You haven't speak to me for about three days, i know it was my false. I don't show up at your birthday party, but it's because i don't feel comfortable with your friends and i wished we at least have one special party that only with both of us. You know so well that i don't express well about anything in this world including you, man whom i love. Your last word was you hope i could love you as much as you love me, you don't understand. I love you, as much as you love me or even more.

Three days and you didn't eat after you came home from work, You didn't eat the meal i prepared before you went to work. You don't talk to me during your watching time at our living room, You sleeping on the couch even i open our room so widely, you refused the coffee i made even you always said that it was the best thing you adore from me. I felt so broken but i can't do anything because i am Jung Soojung. Talking and making excuses weren't my ability, so i just put my lips closed and left you to the room but something you should know, i want to say everything to make you back to Park Chanyeol who loves to smile like idiot, but i didn't do that because i can't.

I missed you, so much. It's only three days and i felt like i could explode all the liquid on my brain. I missed the way you called me before you let your shoes off. I missed the way you walk slowly to the kitchen reaching me and asking "Soojung-ah please help me with this necktie," while pouting as if you can cry every minutes if i didn't do it and i missed they way you pressed your lips with all of sudden when i am doing it. I miss how you love to praise every meals i made, even it's too salty or the eggs are overcooked because you know i only good at baking not cooking. I missed it when you pull me closer in couch during your watching time even it your favorite comedy show on the tv, because you always said i am your first thing and the others not important. 

We're twenty already but you still holding to my hands when we go to the market to buy our monthly need, we're twenty and you almost thirty but you asked me to go to the amusement park because it was place of our first date. You told me to use some cute bandana with an elephant ear to make me look like one, but you always said i can't be elephant in the end because i am a best-est pearls you had. You still pulled and force me to take a picture in  photo booth to remind us even we're getting old, our soul and love will live youthfuly. You still asked me what i like better you or meat during our dining time in the restaurant, even i answered it with meat everytimes you asked me. You do so much silly things to me, no it's not silly. It;s lovable and i love you.

Talking and making excuses weren’t my ability, but still i love you even i don’t express it well. I remember every detail of how you said your love to me, and it was no joke. I really put all the memories inside my head i freeze it and tried hard to make it lasts forever. It was when i were 19, is’nt it? You poke a finger in my cheecks and smiles like an idiot asking me with very confidence way “ Soojung-ah will you be my girlfriend?” and i answered “yes” rudely because it was in cafetaria and everyone looked at me. You always brought that issue as if that’s your only happiness but it’s me as well but because i don’t express well i just let my lips closed and do the famous y smile, that even if it’s rude you said to me “Keep smiling like that, and i kiss you!”

I know so much about your favorite singer during high school because i went to internet to know everything you like. She was BoA, wasn’t she? I looked into internet 2 days in a week to make sure i don;t miss anything about her. I listen to her songs, even i told you the only musics i heard is only Dong Bang Shin Ki. I  bought the album so i can let that woman win against my idol and it just to make you happy. I even change my hair color not because i am a fashion addict but because you said on your homepage that your favorite female singer change her hair color and you love it. “Woah!! BoA noona is indeed daebak, she looks pretty with all hairstyle she’s been trying, I love your recently one noona. Chanyeol love the colour  so much much much much >___<” Isn’t it what you said at that time? I am sorry, if its misstype or else. And what makes me love you even more was when i crossed the field in the school there’;s a few of your close friend who said “ Woah!! Krystal is indeed fashion victim, she changed her hair’s colour just because the number one korean female singer has that colour!!” and you will stepped into the bunch of people who laughed at me even their your close friend and said that “It;s not Soojung who copied her, it was BoA noona who copied Soojung’s hair colour.” And that’s stupid Chanyeol because she’s idol and i am not but you treated me as if i am one.

I do silly things but you think i don't. Remember when you lost your first button uniform during your graduation day and you came to me with a very sorry eyes said to me that “I lost it, but i don’t really mean it. I Thought i could give it to you to make sure that your my true love,” I said it’s okay with very weird way not to comfort you at all because i am the one who stole it but i pretend as if i don’t know anything, but again because you so pure and you express your feeling well. You give me the second button and said “I guess it doesn’t matter if it first one or second one, you will always be my true love, take this please.” and all i was trying at that time was not burst out laughing.

“I wished, at least once in  your life. You love me as much as i love you.” That words have meanings Chanyeol, sad meaning because after all it means you sad all the time and you just came to the point you tired with the s i made, yes i dont express my happiness so much trough you. I wil change for you, I will waking you up in the morning, i’ll be the one who kiss you first. I’ll kiss you first  before you go to work. I will help your necktie before you asked me to, and i’ll kiss you in surprised just like the way you always did. I’ll be cheering you up if you failed at your project works and i’ll be the one who calling you if you don;t go home ontime. I;ll hang out with your friend’s wife so whenever they invited us to their party, i won’t feel awkward and refused to go. I can changed Chanyeol so please help me.

I hope you read it because i put it in the table of your work’s place. I hope you read it untill the end not just a few lines in the early part and what i hope the most is you can forgive  me, baby. Chanyeol-ah i always love you, always have and always will.

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I;ll post an epilogue, but no sure.