How can something end when it hasn’t even started yet? In this world that’s cruel in a way that it takes the things that you treasure the most away, you have no choice but to learn how to act like you are fine when the truth is you are far from feeling that way.

                I tried to stay away from people as much as possible by being a nerd, blunt and ugly. Some took their chance to befriend me and change me, but nobody came close to succeeding. No one, until the day my disguise was blown by him.

                Being alone all the time is not something that I regret. I’m actually not a person who regrets on things, but if there is one thing that I regret and would do anything to change it back is when I let him enter inside the protective bubble that I have built for myself to keep people out.

In that dimly lit club where all sorts of people can be seen hanging out with those that normal people call ‘friends’ while drinking until their livers give out, laughing with their mouths as wide as an alligator’s, eating more than their belly can store, chatting as if their lives depended on it, and listening to my voice thinking that it’s some sort of background music for their over rated lives, it almost started.

                When I’m up on stage, I’m my true self. That’s the only place that I am being me without the big fake glasses, spinster like clothing, and the poker face that I keep wherever I go. Singing and performing is not only a hobby, it’s my life. Too bad I have to endure being in front of a crowd that couldn’t even care less if I’m out of tune or not to keep on living.

                As soon as my set is over, I rush towards the exit door and walk home to avoid any contact with people. Less contact equals to less problem; that’s what I believe in. Just like any other nights, I take my time walking home so I can think and relax when all of a sudden I felt someone grab my arm. Fear crept in my bones and my brain is working over-time thinking of what to do. Finally gathering the courage that I needed, I turned around to look at the person who is still holding my arm and I felt the life drain out of me.

                It’s him. What is he doing here? Why is he doing this?

                “Yoona.”

                The way he calls my name always sounded pleasant and cheerful, but not now. I can only hear pain and disappointment in the way his mouth said my name. Seeing his dejected face and eyes that are red with fatigue I guess, I want to yell at him and punch him hard. He does not have the right to feel that way!

                “Let go of me.”

                “I need to tell you something.”

                “No. I don’t need to hear anything from you.”

                I tried to act normal with that monotonous tone of mine and the blank expression in my eyes and shrugged his hand off. I walked away while I held back the tears that are threatening to fall.

                Home is the last place that I would love to be at. First of all, it’s not a home, it’s just a mere mansion with all of those useless statues, figurines and chandeliers. Second, it can beat the silence that a cemetery has. Third, I can only feel loneliness and painful memories whenever I am here. And lastly, I live alone; no maids, butlers, cooks, drivers, pets and parents.

                My parents said they loved me so much. Others tell me that they took care of me very well. But all of these things are lies. How can they love me if they left me? Is leaving me alone with all of this wealth taking care of me? I don’t think so. It has already been years since they died and left me. And it has already been years since everybody who I cared for left; from friends to relatives. They say it’s because of my personality but I know it’s not that. They are just intimidated and insecure because of the power and wealth that my parents left me. I tried to tell them, “Go ahead and take it all for you, but don’t leave me.” But as cruel as this world is, they still left me after getting what they wanted.

                Kwon Jiyong is another story. He left me without an explanation and took none of my money. But he left me with nothing of value to me, including the only hope that could probably have brought this living dead back to life; love.

I can still remember how he entered my life and walked away from it the second I opened it to him.

                “Yoona. You’re the singer at the club right!?”

                “That’s absurd. How can I be a singer at a club? Can’t you see how I look? What kind of club would hire someone like me?”

“But I really saw you working at the club.”

“Working?!” I let out a sarcastic laugh. “If you have forgotten, I’m rich. I don’t need to work. So if you would please leave, I still need to work on my project.”

                Kwon Jiyong is a classmate of mine. What I know is he has been my classmate since kindergarten up to now that where in college. I know him by name and that’s as far as knowing him. I was just reminded that he even exists now because he had the guts to approach me. I don’t know how he knew about my secret but I have no plans of confirming his guess.

                “I know that it’s you Yoona! Don’t deny it.”

                I glared at him and I saw him flinch.

