Yoongi sat at the dinner table, which wasn’t used much apart from for the odd special occasions, his head in his hands. His brown hair still puffy from drying it with the hairdryer. There was an empty plate in front of him on the table, the chopsticks he ate with had rolled of the table just seconds before his breakdown.

He bit his lip. Sitting up straight again, he gulped and heaved a sigh. He slowly moved the chair back, making it screech loudly in the process. He opened the largely empty dishwasher and shoved his plate in it. He didn’t bother washing the chopsticks, he just dumped them in the sink and slumped off.

He grabbed an apple for dessert and walked to the small living room. He fell onto the sofa and groaned into the cushion. He laid there for quite some time. All sorts of things went through his mind. The way your hair shone in the sun, your warm touch, the way you rubbed your feet together when they were cold…

He buried his face deeper into the fluffy white cushion. He heard the pitter-patter of paws draw nearer and felt your cat jump onto his back. She made herself comfy on him and purred loudly.

“Really, kitty? Not now…” But the feline happily ignored him and continued to warm his back with her warm, soft body.

Yoongi wasn’t the hugest fan of cats, but since you loved them, you had been able to convince him to get one. He didn’t hate the cat, in fact he had grown quite fond of her. She kept him company in the early hours of the day as he wrote lyrics and she warmed his and your feet during the colder nights.

He tried to reach his arm back and successfully managed to her body before letting his arm slump down onto the sofa again.

He started to doze off, his apple long forgotten on the coffee table.

He had a pleasant little nap. He dreamt of meadows filled with flowers and horses. The wind blowing softly onto his face as he laid in the grass. Your sweet voice singing in the distance.

When he eventually woke up the cat jumped from his back. The sudden lack of heat on his back made Yoongi shiver. He sighed and somehow made himself get off of the sofa and check the time. He didn’t really have anything to do, but checking the time had become a habit since you left.

You didn’t leave very long ago. Or permanently.

You and your family were on holiday for a few weeks. He remembered how happy you were when your CEO gave you permission to go. Yoongi also remembered how you left only 2 days after that. He wanted to take time to say goodbye to you, but you had to leave to catch your flight at 3 am. You hadn’t woken him because he needed the sleep.

He found your note in the morning, cursing himself for not taking you to the airport. He checked his phone for messages and sure enough, you had sent one to tell him you had safely boarded the plane and wished him a good morning.

He scratched the back of his head and walked over to his phone, now laying on the dining room table. You had sent him a message, calling was too expensive, wishing him a goodnight and that she would be home soon.

“Soon… Soon? How soon is soon, babe? Another week?” He sighed and replied sweetly, telling you about the boys and how he missed you.

He had had a hard time without you around. The food you made for him was superior to his meals and he craved your warm kisses and hugs, small touches as you past by.

Your smell was everywhere in the apartment at first, but it slowly ebbed away with time. He had to endure this awful pain for 3 weeks already. How long would it still take for you to come back to him?

He stomped into the tiny bedroom. The curtains were drawn and the only light in the room was from the fairy lights you had placed on the desk. He hadn’t moved everything, just left it how you had left it.

The chair next to the door that you put your clothes on every night, was still covered with one of his sweaters you wore to bed. Yoongi walked to the chair and started undressing himself.

He stood there for a while, desperate for you touch. He looked at his feet and imagined you crouching there, looking up at him as you pleased him. He remembered the times it had happened and started to slide his hands downwards.

His face and hands shot back up and he felt instantly guilty of thinking something like that. He couldn’t help it at times though. He had already gone crazy missing you last week and had woken up to a, not so pleasant, surprise.

He grabbed a pair of boxers from his wardrobe and put on the sweater you wore. It didn’t smell like you a lot anymore, but even the slight hints of your subtle perfume and shampoo consoled him.

You hadn’t taken your I-Pod with you, for you had all the same music on your phone anyway. Yoongi picked it up from your bedside table and shoved the earplugs into his ears.

He turned it on, wanting to know what the last song you listened to was. The sudden bright light stung his eyes sharply and he looked away. When they adjusted to the light, he looked back at the small machine. ‘I Wanna Be Yours’ by the Arctic Monkeys was displayed. He smiled weakly. Whenever you couldn’t sleep, this song would be your lullaby.

This meant you hadn’t been able to sleep the night before you left. Yoongi pressed play and the song carried on from the point you had stopped it.

“.. Wanna be your vacuum cleaner, breathing in your dust…”

Yoongi sat on the edge of the bed and fell backwards onto it. After he had heard “Wanna be yours” for the so-manieth time, he pushed himself up and walked over to the window. He pushed the curtains aside and opened the window slightly.

You always said you couldn’t sleep well with it closed. Like this it’d feel more like you were here.

He positioned himself back into bed and changed the song to ‘Iceland’ by Bark Cat Bark. Another favourite of yours.

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine you sitting next to him on your bed. He visioned you in an oversized sweater, wearing the blue knickers you never let him see until after you trusted him completely not to laugh at them.

You would be wearing black thigh high socks and your hair would be in some kind of high pony tail or bun. He would tell you how beautiful you looked, and you would giggle, your eyes not leaving the book you would be reading, a bowl of chocolate covered raisons between you two, occasionally sipping your hot tea.

The concentrated expression not leaving your face, even when he would lean in to kiss your cheek.

He missed you.

Missing you made him think things he would never tell you. Missing you made him think about you in such detail, it would take him a few nights to write down. Missing you drove him insane, but it also made him realise how much he loved you.

Maybe missing someone isn’t a bad thing, but something that proves how much you love someone enough to constantly crave for them?

Yoongi fell asleep. His last conscious thought was if you missed him too. And barely a second before he dozed off, he knew the answer.