What I don't get about the August 1st concert was the insane amount of bare chests by the end of the set. Seriously, even Wooyoung? Although, you have to admit, even if the boy is as skinny as a stick, he's got some real fire going on there. The silly pink dress, and the Cinderella role only reinforce the fact that he is, in fact, a manly man. You'd think he's cute and all, but no. There is a reason why he's in 2PM. I can't really stay for the after-party because I need to get back to home ASAP. In case you were forgetting, I have early class and lab work tomorrow. Ah. Real life strikes again. Minjae-shi was considerate enough to try to get me an earlier exit than the rest of them, but it wasn't really that easy, and I tell him it's already too much for him to do for me. What would I do without these acts of kindness? I'm already indebted to them deep and well enough into my next life.

Because there's really not much of a choice for me in the matter, I make my way to the venue anyway. Same-old same-old really, and as usual, I try to stay invisible for the most part.

I think back to the concert and realize these boys were such softies. Have I ever mentioned that? Sure they were all charismatic and strong and beastly on stage, but they were softies at heart. How it was possible for Taec to be more emotional than I was was beyond me. Chansung is no different. He's such a crybaby when he thinks no one is looking. Junho, well, Junho is kinda like me. We tend to keep thing to ourselves while we can. Junsu would go on writing, and Wooyoung would go around walking and/or sulking. The new Thank You song for the fans was really a killer. Silly boys. How could they even think for one moment that people have abandoned them?

I spot the boys having fun with the other staff and dancers. Sometimes, maybe even a lot more times that I don't notice, I really think I've become so territorial of them. It's insane, of course; I'm just the cleaning noona, technically speaking I'm only Wooyoung, Junho, and Chansung's noona. I tend to forget that there are other people in this planet too, not just me and the boys. Which really needs to change. Like I keep saying, I need a life.

The thing with Jay is bittersweet, but slowly becoming more sweet than bitter. I can't believe he was right about this. That doing what we did- finishing unfinished business would make it easier for us to move on. I still have feelings for him, I love him, and I don't think that would change much, but I've slowly come to accept the fact that while our love was real, it wasn't the right time or conditions for it. Just like a proof-of-concept experiment, you may believe the theory, but if you don't get the experimental conditions right, you won't be able to replicate the desired results.

Speaking of desired results, I needed an experimental design on my project leader's desk tomorrow. Why is it so hard to work here? I move out into the pool area and use my notebook there. It may not have been the smartest idea, in hindsight, but meh. I needed to get things done.

“I can't believe how much of a nerd you are. Really, work here?”

It was Taec, who else speaks English to me? “Look who's talking. You're the one catching up with all your credits.”

“Yeah, but I'm not the graduate student. How can you be a graduate student? You're my age.” he says, taking the seat opposite me on the table.

“I'm smart.” I say and he raises his brows. “Obviously I got my undergraduate degree at 20. the next logical step was to go to grad school.”

“Here.”

It was one word, he said one word, but it felt like paragraphs of meaning. “Yes, here.”

“Me and Khun, and even Jay, we came here because of JYP, that and we're Korean, maybe not Khun, but he got scouted anyway. We had a reason, or at least a reason was offered to us. Why are you here?”

Idiot big toothed nerd. I wanted to flick his forehead. I felt so frustrated right now. I was tired, and pressured, and now Taec had to bring this up. “I don't think even Jay knows.” He adds.

“And what in the world has brought this on Ok Taecyeon?” I ask. If I was putting up a front, so be it. There are just some things that shouldn't be brought up anymore.

“I was just curious.” He said. “Can't I be curious?”

“No, you can't. There must be a reason Taec, because it's just so random if it doesn't”

“Yeah, well. I've been thinking about it for a while, really. And maybe now isn't the right time, but I never get you to myself without me having to worry about some other schedule.”

Taec, why do you have to be such a...such a...sensitive person? “You're making such a big deal out of it. If you must know, the only reason why I go here, is because I got accepted here- I didn't get accepted at the other universities I applied for in the US and in Singapore, so yeah. Here I am.”

Taec seemed to think about this for a moment before deciding to accept it. It was the truth though. Dankook was the only university that accepted my application. It just so happened Taec was my senior there.