                “Get this imprinted in your brain. I’m not that girl. So stop pestering me and scram.”

                It’s like my eyes are playing a trick on me but I think I saw him smile mischievously as he left without another word.

                That night, I was at the club waiting for my set when someone sat next to me. I turned around wearing a smile because I need to look friendly for the audience. I was tempted to scowl at the person in front of me but I can’t let my cover down. What is he up to?

                “Hi Yoona.”

                He is smiling widely as he greeted me and my hands are itching to wipe that pathetic smile off his face. Instead, I forced to smile back for the sake of being polite and corrected him.

“I’m sorry but you got the wrong person.” then I returned my gaze up on the stage.

                “I don’t think so. I’m a hundred percent sure that I found the right girl.”

                “I hate to burst your bubble mister, but I’m not the Yoona? Am I correct? That you are looking for.” I told him without my eyes leaving the stage.

                “There’s no need to pretend in front of me Yoong. You may always conceal those innocent doe-eyes of yours by wearing big glasses but I have always admired them. I can recognize that angelic voice of yours that you barely use to talk to people anywhere and anytime. And your beautifully sculpted yet petite body that you hide by wearing old fashioned and sometimes baggy clothes can’t be left unnoticed by me.”

                Hearing everything that he just said confuses me. Should I feel creeped out because he sounds erted and like a stalker or be glad that although I make a lot of effort to hide myself, someone is making an equal amount of effort to know me. I chose the first one and was about to slap him on the face, but what he said stopped my hand from flying towards his face.

                “But what really gave it away is your smile whenever you are on stage. It’s the smile that you always had on when we were still kids.”

                Finally, I looked at him. No, I didn’t just look at him this time. I saw him. This is the first time that I took the time to actually see him. I don’t know why but when I looked at his eyes, it showed sincerity and care. He also has a charming smile that makes me feel warm inside. I’m having the urge to tell him the truth, but I’m not willing to take the risk of letting someone in my life again.

                “I have to go.”

                I stood up and walked away. But before I was able to step on the stage he grabbed my arm.

                “Have fun on stage Yoong. I’ll be in the audience cheering for you. Always.”

                He let go of my arm and went to where the tables are. Unconsciously, my hand held the part of my arm that Jiyong held hoping that the warmth and the safety that his mere touch made me feel is still there.

                I went on stage and enjoyed every moment of my performance more than the usual. Maybe this is because there’s someone that probably really listens to my songs, or maybe not.

                I was about to go home but Jiyong appeared in front of me.

                “What are you doing here?”

                “I’m going to send you home.”

                “You won’t.”

                I told him off and started walking. I heard his footsteps following me making me stop on my tracks.

                 “Would you please leave me alone?”

                “No can do! It’s dangerous for a lady like you to walk home. Why are you walking anyways? I’m sure you have a car.”

                “That’s my problem and not yours. So go and mind your own business and stop meddling with mine.”

                This time I walked faster. I’m really getting annoyed with this guy. Can’t he understand that I want to be alone and get as far away from him as I can? He’s not only pestering me but he’s also intruding in my greatly needed personal walk.

                I just kept on walking and ignored the fact that he’s still behind me following me home. This time, even if he looks more like a stalker now I’m not afraid. I can feel that he’s not a bad person and he won’t do anything bad to me so I just let him do what he wants. That’s besides the fact that no matter how much I try to shoo him away, he just keeps on following.

                In front of the mansion’s front gate, before I opened the gate to get in and leave him there I gave him a last look. He still has that smile plastered on his face and he started talking.

                “Thank you Yoona. Goodnight. Dream of me. See you again tomorrow.”

                He walked away backwards while waving his hands with a big smile like a fool. He’s really weird.

                I thought that was the last time that he would bother me but I was wrong, he continued following me. It was not enough that he would always be there at the club and follow me until I get home but he’s also doing it even at the university. Though I kept on ignoring him, what he is doing is creating a ruckus at the university and rumours are spreading like wild fire and that is something that I have been avoiding ever since.

                  I have had enough of him so I finally decided to confront him while I was walking from singing at the club.

                “What would it take for you to leave me alone?”

