The club again. Strobe lights. Smoke and loud music. My music. Blasting everywhere, the lyrics that I wrote, the fake sound of my voice. I hated it. 

 

But I stayed.

 

In the only place I could be myself. Where no one knows who I am. Where I wasn’t famous. Where I didn’t choose this cursed path. Where I didn’t have to go through all this pain. Where I was just Kwon Ji Yong not G-Dragon.

 

I watched as the people danced, without a care in the world. I envied them.

 

If anyone heard me say this, they would laugh. The great G-dragon being envious of someone? Don’t you have everything? Aren’t you perfect? What more could you want?

 

G-dragon. Leader. Perfect. Genius. Swag. This cursed mask… no, disguise I was forced to wear. To hide the real me.

 

I grew to hate it. Hate anything associated with that name. Hated when my fans screamed the name of someone who wasn’t even real. I hated G-dragon.

 

I didn’t use to hate it. It used to be a part of me. Gave me strength to pursue what I thought G-dragon was. But it soon caught up with me. The ambition, expectations, everything. What used to push me up, started dragging me down.

 

Why did I even choose to put on this mask in the first place?

 

I realized that when no one knew who I was, how differently they treated me. All their fake smiles. Fake acts. Fake everything.

 

I thought as long as I hide behind this illusion of perfection, I would never be rejected. But I was wrong. No matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough. Always something wrong with me.

 

So I gave up. Tried to run away from that shadow that followed me around. But you can’t run from shadows. It always caught up with me, and I was forced to continue with the wretched façade.

 

Why did I choose this path? This horrible place.

 

All I wanted was to be accepted.

 

But I guess I was born to be alone.

 

The way its always been.

 

At least tonight, I can forget everything. Forget all the fake faces. Forget all the forced smiles. Forget all the pain. Forget everything.

 

In this blissful darkness.