“I just never realized how little I know about you.” he said it so suddenly, that I couldn't even think of anything to say. “I mean, we figured out your favorite color, we asked Minjae-hyung about your birthday, and where you lived, and where you go to school and what your major was, we know some other things as well, but only because we pretty much saw each other more or less every day for the last year. Other than that, we never really talked about it. About you. I don't know about Junho, though.”

I smile. “That's really decent of you to think that Taec, but really, this is just it. What you see is pretty much what you get. I'm actually a really boring person. You said it yourself, I'm a nerd, right? It's all work and study for me. I don't like it sometimes, but I have dreams too. And, working here, working with you guys is like a fantasy to me. So much so that I forget about my real life. In my real life, I'm not very impressive- not that I am here, or anything. Just that, sometimes, I wish I could stay here with you guys forever, but then all the efforts I've made so far would go to waste.”

Taec laughs, “You're funny. This is real life too you know. I just wish I could be a part of your life too, and not just you coming into our world all of the time. I hate it when you act like we're not friends. Stop doing that.”

“What? When do I do what?”

“Just now, and yesterday, we were looking for you, you know. We wanted to celebrate with you, but you had to go be Mopey and avoid coming near us because you're what, staff? Not even Minjae-hyung thinks of you like that.”

I bite my lip and stare at my keyboard. I guess I have been pretty self-absorbed lately. “Sorry” I mutter.

“Yeah, well, looks like you're actually busy so I won't bother you, just don't act up anymore okay?” he says, then he stands to leave.

I watch Taec walk back into the function room. It was nearing midnight, and I was pretty sure the party- more like dinner was about to close. I stare at the blank page where my report was supposed to be. Great. Looks like I wont be getting any sleep tonight.

…

I thought it would be difficult getting in touch with the boys the week before their next scheduled concerts, but I was wrong. I step into the graduate student's reading area and walk straight to my cubicle. After depositing my stuff in the locker under the desk I type down a reply to Junho's text.

“Junho-yah, I'm still at the lab. You know I don't get out until 5 today. I'm not sure if I'll be passing by the studio though. It depends on what Minjae-shi tells me to do.”

Junho replies quickly, “So? Just come to the studio anyway. It's not like anybody minds.”

I tell him I'll see if I can manage my deadlines for tomorrow. I want to go, I really do, but I really need to finish the reports my senior researchers are asking for. Junho replies again, “Have you eaten?”

No, actually I haven't, but he doesn't need to know does he? I tell him yes I have, and ask him the same.

“You're not lying, right? We're having lunch now. Why did you're school have to be so far away anyway.” Stupid Junho and his ESP. And Dankook wasn't really even that far, especially by subway.

I text him I really did eat lunch, and that I can't text him anymore because I'm busy writing my reports, and that they shouldn't strain themselves too much practicing.

I get back to my work, but I was already too distracted. That, and Lee Kyungmin was walking towards my cubicle. I pretend to busy myself with books and papers, but he goes on talking anyway.

“You never mentioned you have a brother or a boyfriend. I asked around, no one else seems to know. You're such a mystery, it's really y.” he says, leaning on my desk, trying hard to look as model-ish as possible. Tough luck for him. He was no Nichkhun, wait, what? Scratch that, he was no Hwang Chansung. “I don't make it a point to broadcast my personal life,” I tell him, “It's not really very becoming.”

“So, where were you during the weekend, you didn't join the party one of the senior researcher's put up. You labmates said you were busy.”

“I was busy,” I hope he doesn't ask for anymore details, but you can only hope for so much.

“What were you doing? You weren't in that stupid 2PM concert were you? My sister went there, seriously, degrading yourself like that for a bunch of manufactured boys who pretend to be all that. They can't even sing or dance, and what's with the beastly concept. It's so tasteless.”

Excuse me? He did not just insult my babies- er, boys.

“But you don't seem the type though, scientists like us go for the more classy type of things. Like the Seoul Philharmonic. I have managed to acquire tickets, if you're interested?”

The other night you asked me to go drinking, now Orchestra? “It was too bad you couldn't meet me the other night when I called. I was at this new bar a High School sunbae of mine owned. It was opening night and I thought you might like the ambience.” he continued.

