budge from where I stand.  If this thinks she can sumo-wrestle me out of this place, she was so wrong. Really. I was able to fall in line early because after my shift at Starbucks—which is situated in front of the concert arena by the way—I went directly to the venue. I’m not going to give this spot up without a fight.

At first, I am completely opposed to working while studying. College is hard enough as it is, and I’m already flunking Physics 2. It just so happens that my parents, the ultimate antagonists to my love story with Sehun, do not dig this whole fandom thing, and wouldn’t finance my K-Pop needs. I am left with no choice but to look for a part-time job so I can have that much-coveted SVIP ticket. Which is quite steep, to be honest. I wonder what made these concert organizers think we can afford such overpriced tickets. It’s not like we’re not buying CDs and other merchandise already.

Baekhyun sang, dragging a big, powder blue sack behind him. The crowd went ballistic. I saw Chanyeol pick up a stuffed toy—a puppy—from the sack, and the other boys followed suit. He made the first throw, and hands frantically shot up, trying to catch the puppy. From that moment on, everyone wore a game face. It’s like we’re hungry lions besting one another for a piece of meat thrown by our captors. Or something to that effect. Everyone was desperate for a stuffed puppy. Everyone, including me.

I looked for Sehun. He’s already holding a white and gray puppy. But unlike others who were holding two or three to give away, he’s holding on to this one and this one only. I panicked. What are my chances of having a puppy from Sehun if he’s holding just one?

Suho walked towards our part of the ramp, and I couldn’t help but shove others away. It’s like an instinct, and I’m sure the others did the same thing too. He threw a black puppy a couple of feet away from where I stood, and I saw the lucky fan when I turned my head around. If anything, this made me more determined. I’m not that tall, but I swear I could reach Suho if I tiptoe a little more, and stretch my hands a little farther. That’s how close I was to the stage.  If I were to go home without anything, it would be like having a big L-O-S-E-R plastered to my forehead.

I jumped to the chorus of 3.6.5., both hands hurting from holding the phone and reaching for the members. I didn’t mind at the time though. Adrenaline was rushing through me. Baekhyun joined Suho, and together they danced the woh-oh-oh-oh part. I love that part. They’re so cute with that dance step. I almost forgot about Sehun.

As I was woh-oh-oh-ohing with the other fans, I saw Sehun walking towards my spot. My senses heightened, and I’m back in the game. I screamed for his name. I willed for him to walk further towards me. I concentrated, and I imagined myself sending telepathic vibes to him (in a chic red color, for love).

My heart broke when I saw him walk farther. I swear, I feel like my soul left me. Sehun sang and danced, but I know in his mind he’s calculating where to throw the toy. His eyes were searching.

I feel sheer dread. My hands were slowly lowering, and I’m sweating like hell. I tuned out. The whole place went silent, and although people were bumping their hands, shoulders, and arms around me, I didn’t feel anything. It’s as if I was never in the arena.

It’s funny how one person can have this effect on you without him knowing it. You spend hours daydreaming about him, writing about how crazy you are about his whole being. You’re always on the go for any event that concerns him, always ready to shell out money just to support him. But you’re invisible. You’re a part of this big entity, where individuality is near to impossible. When they say “I love you,” you assume it’s directly to you, and only you. But deep inside, you know that’s not the case. It’s crazy how you can devote your entire life to a person who—

Sehun was standing in front of me.

The noise came back, and I feel my whole body hurting from the pushing of the chaotic fans. I saw him extending his hand towards me, giving away the stuffed puppy. It is happening so fast, and yet my mind processes everything in a slow motion. The noise blocked out again. I held out my hand, and I felt the warm, fuzzy fur of the stuffed puppy. Sehun pushed it further to me, and I welcomed it into my arms, holding it tight, never letting go.

He smiled, and, after winking at me, joined the others to the main stage.

The song ended, and I saw the boys waving their goodbyes. I ran away from my spot as the lights went off. I exited the arena, holding the puppy tightly in my arms.

Sehun smiled at me. He winked at me.

He gave me a stuffed toy.

A part of me knows the whole thing really happened, and I should be jumping hysterically for joy already. A part of me still couldn’t grasp that I got so lucky.

I looked at the stuffed toy, and a goofy face looked back at me. I noticed a tag, dangling on its leg. I hated it. It reminded me that it’s not like EXO bought these things themselves or something. It’s spoiling the romance of the whole thing. I was about to pull it off  when I saw written words on the back.

Hi ^^ I gave this to you for two reasons: you are special, and I want to protect you. He’s the bravest puppy in the whole world, and he’s here to protect you all the time, 365 days a year. Even though I cannot be with you, I gave this puppy a piece of my heart. One day, I hope we’ll meet again.

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If you're into angst, please go to the second chapter.

If you're into happy endings, please go to the third chapter.