He always makes me proud. I didn’t mean to fall for this irresistible boy, but when he fell for me it was almost a lost cause to fight back. He always came out the winner. We’ve been together for a year now, probably a little more but we don’t really remember the exact date when he finally worked up the courage to ask me out.

I promptly said no and walked away, but ended up giving him a chance the next day when he practically begged me for a date.

Also another amazing thing about him is his passion for what he loves; he showed it while dating me and he showed it while dancing. He was a fantastic dancer, someone who wow’d everyone in High School and got tons of girls falling to his feet. The only problem was that the one girl he wanted to hopelessly fall in love with him turned the other way.

All is well in our relationship honestly, we’re just barely out of High School with only the summer months past after our graduation and something amazing happened.

He got accepted as a trainee to one of the most popular Entertainments around—SM Entertainment!

“You should audition!” Jongin exclaimed and to add emphasis on how much he wanted me to do this even waved his arms like a maniac! If only the girls from High School could see their flaming hot idol Kim Jongin now, they’d think he was an absolute nutcase. It wasn’t like they were wrong though.

He just got accepted in this program for trainees not too long ago and now after seeing what it was like immediately wanted me to join in as well. See the problem with this predicament is that he is Kim Jongin graduated leader of the dance team, while I am Lee Jaehi graduated nothing of the dance team.  I did do a little singing in choir in which he insists that I’m the best in, but I honestly believe he is just saying nice things because he wants me to be happy.

Which I am happy, but not happy with the situation he is putting me in. “But that Entertainment is extremely hard and difficult to get into.” I whined and pouted at him in hopes that my aegyo would win in the end and that he would just drop the subject.

But this was Kim Jongin we were talking about and he does not back down when things don’t go his way. “And you’re extremely good!” He mimicked my voice and crossed his arms. “Please babe.” He walked towards me with that usual smirk on his lips and it was extremely hard for me to say no when he gave me that look.

“Don’t call me babe.” I tried to hold my ground and crossed my arms in hopes of winning this argument before it actually turned into a fight.

“Jae, you know I love you and you know I don’t lie to you.” He moved closer this time and I was a fool for letting him get this close because now I was in his arms and everything just felt too right. “I really want you by my side.” He whispered in my ear and I sighed at how perfect he was to me and how much I really wished that I could believe him.

“I love you too Jongin but I just don’t think I’m good enough to be by your side.”

He sighed into my neck and breathed in my scent. “I believe you’re perfect and you should at least give it a try.”

“Oh come on Jongin, I don’t feel like embarrassing myself in front of judges to some high up Entertainment.” I tried to move away from his embrace but he held on tighter instead.

“Please?” He mumbled into my neck. “For me?”

“Oh come on don’t you use your charm on me you know it only works once in a while!” I exclaimed a bit too loudly and successfully broke free from his warm and welcoming embrace.

He pouted at this but didn’t make a move to go back into my arms. “Jae just try it out, I’ll love you no matter what so don’t feel stressed.” He seemed so innocent at the moment that it was hard to hold on to the strong face I had going.

I could honestly never resist him, something must have happened when we decided to date and be official because before that I could easily turn away and not care about the sad faces he would make. “Fine.” I breathed out and regretted it almost immediately when Jongin brightened up and ran for my embrace once more, already mumbling that he missed my warmth.

“You’re lucky that I love you.” I managed to say once I caught my breath and looked him in the eye.

“I’m lucky to have you.” He smiled and leaned in for a sweet kiss on the lips. His scent was becoming too much for me to handle and before I knew it we landed on the bed in my bedroom with him on top of me smirking that usual smirk of his.

“I better not regret this.”

“Babe, when have you ever regretted something I’ve said to you?”

“Don’t call me babe.”

And after that our clothes seemed to magically disappear from our bodies, but it wasn’t like we were paying much attention to that small detail.

God I loved him too much.

His smile alone gave me strength when I felt like nothing else in the world was going my way. But when he confessed that he couldn’t make it to my audition I just wanted to cry and stay home. How was I ever going to get through this terrible audition without his smile in the background to encourage me to continue doing my best?

