The rest of the members return home to find Suho sitting on the small, threadbare couch in the living room, clutching his knees and rocking back and forth, whimpering to himself.

"What's with him?" Luhan asks Sehun, poking him in the side.

"I'm not sure," the boy with the rainbow-colored hair responds, "he's been like this ever since I got back with Chanyeol-hyung."

"And where's Kris and Tao?"

Sehun looks around briefly, noticing the absence of the two from the room, and makes an indifferent noise.

"I think they were taking a nap when we returned, so they're probably still sleeping."

Luhan shrugs, and proceeds to the kitchen to find himself a snack. Lay shuffles in, back from his chore of taking out the garbage. He notices Suho (who is still muttering incoherent phrases to himself) on the couch and walks over, before settling himself down on the seat adjacent to him. Suho hardly looks up, which causes Lay to sigh softly and place a hand on his arm.

"You okay, hyung?" Lay asks, his Chinese accent peeking through a tiny bit. Suho doesn't respond, instead continuing to murmur words that sound an awful lot like 'Tao', 'Kris', 'closet' and 'diary'. Lay wrinkles his brows a bit at this, but decides it isn't his business.

"Hyung..."

Whimper.

"Hyung," he tries again, a bit louder.

Mutter.

Lay is about to say something more drastic when all of a sudden, something tall and heavy is crashing into the couch and landing on Suho's lap with a forceful oomph!

Suho shrieks (a few octaves higher than would be considered excusable) and flails his limbs for a moment, before falling quite ungracefully to the floor and carrying with him the lump that had flung itself at him only moments ago.

He tries to calm his racing heartbeat while the EXO members that are still in the room exchange looks of 'what the hell', and looks down at the person still clutching onto him in his lap.

Tao smiles back sheepishly, fingers wiggling a weak wave in the air.

A loud snort causes Suho to divert his attention from Tao (much to Tao's gratification) and look murderously at Luhan, who, after hearing his oh-so-manly scream of terror, had run from the kitchen into the room and upon seeing Suho sprawled out so awkwardly on the carpet, had begun laughing so hard the open yogurt container he was holding in his hand slipped and tumbled onto the floor, making a nice pink splotch against the achromatic carpet.

Silence.

This can only mean one thing, Suho thinks.

There's something resembling a pterodactyl screech that fills the room approximately three seconds later, which gives way to an infuriated D.O. barreling into the room with death written in his eyes. How he managed to instantly find out about the spill from two rooms down, the members will never know.

Sometimes it was like D.O. had some sort of deep inner connection with the carpet, one that promised immediate pain and suffering if anyone even got close to making a mess.

Which, of course, Luhan just managed to do.

"Oh, ."

Luhan and D.O. make eye contact for a few tense seconds before a crazed jungle-man scream erupts from the shorter male, and as he flings himself towards Luhan, hands outreached and grasping for something to hold on to (most likely Luhan's throat).

"It was an accident, I swear!" Luhan desperately yelps, before skirting around the doorway and into the hallway, narrowly missing the lead vocalist's death-grip.

"I'm sure it'll be an accident when I just oh so conveniently rip your head off!" D.O. threatens as he chases after a certain frightened deer.

The sounds of the pursuit causes a few amused snickers to appear (the occurances of situations like this are more common than one would think), including a soft scoff from Tao a few beats too late so that it rings out like a bell in the muted atmosphere. All eyes whip to him and he realizes his mistake when he lifts his head to meet the furious gaze of EXO-K's leader. He gulps, eyes widening a considerable amount to challenge the circumference of D.O.'s.

"Tao," Suho massages his temple with one hand, "why exactly are you in my lap?"

Tao looks down and twiddles his thumbs, a rapid wave of crimson washing over his cheeks.

"I, uh, was trying to escape..."

Suho quirks an eyebrow. He hopes it isn't the so-called "ghost" that Tao was always whining about.

"From?"

"From, uh..." the panda boy trails off, looking anywhere in the room but at Suho. The other members lean in slightly from their positions around the room, intrigued in the situation.

"If you don't answer me right now, Huang Zitao, I swear I will take all of your Gucci and burn it with a torch."

Alright, maybe that statement is a little harsh, Suho admits, but only allows guilt to sneak in for a few seconds before he roughly pushes it aside. His nerves are already strung out; from losing his hairbrush to the unfortunate encounter in Kris and Tao's closet and finding out he is the only straight member in the house.

"Not my Gucci! Hyung, please!" Tao squeaks, grabbing onto Suho's shirt, eyes welling with tears.

