Pov kangin

I forgot she was here against her will, making her smile, taking her for long walks, they were just to make her time here not so bad, I forgot she needed to be nice to me, I was holding the key to her freedom, maybe she did not initiate the kiss, could I have been the one taking the lead and then forgot about it? Would that upset her?

I can’t sleep, she is leaving in the afternoon, I don’t even dare to think of asking her to stay, she wouldn’t, I have nothing to offer, she need more than a simple criminal, Im not even at the top yet, I don’t have the money, but Im  Leeteuks right hand, one day I can take his place and give her a life of luxury, a life she’s used to and a life she deserved; Young Woon shook his head, “no! No!... What am i thinking about.. This is stupid … she would not stay by my side…”}

I don’t know when, over this year she’s been here she stood on my head like a catchy tune and I just want to hit rewind again and again, I don’t even have to be here all the time at the security house but I found myself wanting to be, and when I couldt help but leave I had the urge to come back, even watching her sleep was just fine with me, I wanted to be her company, was that selfish? Yeah… bringing her from the start was selfish… but before it was about money.

I can´t accept this feeling, I need to push it away… but she´s so perfect and fragile, i guess it’s the education of a high class girl.

“Her dad is finally paying! And is doubling the price”-Eunkyuk burst out during dinner tonight with that awful excited smile, i could not finish my ramen, he took to long to pay, if she was my daughter i would have paid 5 times more and faster but then again he pay to fast for my taste, time slept out of my hands so quickly.

My heart aches and I don’t like feeling weak, Im not weak but i can´t punch the feelings away.

And then she smiled, when she heard the news she smiled, almost turn the table up when she stood up excited, that smile was so pure that cause me a headache, i forgot she did not choose to be here, she then looked at me and her expression changed, like she could see what i was feeling, does she knows what i feel for her? No, no.. I imagined that, i have a damn good poker face, yeah.

The light on her room is still on and that way the night pass on by,  and I hesitated and did not check on her, that comfy couch on her room invited me to guard her like every other night but I didn´t accept the tempting invitation.

Birds sand, it was time to let her go, could I? Should I? Can I? “¡¡- I scream into the room but still the clock would not stop.

I saw the clothes I have bought for her, it was going to be her birthday soon, a lovely dress some girl at a store told me every girl would love, my girl was special, she could where an old sweater and rock that out; i should give it to her, she’s leaving so she better take everything that’s hers, could she take these feeling away when I dropped her at the city?

I step out of my room, I found Reywook walking in the hallway, he was carrying a trade with some breakfast, he was always so caring.

¡Ya!- I called him out.

-¡Good morning hyung, Whats up?- he said.

-Give her this with her breakfast, tell her to wear it today”- I demand, I needed to be strong, I was the boss in that house. I hand him the brown paper bag, how awful, I did not get the chance to wrap it up, damn she did deserved better.

I walk to the first floor, I needed some energy drink, or coffee, could alcohol be right? Whatever I just needed to walk away from her room, I step in the kitchen and Reywook came just a moment after I was checking the cabinets.

-I think she is sad- he said into the air.

I stand there, slam the cabinet door and walk upstairs again, on my way up I found sungmin on the second floor hallway.

-Hey Hyung, at what time are we going to the city?- he asked.

-Go get the car ready!!- I almost scream at him, I needed to be mad at someone I guess.

-Wow.. Am..okay boss, are you okay?- he asked concern.

-Now Sungming!- I demand once again, he knew me to well, but today I did not want to be scan by his big truth seeing eyes. He then walk pass me and touch my shoulder slightly as he pass by me.

I sighed, I walk to her door, and stood there, I could hear the water running, she was taking a shower, I have always been better on impulsive acts so I let my desire move me.

I step on the room abruptly and walked to the shower looking at my feet, I knew that room well so I did not have to look upfront, I slide the shower door and step in, my mind started reasoning again, what was I doing? , I look up and search for her eyes, I wanted her was all I thought, I took a step front she took one back, I grabbed her by her chin, the coldness of the water calm me down, I could not do this, I wanted to, but did she wanted to?, she came in closer, I think she was going to kiss me, but no, maybe it was me again imagining things I need to believe they were true, so I took a step back, I need to get out of here, but I don’t want to, just once more ill be selfish, just this one , for the last time, i turned around and pull her in to hold her perfect body, I could smell her scent in her hair, why does she had to be so perfect, why didn´t she call me a ert an slap me right there, but no, she was holding me, yes she was, I did not imagine this.

Goodbye- i said to her in my mind, and gaining strength I pulled away and walked out of there, I did not realized I was leaving a trail of water behind me until Eunkyuk told me as I was running to the closest room.

I could not watch her walked away.-