You really don't stop talking do you? I text Junho under the desk while Kyungmin kept on rambling. I tell Junho to find Khun and Wooyoung and call me with Khun's phone. I up the volume on my phone a bit, and just in time too, because Khun's voice starts to come out of the speaker. Hello the—ere? Pick up, I'm calling!

“Oppa!” I chirp into it. It was weird, but if it could get Kyungmin out of my hair, then yes, I will endure. Khun started laughing on the other line, “Weird, is that person bothering you again?” he says. “Oh, yes, I already had my lunch, you?” Come on Khun, I know we're not the closest, but at least get my drift here. I could hear Wooyoung and Junho laughing, and I knew I was on speaker phone.

I turn to Kyungmin, “Do you mind, I'll just take this call.” He nods and steps back a bit.

Nichkhun just laughs with the rest of them on the other line, and I'm biting my tongue to stop myself from lashing out at them. It was embarrassing as it is. “Should we pick you up when you get off?” he asks.

“Don't be silly, you don't have to pick me up, I can just meet you there later.” I say as sweetly as I am capable of. We exchange a few more sentences, and before we hang up, Khun says something that literally blew my mind away, “You should say I love you oppa first before we hang up.” I cringe, but I wont buy into it. “I'll see you later then.” I say before finishing the call.

I look at Kyungmin and ask him what we were talking about again. He had this skeptical look on his face, but he just said he needed to get back to the lab and leaves. I text Khun the word success, and he just replies with a smiley face. And the weird thing was, I could concentrate again.

I felt rather pleased with myself as I got on the subway; I managed to submit a passable experimental design to my adviser. I find a spot by a pole and rest my head for a bit. I wasn't physically tired, just really mentally drained. So much so that I hadn't even noticed the time. I was already at my stop. I walk towards the JYP building to clear my head a bit. I actually didn't know what I was going to do there, but I figured they must have something for me to do. If not, then I could always just go home, or to 2PM's dorm and get the laundry done.

It's weird how my life now suddenly revolves around them, but then again, it would be impossible for it not to. After all, I'm also a fan, I know them personally, yes, but I'm also a fan. So even if I didn't work for them, my life would probably involve them greatly too. I wander around the practice rooms a bit, listening closely trying to figure out where the boys were. It doesn't take long really. They were probably in the larger rooms practicing with the other back-up dancers.

I see Ian Choe, one of their music producers and a good friend of 2PM, and he smiles as he recognizes me. I give a curt bow and follow him in when he gestures me to. “Don't be shy” he says, when I pass by him, and I just end up giving him a polite smile.

The boys wave hello when I walk in, and I wave back. Was it just my imagination, or did Nichkhun have a satisfied smirk on his face? I brush it off and sit next to a bench press where one of the back-up dancers sat, and because I remember what Namyong-oppa told me, I smile and greet her. She smiles back and gives a small bow with her head. Yes! My road to Miss Congeniality starts now.

I watch as the boys dance nonstop to the first set of the concert. I could never keep up when they're dancing. Junho and Wooyoung were really intense- that's why they are here in the first place, to dance. Junsu was singing along as usual, and as usual, his voice would send chills up my spine. He was really a great singer, and he always gave his all when singing, with or without an audience, but sometimes he just sings too much. Taec was goofing around, he looked like such a nerd with his glasses on, but him goofing around really isn't anything new. Sometimes I think he may have developed some form of adult ADHD. Chansung was quiet as he usually is around his hyungs. He didn't say much, but maybe he didn't have to. Nichkhun was really focused today too. When I came in, he seemed to be in a joking mood, but he was serious now as he danced. He wasn't anywhere as good as Junho and Wooyoung (and far from Jay), but he really made up for it with him being so diligent. You'd think someone like him would just play around, and bank on his good looks- well, for the record he does play around, just not so much with girls- but he's a hard worker. That much was impressive. They do the choreography for Tired of Waiting, and I inwardly cringe. The skinship. It burns. But yeah, it wouldn't be a JYP production without it. Besides, from this close and angle, they weren't even thisclose to touching.

Namyong-oppa moves to sit next to me on the bench. He was watching the boys individually, counting under his breath. He looked kinda cool concentrating like that. He then turns to me “This is the part you don't like isn't it?” he says, smiling.

