Daehyun could feel it. It wasn't just slight tiredness after another busy day as an idol, it was more than just that. Endlessly working on comeback, promotional video, promotions, interviews; it drained him to the point he couldn't sleep for days, his eyes widely open, insomnia creeping at him even if he didn't go to bed as early as others did. It also showed in his behavior as he would be irritated because of the headache prickling at his temples, usual smile wiped off his face except those fake ones he showed when they were filming. Of course his change didn't go past the others, they understood him because it wasn't much easier for them either but the effect of it was largest on him.

This night was one of those sleepless again. Turning off all lights, darkening the windows with curtains, trying to relax and breathe deeply didn’t help at all. He was wide awake, eyes open as an owl in the night no matter how much he tossed and turned or pushed the blanket off of him to not feel so hot and sweat all over even if he took a shower just minutes ago. On top of that he couldn’t stop thinking what else the group has planned for the next days, knowing it will drain his energy even more. Also he hasn’t spoken to his mother in ages who would usually find the right words to give him energy and motivation to go on and look forward to at least one free day. Just thinking about all of the things that disturbed him was tiresome because his mind couldn’t rest and his deserved sleep still didn’t want to come no matter how much he wished for it.

Annoyed he kicked the covers away again and got up. He packed his bag with extra clothes, took a bottle of water from fridge and silently sneaked out of the dorm to their training center thinking if he works out a bit more, he might find his sleep after all.

After changing his clothes and doing a quick warm up, he lied flat on the bench and started lifting only the weight of the bar. After being ready he got up again, started placing weight on bench press before returning back to his position, breathed deeply a few times before he firmly placed both arms above him and lifted the whole weight. With a bit shaky arms he let it lower down towards his collarbones and even slower raised it once, twice was it three times until he felt his arms weaken. Wobbly arms tried to push the bar up again but rather than that they lowered even more until the bar reached his neck. His heart beat hardly against his ribcage as fright slowly filled his entire body. He should push the bar back up. He should somehow find the way out of it but his mind was suddenly blank. The bar pressed stronger to his neck with each passing second and he could feel his breath being drained out of him until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

Sweat suddenly covered his whole body when he was chocking for at least a bit of air, his arms not cooperating with what his mind was telling him to do. Sudden panic didn’t help at all as his chest started hurting from the strain he has put on himself. He was stupid and irresponsible when he came here. He knew he should never be alone but who would he ask, or rather say, bother and now he regretted it. He was drifting away like this, his vision blurrier with the passing moments, his mind ready to face the consequences which in this case will be his death. But just then his eyes spotted a shadow above him. The bar at his neck disappeared, his arms weakly hung down while air rushed to fill his chest causing him to cough hoarsely.

“OI DAEHYUN!” The loud yell and rough shaking of his shoulders finally pulled him back to reality. Realizing he was still alive and breathing he noticed the worried yet angry look of Yongguk hovering above him. “ARE YOU AN IDIOT? DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?!” He continued to yell at him but stopped once he felt younger tremor against his hands. “Daehyun…”

“I know… I know!” the younger managed to mutter, his voice still hoarse, aftershock creeping through his veins, eyes suddenly b with tears when he slowly sat up and accepted his bottle of water. Silently but squeezing his lips together he took only few small sips. His jaw trembled as he resisted spilling all of his stress out on the older, a tear already escaping his eye, making way down his cheek.

“Let it go.” Leader silently spoke, telling Daehyun to not hold all of the building emotions inside, sure younger was still terrified. Still, he didn’t expect the flood of emotions spilling out of him as soon as he told him to. He didn’t speak at all while Daehyun mumbled about how busy they are these days, how he wishes they would have vacation and proper rest, how he wished to have some peace and fun which wasn’t work. Between chocking on his tears, which he wiped with his sleeve and sniffing the accommodated snot, he continued how he couldn’t speak to his mother in ages, his draining energy and sleepless nights alone in his room with no one to tell him that things will be soon better after some more work. He went on to how he didn’t speak to other members. How he knew they are tired as well and didn’t want to give them more stress by telling them his own problems.

“We knew.” Yongguk added simply after some long silent minutes.

“Huh?”

Yongguk handed him the bottle again and looked the younger wipe his cheeks again, eyes observing him in wonder from the puffed up sockets. “As you knew we have a hard time, we also knew about you... You haven’t smiled recently, at least not sincerely.” Daehyun only looked at him in realization that others paid more attention to him and everyone else than he thought. They had same troubles going through their heads and they had only each other as closest friends which had to look out for each other, at least stronger ones for the ones that had it tougher - like Daehyun. He understood it then and apologized silently. “You’re really lucky I saw you leave and wondered where you were headed that late.”

“I would have died…” Daehyun added, scene from a while ago when he was trapped under the bar appearing in his memory again and he waved his head to chase it away.

“You didn’t! That is important.” Stern eyes of his leader looked back at him before he added, “Don’t ever be this reckless again!” Feeling it was all right to be scolded Daehyun nodded his head and felt a friendly pat on his back. “Go change now, I’ll wait outside and lets go back.” Leader added, looked as younger packed his things and helped him up on his feet before pushing him towards changing room. Once the other locked himself inside, he pushed his palms in his trouser’s pockets and went outside. Leaning on the wall he inhaled fresh air and looked up in the dark sky, again praising himself to listen to his hunch to follow Daehyun.

***

It took longer than expected for the younger to slowly appear through the door and just by looking at his face Yongguk knew the other had cried again in the changing room. But he didn’t say anything. No words were needed and it would have been even more uncomfortable for Daehyun than it already was if he would try to talk about it. Yongguk was sure that crying session was needed for the younger to fully let go of what almost happened.

In silence they both went back to the dorm, Daehyun toddling at the other’s side. They slipped through the dorm silently to not wake any other member, Yongguk following Daehyun to his room to make sure the other was really okay. Younger again changed in his bathroom into more comfortable clothes while Yongguk sat on the chair beside the bed. On any other occasion Daehyun would find it awkward for the other to sit and wait for him. Their leader was after all one of those people who rarely showed the caring side, but this time he didn’t mind. He slipped under the covers and looked at Yongguk, asking, “Hyung… C-can we keep this between us?”

“Sure.” Leader replied shortly. “There might be a bruise tomorrow, make sure they don’t see it.” Daehyun nodded again. “Now rest.” Yongguk added, saw younger one slowly find his comfortable place. He stayed there beside the bed until he was sure Daehyun drifted in deep sleep and then silently left to his own room.

***

Next day they were all preparing for their performance when Yongguk tapped Daehyun’s shoulder. The younger turned around and faced their leader who had a phone in his outstretched hand, indicating for him to take it. Not sure who Yongguk wanted him to talk to, he took the phone and his eyes almost immediately watered upon hearing his mother’s voice on the other side of the line. With glassy eyes he gave Yongguk a grateful look, who only nodded reassuringly before leaving to other members, glad to finally see Daehyun’s genuine smile after such a long time.