Story (18/20)

Semi-original. Entertaining but there were several problems.  

Plot (15/20)

The idea behind it was great but there are things that kind a mess it up.

Characters (16/20)

Since its a oneshot, they were ok. The reader could easily tell what the relationship between the characters was.

Overall Originality (17/20)

Story + Plot + Characters = authentic story. Nice story

Pacing (3/10)

It was rushed! This story could've been made into a story of about 5 or 6 chapters. Sorry, but everything seemed half finished.

Grammar & Spelling (4/10)

There were mistakes through out the entire story.There were a few misspelled words here and there, but most of the mistakes consisted of tense shifting.

Final Grade: 73%

-The idea behind the story was a good but the story was rushed to make it fit into one chapter and, consequently, the pacing of the story was messed up. Also, there were a lot of mistakes and this ruined the flow of the story. Fix this and I assure you, your story can be perfect! =P

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Thanks to Lala1901   for review

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