Closing My Eyes
Description
Death is a sore topic, a tabboo, something no one wants to talk about, something everyone fear. Death is a separation, a painful separation between hearts, between souls and bodies.
Life is short, is fragile and is weak. With all the jokes and stuffs life can give you, Death is something she will sure grant you, today, tomorow, in a week, a month...
In three months...
Chaerin was young, she was full of expectatives for life, plans, family, a fiancé, she had it all, the looks, the talent and the love. One joke, one cruel and morbid joke life gave her made her throw every chance of hope and happiness she could have.
How to let the ones who love you, how to tell them that your life will not be as long as theirs?
How to let them live without you in their life?
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Lee Chaerin (23)
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Kwon Ji Yong (25)
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Lee Taemin (20)
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Hello PEEPS!!
Another original story by
This one is BRAND NEW! The idea popped in my head, or was injected there, by one of my college teacher at the 'Death, Final Stage' class...
I sincerely hope you'll like it and that it would make you cry :D
Enjoy!
Hey! This is a Review made by BAPBlackjackVIP at the ❤ Marshmallow Review Shoppe
Story Title: (5/5)
The title caught my attention and was appealing. So 5 out of 5!
Description/Summary/Foreword: (5/5)
The description was very how do say it? Attention-grabbing. So was the foreword.
Story Plot/Originality: (9/10)
I loved the plot. You made this pretty original, but there are a lot of fics out there that are about a character being sick/having a disease and whatnot.
Flow: (10/10)
The fic’s flow was good.
Grammar/Spelling: (7/10)
Ch.1
‘…and the smooth cold breezed touched my skin…’ You don’t need the ‘ed’ at the end of ‘breezed’.
‘It was all far from a shadow of past…’ Add the word ‘the’ before ‘past’.
“I’ll go with you tomorrow to another doctor, probably they’ll tell you…” Instead of ‘probably’ use ‘maybe’.
“I know you’re out and probably your mother’s worried and Jiyong too.” You should move ‘probably’ before ‘worried’.
‘I didn’t have to ask who it was for I already knew too well who he was.’ This seems like a compound sentence, so you should add a comma after ‘was’.
‘Get dress pretty.’ I think ‘dress’ should be ‘dressed’.
‘He frowned but then smiled nodding.’ There should be a comma before ‘but’ and I think you should put an ‘and’ after smile and change ‘nodding’ to nodded or just use a comma.
“No one noisy kiddo” It should be ‘nosy’ not ‘noisy’. I sometimes get confused with those two words, too.
“Take care Chaerin ah, don’t forget to call me to know you got to Nagueti’s house safe alright?” I think there should be ‘let me’ before ‘know’ and change ‘safe’ to ‘safely’ because in this case, ‘safe’ is an adjective.
‘I didn’t even took two steps when Nagueti came out of the house to greet me.’ ‘took’ should be ‘take’ because you took more than one step.
‘Her smiling face full of hope and happiness made me smile so wide I even forgot the pain on my chest.’ Instead of ‘on’ it should be ‘in’.
“They will noticed how you body starts to decay my dear.” ‘noticed’ should be ‘notice’ because it hasn’t happened yet.
‘I looked at her smiling face and simply knew that she know what I was thinking…’ ‘know’ should be ‘knew’.
Ch.2
‘…he obviously didn’t wanted me to talk anymore…’ You don’t need the ‘ed’ in ‘wanted’.
‘…I didn’t said anything, didn’t complained, didn’t asked, didn’t questioned, just followed his lead.’ ‘said’ should be ‘say’ and you don’t need the ‘ed’ after ‘complained’, ‘asked’, and ‘questioned’.
“Does it hurts?” It should be ‘hurt’.
“Enough of tears for today.’ I think you should remove ‘of’ or add ‘the’ before ‘of’.
‘…which on ever step foot on ever again.’ It would make more sense if you changed ‘step’ to ‘set’.
‘…and doing dome dork poses.’ lol I think you made a typo~ ‘dome’ should be ‘some’.
Ch.3
‘I didn’t dared move an inch, didn’t wanted to wake Jiyong up, nor wanted to feel any pain I was sure it was going to come.’ It should be ‘dare’ and ‘want’ and you could remove ‘it’.
‘It was the least I could do for my body, it was really cooperative today, I should reward him with a nice rest.’ Reward him? I think you should change it to ‘it’ or ‘her’ because CL’s a girl and it would make much more sense.
Ch.4
“The worst it’s that it was too late…” You should change it’s to ‘is’.
“I’ll be always here for you.” Switch ‘be’ and ‘always’.
“Did I fainted?” you don’t need the ‘ed’ in ‘fainted’.
Ch.5
“So I was been sedated?” I think you should change ‘been’ to ‘being’ or just remove it because she was already sedated.
‘…it’s not fair, nor for him at least.’ I think you mean ‘not’ instead of ‘nor’.
There were a bunch of times where you didn’t put a period at the end of the dialog when the characters were done speaking.
Enjoyment: (10/10)
In the first chapter, I liked how you described Nagueti. It was really nice.
Total: (46/50)
Would I recommend it?: YES!
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Ah! You see that poster up there?! Isn't it awesome?!
Well, let's give credits to -Qyuri at the Poster/Review Shop Venus• for that piece of art!! :3
Foreword
With only 23 years of life, I have to find a way to fight for dear life, or find a way to make it easier for the moment I depart from this decaying body. How can I tell my family? My friends? My boyfriend?
“Nagueti, I need to tell you something, and I need you to be strong to understand this” I told her.
“Hurry there! I want to see you so bad I feel like dying!” He yelled. I chuckled at the irony of his words.
"... it was too late..."
No words can express the painful, slow death of a young heart. No words can express the depths of the wound, no words can express nothing.
As I laid there, out of breath, with that familiar pain on my body, I tried to remember the moments we spent together, tried to remember it all for the moment I depart, I want to take them all with me.
"I love you, so much" he spoke as he rested his head on my chest. Crying, I slowly caressed his neck, his hair, his cheeks.
"I love you too..." I weakly whispered as I felt my life slowly flying away from my decaying body...
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