Don't fall for the eyes, don't fall for the eyes.

Suho clears his throat and ignores the pleading boy beneath him.

"Tao..."

"Fine!" Tao relents, "I was escaping from...addruhggenn."

Everyone cranes their necks to hear better. Suho frowns.

"What?"

"Addruhggenn," Tao sighs, and buries his head in his hands.

"What?" This is said collectively, and Suho thinks they all sound very much like a cliché teenage musical.

Tao whips his head up in frustration and slight embarrassment.

"A dragon! I was escaping from a dragon!"

No one gets the reference until a squeak in the floorboards by the hallway alerts them. They turn their heads to see, for the first time, a half- Kris turning to leave sneakily (but failing), with something dangling from his right hand and are those handcuffs?

He stops once he notices all eyes are on him and shuffles awkwardly from each foot.

"Um, hi."

It takes all of two seconds for the lightbulb in the EXO members' heads to light up.

"Oh, that's nasty!"

Someone yells, probably Baekhyun, as he's the first one to make a mad dash for the trashcan in the kitchen.

"I agree!" Chanyeol follows eagerly, only to be waved off once he catches up with Baekhyun.

Sehun gags a few times, clutching onto Chen for support, while Xiumin looks a bit pale. Lay, still sitting on the couch, grimaces and buries his face in a pillow.

At that moment, a door slams in the hallway and Luhan sprints out, panting, with a still-angry D.O. on his heels. They don't notice Kris until it's too late, and they crash into the tall Chinese man, all of them landing in a painful heap on the floor. There's a quiet click that no one cares to acknowledge.

"Ow..." D.O. is the first to get up, rubbing his head where a bump is starting to form.

Kai, silent throughout the whole ordeal, runs over to grasp his arm.

"You okay, hyung?" he asks, genuine worry in his eyes.

D.O. blushes (though the color isn't really noticeable since he's already flushed from running), and looks at Kai.

"I'm alright, thank you."

The two exchange a meaningful gaze, before a loud groan from next to them interrupts the moment.

"Oh-kay...well, if you two are quite done with your sappy love scene acting, will someone please help me get up?" Luhan retorts and holds out a hand.

"I'm still pissed off about the carpet, so unless you want to lose a finger or two, I'd suggest not touching me." D.O. hisses, all traces of the sweet, adoring boy earlier wiped clean.

Luhan grumbles and goes to stand, but a sudden force pulls him back down.

"What the heck?" he glares at Kris, who stares back in bewilderment and puts his hands up in a defensive position.

Except Luhan's hand mimicks his, and a flash of metal reveals the answer. Everyone's eyes slowly fall to the handcuff linking together Kris and Luhan's wrists. Kris's mouth pops open in an 'O' shape. Luhan's eyes are on fire.

"Kris..." Luhan mutters, not even bothering to throw on the honorifics.

"Y-yes?"

"Get. The. Keys."

Kris nods rapidly and searches his pants pocket. His already panicked expression deteriorates to a look of utter fear and dread as he stops and looks shakily towards the man on top of him.

"Ha, funny story, actually," he begins, "I may have accidentally slightlypossiblymaybelostthekeysnotabigdealpleasedon'tkillme."

The only movement in the next few seconds is the slight narrowing of Luhan's eyes as he stares Kris down like some sort of predator-deer. Kris's eyes, in return, get miracuously bigger, eyeballs in danger of popping out of his sockets and rolling out across the (almost) spotless floor.

Luhan breathes out slowly through his nose.

"Please tell me I'm not chained together to a shirtless idiot with a very obvious bump in his pants who smells like he hasn't brushed his teeth in three days."

"He brushed his teeth this morning, actually." Chen pipes up helpfully from the corner, "I know this because he walked into my room while he was doing it and spilled some toothpaste on my favorite pair of socks." 

He seems to suddenly realize something, and points a finger accusingly at Kris.

"Hey! You spilled toothpaste on my favorite pair of socks!"

Kris gulps and prays to whatever deity there is that he will somehow survive the following events because as of this moment, there is a very angry Luhan and a furious Chen that look like they have no problems shish-kabobbing him with a rusty spoon.

"Tao!" He calls, desperately trying to alert his lover of the situation. "Tao, help me!"

Luhan and Chen immediately turn to glare at Tao, who in turn shrinks further into Suho's lap and laughs nervously.

"Sorry, Krissy-wissy. You're on your own this time."

There's a collective what-the-actual- at the nickname as Kris screams in terror and attempts to crawl towards the sniveling panda boy on the floor. He fails to remember, and is immediately reminded of it the moment he moves an inch, that he is currently handcuffed to the very person he is trying to escape from.