However, I couldn’t really get mad at the boy for not showing up. His training had started today and he said he wasn’t even going to get back to his own house until late at night. Of course his training would start on the second day of tryouts, it would only make sense since they gave them a chance to call the winners and give them a moment of happiness before they were sent to train for most of their youthful life.

Now why was I signing up to the devil again? Oh yeah, because I have a hot y boyfriend who wants me to be by his side even through our professions together.

SM Entertainment seemed desperate for some new talent and scheduled three audition days, the first being the one Jongin went to, the second being the one I’m going to and the third on some unknown date in the near future. The second I walked into the building and stated my business I was quickly handed a number and was practically shoved into a room filled with other people all holding some sort of number. Most of the strangers in the room were male which made things slightly more awkward for me as I leaned against a wall and hoped to be completely invisible to everyone. I looked down at my number and took it to memory that I was #50. I wasn’t Lee Jaehi anymore; I was simply a number to be judged. This also meant that 49 other people had the chance to shine before I even could get on stage.

“You look nervous, are you okay?” I traced the voice to the person next to me who was currently leaning against the wall as well. He had curly brown hair and a shy but cute bright smile that probably would have melted me if not for the fact that I have a smoking hot boyfriend waiting for me when I get back home.

“Yeah I’m pretty nervous.” I chuckled and tried to calm my nerves. I was in a strange room filled with strange people and talking to a complete stranger. “But you look pretty confident.” I added quickly and pointed to him for emphasis. “You look like you’re radiating confidence.”

“You should have seen me earlier.” He laughed and scratched the back of his head. “I had to ask a girl for help outside because I didn’t even know what to do or where to start.” His voice was strangely calming and I was happy he talked to me because apparently his confidence was radiating and I was able to grab some of it.

“I’m Lee Jaehi.” I finally decided to introduce myself and fully turned to look at him.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Byun Baekhyun.” He smiled and took his right hand out of his pocket and offered it up for a nice friendly handshake.  I grabbed it firmly and shook it with a smile. It was nice to know that I wasn’t the only nervous one around here and it helped knowing that he gained confidence once he was here and ready for this audition.

It was also nice to consider him a friend, a nice and welcoming friend who might give me enough strength to get through this since Jongin couldn’t make it. It was nice knowing that my boyfriend allowed me to make friends with whoever and allowed me to make my own judgements. We once got into a fight back in our Senior year of High School over a stupid boy who had a crush on me and I had to tell him multiple times that we were just friends and it didn’t matter because I only cared for one person and I happened to be dating him.

After that he just allowed me to trust him and he trusted me.

It felt like forever after Baekhyun left to go up on stage and left me all alone. I couldn’t hear his voice or see if he danced to a song and I was once again left in a room filled with strangers. I wanted my number to be called so badly. I wanted them to finally get on with this so I can be happy and get away from this cursed place.

“Number 50 please come to the stage.” I almost jumped at the sound of my number and it felt like everyone in the room was judging me with their eyes. I ignored them and walked out of the room and towards a large auditorium which was completely empty besides a table in the front with four judges on them. The second I walked in they all wrote something down and didn’t speak a word until I was up in the middle of the large stage.

Lights came from every direction and it was hard to stay focused on one thing for too long. I tried to think of Jongin, I tried to remember every single encouraging word he told me before I came to this terrible place.

I was doing this for him. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.

“Singing?” They asked and I nodded. “You may begin.” No music started playing and it was solely up to me on how I wanted to go about this. They wanted to judge my voice, not how it worked with music but just how to it worked in general.

My throat felt dry and my hands were shaking and I was already feeling the beads of sweat trailing down my forehead. They stared at me with emotionless eyes, looking at every move I made and already writing more things down. It was almost like they set me up to fail, it was almost like their attitude showed that they did not want anything to do with me.

But I still sang, I belted out my lines to the first song to come to mind and sang with as much passion as I could hold in my heart. I was doing this for Jongin, I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted him to see me as this wonderful talented person and make him not regret dating me for a year. Make him whisper how much he loved me every single night without a single regret in the back of his head saying he made the wrong choice.

