Abnormal

SM, The Horror School

Chapter-1: Abnormal

 
The annoying bell which forced the students to pull themselves into the school's classrooms was a daily routine of every normal students all around the world. Except for the extraordinary or so-called to be unfortunate students from the rich high class families who attended SM High.
 
The students were supposed to be rushing to and fro before and after the school started, but those students did not really have a life happiness and rebellion of an original teenager. The yells should be heard all along the corridors, followed by teachers and trainers who were giving orders to the students to return to their classes and sit on their seats in front of the desks. 
 
They were once that kind of rebellious ordinary teenage students with impossible dreams, with their headphones attached to their eardrums all-day-long. 
 
They never spotted their differences which flipped their life pages of books in a random, which had a negative effect on them. At once they were assigned into the school's campus, everything obviously changed. They weren't able to reveal their true colours towards their friends, and even closest friends ever had secrets concealed among themselves.
 
What transformed was not their actions and outer features, but their minds and thoughts which were making the brain cells cuddle up each other tightly among the plasma. 
 
Everything was changing. Their thoughts were overwhelmed and taken by the cruel influence the teachers and trainers had on. They couldn't decide easily on true simple problems. In fact, hard thinking process among their instincts were nothing more difficult, even for the smartest students among them all.
 
It was the day when the entire whole school was shuttered for once more, making the students go wild. It was a normal happening once a week, every time on Sundays. The Sundays which were taken to be fresh, happy and free, were just a reciprocal approved mathematic theory on the side of SM High. SM High was a perfect learning school, wasn't it? But why were sad, dark memories visible in this kind of Korea's No.1 High School.
 
Im Yoona, a perfectionist who was always ever granting for a princess charming life, was to be transferred from Genie High to SM, on the day when all the troubles of the week were headed on to the only person. 
 
The first day of school. It was determined to be an exciting one instead of a heart trembling event. Once she arrived on the school compound, girls were screaming with the voice that came from the top of their lungs. 
 
She sighed. She thought that ordinary high school filled with fan girls were not any different from the ones that she had changed. It wasn't once or more that she had faces such kinds of school exchanges. She just couldn't figure out why her parents were such stubborn not to let their only and one daughter utter a word from her glorious lips. She wasn't able to withstand against their force, but to give up every time she decided to oppose against them. 
 
"Parents are parents. Children are children. There's no way that we children can go on the opposite path of the fast flowing river, is there? No, there isn't." 
 

She shrugged the thoughts away from her mind, shaking her head. She led herself the road to the school head office to go through the registrations in details. 

All the way long, the yells were heard. She never recognized and paid attention to them, until a girl bumped into her. 
 
"Miranghamida. Miranghamida."
 
"Hey. You should watch where you're going! Hey!"
 
The girl she met before didn't give her a chance to complain. She rolled her eyes in a disappointed manner.
 
"Hey. Please forgive that clumsy girl who ran into you."
 
"Ehh? Are the two of you related?"
 
"Sorta."
 
"Nae. Arraseoyo. But her actions were totally rude and I don't think I can forgive her unless she begs me for it."
 
"Ohh. Please, will you? I'll beg you like this. Imm?"
 
"Okayy. You make me change my mind. And by the way, what's going on with the whole school? Everyone is running here and there as if there's a ghost or soul chasing them. Pfft. Such manners."
 
"Ahh. That? I guess you're new. Just a normal case. They're making it popular. It's probably another hash death of a student. Gosh. Why do they not take good care of themselves instead of running away like fools?"
 
"A DEATH?" 
 
Suprised, Yoona gave the girl a shot to pierce in her eyes.
 
"Yea, and...?"
 
While seeing and hearing the girl speak in an icy tone about a death of a student from her school, like which ever she hadn't experienced of, a struck of horror flowed into her consciousness. 
 
"It is normal?"
 
"Yea, it is. Every once a week."
 
"OH MY GOSH! What is this place?" 
 
"A horror killing school."
 
"N-n-no wa-way! I-I go-got-ta t-tell th-is t-o my PARENTS!"
 
While Yoona was trying to call her mom, the girl prevented her from calling by dropping the phone, crashing it into single particles. She grabbed her wrist tight, making her not possible to resist. 
 
"You. Youu.. What are you? What is this place? This freaking place where I never belonged to. Wh-What.."
 
"You belong here. You've stepped into the campus. You're not to be escaping anymore. Never. You're prey. You're a predator. You will never escape.... Cause this is the place 
 
Where teachers train students to transform into beasts,
 
And where the students kill each other for their survival..."

A/N: Annyeonghaseyo, readers. I know that my updates really take long and I'm sorry for that. And I wrote this in 45 minutes with my phone, so it won't be a very nice one. I'm so sorry. In my opinion, I don't think this chapter update really was a cool scary horror one. I'm so sorry. I need more comments and opinions and discussions on my chapters, so please don't just compliment, but also free to make a comment on the true angles of my story. Thank you very much. And to my subscribers even before I have updated a chapter, thank you very much.

