A/N: This is a one shot.

Does it matter anymore? That I don’t have you? I mean, I’m no longer next to you. Why aren’t you going around the public clubs looking for a to satisfy your needs with? Why aren’t you scouting for young girls to date? Why aren’t you searching for love?

I’m not there to stop you. I’m not there to threaten you about seeing other people. I’m not there to make sure you’re with me and only me at any constant time. I’m not there to affect you. I’m not there to share your pain; to share your heart.

Instead, I’m over here; lost without your bright heart unintentionally calling me, running around in circles searching for the only thing that kept my sanity, but never finding it because of my stupid criminal mistakes.

I left you. I regret it. But if I didn’t, you would be in danger, and you are more important to me than anything in this world.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you with a burden to your heart; for never coming back to your warmth, for leaving you alone. Being lonely is not fun, huh? But don’t worry, we are the same. I miss you, and I know you miss me. Because if you didn’t miss me, then why would you be running around the same area I used to run? Why would you re-watch the drama I forced you to watch with me? Why would you cry yourself to sleep in my old room? Why would you call my name during the night? And why would you wake up, calling my name and touching the bedding fabric next to you as if I had slept with you?

I know what you do; whether you want me to or not. You used to deny my presence every time I came too close to you, but now you are begging for me to come back. As much as my heart and body wants to follow that beautiful cry of love, the part of my brain that is still intact does not want you to get hurt. My crimes will hurt you and that is the last thing I want. But now, as I see you whimper while holding on to my pillow tightly, taking in the fragrance, I can’t help, but feel that you are already feeling too much pain. More than I would ever allow you to.

I could not help myself tonight, as I see you through the open window, which you open every night. I want to comfort you, but I can’t let myself get carried away. I managed to silently jump inside, landing on my two feet with bent knees before rising up to see your beautiful face, scrunched up in an uncomfortable way as the moonlight reflected against your pale skin, eyelashes creating a doll like shadow over you cheeks. My heart immediately feels that familiar feeling I used to always get when I hugged and took over your personal space, and I welcomed it with pleasure.

I lean over the bed, making sure not to create a sound as I observe you closer. Your neck, which I had always wanted to mark as mine, was displayed out so perfectly as if you were waiting for me to on it. Your smooth looking lips, which I had always craved to kiss and taste, were opened slightly as you evenly breathed in and out, except for when you let out a small cry that broke my extremely messed up heart. My name was what came out of one of your cries and it caused my head to lose its last bit of sanity.

I let my fingers graze through your soft skin, not only making you shiver in your sleep, but me as well. This is the first time I have touched you, since I left you and my body just craves for your skin. I lean my head forward until our noses are touching and I can feel your breath on my skin. You call out my name softly once again, and it lands right on to my lips; and almost as if it had pulled me, I moved just a bit more, successfully placing my needing lips on to yours.

The softness of your lips in contact with mine drown me in pleasure as I immediately mend my lips in between yours, trying to get the most out of it. My heart continues to thump quickly in my chest as you suddenly open your lips dreadfully slow, allowing me to take in more of your luscious mouth. It’s like if your sleeping form recognizes my presence and makes you as vulnerable to me as you used to be. I love it.

I carefully move my hand to run through your perfectly bed-messed hair, and pull you closer to me as I your lips. Maybe I should stop now before I can’t stop. But unfortunately, the last bit of sanity was long gone when your tongue suddenly responded and flicked mine with such tenderness that I was beginning to salivate a lot more than normal. But then again, my normal is not the average normal when I’m with you.

I lunge my lips forward and kiss you deeply, completely enjoying my first kiss, because this, even though you are not awake, is my first kiss with someone who means more than life to me. There are no words to describe the feeling of the lips of that one person, who makes you crazy in love as if it were crime. I tilt my head to the side, making it easier for me to devour your lips and delve my tongue into your warm mouth. I explore, and explore trying to memorize everything by heart. I begin to pull back from the kiss, as I feel my saliva run down the side of my lips, but suddenly, your hand has gotten a hold of the back of my neck.

Your eyes are still closed and your parted lips also have saliva threatening to drip. I stop breathing. I do not want you to wake up, and see me, the man who left you.

“Jiyong.”

You flutter your beautiful eyes open and stare at me with squinting eyes. Once again, I am captivated by your perfect features that I missed dearly, and now I could no longer move from my spot.

“Jiyong… Is that you?”

My heart begins to race as your hand moves around my face, trying to recognize. I refuse to open my mouth, fearing that my loss of words will not be helpful in this situation.

“… Jiyong…”

Your voice has such a caring tone, and I believe the waver in your voice means that you will be crying soon. That’s not what I want.

“Seungri.”

I speak to you carefully, not wanting to scare or intimidate you. But immediately after I had said your name loud and clear, your hands grabbed the back of my head and pulled me to your lips with such force that I’m sure we could have broken our teeth together.

I react quickly because I wanted this kiss as much as you did. You tilt your head and continue trying to dominate over my lips as you pull me down on to the mattress with you. I place my hands on your hips as we roll, with our savage kiss still intact, so that I am now on top of your amazingly displayed body. This time you my lips and I voluntarily open my mouth as you explore my body with your hands moving up and down my sides. Your tongue mine sensually, making me moan with pleasure.

Suddenly, you moan with me as I tighten my grip on your hips. And I declare that that was the most amazing and ear pleasing sound I have ever heard in my whole entire life. I pull back from the kiss, much to our disapproval, but I quickly lean down to kiss the side of your lips, moving down to your chin and neck. I inhale your addicting scent before a spot on your long neck, finally tasting you. You shivered as I began your skin up and down as if it were my lollipop, and honestly speaking, to me you are an addicting sugar that I can get pleasure from just watching. I begin to on your skin, finally marking you. You whimper, holding me tighter and closer, while at the same time only making me more determined to complete my selfish task.

After I finish kissing your neck and roaming my hands around your whole body, I pull back and look down at you as your panting matches the speed of mine. You stare back.

I place my hand over your heart, feeling the quick speed of your heartbeat as you do the same.

“I love you.”

I hate myself for not knowing what happened after that. All I remember is crying hard enough that I believed my heart couldn’t take it, but to share my pain, you cried too. We cried together.

You cried because I finally declared my love.

I cried because I still won’t be able to have you, even after this.

But not to worry… I am a criminal after all.

I can steal my passion, Seungri, with magnificent ease.