I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be heard.

When I ended the song they applauded slowly and asked me to step off of the stage. I didn’t know if I did well or and I won’t know until they decided if they wanted to pass me or not. Everyone had an equal chance of auditioning and getting to be a trainee. They didn’t want to just choose their favorites and not see everyone’s talent. I wanted to be hopeful and brave for the results that will be given to me in a few days. I wanted to be confident that there was no way for them to not accept me.

But maybe I wasn’t brave enough.

“Sorry, we were mainly looking for boy trainees this time around, but please try again next time for a chance to be a trainee.”

It was the first time I’ve ever wished I was a boy. I just wanted Jongin to be proud of me.

“Oh.” He couldn’t contain his disappointment in his voice when he heard the news that night after returning home from training. He wanted to put on a strong face for me but I stopped him and shook my head.

I felt like hiding in a closet for the rest of my life and crying my heart out from the look he was giving me. It was pure pity and I just wanted to run away and get away from being the biggest disappointment in his life.

“You’ll do better next time, I believe in you—“

“There won’t be a next time, Jongin. I’m done.” I interrupted him and shook my head. “I’m not cut out for an Entertainment.”

“Why not?” Jongin asked, “You’re talented, why can’t others see what I see in you?” He questioned and pulled you down so that your head could rest softly in his lap. “I want the world to see how perfect you are, not just me.” He brushed some of the hair out of my face and I just wanted to cry even more because of his actions.

“I just don’t want to be a disappointment again. I just want us to be happy without something like this drawing us apart.” I sighed but leaned into his touch. He looked so sympathetic when he looked down at me on his lap, I didn’t want that. I wanted him to be proud of me.

“I’ll always love you Jae. Nothing will ever change between us. Even when I debut I’ll only think about you, I promise.” He held out his pinkie finger with a newfound smile. I smiled at his childish behavior but still reached out my own hand and extended my pinkie towards him. There was never a day where I didn’t trust this man and there never will be a day where I cannot trust him.  I nodded to him and gave him a weak smile as he wrapped his pinkie around mine and leaned down to kiss me. I kissed back almost immediately and deepened the kiss by leaning up and wrapping my arms around his neck, already forgetting about the pinkie promise and giving him my full attention.

“Someone seems a bit needy tonight.” He smirked into the kiss and spoke without really leaving my lips.

“Shut up and kiss me.” I muttered back and shoved my body into his and pushed him down on the couch already gaining control of the situation and loving every moment of it.

I wanted him to be happy today as I gave him the great news of being accepted, I wanted him to congratulate me with that irresistible smile that I fell in love with.

But this will have to do for now.

Besides, with a promise like that he couldn’t just leave me for the stupid reason of not being accepted. He loved me for me, not for my talent. He loved Lee Jaehi, the average girl from High School who looked like she was going to continue being the average girl even after she graduated.

He kissed me on the cheek, “I love you.” He kissed me on the lips. “I love Lee Jaehi.” He kissed me on the forehead. “I love your personality.” He smiled at me and I melted in his touch. He had a way with words, a way with making me fall in love with him more and more as each day passed.

I didn’t know when we ended up on my bed, passionately kissing each other as we stripped each other of our clothes. I didn’t know when he willed me that this was a good idea even though he was going to be tired tomorrow for training. I just knew that the second he smiled for me I couldn’t say no.

“Do you want to know why I fell in love with you?” He hummed and laid next to me, moving his arms around my waist and pulling his chest into my back.

“Hmm?” I questioned him in a hum back and he chuckled at my response.

“Because your soul matched mine. I didn’t want to admit how much I fell for you back in High School, but I couldn’t help it when your soul called out to mine and didn’t let go.” He nuzzled his head into my neck and took a long intake of breath.

“You’re being overly cheesy tonight, Jongin.” I smiled and turned around to face him. Our chests pressed together and we left almost no space in between us.

“Only because I love you.” He leaned down a bit and captured my lips once more but only for a second.

 “You sure?”

“I promise.”

And a promise is a promise.