                “Nothing. I just want to be with you.”

                Seeing him smiling while I’m having a hard time ticked me off.

                “I have been very patient, but this has gone on for far too long. Do you need money? How much? I’m going to give it to you! Just stay away from me.”

                “Do you really think I’m doing this for money Yoona?”

                His voice was full of disappointment and his almost in tears as his shoulders are trembling. Honestly, I never thought that he needed money since he’s from a well-off family as well but I can’t think of anything that can be the reason why he’s doing all of these.

                “Then what?! That’s all everybody wants from me anyways! Money! How are you different from them?! So tell me! How much?!”

                “Damn it Yoona! I don’t give a damn about your money! Don’t you get it, I need you! You are the only reason!”

                My mind became blank. I don’t get it. Why me?

                “What do you mean?”

                Slowly, he walked to get near me and held both of my hands. I was shocked when I felt some sort of electricity passing through my whole body. I stumbled when I backed away from the shock that I received. Fortunately, Jiyong was able to act fast and catch me. Looking up, my eyes met with his and there was an unfamiliar emotion in them. It looks like it’s burning with fire but still has gentleness at the same time. I don’t know. All I know is, he’s hugging me tightly now and he’s whispering in my ear.

                “I love you.”

                He stood me up and looked at me again.

                “Yoona, it means that I love you. I have been in love with you for the longest time. That’s why when I came by the club and saw you singing, I knew that it was you that instant. I was happy to see you smiling and enjoying on stage because when your parents died, you looked like you died as well and it was painful for me to witness your drastic change.” He sighed as he tried to reminisce what happened and then continued.

                “I tried to approach you. I wanted to help you but you push everyone away. For all I know, you didn’t even know that I existed. But seeing the way you are at the club gave me hope, that maybe, just maybe, I can see you smiling and be happy again and hopefully I’ll be there with you when you do.”

                Once again, I felt that warm and electrifying feeling when his hands carefully caressed my cheek.

                “Yoong, will you give me a chance; a chance to see you smile and make you smile, to hear you laugh and make you laugh, to make you happy and love you all at the same time.”

                I don’t know what to say or how to react because everything is new to me. I haven’t encountered this kind of situation before.

                “Can you hear yourself? You don’t know what you’re saying.”

                Walking away is the best solution that I can think of at this moment. Things like these should be properly thought of and I should not let myself act irrationally. As I was walking away with my back facing him, he stopped me by hugging me from the back.

                “Yes Yoona. I know very well what I’m saying. I have gathered this courage to tell everything to you for years and I am sure that what I feel for you is true. But I know as well that you want to think carefully about this, so I’m letting you go for now. That doesn’t mean that I’ll be gone. I will always be here.”

                Strange as it may seem, I felt something wet fall on my shoulder. Is he crying? But before I can even look at him, he let go of the hug. I took this as my cue and started walking away.

                As I get farther from him, I can still feel his stares. I know that he’s watching me until I’m out of sight and I feel grateful that he still shows his concern for me after my disappointing response for his confession.

                Weeks passed and though I’m not talking to him and he’s not making an attempt to talk to me as well, he continued coming to the club, watching me perform and he also makes sure that I’m safe by following me until I get home. He’s hiding every time he follows me but I know that he’s always there, being true to his promise.

No words are said between us within that time, but his silence is louder than anything I’ve heard and I heard every single thing that he wants me to hear through it.

                “Jiyong, you can come out now.”

                I called him out from his hiding place when we reached the mansion’s gate.

                “Y-you know that I’m following you?”

                He asked with only his head peeking from the post.

                “Of course. I’m not dumb not to notice when you’re miserably failing to conceal your presence by attracting other people’s attention with what you were doing.”

                Finally he fully showed himself and was starting to come near me. He was scratching his hair, a habit that I’ve observed whenever his embarrassed.

                “I thought I was doing fine acting like a ninja. Darn it! Why am I so handsome that I attract too much attention wherever I go?!”

                As much as I wanted to, I can’t help but laugh at him and his overflowing confidence.

                “You’re laughing! Is this true?!”

