I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile. So good to me, so right.

1,861+ words.

Realization hit her like a brick, Regrets taking over her and right now, She's clouded with many emotions she couldn't decipher. Her heart is like a crumpled paper, except, it's painful like a lot of daggers are hitting her precious heart. A tear rolled down her pale baby doll face. She hugged the big teddy bear named "kkamjjong" which she named after him. She was literally cursing herself, blaming herself for the entire time. She's the most stupid person ever, in her opinion. Dumbest of all dumb people — that's what she calls herself. As she hugged kkamjjong tightly, she stared at the picture which was taken at her friend's party. The two were staring at each other's eyes with a wide grin on their faces, especially his. She wants to end her life for letting go of the most precious person in her life, for not loving him back like he did and for wasting his efforts on her. He was the best thing she ever had. If only she can turn back time, If only but it's too late. 

“I'm the most horrible person ever” She mumbled and cried harder. 

“No you’re not” She looked up, realizing that her friend, Taemin, is inside her room. Taemin was leaning against the wall, with crossed arms and looked at Sulli with full of concern.

Her lips quivered. “But I am” She stared at Taemin for a moment. Right in the moment, She agrees that Taemin and him does look like each other. “And you’re not helping taetae because you look exactly like him”

He sighed and walked towards her bed. He slowly sat down beside her. He lifted her chin using his finger and stared at her watery eyes. “Everything’s going to be alright, Jinri.” Taemin tried to comfort her.

She shook her head and looked away. “Please, just leave me alone for now taetae” She whispered.

Taemin being a good friend he is, obliged and nodded. He stopped midway on his way out and turned his head around. “We’ll be waiting downstairs, Jinri” He reminded that him and Jinri’s other friends will be waiting for her. He slowly closed the door and Jinri started to burst into tears again. She was on the edge on killing herself as flashbacks started to play on her mind. Flashbacks how horrible she was for leaving him behind. Flashbacks on how he treated her like a princess.

She felt warm pair of hands covered her eyes.

“Guess who, baby” In instant, thanks to his deep and y voice, She immediately recognized who he was. A grin slowly appeared on her face.

“Jongin”

He removed his hands and faced her with one of his sweetest smile ever.

“Happy Birthday baby” He handed Jinri a bouquet of red roses behind his back. Jinri accepted it but deep inside, She wasn’t really happy with the gift. She was expecting an expensive one, like earrings or maybe a necklace? But she only got a bouquet of red roses. She forced a smile.

“Thanks baby” She wrapped her arms around his neck. Jongin was grinning from ear to ear, happy that Jinri likes his gift even though it’s not expensive. That’s what he thought though. He wrapped his arms around her tiny waist.

“Welcome” He gave her a soft kiss on the lips. Jinri felt weird but she just brushed it off and continues to kiss Jongin, from soft and slow to rough and passionate. This one is better than the bouquet of red roses, Jinri thought.

She stared at the cute big teddy bear in front of her. She appreciated the teddy bear that Jongin gave her.

“That’s so cute. Thank you baby” Jinri smiled at the happy Jongin.

“You like it?” He asked, giddily.

Jinri nodded. “Yup and I think I’m going to call this teddy kkamjjong”

Jongin nodded with a big smile on his face. “Nice choice baby at least you’ll remember me everyday”

Jinri giggled in response.

Lately, Jongin noticed how Jinri has been distant with him. He also noticed how Jinri changed. It’s like she doesn’t love him anymore but Jongin doesn’t like negative things on his mind so he just shrugs it off and instead, he always thinks positive things on his mind.

As for Jinri, she thinks it’s time. It’s time to break up with Jongin. She thinks it’s not working out anymore between their relationship. She really never felt the sparks nor anything the entire time. She was already sure of her decision, to leave Jongin behind.

The chilly weather caused Jinri to wear heavy clothes and a scarf covering half of her face. It was December, Winter – one of her not so favorite season of the year. She hid her hands on the pockets of her jacket as she waited for him. She called him, saying she needs to tell him something important. After a few minutes, he arrived, his tan skin still stands out from the white snow around him. His smiled glowed with love and happiness upon seeing Jinri.

“Hey baby” He kissed her cheek affectionately.

“Hi” She replied looking down.

“Hey what’s wrong, baby?” He asked, worried. His eyebrows were furrowed while staring at Jinri. Jinri slowly looked up and gulped.

She took a deep breath and gathered all her courage. “It’s not working out anymore”

Jongin stared at her with wide eyes, not believing what her girlfriend just said. His mouth is open as chilly fog escaped his mouth. Jongin blinked a few times and his face fell. “W-what do you mean baby?”

