Their stare on a beautiful, red-haired woman wearing designer’s clothes and expensive diamonds that didn’t seem to stand out much now was nothing but disgust and verdict. It was as if the sophisticated woman was walking bare-footed on a desert while being watched by millions of judging eyes. They weren’t really eyes though. She was being watched by millions of judging mouths; mouths that didn’t know anything, mouths pretending like they know everything.

She remembered the first time she saw her, she met her. It was still on the crest of her memory and she knew that no matter what happened and what may happen, she will forever remember the first time they met as the happiest moment of her life. No amount of excruciating judgment from them would make her regret that she went to that place and that she met her.

For she was the happiest thing that ever come to passed in her entire life.

“What about her? Can I have her?” She was pointing her cigarette at the blonde woman on the stage, dressed in a seductive silver-sequined dress and silver-heeled shoes, singing a beautiful melody as she smiled at the audience who was pretty enthusiastic and ecstatic whenever she smiles.

She would never regret the moment she asked to have her; for her to be her possession, for her to be hers.

The red-haired woman slowly leaned closer to the blonde. She hesitated, thinking that the blonde might pushed her away. After all, she only bought her for the night. She was surprised when instead of pushing her away the blonde woman leaned closer and closed her dainty eyes. She moved her face towards the woman beside her and closed the distance between them.

She would never forget the first time they kissed for she knew right at that moment when their lips first touched that she would never want to kiss any other lips besides hers again.

“Fany-ah… Fany-ah… Fany-ah…”

The red-haired woman looked at her funnily and touched the other woman’s long blonde, curly hair. “What?” she asked.

“Fany-ah… Fany-ah… Fany-ah…”

She couldn’t explain how intoxicating and compelling the blonde woman’s voice was. To her ears, it sounded like an unchained melody. “What?” she asked again when her question remained unanswered.

“I love you,” the woman beside her confessed.

Then, noticing how flustered the red-haired woman became, the blonde giggled and added, “Why are you blushing?”

“I’m not blushing,” she retorted.

“I love you,” the other woman said again, this time teasing and trying to see the red-haired woman’s reaction but still, firmness and feelings were obvious in her voice, that she loves her.

“I love you, Fany-ah… I love you, Fany-ah… I love you, Fany-ah…”

It was like a chant, like a hymn or a mantra. It was carved in her body and engraved in her soul. She knew it will remain in her identity forever. She didn’t know why she didn’t give an “I love you, too,” back then but she was glad.

“Fany-ah!”          

She ignored it and continued walking.

“Fany-ah!”

Still, she ignored it and proceeded.

“Fany-ah!”

That time, the blonde woman finally caught up and stopped her.

“Fany-ah, why aren’t you answering my calls?”

She stared at her and didn’t speak.

“Fany-ah, is there something wrong?”

Again, she stared at her and remained silent.

“Fany-ah…”

“I think we should end this.”

She could still remember the painful expression she had when she said those words. There were no explanations needed because from the very start, it was all wrong. She meeting her and she loving her. She and her weren’t supposed to be together after all.

“Why, Fany-ah? Didn’t you say you love me?”

Words were nothing compared to what they felt that moment. But what was going on between them has to stop and she knew it. It was wrong. It was wrong to begin with and it will always be wrong if they’ll continue it.

She almost laughed at the irony of falling for someone she shouldn’t have fallen in love with. Love, it repeated and echoed through her ears like an endless chain of melody. Love, she thought. If love is truly the most powerful emotion of all, then, how come love is not covering up the pain she was feeling right that moment? She could almost feel her heart ripping.

“Didn’t you say that you’ll teach me everything you know about music if I quit the club? I already quit the club, didn’t I? Didn’t you say that if I go back to school, we’ll be creating love songs everyday? I went back to school, right? Didn’t you say that after I graduate, we’ll live together and we’ll make lots of beautiful music and we’ll always love each other until the end? Didn’t you say all of that?”

She wanted to say how much she loves her. She wanted to say how much it kills her to just end everything this way. But she couldn’t because it wasn’t right. She couldn’t because it was all wrong.

“Are all those lies? Fany-ah, are all those lies?”

And just like that, she turned her back on the blonde woman and walked away, biting her lips so hard to stop herself from crying. So hard that before she knew it, it was bleeding. It didn’t stop the tears though.

“Good bye. I love you, Jessi.”

She didn’t know if her decision was right. She didn’t even know if deciding for both of them was the right thing. But she loves her. And she didn’t want her to walk the same way she does on a barren desert, bare-footed, being watched by millions of judging mouths.

* * * * *

End

Words: 956