                He shouted with wide eyes. I’m not surprised with his reaction because I don’t laugh, at all.

                “Yes. I’m laughing, what are you going to do with it?”

                I challenged him with a playful smirk. And before I know it, I’m enclosed in his embrace. It’s this warm and safe feeling that I feel whenever he touches me that I missed so much within the past few weeks that we’re not talking to each other. Unconsciously, my hands found their way to his back as I hugged him back. I felt him stiffen when I hugged him but it only lasted for a second as he softened and hugged me tighter. I’m not going to complain or break away, because deep inside, I’m happy. This is the happiest that I have ever been since the day my parents died.

                “I love you too.”

                With all the courage that I mustered these past weeks, finally, I was able to say those words. Words that I never thought I would be able to say. Words that says everything that I feel for him. Feelings that took me forever before I knew I had. Feelings that was hard for me to admit.

                Once again, I felt something wet fall on my shoulders. I looked up at him and saw him in tears. I wanted to ask him the reason for his tears but his lips beat me to it.

And as if on cue, rain started to fall on us. But neither of us dared to let go of each other’s lips. There, under the rain, we stayed together as we shared a kiss.

My first kiss.

Everything started there and ended as well. Because after that day, things changed and well, after 2 days, he was gone.

News was, he just dropped his subjects without any reason for doing so. Rumours also started circling in the campus. They are saying that he just felt like dropping out, others said that he was running away from something or someone and then looking at me at the same time, another is that he left because he’s following a girl. I didn’t believe any of these and took my own actions. I hired someone to look for his whereabouts because I’m worried that something bad might have happened to him.

I don’t know if knowing that nothing bad happened to him and that he is living fine is a fortunate thing or not, but one thing I know is that I needed to know what happened. Why did he drop out without telling me?

With the help of my investigator, I found out where he is. I was in front of the door with my hand in a ball ready to knock but I was afraid to continue. But I really need to know his reason, so I knocked and waited for someone to open the door. When it finally did, I saw him. But I was left there with a door slammed in front of me and a shout demanding that I leave. With tears flowing down my face, I continued knocking and asking him to open the door and face me. My knuckles are bruised and my voice hoarse, but no Jiyong came out. The pain from my hands awakened my brain, and it started making me realize how pathetic I look. With all the strength and will that’s left in me, I shouted for one last time.

“Kwon Jiyong!” I paused for a few seconds because my throat was not taking the pain anymore.

“You’re just like everyone else. Liar.” I said with my signature monotonous tone.

With that, I left and never looked back. He only proved one thing; that I was right all along. Everybody’s the same. I really should never let anyone in my life. I should never have opened my heart to a person as distasteful and disgusting as Kwon Jiyong.

I never cried again after my visit to his place. At class I’m the usual nerd that nobody dares to approach. If something changed in me, my tongue and stares became sharper than before.

I graduated without a friend. I lived with no one in my life, because I know they would just leave me in the end. Now I’m handling the business that my parents left me and still, I’m singing at the club without anyone knowing that it’s me, the powerful business tycoon, Im Yoona. I am feared by everybody and despised by many. And I’m not planning on changing. I gave a chance for someone to melt this frozen heart of mine but that person only froze it more and now, nothing can melt it. I won’t let anyone have the opportunity to melt it; ever.

But now, why is he coming back all of a sudden? Is he planning on inflicting more pain for me? Because he should think twice or else I’ll be the one to do it to him. I swear.  I’m going to ruin his life if he comes near me again.

                I’m very busy business woman during the day with my schedules filled with meetings, but surprisingly, today is different. I have no meetings for the day besides the one set at lunch. I wonder why.

                I walked in the restaurant where the meeting was agreed to be held at and as soon as I was led by the concierge to my table my blood started to boil. There is an eye sore in the restaurant and it goes by the name of Kwon Jiyong. To ease my anger, I looked at another direction and continued to walk towards my table. As much as I want to leave immediately, I need to talk to the person I’m supposed to meet with because he’s a big client of ours.

                “This is your table ma’am.”

