"Chan-- Himchan." Yongguk looked over at the frowning man. "We need to talk."

The words Yongguk tried to say were muffled by the sounds from the clock tower signalling that it was now 3 o'clock. 

"Omo! Already 3?!" Himchan looked at his watch to confirm the time. "I'm sorry babe I have to run to class. Text me later okay?" Himchan gave Yongguk a chaste kiss on the lips and jogged away leaving Yongguk stunned.

"Damn!!" Yongguk ruffled his own hair in frustration and sighed. "What the hell do I do now?"

For a week Yongguk continued battling with himself over what to do about his relationship. It seemed like the sound of the bell had been a sign telling him that maybe he shouldn't break up with the first person he had ever dated but at the same time, things were not the same. He barely texted Himchan anymore and the whole week he hadn't replied he loved the other man even once. He said he missed him once and even that was almost a lie. They didn't have much time to see each other since thier schedules conflicted. Both were busy with school, work and prior engagements.

It was Friday and again Yongguk was thinking about how to break up with Himchan, his first love, and much this was going to hurt both of them. He could tell Himchan was getting frustrated with Yongguk's lack of texting. Today he had even forgotten his phone at home when he went out shopping with friends. Shopping had taken much longer than he had expected and when he had returned home he had 8 new text messages, all from Himchan, worried about him and feeling lonely. 'Please talk to me...' Yongguk had felt tears just seeing the words but he pushed them back.

He looked back down at the textbook he had been trying to make heads and tails of when he heard his phone start ringing. 'Opps how long as it been over there? When is the last time I texted Himchan?' Yongguk quickly walked over to his bed and dismissed the call hoping not to wake his roommate Youngjae. Yongguk looked over the texts quickly and then sent an apology text saying he had forgotten to check his phone and explaining why he couldn't talk.

I just got home from work. Ugh Bbang... Do you just forget about me? Nothing at all reminds you of me? Don't you care about how I'm doing? --Himchan texted back.

Yongguk stared at his phone feeling guilty because honestly no nothing reminded him of Himchan except when he thought about when or how he could break up with the younger man. I guess I just don't think about it... Yongguk replied.

I really feel unwanted. Damn I really want to drive to you right now and see you so I can stop feeling so insecure. I miss you so much Bbang.

'Oh no please I can't do this right now. It's after midnight and I'm not mentally prepared to see him.' Yongguk looked at his phone nervously trying to figure out what to text back. It's so late though Himchan. You should sleep soon, plus my roommate is already sleeping.

Do you still love me?

Yongguk didn't know how to reply. Every part of him screamed to type back yes, but he knew if he did he would only be hurting both of them. Eventually the phone screen turned black and Yongguk was still thinking. 'I do love him... just... not like that. More like friends? Close friends? I care for him but I don't really love him...' The phone vibrated in his hands and he checked the message.

Sitting in my car waiting for a reply seems stupid. It might have you an hour to get back to me. Guess I'll just go back inside.

I thought you were home? --Yongguk finally replies.

I am. I just hadn't gone inside yet. Bbang do you still love me?

Yongguk hesitated not wanting to say no outright and not wanting to end their long relationship over text. I think we should talk tomorrow.

Why not now?

Yongguk looked at his sleeping roommate who was completely oblivious to what was going on."This had to happen sooner or later..." Yongguk got up and put his shoes on as well as a sweater and walked out of his little apartment, calling Himchan.

"Hey." Himchan said weakly.

"Hey." Yongguk wasn't sure how to start.

"How are you?" Yongguk heard a sniffle from the other end of the line.

"I'm good." He replied automatically. "How are you?"

"Not so great..." Himchan mumbled. "Do you still love me?"

The dreaded question had Yongguk in silence thinking of how to answer. Realizing Himchan could hear his hesitation he tried to think quickly. "I..I don't think so..."

"God... I can't believe this is happening right now." Himchan said quietly.

"I'm sorry."

"Can I come see you tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Okay... good night then."

"Night..."

Yongguk rubbed his eyes feeling unexplainably sad. 'Tomorrow is really going to ... how am I suppose to sleep now?'

Yongguk got ready for bed still thinking about what was going to happen the next day. Lying in bed all he could think about were the good memories of the two and how much Himchan used to light up his world. When he requestioned himself about breaking up with Himchan, the only answer for the 'Don't Break Up' side was that then Himchan and he wouldn't be sad about breaking up. But, that wouldn't be fair to either of them...

The next thing Yongguk knew was that Youngjae's alarm was going off. Yongguk must have fallen asleep because eight hours had passed and he had no clue how. He heard Youngjae mumble something like "How could I forget to turn that off." before he went back to sleep.

Yongguk stared at the ceiling. 'It's Saturday... Himchan is coming today...' With a sigh he got out of bed and began getting ready. After his shower he saw a text from Himchan asking when to come over.

Whenever is fine.

Okay... I'm on my way...