 
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BestFriend18 #1
Chapter 1: First, I want ask about the characters. I just wondering, why you not telling the main characters on the forward? Is Yoona just the main character? But after all, I like the plot most, since the plot almost same with my favorite anime^^
I hope this will help you 8D
pinboo #2
Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!

Plot: Because the story is not yet completed, I cannot evaluate this comprehensively, but anyway, here goes. The main issue that bugs me is the realistic issue of the fic. Now, I don't mind you having a plot where there exists a school that mandates the people inside it to kill each other –lots of fictions actually employ the same concept. What I do mind is that you do not give sufficient background, reasons, and normal peoples' reaction to it. One thing to note is that this kind of fic –which sets a realm far apart from the normal world that we're living in –needs sufficient, if not extra rationalizations. Who started this policy, why there was this kind of policy, why the students seem to accept it so easily, why didn't anyone stand up against the policy, why the police or social authorities fail to detect it, how is the system implemented, etc. I realize you implied how parents might have sayings and possible concerns on this, but this is not elaborated more. Again, this kind of concept shall be treated differently, shall be treated with more precaution and analysis in comparison to other common concept. This may be a preliminary judgment, because you may explain it in later chapters, but for the current first chapter, surely there are things that you can begin indicating.

Other than that, basically for a first chapter, the premise is laid down quite clearly: we have the main character being introduced to the school's concept –I'm glad that you do not take too long to present this. So far the plot is not going anywhere, which is understandable, given that this is only the first chapter. In conclusion, there is a big burden for you to elaborate a lot of things, which in your current chapter stats, are not yet explored.
pinboo #3
Characters: The only vital character that has been introduced is only Yoona. Again, maybe because it is only the first chapter, but at the end of the day, there's nothing much the readers can tell about Yoona. However, even when there's only one chapter, the main character should have already been able to steal the readers' attention immediately. In this fic, so far, she just seems to be the usual female lead with no real distinctive quirk or personality. Sure, she protested and all, but there's no visible streak of her characteristics yet. At this point, I cannot really tell much about her.
pinboo #4
Style: Before I go repetitive by saying nothing much can be assessed as now there is only one chapter, I'd like to point out some issues with the dialogues. The amount is still decent, at least your fic does not consist of only dialogues. But there are a sense of immaturity and the lack of reality in the dialogues spoken by the characters –mostly the other female students' speeches. Maybe this also has something to do with the bugging feeling why the students uncharacteristically seem to accept this too much. Even if that is the case, I imagine them to be more secretive, like there's supposed to be more mystery from the dialogues of the students. The way they talk now, is as if they're reminding Yoona that running inside the corridor will put her into a week-long detention –which is certainly not the case here. Another thing to note is that you seem to employ the stylistic of repeating some words for emphasis (e.g. 'Nobody knew who killed the person. Nobody.' or 'Not a single person could come back normal once they stepped into the school platform. Not a single one.'). While I do understand that you want to create a sense of horror by emphasizing the particular words, the effects are not translated to the readers. Like, it does not have enough chilling effect to actually deter the readers –and it actually kinda feels redundant.
pinboo #5
Suggestion:
• You certainly still have time to structure and compose the plot –including to mend the possible plot holes. Be the devil's advocate to your own fic, be critical to yourself. Cover those plot holes possibly created by this kind of concept
• Add more flair to the character. They're going to undergo such horror inside this school, make the readers actually understand, care for, and sympathize over them.
• The writing style could be worked on to give more enigmatic, haunting feel. Actually, you can opt to use that kind of emphasizing technique, but be careful on the words you want to emphasize. I understand that it might be a rather instinctual element –you might have to read and write a lot before you get the gist of which word you can actually emphasize to give that bone-chilling effect to the readers and which word simply do not have to be repeated. In the end, it actually depends on the context.

Favorite Parts:
• For a first chapter, I think the scenes are sufficient. You're not taking it too long to introduce the suspense –but my advice would be to present the suspense delicately. It will be more suspenseful to introduce the terror through gestures and reactions, rather than blatant warning "you have to kill people here" kind of scheme.
• The plot can be exciting, you just have to find the drive to finish it :)
shineexo_forever #6
Chapter 1: update pls! :) this fic is interesting!
Himlo_ko #7
Chapter 1: Girl, i like this.. dont forget to update it..
Smtown_Fanfiction #8
Chapter 1: Ooh creepy... ^^
I like it! Mind checking out some of my fics?
I think you'll enjoy :)
Thank u so much! Keep up the hard work!
Subscribe for a subscribe back?
catherine123 #9
Chapter 1: Omg! Updated! Finally~ This sounds freaking cool and well, scary. hehe. Update soon lehh x]
Coolcutiedj #10
Chapter 1: OH.MY.GOD Woah! Wjhat a unique school you have there! XD Well... cool story!!
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