                I looked at the table that the concierge was referring to and everything around me seemed to stop. What’s going on here? There must be a mistake!

                “Hello Yoona.”

                “Kwon Jiyong.” I spat his name as if it’s some kind of sickening food.

                “Take a seat. We need to talk.”

                I laughed sarcastically.

                “Is this for real? You’re the client that I’m supposed to have a meeting with?” I laughed again. “My secretary is in a whole lot of trouble for this.”

                “Yoona. Don’t blame your secretary. She’s just doing her job.”

                “Nobody tells me what to do Mr. Kwon. I don’t care if you’re some big client. I don’t want to work with a person as untrustworthy as you.”

                He balked at the things that I said. With how he’s reacting, he’s guilty of doing things that are untrustworthy.

                “I’ll be taking my leave Mr. Kwon. It was nice doing business with you.”

                I turned around and started walking away.

                “I played with you.”

                Hearing his confession immobilized me. Did I hear him right?

                “Yoona, I played with you and I’m sorry.”

                The sound of my palms hitting his face resonated inside the restaurant and I don’t give a damn if I’m making a scene.

                “Did it hurt? Did my slap hurt? You’re lucky. That pain is nothing compared to the pain that I felt 3 years ago.”

                “Hit me more Yoong. Please hit me until I feel all the hurt that you went through because of me. Hit me until you’re satisfied.” He pleaded and hit himself with my hands.

                “No. You’re not worth getting tired for. My hands have better use.” I shook his hands off my arms and left.

                I went straight to my office and started firing questions at my quivering secretary.

                “Why didn’t you tell me that I was meeting Kwon Jiyong? And since when did we make business with the Kwon’s? Are they really a big client?”

                “I’m sorry ma’am. You never asked about who you’re meeting with so I assumed that you would be fine meeting up with Mr. Kwon. They have been our client for a year now Miss Im. And yes, they have been a big client of this company within that year.”

                I heaved a deep sigh and made her leave. But before she closed the door, she came back.

“Mr. Kwon also asked me to give this to you. This came in before you came back from the meeting. It was sent through a messenger.”

She placed the box on top of my desk and left completely. I just stared at the box for minutes, trying to decide whether I should open it or throw it out. What is he up to this time? After telling me that he played with me, what does he want from me? What else can he take away from me?

After an hour of pondering on what to do with the box, I decided to open it. Slowly, I took the cover off and another box was inside. It was a Tiffany box. I opened it only to see a diamond ring inside. What is this for? Why is he giving me a ring? Is he really that cruel? I closed the Tiffany box and threw it back to the bigger box. My eyes caught sight of a blue envelope at the bottom of the box. I took it out and read the writing on the back.

‘Deer Yoong’

Water started to fill my eyes as soon as the memories started to flood back. It was what he used to call me even before he confessed to me.

I ripped the side of the envelope to look at what’s inside and there’s a letter. I unfolded the paper and his hand writing showed itself. I started reading his letter after I composed myself.

‘3 years have passed and I know that you hated me within that 3 years. I’m sorry for leaving you like that. I’m sorry for playing with you. But please don’t mistake that what I felt for you was not true. I really loved you Yoong and sadly, until now, I still do. I know you’re going to freak out reading this right after I told you that I played with you, so please finish reading before you react ok? I played with you not in the sense that I didn’t love you, I played with you because even though I know that there’s a possibility that I would leave you, I still pursued you and made you fall in love with me. I was selfish that way and I’m sorry. The truth is I dropped out because my health was not in a good shape. I was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Stenosis at that time and I needed to seek for a cure. Luckily, the doctors were able to lengthen my life but that happened after a year and a half after I left you. I didn’t want to burden you with my illness and also I know that you would feel more pain if you would see me in a lot of pain so I decided not to tell you and just leave. I thought I can leave without any confrontation with you because I wouldn’t be able to leave you anymore if I were to see you but you looked for me and found me. I wanted to hug you and kiss you that time. I missed you so much but I can’t take to make you stick with a dying person. I just can’t. Now, I have been on medication for a year and a half and surprisingly my heart is not doing good again and I want to be selfish for one more time before I die. I don’t know if you would agree to marry someone who is about to die, but Im Yoona. The girl that has doe-eyes, that has an alligator laugh, that has the brightest smile I have ever seen, that is a nerd and a hot singer at a club at the same time, the girl that caught my dying heart in a breath.’

