Go Iljae

Whenever I would glance at my behind, I would always feel like there is something watching me, like it observed me very existence. I really don’t know what happened and whywas I experiencing this because I am totally freaked out by it. Well, who wouldn’t? I mean, what would you do when you hear a faint chuckle in the midst of the night?

“Iljae.”

There it was again, calling me. I never thought that hearing someone call me would be very terrifying, especially when you know that you are alone. I could hear its pained cries. I can hear the wind whisper something to me. But nothing, my mind is filled with nothing. But one thing is for sure:

These events are somehow connected to what poor memory I have of yesterday.

I am conscious about its presence, and yet, it feels strange. Why do I not remember a thing from yesterday?

The breeze got colder and I knew that I had to go inside already. “I…think I had a lot of caffeine already.” I tried to open the door from the veranda but it won’t budge as if it locked me here. The wind blew hard and all I could do is to embrace my own body. Why did I choose to live here again? I really should be moving to the city by now. And then, I felt the wind blew harder again. I just had to brace myself with the impact.

However, I felt a warm embrace.

I sat by the wooden door, immobile. Someone was hugging me, but I was alone. 

"Iljae," I’m heard the wind again, but this time, it was closer. 

“Help.”

I felt the wind blew against my neck. Help? What for?

“Re…mem…ber.”

Now I felt more scared than ever. I felt tears welling up on my eyes as I cried, “Who are you?”

“Don’t…be…scared.”

Why would I not be? I can practically feel someone hugging me and yet, I am alone in this place. “I asked you already.”

Now, the warmth disappeared, along with the wind. I slumped down the chair, feeling frustrated as ever. I was this close to knowing the answer, but it disappeared. Yet, I knew he’ll come back and hopefully, he’ll inform me this time as to what must’ve occurred the previous night.

I looked at the fence which separated me from the garden. I imagined my self jumping over it and running towards the gate. Okay, maybe I should try to unlock the door first.

I held the door knob and crossed my fingers. To my amazement, the door opened effortlessly. What happened to the lock? I stared at it strangely as if it was a human and glared at it.

I looked at my cabin, and it felt surreal. A question immediately floated in my mind: Why was I alone? I can only remember my mom and dad playing with me by the swing. And that’s all my brain pictured of us. I can’t even see their faces properly. It was all just fragments of them that I had in my memories. Well, speaking of, I do remember a certain box that I called 'Memory box' when I was a kid. Well, more like 'Time Capsule'. I chuckled a little bit. 

I made my way to my room. Nostalgia kept on hitting me from yesterday. How the light shone on my cabin felt so warm, like it was waiting for me to uncover the secrets from my past. I shook my head away from the thoughts, focusing myself.

Alas, my old, wooden box was rusty. But it was still standing strong, albeit wrecked. I smiled as I quickly took a hold of it and opened it.

I looked at my hidden box filled with nothing but papers and pictures of sepia and grayscales. I hope to see their pictures here. My pictures there. I really longed to see my past that disappeared and rot in the corners of my house, waiting for me to finally dust them and fill in the colors I out. 

But nevertheless, thousands of pictures were there.

I saw one with my mom and dad but it was blurred. And then, there was one where I was in a carriage, a baby carriage. A lot of vivid memories surfaced in my mind, but remembered nothing. However, one picture caught my eye.

It was me with another boy, holding hands. I was smiling contently, and so was he. It was evident in this picture that I enjoyed his company like how he does with me. I looked for more pictures of us. Surely, there was more than once that we took a pic. 

It took me a lot of time until I found another picture of us. I seem to be crying about something though. He was holding my hand and said something. Hey! I could feel something in the back of the picture.

‘Don’t cry. I’ll be here beside you for as long as you’ll remember me.
Don’t be scared. I’ll never forget you, too.
Don’t be afraid. We’ll never forget each other, Iljae.’

A tear rolled down my cheek as I read the passage written behind the paper. Just who was this boy to me? I quickly placed the pictures on my lap and started looking again. I saw another picture, but I was alone now. Where did the boy go?

I could tell that I was grumpy because of my facial expression. I rubbed my fingers on the back of the picture and felt something. Another statement? Passage? Could it be a diary?

‘You said you will stay, but you did not.
You promised a forever, but you ended it.
You said you won’t forget, but you cannot recognize me anymore.’

What was that about? Who was supposed to stay? I don’t know why but I only have fragments about my past. I must’ve been involved in an accident or something to forget such memories.

Right then, I saw a letter. 'Dear Iljae' it said. I scanned the paper. What if there was money in it? I was about to open it when a little green box caught my eye, so I placed down the letter and grabbed the Green box. It was petite, albeit beautiful. It was small but it was fairly kept hidden below. As I open it, I felt the wind blow. It was calling me again. 

Forever.

It was carved on the ring that I have. And a little bit of dust in the left. I wiped it clean and noticed another word – name.

Oh Sehun.

"Oh...Sehun?" Boom. All the lights in my mind flickered open as I said his name. Familiar? Maybe.

The wind entered my room and circulated for a while. What did I do this time? Then, that’s where I felt someone’s presence behind me. A real one. A solid one. A human one.

"You finally remembered me," he said. I wasn't sure if he was amused or bored because I couldn't make out his face, either because there were tears in my eyes or he was just really blurry. And as I turned my head around. 

"Hello, dear. Missed me?" He smiled heartily. Okay, that answered my question: Indeed, he was happy.

Well look at that, that's the voice that I've been hearing! 

Updated: September 21, 2013