Chapter 1: First, I want ask about the characters. I just wondering, why you not telling the main characters on the forward? Is Yoona just the main character? But after all, I like the plot most, since the plot almost same with my favorite anime^^
I hope this will help you 8D

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Plot: Because the story is not yet completed, I cannot evaluate this comprehensively, but anyway, here goes. The main issue that bugs me is the realistic issue of the fic. Now, I don't mind you having a plot where there exists a school that mandates the people inside it to kill each other –lots of fictions actually employ the same concept. What I do mind is that you do not give sufficient background, reasons, and normal peoples' reaction to it. One thing to note is that this kind of fic –which sets a realm far apart from the normal world that we're living in –needs sufficient, if not extra rationalizations. Who started this policy, why there was this kind of policy, why the students seem to accept it so easily, why didn't anyone stand up against the policy, why the police or social authorities fail to detect it, how is the system implemented, etc. I realize you implied how parents might have sayings and possible concerns on this, but this is not elaborated more. Again, this kind of concept shall be treated differently, shall be treated with more precaution and analysis in comparison to other common concept. This may be a preliminary judgment, because you may explain it in later chapters, but for the current first chapter, surely there are things that you can begin indicating.

Other than that, basically for a first chapter, the premise is laid down quite clearly: we have the main character being introduced to the school's concept –I'm glad that you do not take too long to present this. So far the plot is not going anywhere, which is understandable, given that this is only the first chapter. In conclusion, there is a big burden for you to elaborate a lot of things, which in your current chapter stats, are not yet explored.

Characters: The only vital character that has been introduced is only Yoona. Again, maybe because it is only the first chapter, but at the end of the day, there's nothing much the readers can tell about Yoona. However, even when there's only one chapter, the main character should have already been able to steal the readers' attention immediately. In this fic, so far, she just seems to be the usual female lead with no real distinctive quirk or personality. Sure, she protested and all, but there's no visible streak of her characteristics yet. At this point, I cannot really tell much about her.

Style: Before I go repetitive by saying nothing much can be assessed as now there is only one chapter, I'd like to point out some issues with the dialogues. The amount is still decent, at least your fic does not consist of only dialogues. But there are a sense of immaturity and the lack of reality in the dialogues spoken by the characters –mostly the other female students' speeches. Maybe this also has something to do with the bugging feeling why the students uncharacteristically seem to accept this too much. Even if that is the case, I imagine them to be more secretive, like there's supposed to be more mystery from the dialogues of the students. The way they talk now, is as if they're reminding Yoona that running inside the corridor will put her into a week-long detention –which is certainly not the case here. Another thing to note is that you seem to employ the stylistic of repeating some words for emphasis (e.g. 'Nobody knew who killed the person. Nobody.' or 'Not a single person could come back normal once they stepped into the school platform. Not a single one.'). While I do understand that you want to create a sense of horror by emphasizing the particular words, the effects are not translated to the readers. Like, it does not have enough chilling effect to actually deter the readers –and it actually kinda feels redundant.

Suggestion:
• You certainly still have time to structure and compose the plot –including to mend the possible plot holes. Be the devil's advocate to your own fic, be critical to yourself. Cover those plot holes possibly created by this kind of concept
• Add more flair to the character. They're going to undergo such horror inside this school, make the readers actually understand, care for, and sympathize over them.
• The writing style could be worked on to give more enigmatic, haunting feel. Actually, you can opt to use that kind of emphasizing technique, but be careful on the words you want to emphasize. I understand that it might be a rather instinctual element –you might have to read and write a lot before you get the gist of which word you can actually emphasize to give that bone-chilling effect to the readers and which word simply do not have to be repeated. In the end, it actually depends on the context.

Favorite Parts:
• For a first chapter, I think the scenes are sufficient. You're not taking it too long to introduce the suspense –but my advice would be to present the suspense delicately. It will be more suspenseful to introduce the terror through gestures and reactions, rather than blatant warning "you have to kill people here" kind of scheme.
• The plot can be exciting, you just have to find the drive to finish it :)

Chapter 1: update pls! :) this fic is interesting!

Chapter 1: Girl, i like this.. dont forget to update it..

Chapter 1: Ooh creepy... ^^
I like it! Mind checking out some of my fics?
I think you'll enjoy :)
Thank u so much! Keep up the hard work!
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Chapter 1: Omg! Updated! Finally~ This sounds freaking cool and well, scary. hehe. Update soon lehh x]

Chapter 1: OH.MY.GOD Woah! Wjhat a unique school you have there! XD Well... cool story!!