It ended with that. I tried looking inside the envelope if there’s a paper that’s left but it was empty. I searched the box and the ring but still there was nothing. I’m getting really worried. What if the reason why he stopped there was because of his heart. What if… Oh God no! That can’t be! Jiyong, you need to stay alive!

Frantically I left my office to go and look for Jiyong but as it turns out, I don’t need to look further because he’s right there in front of me wearing the smile that can only melt this ice cold heart of mine and a white tux and with a bouquet of pink tulips at hand. Without a moment’s hesitation I ran to him and hugged him tightly. Tears are uncontrollably falling and I don’t care if I look weak in front of my employees. I just need to let this bottled up emotions out.

“Yoong. I love you and I’m sorry for hurting you this way.”

“Shut up you stupid guy! You should have just told me! We could have found a cure for your condition together! I would have been there with you if you just let me!”

He laughed at my outburst.

“I know. That’s why I’m here right now.”

He broke away from the hug and kneeled in front of me.

“Im Yoona. Will you fulfil this dying man’s… Ouch!” I flicked him on the forehead.

“Don’t say that!”

“Alright.” He laughed. “Once again. Im Yoona. Will you be my wife?”

“Of Course!” I hugged him.

He stood up and dragged me away from my office.

“There’s no time to spare. I’m going to marry you this instant!” he laughed while still dragging me and I’m not going to refuse to his crazy yet romantic idea. I love Kwon Jiyong so much that I won’t let another day pass without being his wife. I love him regardless of the hate that I felt for him for 3 years and also even though there’s a possibility that he would leave me. All I want is to be there with him as long as I can and make him happy in the best way I know how and that is loving him.

There we are, in front of the priest inside the church. We said our vows and exchanged our ‘I do’s’. Everything was sealed with a ‘You may now kiss the bride’ from the priest.

Who would have thought that I would be married? That I would marry the person that I hated so much? That I’m going to wake up in the morning with nothing but a blanket and his arms around my body? I want to spend every waking moment of my life seeing this handsome, funny, caring and loving husband of mine and I would do everything that I can to make that happen.

2 days after our spontaneous wedding, I was out on an errand to buy groceries with Jiyong when an unfortunate accident happened. My car was hit by an SUV that lost its brakes. I can remember seeing the blinding headlights and the feeling of the SUV crashing into my sedan and then I lost consciousness.

Slowly I opened my eyes as I heard rustling around me, people shouting to get out of the way. Others are asking for the doctors and to prepare the surgery room and stuff like that. I saw my husband’s unconscious body not far away from me and all I want to do is hold his hand and tell him that I’m here for him. I can feel the life draining out of me just like the blood that is gushing out from my head and my body, but I needed to say this before everything’s too late.

                I grabbed the nurse’s hands and forced a sound from my lips.

                “Kwon Jiyong.”

“My husband.”

“Tell him.”

“I love him with all my heart.”

Intermittently, I told the nurse in a barely audible manner.

                “Give him.”

“My heart.”

“Please. Promise me, you would give him my heart.” I gripped harder on the nurse’s hand. “Please. Promise.”

                It took the nurse a few seconds of staring and probably contemplating until she nodded her head.

                “I promise.”

                With those two words from this stranger, I closed my eyes in contentment. It may look unfortunate, the situation I’m in right now, but this is the happiest moment of my life. Knowing that I gave my heart to the person who it really belongs to, makes me happy. The fact that I would be with him until the end, brings me peace. And knowing that he would live is the icing on the cake.

                It has always been like this. As soon as it starts, it ends as well.

                I was so afraid of being left by the person I cherish the most, but this time it’s different. I’m the one who left in order for him to stay.

_____________________________

a/n: Thank you for everyone that read this... :D i really hope that you liked this story... feel free to leave your comments :D