I nod, “It's okay, it wouldn't be JYP without it.” I say, and he laughs, his eyes crinkling at the sides.

The boys call for break, and Junho squeezes himself between me and Namyong-oppa. He gives me a death glare from under the rim of his cap, and curls his upper lip a bit. What was it with these guys and caps. I knew Junho wore one to keep his curls at bay, but what's with the others? They can't all be hair-conscious now can they? Pfft. Idols and their hair.

“What do you think you're doing now?” he mouths.

What was he going on about now? He couldn't possibly mean Namyong-oppa, could he? We've already gone over this, twice. “Nothing!” I mouth back. We weren't going to be lip-reading the entire conversation were we? My korean lip-reading skills were limited after all.

I fish out a chocolate bar from my bag. I was getting hungry, and the quickest boost was sugar. “You're not going to eat that, are you?” Junho says, out loud this time.

“Yes I am, what of it?” I reply.

“Don't eat that, you'll gain weight.”

Excuse me? “I am trying to gain weight.” I say. It was true though, I lost a lot of weight coming here. While I wasn't as skinny as any of the girl groups, I didn't like my weight very much. I always felt that being skinny makes you vulnerable and incapable of protecting yourself. So, yes, technically, I was trying to gain weight, not eating had more to do with not having an appetite, or money for that matter.

“Don't gain weight, you're heavy enough as it is. Remember when I carried you on my back on the way home? My back ached the next day. Don't eat that.” he said, snatching the chocolate bar away and tossing it to the sofa next to us.

Namyong-oppa was watching us, but I couldn't really tell what his expression was, which somehow bothered me. Suddenly Junho pinches my sides, “See, you're growing a belly” he says, and my hand moves on it own, punching him on his arm. He gives his rendition of Wooyoung's angang face, while rubbing his arm. I didn't even punch him that hard.

Namyong-oppa resumes practice. I look at the digital clock that hung on top of the wall mirrors, it was nearing 9PM (I vehemently disregard any and all connotations), and I signal the boys that I had to go. They stop dancing to say goodbye, knowing full well that it would be impractical to send me home now or later. Junho says to text him when I get to my apartment, and I just nod, and bow to the others, making my leave.

I text Junho as soon as I get home. No point having the kid (kid? Two years younger doesn't really make him a kid, and the way he has been treating me lately makes him more of someone my age) worry. My neck was tense, and something was bothering me an awful lot. I stare at the book I was supposed to be reading, the letters weren't really making sense, and the figures were just a blur of colors so I shut the book rather violently and lay down on the floor. What was it that seemed so wrong today? Ah, yes. Junho trying to one-up Namyong-oppa for absolutely no reason at all. I look at the digital clock that blared the time in bright red, it was a few minutes past eleven. I haven't even noticed the time pass by. I haven't even accomplished anything yet.

My phone vibrates, and I answer it, assuming it to be Junho- it wasn't. “Did I wake you?” Nichkhun voice was soft and a little hoarse on the other line. I answer before I could even process what was happening, “No, I was trying to study.”

“Trying?” his laugh was breathy, it was almost wrong, “I couldn't sleep. I'm tired but I couldn't seem to fall asleep.” I hadn't even noticed he was speaking in English. There he goes again, using the deep almost husky voice, him speaking in an almost whisper was enough to have me scream at him.

I hadn't even realized they had gone home. I peek at my phone, and there was one message from Junho that I haven't read yet. “And you called me because you can't sleep?” I say to him.

“Mm-hmm,” I could feel him smiling on the other line, “remember the song you were singing the last time you were here? It was really nice. Sing it for me.”

I start singing before I realized it. It was something I really didn't want to think about right now. I know how the Second Law of Thermodynamics states that natural laws dictate that the entropy of a given system must increase, that is for it to become increasingly chaotic, I just didn't realize it happening. You see, I was never really very good at math.

Nichkhun was smiling at me. He was talking, but I really couldn't make out what he was saying. He started laughing, and he touched his forehead to mine, kissing my nose. His lips start moving again, but instead of words, or a song, there a loud beeping noise.

I wake up with a start. I haven't even realized I fell asleep, and now my alarm was going off. I shut it off and wait for my eyes to adjust. It was time to get up, and I just had the craziest dream.