“I said it’s not working out anymore. Let’s break up. We need to go on our separate ways now” She said flatly but she wasn’t able to look at Jongin’s eyes directly.

After all the nights thinking about her and her love for him, He was right all along. Jongin is right all along, he’s right that she doesn’t love him anymore and it breaks his heart into pieces. He can hear the shatter as his heart breaks. He was lost in words. He probably thinks he’s the worst boyfriend ever that’s why the love of his life is breaking up with him. His eyes are getting watery but he doesn’t wanna end up crying. He doesn’t wanna show weakness in front of her.

“W-what did I do wrong?” He asked, stuttering. Jinri sighed.

“Nothing. It’s not you nor me.” Jinri said, still not looking at Jongin straight in the eyes. Instead she was staring at her sweater while fidgeting.

“Then why…” Jinri immediately shrugged her shoulders as her response. It really seems that Jinri was so sure of this so Jongin made a decision even though it’s hard for him. All he wants was Jinri to be happy and by doing what he decided, He’ll do it all for the sake of his love for her.

“Fine, I’ll give you the freedom now, baby” He said in a very sad tone. He sounds like he was grieving. Jinri’s head snapped up. “Sorry if I’m not good enough but I’m going to let you go even though it’s hard for me especially when the most special person in my life is saying goodbye, leaving me.” He slowly cupped Jinri’s face and stared one last time at her pretty face. “Always remember this, I love you and I’ll always will” He slowly said, brushing his fingers against her red cheeks. Jinri bit her lips, guilt building up inside her. “And please don’t bite your lips…”

But Jinri didn’t obliged and continued to bite her lips. Jongin can’t take it anymore, He capture her lips with his lips. Kissing her plumpy lips one last time before everything else in his world goes downhill.

Remembering how she broke his heart, She cried even harder than before and threw her pillows into the wall. She was screaming, screaming for leaving him and Screaming for being stupid. She misses him so much and was too late to go back to him. She misses everything from him and no one can ever replace Jongin, especially in her heart. How can she be so cruel? How can she be so selfish? She can't go back and tell him that she misses him, she really loves him and she can't go back to ask for forgiveness as well.  She can't.

Because, He's dead. 

A tragedy, that's what happened. The car Jongin was driving was hit by a truck, making Jongin dead in instant due to the impact. Jinri thought he didn't deserve to die, She deserves to die. What breaks her heart the most was when the paramedics found Jongin lying on the pool of blood, He was clutching on a picture. A picture of him and her. After all the time Jinri did to him, He still loves her. Jinri also hates herself for realizing her love for him and Jongin's worth in her life, a little too late. Too late to bring everything back. Too late to bring him back. Too late for everything. 

Jinri's friends heard her screaming so they rushed inside her room and tried to calm her down. Due to success, Jinri fell asleep into a deep slumber while hugging kkamjjong. 

She slowly opened her eyes. Everything around her was white, too bright for her comfort. 

“Ugh, Where am I?” She groaned and stood up. Roaming her eyes around, she saw a familiar figure standing near her. Her heart started to beat fast as the familiar figure started to walk straight to her and her heart almost flipped when she saw his face. “J-jongin b-baby?” Finally, he smiled. 

His sweet smile she misses the most. “Hi baby” Jinri started to cry because of happiness, guiltiness and sadness. “Sssshhh. Don't cry baby” He hugged her tightly as she hugged him back.

“I'm so sorry for everything. I'm the most stupid person ever for leaving you behind. For saying goodbye to the most perfect guy ever! Please forgive me, Please come back” She sobbed and mumbled at the same time at his chest. He kissed her forehead. 

“Don't say sorry. It's not your fault but I can't come back anymore” He said sadly. “But promise me one thing” He cupped her face and looked at her teary eyes. “Please don't kill yourself because I know you're planning to do it” Jinri slowly nodded. “Plus don't be sad and guilty okay? Live your life to the fullest and find a guy like me so you can be happy” 

Jinri shook her head. “You're irreplaceable” Jongin laughed and upon hearing that, Jinri’s heart fluttered. His laugh is like music to her ears. A sweet and y melody at the same time.

“Always remember, I love you and I’m always here by your side” Jongin smiled and kissed her forehead then her nose and then her lips. After that, everything went black.

Jinri sat up from her bed and hyperventilated. What a dream, a sweet and sad dream but nevertheless, she smiled while she placed her hand on her heart area. It was a good dream and she knows for sure, Jongin will be there by her side forever. Her guardian angel.

“I love you too, Jongin” 

first time writing a one-shot story. sorry for this crap tho :c