Yongguk sat down on a bench facing the main quad of his college. The slight breeze kept the heat away creating the pefect day for people to play catch on the grass. He was surrounded by people laughing and smiling, but all he could do was sigh in despair. The pain was getting to him, the pain of not really knowing what to do anymore. His phone vibrated again and he pulled it out seeing he now had 3 messages to be seen.

 

He stared at the phone until the screen went dark. 'What am I suppose to do here...' Yongguk ran his fingers through his hair as he stared at all the happy people. Most of which looked like couples enjoying the nice fall weather.

 

He finally checked his messages and not surprisingly they were all from his boyfriend. Just from reading the messages anyone could tell how much Yongguk's boyfriend loved him... but that was part of his problem. Yongguk messaged him back telling him where he was.

 

He groaned still not sure what to say in person or even if he could, so he pulled out his notebook where he wrote down ideas and lyrics in hopes that he could straighten out his mind.

For quite some time I've been thinking about us, but not in the way I know you would hope. Because now I've come to the decision that it is time for us to go our separate ways, but now my heart hurts... It's sad to think that this is the only feeling my heart tells me now when I think about you. 

When I try to talk myself out of leaving you the pain doesn't leave... Is it intensifying?

I love you.

But I don't. 

I just don't know what to do when either way I'm hurting myself because I'm hurting you. 

Why couldn't you just stop loving me first?

Seeing how amazing you are is making this worse.... Why couldn't I have kept loving you?

 

Yongguk's writing was interrupted by another text, telling him his boyfriend was on his way and he was excited to see him. Yongguk couldn't text back, he just didn't want to text back a lie or follow the habit his fingers were ready to do. He shook his head and put pen to paper to continue figuring out what to do.

 

You keep texting and I don't know what to say but habit dictates I say I love you, I miss you, but honestly.. I haven't really felt them for awhile. 

After so long is this what love is? Caring for a person but the spark is gone? 

I tell my friends I think I don't love you because I really don't know. Having only had one love do I really undestand love? Will I regret this later? 

 

Please stop texting me. How does one respond to a text from someone they are planning on breaking up with later. But am I? 

 

I wish love was easy

I wish I loved you

But I fear that after the years my love has faded while yours remains strong. 

 

So I need to leave you so another person will feel as loved as I do. But the pain is making me cry. I'm so sorry I have to hurt you, the beautiful angel that I once loved to call mine. 

 

I love you I care for you

But not how you would want me to.

It's not fair for me to keep holding you back from finding your soulmate because right now I don't think it's me....

Will we remain friends?

I want to remain friends... I can't picture my life without you.

If I can't picture my life without you then why am I letting you go?

Why do you mean so much to me?

 

You have become so much a part of me after these past years that maybe I'm afraid of losing myself when I set you free.

I hope this doesn't clip your wings, please fly free and get over me quickly.

 

I can't do this anymore

This pretending..

My love for you has changed and I need to let you go.

I'm sorry

 

"Yonggukkie!" A voice called out.

Yongguk looked up to see his boyfriend running towards him with a huge smile on his face. 'I remember when this sight used to make me the happiest man in the world...'

"Gukkie I missed you!" The man sat beside Yongguk and hugged him.

Yongguk gave a light pat back and pulled back with a weak smile. He looked down at the page he had filled before closing it with a sigh, trying to build the courage he needed. All the good times they had came back to him trying to convince him not to hurt the man who had changed his life forever. Deep down, he knew that things would never be the same. If he didn't leave now he would still always think about leaving him later and soon enough his boyfriend would see a difference in his behavior.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

'Isn't it better to let him go now before things turn ugly? So that he-- both of us can find someone to love without still being stuck to each other?' Yongguk thought to himself. He didn't know the right words to say, because no one ever does, but he knew that it was time. His only hope was that the other male would find a new love quickly to mend his broken heart.

"Chan-- Himchan." Yongguk looked over at the frowning man. "We need to talk." 

---

a/n: Just... had stuff on my mind and... well what better way to do it? Hopefully as a story it came out well :)

Ah! and if you are reading my ongoing story don't worry I'm planning on starting my next chapter tonight and hoping to have it out by Friday. No promises though because I still haven't gone to all my classes yet.

 

THANK YOU FOR READING!