Chen stalks over to where Kris and Luhan lay and frowns down at Kris.

"You're going to pay for what you did to my socks, you monster. How dare you call yourself duizhang?"

He runs past them to the rooms and his troll laughter can be heard echoing all the way down the hall.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol, who choose that moment to enter the room, put their hands up.

"I'm so done with all of you," Baekhyun mutters, going over to sit on the couch next to Lay.

"Me too! I'm so done! Very done! Done as can be!" Chanyeol blurts out gleefully, happily going to sit down next to Baekhyun, who scooches further away.

"I'm not sure whether Kris should feel relieved or extra scared that Chen's the one delivering the punishment," Sehun whispers to Xiumin.

"As long as he doesn't ahold of the Super Glue, then everything's okay." Xiumin grimaces, remembering an especially painful instance when Chen decided to make a surprise Christmas present for the members and ended up gluing himself and three kitchen appliances to the roof.

Don't ask. The point is, Chen+Super Glue=Not good.

The rest of the members file out again through the door (with Tao being pushed dejectedly off of Suho's lap with an indignant hey!), claiming to be hungry, and choosing to leave Luhan and Chen to deal with M's leader. 

Suho almost feels bad when he looks back to see Kris near tears on the ground and Chen kneeling in front of him wielding something that looks suspiciously like a bottle of Super Glue, but then again, he doesn't really want to be anywhere near a crazed Chen and shuffles out the door with s, sending Kris a mental Hwaiting! 

-----

"So, what happened? Where's Kris? How'd you guys manage to get seperated again?" Kai asks when they return, shaking the dirt from his shoes. Suho follows behind him and closes the door afterwards.

Luhan rolls his eyes, rubbing his sore arms. D.O. had made him clean the carpet, and then because that patch of carpet was cleaner than everything else, made him clean the entire rest of the living room floor.

"It's quite disappointing, really," he says, "I was expecting something a little more violent, but all Chen did was grab all our toothpaste bottles and squirt them onto Kris' socks while laughing maniacally and dancing around singing some sort of garbled Japanese chant."

"Sounds like Chen," Kai admits. Suho nods.

"Which explains why Kris is in the bathroom. As for how we got out of the handcuffs, Chen ended up finding a paperclip and it popped open the lock pretty quickly. But the bad part is, now we have no toothpaste."

Luhan glares at Chen, who shrugs.

"At least I got my payback. Now he'll know never to mess with my precious socks ever again."

Chen holds out an atrocious pair of fuzzy orange socks and rubs them against his face lovingly.

"Oh, sock. Chen's never going to let anyone hurt you ever again."

Luhan sighs while Kai discreetly snaps a picture of it on his phone.

"Now I'll have leverage over him if he ever decides to say something embarrassing on a radio show," Kai grins. Suho frowns, thinking to scold him later on childish behavior.

"Sounds like Chen," Luhan agrees.

A sudden loud, piercing scream nearly makes them piss their pants. They jump, and turn around to find a sobbing Chen holding his fuzzy orange socks in his hand like a dead pet.

"T-there's a hole in m-my socks!" Chen wails.

"What's going on?" Kris asks as he walks out of the bathroom.

"You!" Chen screeches, eyes locked on Kris' gangly form.

"Wha-"

"This time, there shall be no mercy! Kai, where's the Super Glue?"

"What the-"

"Uh, I'm not sure..." Kai trails off.

"In the kitchen, second drawer underneath the microwave," Luhan offers.

"Oh, ."

Everyone knows Kris has about seven seconds before Chen finds the Super Glue. They turn to warn him, but Kris is already disappearing through the front door, with Chen, waving around a fresh, new bottle of Super Glue in his hands, hot on his heels.

And despite all that he's been through that day, Suho thinks that perhaps Kris might have it even worse than him.

Being the only straight member in EXO isn't nearly as traumatizing as being chased with Chen armed with Super Glue.

Hopefully.

~

A/N: Ugh, this took me so long to upload and it's just basically random scenes of EXO wanting to castrate each other.

I wanted to upload this as an early Christmas present (or a really late Hanukkah present), and hopefully you guys enjoyed it :)

Also, I apologize for making Chen have some sort of weird sock . Hey, new pairing! Chensock? Chock? Sochen?

No? Alright.

Anyway, thanks again for reading and commenting and voting and subscribing-all that wonderful stuff that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside (like Chen's socks).

(Psst. Silent reader, that means you.)

See you all soon, and happy holidays! <3

-xiaopanduh