"What am I going to do..." Yongguk tried to distract himself with the internet so that he wouldn't start crying before Himchan had even gotten there. Somehow he found himself on facebook and started browsing through Himchan's pictures. "He really is amazing..." Suddenly, Yongguk's favorite picture of them popped up and Yongguk felt his throat constricting. He slammed his laptop shut. 'Good memories... we'll always have good memories.'

*Bzz Bzz* Yongguk looked at his phone. I'm outside.

Okay I'll be out in a sec. Yongguk went into his room and grabbed his keys and wallet and then put his shoes on.

"Where are you going?" Youngjae mumbled still in his bed.

"Himchan is here."

Youngjae's eyes snapped open. "Right now?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm sorry Yongguk..." Youngjae said sitting up and looking at his new friend. Yongguk nodded before leaving and walking outside.

He locked the door behind him and when he turned he wwas surprised to see Himchan at the bottom of his steps. 'I don't know where else he would have been...' but the sight of his sad boyfriend almost brought him to tears. He walked down the stairs and ended up in a hug. Did he hug first or Himchan... does it matter? Yongguk may never know but he does know that when they pulled apart Himchan went in to kiss him and Yongguk didn't deny him a shot peck on the lips. They started walking off holding hands, which Yongguk did out of habit and he almost groaned. 'No... I'm suppose to be breaking up with him... this isn't how break ups go is it?'

They walked and talked and Yongguk didn't know how to break the plesant conversation.

"I came here expecting the worst." Himchan slightly smiled.

Yongguk's heart broke and for a few seconds they walked in silence while he made up his mind. 'To keep this normalcy or move on like I think we are supposed to...' "Honestly Himchan, I planned on breaking up with you today...."

Himchan frowned as he tried to hold back tears but he didn't stop walking nor let go of Yongguk's hand. "And now?"

"I don't know... I do know that it feels like my feelings for you have changed."

Himchan nodded. "I've noticed... how long have you been feeling like this?"

Yongguk sighed. "I'm not sure but for a while now... I just wasn't sure what to do."

"At least since summer though right? Things really seemed different starting then."

"Yeah... I just-- I love you and I care for you still but I know not as much as you love me. It's not fair holding you back when you could find someone else who loves you more."

Himchan nodded as they crossed the street. Both of them weren't sure what to say but they continued holding hands as they walked.

"It.. it doesn't mean we can't ever get back togethe if like I realize I made a mistake." Yongguk cleared his throat trying not to cry. "You know how they say sometimes you don't know what you have..." Yongguk coukdn't finish the line. 'I do know what I have though and he is perfect. No one else will ever love me like he does. This really ....'

They continued their little walk in mostly silence. Yongguk couldn't look at Himchan and opted for the ground, people around them or the lake on their right. The tears were now sitting in the corner of his eyes but he kept breathing hoping to calm himself down.

"This doesn't have to end badly." Himchan said.

Yongguk nodded trying to look at Himchan.

"We can still be friendly and talk. Actually it might be better for me if we still text."

"Okay." Yongguk cleared his throat again.

"I'll probably still be jealous but...I'll try." Himchan looked away.

Yongguk scoffed. "It's not like I'll be out searching for love. So, I don't think you will have to worry about that too much."

"Should we go back?" Himchan said noticing a crosswalk that would take them to the otherside of the road.

"Yeah... yeah we should."

The rest of the walk they made small talk, asking about each other's family and friends even talking about the weather and school.

Soon though they were back in front of Yongguk's door. Yongguk turned so he was looking at Himchan and he could feel a tear escape his control. "Okay babe, so we are breaking up." Himchan started saying and the tears he tried holding back started to fall. "This could be good for us."

They hugged and Yongguk could barely stop the tears. "I'm sorry."

"These things happen." Himchan pulled back and tried to smile but he looked ridiculous with the tears running down his face and snot running out of his nose. 

Yongguk pulled napkins out of his pocket from the night before and handed one to Himchan and used the other to clean himself up while they hugged one more time.

"I love you." Himchan's voice cracked.

Yongguk hesitated not sure if he should reply. "I love you too." More tears fell down his face and he could feel Himchan starting to shake.

They pulled back and kissed briefly before Yongguk smiled weakly and pulled away. "Drive safe Himchan."

"I'll text you when I get home." Himchan turned and started walking away.

Yongguk unlocked his door and looked one more time at his now ex-boyfriend who was walking away with his head down. 'My first love, you will always have a place in my heart.'

Yongguk walked into his room and noticed Youngjae was gone. 'Thank God.' He thought as he laid on his bed and let the tears silently fall. He felt his phone vibrate and checked it.

I'm sorry it came to this. I'll let you know when I get home.

Thank you... I'm sorry I couldn't try harder to make us work, Please drive safely.

It'll be okay... I'm glad we can still stay as friends though.

Yongguk's crying only intensified but he smiled. Yeah, me too.

---

a/n: Okay so now it's a two-shot. This is it though! I don't see how there can be anymore to this story... hope this really brought the story closure. Now excuse me while I go cry hahaha.