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designer's note: good story, but there is room for improvement! 
 

sonwolforlife

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Where have you gone?

 
 

 

 

Title 4/5

- The title is very good, it definitely sounds like something I would want to read. I’m not sure how relevant it is to your story. If, and this is the way I chose to interpret it, the title is about the fact that Baekhyun is in a coma and Chanyeol doesn’t know where his mind has gone even though his body is still lying in the hospital - then it is very clever, very clever indeed.

Aesthetic Appeal 2/10

- Okay, so this got a very low mark because there isn’t really much going in the way of appearance. In my personal opinion the appearance does not do your story justice! I don’t usually base whether or not I’ll read a fic on the way it looks but some people do. This means that some people are missing out on reading your awesome story because it doesn’t look as awesome as it is! Even if you can’t get a poster (because some people like me are useless at photoshop and can’t make posters :P) a normal picture would do, just add something. Pretty, pretty please. Also, I wish there was more consistency with font size between chapters.

Description/Foreword 3/10

- The description and foreword were both very short. Maybe add a description of the characters or a few lines of the story just to lengthen them and make them more appealing. (The way you ended your warning with a ‘thank you’ made me smile, so points for that)

Characterization/ Details 20/20

- The characters were described really well! Their appearance; their thoughts; even their feelings towards each other, it was all in there! I liked the way you gave a lot of detail without just listing everything, as the story progressed more and more details were revealed about the characters (like their back stories). It made me feel as though I got to know them better. I especially loved in chapter 3 how an outsider’s perspective is compared to the way that Baekhyun sees himself, and how the contrast really conveys how ill he is. I seriously can’t fault on characterisation!

Plot 18/20

- The plot was very simple and very clear. The story is very simple but well written, as opposed to one with loads going on and it being hard to understand. I feel the story needs something just to boost it, a twist or a dramatic event. As it is still ongoing there is still time for something super exciting to happen, so all is good.

Flow 9/10

- The story flows well, not really much else to say :P There were no major problems with spelling/grammar so nothing like that interrupted the story. All the chapter breaks seemed to be in reasonable places so, yeah, nothing to really complain about.

Originality 6/10

- Okay, anorexia and eating disorders is something I see a lot in fanfics, not that it’s a bad storyline just not the most original idea. It was very angsty at bits and very descriptive, a very well written anorexia themed fic. The fact that it was a Baekyeol anorexia fic, however is something quite new. Since there aren’t a lot of them on the go you get a decent mark for originality

ETC 15/15

- In general I really enjoyed the story, so you get high marks for the ETC!

I liked the way that you stated above whose POV it was or whether it was a flash back. It made very clear to me what was going on so there was never anything which I had to reread or that I got confused by (which happens quite a lot when I read fics).

I liked your story very much; the chapters were short and easy to read. \(^O^)/

77/100

~clear_penguin

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